A "catholic-only" wedding

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I want to have a full Mass at our wedding. We and both of our immediate families are Catholic. But I the majority of our friends and extended family who would attend are not Catholic. I would like to avoid confusing them or making them uncomfortable at a long Catholic wedding. Many non-Catholic people I have spoken with said they felt very awkward at a wedding with a full mass.

My idea was to have a full mass wedding at my church and invite only our immediate families and close (Catholic) friends. Then afterwards have a big reception that all our friends and family can attend.

Does anyone have any advice as far as logistics, ettiquette, alternatives?
 
I want to have a full Mass at our wedding. We and both of our immediate families are Catholic. But the majority of our friends and extended family who would attend are not Catholic. I would like to avoid confusing them or making them uncomfortable at a long Catholic wedding. Many non-Catholic people I have spoken with said they felt very awkward at a wedding with a full mass. Particularly for Protestants, as they will not be receiving the Eucharist.

My idea was to have a full mass wedding at my church and invite only our immediate families and close (Catholic) friends. Then afterwards have a big reception that all our friends and family can attend.

Does anyone have any advice as far as logistics, ettiquette, alternatives?
 
Piffle.

If they care about you at all, they will want to witness the actual wedding, not just the reception.

If they choose to be offended, that’s their choice, and there is nothing you can do about it. Are you offended when you receive an invitation to a Jewish or Protestant wedding?

If nothing else, they can always just show up for the reception and say they had a prior commitment.

But your invitation should use the phrase ‘nuptual Mass’ or some such, just so everyone knows the score going in.

A priest friend of mine, at weddings and funerals, always said ‘We now invite our Catholic friends to recieve the Holy Eucharist, which we belive is the body and blood of Christ’-- simple, honest and to the point. I don’t ever recall seeing a non-Catholic recieve when he used this line, and never heard of anyone taking offense.
 
Sam, it is possible to have the wedding ceremony (or rather Sacrament) in church without Mass, I just got married last week, and the priest asked us if we wish to have the mass or just the wedding ceremony. Of course, we went for the full package…
 
Danuska said:
Sam, it is possible to have the wedding ceremony (or rather Sacrament) in church without Mass, I just got married last week, and the priest asked us if we wish to have the mass or just the wedding ceremony. Of course, we went for the full package…
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It’s certainly possible but why would two Catholics opt to do it that way? My own wedding took place outside of Mass but that was because my fiancé wasn’t Catholic.
 
Oh for heaven’s sake, invite everyone that you want to be there and let them decide what they want to do.

You assume everyone who is not Catholic will be “uncomfortable” but you do not know that. Personally, I’d be insulted if someone did not invite me to their wedding and only invited me to their reception.

I had many non-Catholics at my wedding, and no one claimed to be “uncomfortable.”
 
1ke said:
Oh for heaven’s sake, invite everyone that you want to be there and let them decide what they want to do.

You assume everyone who is not Catholic will be “uncomfortable” but you do not know that. Personally, I’d be insulted if someone did not invite me to their wedding and only invited me to their reception.

I had many non-Catholics at my wedding, and no one claimed to be “uncomfortable.”
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DITTO! 😃

In fact, after our wedding, many people (Catholic and non-Catholic) told us it was the most loving, spiritual wedding they’d ever been to. You never know who you might be able to touch with God’s love by being a good example of it, you know? 😉 😃

(PS - We had a full Mass and my DH isn’t Catholic, but knew how important it was to me. No one on his side is Catholic, and many of our friends don’t practice any faith.)
 
Have a Mass at your wedding. Both you and your future spouse are Catholic and both your immediate families are Catholic. Just let your guests decide what they want to do. Since all of you (family) are Catholic, why you are even considering not having a Mass for all is a bit hard for me to understand.

Related story: I have a friend who has never practiced any type of religion in the many years I’ve known her. I only just recently learned that she was raised Lutheran. Anyway, she raised her children without attending any type of church and without practicing any religion. When her daughter married a young man who was Catholic, the couple had a full Mass. After the priest and servers and the groom received our Lord in Communion, only 7 other people received: the groom’s parents, a woman, another couple, my husband and me. Obviously, the groom and his family wanted a full Mass and they had it, even with the apparently few Catholics in attendance at the wedding. It was the right thing to do for a Catholic.

I recommend that you too have a full Mass. It is your wedding, you are Catholic and marriage is a Sacrament. Do what is right for you and your guests will be fine with it. 🙂
 
Would you allow the option in case there are some non-Catholics who would actually like to come to Mass. There is the possiblity that there may be those who would. Otherwise, one understands what you’re trying to do there.

God bless your special day, and your marriage…Trishie
 
Of course have a Nuptual Mass.

You are Catholic. People expect Catholic ceremonies at Catholic Churches. People know Catholics have rules on inter-communion - and will follow them if explained. I’ve never known anyone offended that Catholics acted Catholic at a Catholic Mass in a Catholic Church -except self-doubting/self-hating Catholics.
 
In the Orthodox and Eastern Catholic weddings I’ve attended (and I’ve attended MANY), if there will be a substantial number of non-Orthodox present, a leaflet, tract or addition to the service bulletin is distributed by the ushers during the seating of the guests that explains what is going on and why (i.e. the crowning, the walk around the table, translations of the music, etc.), plus an overview of Orthodox family life. Doing the same sort of thing in the West could can be a great learning experience for non-Catholics who otherwise would never experience the Holy Mass (and a refresher for the Catholic guests.
 
My husband was not Catholic when we married (he is now!) and our priest (a dear friend) insisted on a full Mass. He explained that that would be the most special way for us to begin our married life, for Christ to be fully present with us. Half the congregation, though, was not Catholic. Before Communion, he clarified who may approach to receive and sensitively explained why others could not. I heard no complaints afterward; rather, many comments about how interesting it was to attend such a wedding. Yes it was long, but those who really cared about us did not mind sitting (and standing and kneeling) for an hour and a half (I think ours was “only” an hour and 15 minutes).

You could always use the words “Nuptial Mass” on your wedding invitation, then those who are not comfortable attending a Mass would know ahead of time and could choose not to attend.

Do what YOU want, not what you think others want or don’t want. And don’t worry about people being “confused” or feeling “awkward”. The focus is on the three of you: You, your fiance, and the Lord. Everyone else is there to support you and to witness your marriage in whatever form YOU choose. If they’re not comfortable or feel awkward, they’ll get over it as soon as they hit the open bar at the reception.

A little advice: Stop asking people for their (name removed by moderator)ut. You will always find people who will counter what you really want to do with negativity and grumbling. If it’s about flowers or bridesmaids’ dresses, fine. But with something as special as a Nuptial Mass, I wouldn’t even give them the opportunity to have (name removed by moderator)ut. You know what you want. Do it.

God Bless you and your fiance as you begin your life together!
 
Your wedding is an excellent opportunity to show your non-Catholic friends and relatives the beauty of the Catholic liturgy. Don’t cheat them out of what might be their only visit to a Catholic church. Use all the smells and bells at your command, but explain these things with a small program. This was done at a friend’s wedding, which was arguably the most beautiful and holy Catholic wedding that I’ve been to. At each important part of the Mass, the program gave a brief synopsis of what the action meant and why it was done. Another thing they did that you might consider: they did not disclose the location of the reception until after the wedding, when the address was passed out on little scrolls at the back of the church. This way, nobody left early.
 
Why minimize this opportunity to evangelize faith with the celebration of your sacrament? Evangelization is the central mission of the Church (and thus the mission of each of us) – by inviting your non-Catholic friends, you and your new husband will be sharing a beautiful liturgy, “teaching” about a wonderful sacrament, and showing Christ’s love by the love you have for each other.

Don’t apologize to anyone that you’re Catholic – in fact, joyfully insist that they attend the Mass!
 
I don’t think many non-catholics have a problem with attending Catholic weddings at all.

I’ve attended over the years weddings and funerals in different religious traditions, from Greek to Hindu, and although I didn’t understand it , that wasn’t the point of attending.

These are your friends and relatives, they certainly can accept your choice in a wedding.
 
Dd was married a week ago. 6 of 8 bridesmaids were not Catholic. Many of the guests were not either. Everyone seemed to do just fine. Our program laid out the parts of the Mass (and guidelines for receiving Communion!) so everyone could follow along.
 
When my husband and I were married, we had a full Mass. He had converted, so his entire family - and almost all of our friends - were not Catholic.
Most of our friends said they really liked seeing the whole Mass! Most were Protestants who had never been to one before.
 
I agree with the others. Have the Nuptial Mass and invite everyone. Let them decide if they would like to come or not. We had non-Catholics at our wedding and many of them told us afterwards that it was one of the most beautiful and spiritual ceremonies they ever attended. Even our one evangelical Protestant friend told us that it was one of the few weddings where she truly felt that God was there with us and she actually understood more what the meaning of a “Sacrament” was to us as Catholics.

So, you never know what you’d be doing by having your non-Catholic friends/family attend the most important part of the wedding day. Congratulations, by the way, and God bless!!! 🙂
 
Will you be inviting Jesus into your marriage through the Eucharist?

**The Catechism of the Catholic Church

II. The Celebration of Marriage**

**1621 **
In the Latin Rite the celebration of marriage between two Catholic faithful normally takes place during Holy Mass, because of the connection of all the sacraments with the Paschal mystery of Christ.120 In the Eucharist the memorial of the New Covenant is realized, the New Covenant in which Christ has united himself for ever to the Church, his beloved bride for whom he gave himself up.121 It is therefore fitting that the spouses should seal their consent to give themselves to each other through the offering of their own lives by uniting it to the offering of Christ for his Church made present in the Eucharistic sacrifice, and by receiving the Eucharist so that, communicating in the same Body and the same Blood of Christ, they may form but “one body” in Christ.122

**1622 **
"Inasmuch as it is a sacramental action of sanctification, the liturgical celebration of marriage . . . must be, per se, valid, worthy, and fruitful."123 It is therefore appropriate for the bride and groom to prepare themselves for the celebration of their marriage by receiving the sacrament of penance.

**1623 **
According to the Latin tradition, the spouses as ministers of Christ’s grace mutually confer upon each other the sacrament of Matrimony by expressing their consent before the Church. In the traditions of the Eastern Churches, the priests (bishops or presbyters) are witnesses to the mutual consent given by the spouses,124 but for the validity of the sacrament their blessing is also necessary.125

**1624 **
The various liturgies abound in prayers of blessing and epiclesis asking God’s grace and blessing on the new couple, especially the bride. In the epiclesis of this sacrament the spouses receive the Holy Spirit as the communion of love of Christ and the Church.126 The Holy Spirit is the seal of their covenant, the ever-available source of their love and the strength to renew their fidelity.
 
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