A Confession Question...

[Saber_Mom]

Forgive me if this has been asked before. I did a quick search and couldn’t find exactly what I need.

I tend to be scrupulous. Keep that in mind while reading.

During his homily a few weeks ago, one of our priests talked about confession and mentioned that the average person sins 7 times a day. Then he mentioned that he will hear people’s confessions - some of whom haven’t been to confession in a long time - and those people who are confessing barely mention any sins. He said that he sins that much or even more each day and is in need of confession, and so do we. I’m also reading St. Louis de Montfort’s Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary and he says we are lower than worms, unworthy and sinful creatures.

Now I’m going to sound conceited and prideful (and for that, I apologize because I know it’s sinful), but I stay at home, don’t work outside the house while the kids are at school. During the day I read and pray, do laundry, sleep, make dinner, etc. I don’t really DO much and although I make myself go to confession every 4-6 weeks, I really don’t have much to confess. I rarely lie, I don’t gossip, I don’t swear. I’m just a boring person I guess.

But after hearing what our priest said that one day, I’m thinking I really AM sinful because I allow myself to think I’m not that bad. I could pray more. I could be less prideful (I tend to share good things that have happened to me with other people - like losing some weight - where I really don’t need to do that. I can keep that kind of stuff to myself). I can sometimes be lazy - rather than cook dinner, I’ll take a nap and then order out. Stuff like that. I have a very bad past that has been confessed many times (I did a complete 180 about 19 years ago) and I often feel horrible about that to the point where a priest told me to stop confessing it.

So here’s my question - how do I KNOW that something is sinful, whether venial or mortal? I was catechized in the '70s, so I feel like I’m still a kid learning about my faith. Is there a good resource out there that I can use that can tell me what is sinful and what is not without driving me to scrupulosity? My last confession I told my priest I commit sloth and gluttony and he smirked. Am I leaning toward being scrupulous, or did I just read him wrong?

I’m sorry this is so long and I’m sure I’m not making as much sense as I’d like. Thanks for your patience with me.

 

[1ke]

If you are scrupulous, take this up with your pastor in counseling. He is trying to prick the conscience of the underachievers, those with malformed consciences in the opposite direction, not the scrupulous who already think they are always sinning. It was probably not a good idea for him to plant such a seed in a homily that now has you questioning yourself like this.

It was hyperbole-- he could have just as easily said 10x per day, 100x per day or whatever-- it’s not like someone is walking around with a stopwatch clocking sins to do some sort of actual scientific experiment to come up with some accurate number of sins per day.

Also, take up with him your choice of reading. A scrupulous person might want to rethink that reading choice. It seems to me it would only exacerbate your condition.

 

[Saber_Mom]

It never occurred to me that this could be hyperbole on his part. See what I mean? I can be literal and scrupulous!

Thank you for pointing that out.

 

[shom-bms]

Your priest referred to “seven times a day” based on a verse from Scripture:

For a just man shall fall seven times, and shall rise again… (Prv 24:16)

I think he was exactly right to emphasize that the average person doesn’t realize how sinful his life is and is careless about examining his conscience and confessing his sins.

A good starting point for a discussion of the various sins we need to be aware of is the Catechism. It has a very good discussion of the various ways in which the Commandments might be violated. Reading through those sections may remind you of things you hadn’t thought of.

If you don’t work outside the house I can understand how you might have less awareness of the sin in your life than the average person. But if you deal with people during the day you still need to examine how you handle anyone who tries your patience–the telemarketers, store employees, family members, etc. You may find you’re guilty of impatience in some of these situations. It’s also useful to look at the motivation behind your daily actions. You’ll sometimes find a selfish purpose designed to give you an advantage over someone else.

Finally, if you’re open to it, you might consider reading The Testimony of Gloria Polo (http://pdfeng.gpo.cc). She went through an extensive judgment on her life during a near death experience after being struck by lightning. Through the mercy of God she was given a second chance and allowed to return. She says, for example, that God reviewed with her an incident during her life where she had one day caught the end of a news broadcast and saw a peasant woman from her hometown crying because the woman’s husband had been killed. She felt a deep empathy for the woman. But right after this another news story came on about a new diet and she didn’t give the woman another thought. The Lord called her to account for a grave sin of omission. It was God who had caused her to feel the woman’s pain and He had expected her, if nothing else, to pray for the woman and her children.

God bless.

 

[Saber_Mom]

Thank you Shom. I will check out her testimony today and will also pray on your advice. I really appreciate your post. You and 1ke have opened my mind to things I haven’t thought about.

 

[littlestsouls2]

Even as a preventive measure, it is worth knowing how to conquer scrupulosity:
catholicapologetics.info/library/onlinelibrary/scruples.htm

A good reference to inform your conscience is the 1899 ‘Catechism Explained’:
archive.org/details/catechismexplain00spiruoft

Another excellent resource is the following book:
amazon.com/The-Devotion-Sacred-Heart-Jesus/dp/0895553341
(After reading this I felt lukewarm at best… but not in a bad way; the book is inspiring)

A holy priest I know once said that he is too busy to sin. He was exaggerating, but I know what he means. You might be in a similar boat. But even if we avoid mortal sins, that is not enough. God gives each of us the grace to progress through the “purgative way”, whereby we avoid all deliberate sin (including venial sin), so that we might be more intimately united to Him. Perhaps you are called to be a great Saint.

Our Lord said to one holy nun that he wanted her to continue doing what she was doing, but with greater love. Try this and God will give you greater light and peace.

Pax.

 

[Catie59]

I’m sure others will disagree, but I think its ridiculous that a priest would say that. Being a priest doesn’t make him an expert on how often a person sins a day. A priest is human and can make mistakes.

Jesus told us to love others as he loved us. If we keep that in mind, and really try to live our lives according to his commandment, we probably will avoid sinning to often. We all sin. No one can say how often a day we sin except God Himself. Don’t pick apart every little thing you do in your life or you’ll drive yourself crazy. (such as ordering out instead of cooking)

I think this priest is the one who is scrupulous. If his homily makes you feel this confused, and he smirks at you in the confessional, you should find a new Parish.