A Chaste Homoromantic Relationship

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CuriositasEtFidem

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Hello everyone, I’ve been pondering some things for a while now, and would like to see if y’all can lend a hand in figuring them out. Let’s begin with a few points:

-I am asexual (meaning that I feel little to no sexual attraction, and don’t have an interest in participating in the act)
-I am a lesbian, or “homoromantic” (meaning that I feel romantic attraction to fellow women, NOT sexual attraction [see above])
-I do not believe that I am mentally ill or “sick” in this respect
-I am a committed Roman Catholic
-I do not intend to attempt a civil marriage or a sacramental marriage
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    Here's my question: would having a romantic relationship with another woman (who also shares my disinterest in sexual relations) be permissible according to Catholic morality? 

    To paint a fuller picture, here's the type of relationship I have in mind: chaste and loving above all things, supportive of my Catholic Faith if not Catholic herself, sharing a flat together (with separate bedrooms), minor PDA (a kiss on the cheek, holding hands, etc., innocent stuff), nonsexual intimacy (cuddling, hugs, you get the idea), and lifelong commitment to the good of the other. Our love would be pure. We'd take care not to cause scandal, of course.

    I wish very much for a girlfriend, but if I know that it will cost me my Salvation, I must be resigned to carrying a cross. 

    I've browsed past threads on homosexuality here, but I haven't found any one that quite addresses my concerns. The ones that do exist quickly go off track and emphasize the SEXuality of the persons.

    My interest is not in debate, but in finding the truth of the matter.

    Thank you all very much for your time, and I humbly request your prayers. :)
 
This is my first post by the way, so forgive me if I make some mistakes. Still getting used to the mechanics
 
What you describe is what has been a normal close friendship. Only in the past few decades has society decided that two people of the same sex sharing house and an intimate friendship was a sexual thing.

What you speak of is my relationship with my livelong best friend (except sharing a flat, that will likely happen should she be widowed).

We can have intimate friendships that are not sexual.
 
As TheLittleLady said, this is just close friendship. People in this age defile everything because they are defiled. Don’t worry about it
 
CuriositasEtFidem said:
Code: 
    To paint a fuller picture, here's the type of relationship I have in mind: chaste and loving above all things, supportive of my Catholic Faith if not Catholic herself, sharing a flat together (with separate bedrooms), minor PDA (a kiss on the cheek, holding hands, etc., innocent stuff), nonsexual intimacy (cuddling, hugs, you get the idea), and lifelong commitment to the good of the other. Our love would be pure. We'd take care not to cause scandal, of course.
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Unfortunately, in my opinion, and with a sincere sympathy for your situation, this would not be acceptable for a sincere and chaste Catholic. Primarily it would be an occasion of sin, even if both of you were totally asexual, but I get the feeling that’s maybe not the case? What if, whilst cuddling, you do feel a sexual desire, or she does? Also, actually finding someone who is exactly like you in asexuality plus sincerely Catholic will be very unlikely. The kind of romantic expressions you describe are only proper for a member of the opposite sex. What you describe is a romantic relationship. I hope you can find a great chaste friendship though, I know how tough loneliness is. God bless you!
 
Welcome!! Just because you don’t feel attraction on that level doesn’t mean anything bad so I’m glad you have a positive image of yourself. I don’t know if this is where your coming from but I have a friend who’s a girl and I am also a girl. I am very close with and share everything with to the point I consider her family. (I am attracted to men though) Sadly today’s society thinks that having friendships with people means you are involved with them sexually or romantically. But if temptation arrives for you to see this relationship other not in a pure sense then it might be a good idea not to be involved that way. Or seeing them in a romantic way can also lead to sin as well due to desires and temptations. I don’t know about cuddling if that is acceptable since I’ve never been in a romantic relationship but I think it is a good idea to refrain from that. My advice is what ever you do to practice the virtue of chastity which is required by all Catholics non married regardless of your orientation which I think your committed to so great job !! If you can not tell your priest or grandmother all the details about the relationship , or if you know they would disapprove then it is probably not a good idea. Also pray to the Holy Spirit and build a friendship with God. After confusing times in my life with my family God became my constant companion and I often used to plague him with my worries 😂 (Thankfully he doesn’t mind 🙂 if your comfortable, talk with an open minded priest as well they will definitely know what to do!! Hope this helps sister :))
 
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Isn’t this a hugely cultural thing . In Mediterranean cultures it is quite normal that close female friends embrace closely without anybody seeing anything sexual in that .

Even among very close male male friends it is okay to embrace .

I live in west Central Europe and i am seeing an increased acceptance of that here too among younger people . Bring pretty familiar with it from Mediterranean countries I don’t have a problem with it .

At the end of the day it is a question of being honest with yourself Are you trying to justify something or is it just as innocent as it seems ?
 
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So to the OP,
What do you hope to gain from such a relationship? Where do you think it will lead? What would the meaning of it be?

Women in the Catholic Church discern a vocation to marriage. They date men because they have discerned marriage, and because dating is how the woman and the man learn about each other and grow closer together in love as preparation for the permanent and fruitful bond of marriage. The woman evaluates the man to see what kind of a husband and father he will be.

What do you plan for your life as a vocation? Where do you see yourself in 5, 20, 40 years? Have you discussed this idea of a girlfriend with your confessor or spiritual director?
 
From a technical standpoint, if you absolutely will not be having sex and the other person is totally asexual and will not be having sex, and neither of you will be fantasizing about sex or tempted to have sex etc, and you’re not looking to marry, then you’d basically have a close friendship as several others said.

Unfortunately, in Western society today, people are likely to see hand -holding or cuddling etc as signifying a “gay relationship”. I know there are other countries where girls or women who are close friends might go hand in hand, sleep in the same bed, etc and no one would think twice about it. In the West it might cause a scandal, because any display of affection tends to get taken as gay. There were past eras in the West when women could have romantic friendships without people assuming they were a “gay couple” but those days are gone.

I would add that in my experience, the West doesn’t really understand asexuals either, but you probably knew that already.

So, I’d say have your close friend and see to your own conscience. Don’t go taking polls of other Catholics like this. You’ll just get a bunch of mixed opinions. Find ONE good priest and discuss it with him.
 
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That depends a bit on the OP’s culture.

My husband is Korean, and in his country, it is usual for girlfriends (in the non-romantic sense) to hold hands.

I sometimes hold hands with Korean lady friends, or with my SIL, on the street in Seoul.

Hugs and kisses on the cheek are normal interactions here in my corner of Europe for friends of the same sex, and even of opposite sexes.
 
My close friends, my mom, my sisters and nieces, we will walk down the street with our arms around each other’s shoulders, waist or holding hands. Honestly I have never had a second thought about it and REALLY miss that closeness during the pandemic.
 
The problem you have is not just having a close friendship. I’m confused on what romantic feelings are that aren’t sexual. But what you describe so far sounds legit. But the odds of finding two people who have this exact moral boundary and exact definition of non sexual companionship is astronomical.
 
I think he said afterwards that it was a little weird for him but GWB always wants to hold hands so he just goes with it.
 
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I care deeply about people my same gender. I wouldn’t term it romantic. My best friend is someone I care deeply for, we are like brothers with a filial love. I wouldn’t call it romantic.
Even so, the basic chances two people would feel this exact way and not grow in sexual desire but just stay at a romantic level is small.
 
There are networks, groups, and websites to help asexuals find friends and partners on the same page with them.

If you are truly asexual, you don’t suddenly find yourself developing a sex drive one day. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been in a romantic relationship for years or whatever. You just aren’t sexual.
 
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Please ask your Priest and have a real time discussion with him about the intricacies of this.
 
You say you want to cohabitate with a woman who is your “romantic” partner and want to be a “couple” but also don’t want to cause scandal. Let me be clear. This will cause scandal and is a bad idea all around.
 
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