A confessor who and how do you get?

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littleone

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I often see where peole say so and so should get a confessor wel I never had one and have never had any person ask me if they could be mine or would i like one or them to mentor me. It seems good and comfprting and advisable but where do i go? I am only a simple person who has nothing amazing to offer. I thought that saints, priests, nuns, very Holy people have them.

Really I get toung tired and confused when people talk about things like that. I can’t even talk about the parts of the mass without making mistakes, I think that they would probably get confused because I know what I would like to say but it doesn’t come out the same way.
Anyway help me if you can.
Godbless
littleone
 
littleone said:
I often see where peole say so and so should get a confessor wel I never had one and have never had any person ask me if they could be mine or would i like one or them to mentor me. It seems good and comfprting and advisable but where do i go? I am only a simple person who has nothing amazing to offer. I thought that saints, priests, nuns, very Holy people have them.

Really I get toung tired and confused when people talk about things like that. I can’t even talk about the parts of the mass without making mistakes, I think that they would probably get confused because I know what I would like to say but it doesn’t come out the same way.
Anyway help me if you can.
Godbless
littleone
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Really all this means is just go to confession with one regular priest whom you find to give good spiritual advice when needed. I do this just by going to the same church and using the same priest per confession at the regularly appointed times (Sat at 4-5 at my parish:) ) There is not anything “lofty” ( or la-de-da, as I put it 😃 ) about it, although it SOUNDS that way—but it is just to avoid off-the-wall advice, such as “masturbation is not a sin!” or any other weird nonsense. So a regular confessor helps to eliminate those uncomfortable situations. You can also discuss your sins with your confessor as a spiritual advisor, as he knows your tendencies and can give you good advice on how to grow in holiness. The saints had them, because they knew they NEEDED them, just as we all do. They became saints precisely because they used all the help from the church they could get----and remember: you* do *have something “amazing” to offer: Yourself; there is only ONE you in all of the universe from since the beginning of time until the end of the world—only ONE YOU. And He wants YOU.

ANd I am not so smart about everything either as you say about yourself—I say dumb things, and people correct me, but that is okay—i am learning still what it means to be a Catholic—i am still learning what the mass means everytime.

God Bless you!!
 
Your confessor is the priest who hears your confessions. You should make an effort to stay with the same priest as much as you can, just as you would use the same doctor. He knows you from your confessions and what your particular spiritual problems are.

I think what you are asking about is a spiritual director. It does get a little confusing because your confessor is your spiritual director. However, spiritual direction is more in-depth than confession. It usually involves meeting with the priest on a regular basis to discuss your spiritual life and how you can grow in your faith, what your particular difficulties are and how to combat them, and any specific practices which you might undertake to deepen your spirituality.

To get a spiritual director, discuss it with your priest.

I understand about being tongue-tied. I used to become nearly aphasic in the confessional and had difficulty expressing myself coherently. When I told this to my confessor, he recommended that I go to confession more frequently. Indeed, this helped. The breakthrough for me was meeting a priest whose Gift was hearing confessions. The barrier came down and I felt I truly was in the Presence of Christ with Whom I could talk about anything, freely and fully, without fear or embarassment.

I pray that you too meet such a gifted priest.
 
I think you should read this. This will give you a better understanding of the moral necessity of a spiritual director, proof based on reason that one needs a spiritual director, rules for spiritual direction success, object of spiritual direction, duty of a spiritual director, duty of a penitent, etc. You may find it helpful.

This is The Spiritual Life by The Very Reverend Adolphe Tanquerey

Go down to passage 531 and read until 557. He gives a very detailed piece on it all.

ewtn.com/library/SPIRIT/SLIFE5.TXT

Just because you are “little” does not mean you are below spiritual direction. Spiritual direction will probably be something very helpful for you. You seem very sincere and well… little. It may be easier for you then most people.

EDIT: Although Tanquerey does give the characteristics you should look for in a spiritual director he does not go about, I believe, telling how to get one. I would think you would pray about it. Ask Jesus to send you one and then listen to who Jesus wishes to send you to or rather who Jesus sends to you. You are probably not going to have someone walk up and offer to spiritually direct you. Usually the penitent requests to be spiritually directed.
 
littleone said:
I often see where peole say so and so should get a confessor wel I never had one and have never had any person ask me if they could be mine or would i like one or them to mentor me.
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your confessor is simply the priest to whom you confess your sins. It is helpful for most people to confess to the same priest every time, so this is usually one of your parish priests, or perhaps a priest at a church near your workplace, or at a monastery or shrine you can visit when necessary. It is essential for people dealing with ongoing spiritual problems, or who battle with scrupulosity, to find one good confessor and stick with him.
 
Well I should have known all this wisdom. It’s so obvious isn’t it and so much thanks all of you it’s like DEERRR, Gee wayne why didn’t you see it. And the answer would be… because I have been looking with other eyes.
Thank you for your info all of you, if you have any other information then please keep on writing, I now have to change. I always thought that well! why have a spiritual directer but I can see there are many reasons and mainly to keep individuals on the straight and narrow.
Godbless
littlone.
 
daughterofmary said:
I think you should read this. This will give you a better understanding of the moral necessity of a spiritual director, proof based on reason that one needs a spiritual director, rules for spiritual direction success, object of spiritual direction, duty of a spiritual director, duty of a penitent, etc. You may find it helpful.

This is The Spiritual Life by The Very Reverend Adolphe Tanquerey

Go down to passage 531 and read until 557. He gives a very detailed piece on it all.

ewtn.com/library/SPIRIT/SLIFE5.TXT

Just because you are “little” does not mean you are below spiritual direction. Spiritual direction will probably be something very helpful for you. You seem very sincere and well… little. It may be easier for you then most people.

EDIT: Although Tanquerey does give the characteristics you should look for in a spiritual director he does not go about, I believe, telling how to get one. I would think you would pray about it. Ask Jesus to send you one and then listen to who Jesus wishes to send you to or rather who Jesus sends to you. You are probably not going to have someone walk up and offer to spiritually direct you. Usually the penitent requests to be spiritually directed.
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I have to thank you DOM I love meat and this is meat to the max it’s gonna take time for me to read in the heart which is what i need. Thanks, i have cut and paisted it in my USB stick for reference where ever I go, so i can share with others for learning.
Thanks
God bless
littleone
 
I am glad you found it helpful. I know a sister who said that she had been using it as her spiritual director for a number of years because she spoke English and had been in South America for that time and found it difficult to find an English speaking director. Although I suggest having a person as your spiritual director, it just goes to show how wonderfully “meaty” the book is. It has 1,599 numbered sections. It is amazing. It is a “textbook” on the spiritual life. It covers everything you could imagine. And personally it has the best information about spiritual direction I have been able to find. It is great you saved it because more people really do need to know about this book. 😃

If you have not already found the link then here is the link to the entire book.

ewtn.com/library/indexes/SPIRIT.htm

It is in the ewtn library (thank you ewtn!), and is labeled book 137. It is a rather large book so they have split it up into pieces. The full book is there from 137-159. I hope you find it helpful in your spiritual life in the future! I know I have. If you are able you may want to look into getting the book itself. It is a life long read and such a treasure to have. It helps because you can write in it and underline certain things etc.

It is going to be difficult to find a good spiritual director. It is already difficult to find good priests who actually know about the spiritual life, but what may be more difficult is finding a priest who has the same ideas as Tanquerey about direction and how it is to be played out.

Example from Experience: Tanquerey has some strong words on the spiritual direction of women which I have a feeling some women would disagree with and know that probably few (haven’t met one yet… I say few in hopes that there is some out there) priests follow. I personally, as a female, have confidence in Tanquerey’s suggestions and would wish to have a spiritual director who did spiritual direction in the manner he suggests. This is hard to come by. You have to keep in mind that Tanquerey wrote a good while before Vatican II and some priests are going to have their own ways of going about spiritual direction and are not going to have such “strict” ideals.

If you like what Tanquerey says though you may want to mention what you have read to whoever ends up directing you and see what they think about it.
 
Some more things I have heard/read about the subject of spiritual direction I will mention.

Now some may think it is all so simple as to call up some place and ask for just any priest or perhaps even the priest of one’s parish to be one’s spiritual director. Personally, I find that a bit dangerous. Perhaps in some cases it has turned out wonderfully, but when picking a spiritual director/confessor one should be careful. St. Teresa and St. John of the Cross both warn of the great caution one should take in entrusting one’s soul to another. She writes, “You might suppose that any confessor would know this, but you would be wrong.” Fr. Thomas Dubay has said this quote by Teresa makes it clear that, “Not everyone, therefore, is acceptable as a spiritual leader.” And St. Bernard said: “Believe not every spirit. Be at peace with many, but let one in a thousand be your counselor.” Tanquerey gives very specific qualities to look for in a spiritual director. So it is a matter of prayer and discernment before entrusting yourself to just any priest. You are entrusting your soul to this particular priest. You will see this priest as speaking with the authority of Christ. And you will be in obedience to this priest. Not everyone can spiritually direct someone. They just do not have the qualifications to do it. And some will assume they do when they do not. So the penitent also must be careful of who they turn too in this matter.

Also I cannot remember, but I believe Tanquerey may have given suggestions on how many times one should frequent spiritual direction (I believe he may have given them for women). St. Teresa does not give any suggestions and Dubay notes that this is because at certain periods of time in the spiritual life one may need to frequent it more so or less so.

Also another thing you may find helpful to know is that one of the Franciscan Friars at ewtn gave a homily about six months ago (it was the Asian one) on confession. He made it very clear about what Confession consists of. He said that Confession was not spiritual direction and that one should confess one’s sins and not go into other things. He said spiritual direction should be separate from Confession. (He said nothing about the confessor/spiritual director being different people though.) St. Teresa uses the word “confessor” to mean spiritual director and confessor. It seems to me that she would often talk of spiritual matters/the happenings of her soul/her visions in the confessional. Tanquerey advises that priests take care of matters of spiritual direction with women in the confessional. But then it also seems as if St. Teresa had specific meetings with her spiritual director in the parlor as well, but this may have been only in the beginning. It seems from Mother Teresa’s letters that she spoke with her spiritual director in the confessional as well (and through letter of course). Either way Dubay says that whatever is said during spiritual direction is confidential and should not and will not be told by the director.

And I have also heard it said that one’s confessor and spiritual director should be different people. I have forgotten where I heard it and even when I heard it. I do not know if I heard it from a good source. I have forgotten. It must have been an important source who said it because the thought has always been in the back of my mind. I mention all of this though so that you will know the different opinions on this. Some here say that they are two in one. And some say they should be two in one. I have wondered though what if a soul went to confession weekly and met with their director bi-weekly and perhaps their director was not their parish priest nor close enough to be able to hear their confession every week… then what? The confessor and sd would not be the same person.

I think you’re a guy because you said your name was Wayne, but I will mention this anyway if perhaps a female is reading. St. Francis de Sales says that a woman should have a male (priest) as her director because of the weaknesses of the female character. Dubay says though that while he believes that priests make the best spiritual directors he has met some sisters, in his experience, who have a very high prayer life and who are very competent to direct. His qualifications for a director, like the other sources I have mentioned, are “high” or at least some would say. So, for him to say they are competent means more then that they a good knowledge of prayer and the spiritual life. Not just any sister and probably not a lay person.
 
For more information on spiritual direction you can read:

Fire Within: Fr. Thomas Dubay. I could not find this online anywhere. But toward the end there is a chapter on spiritual direction. He gives some of his own thoughts on spiritual direction (and his qualifications of a good spiritual director which are wonderful but at the same time hard to come by) and he speaks about St. Teresa and St. John of the Cross’ words written on spiritual direction. Both of them gave a short number of qualifications that they encourage a soul to look for in a director and they also wrote on what background a spiritual director should have. The book itself deals with contemplative and mystical prayer. Very good.

Seeking Spiritual Direction: Fr. Thomas Dubay. I have not read this yet, but after reading the amazon reviews on it and hearing about it I believe it could be helpful to you.

And here is a quote from St. Faustina: “Oh, if only I had had a spiritual director from the beginning, then I would not have wasted so many of God’s graces. A confessor can help a soul a great deal, but he can also cause it a lot of harm. Oh how careful confessors should be about the work of God’s grace in their penitents’ souls! This is a matter of great importance. By the graces given to a soul, one can recognize the degree of its intimacy with God.”

Ok, that is all I know about it. Prayers! :gopray2: God bless and love you!
 
I wonder if my area is the only one like this? I don’t go to confession at my own parish because I a bit hard of hearing and the priest is sotto voce. The other nearest parish is quite huge. I have not been able to determine any set schedule of what priest is hearing confessions. And, they are so huge that I feel it’s an imposition on the priests there to ask for spiritual direction. The pastor, for example, is wonderful but so busy…

I’m wondering, is it possible to work with a spiritual director over the internet? Or by letter? But then how do you know what they’re like?

I’m hoping someone can point me in the right direction.
 
Rebelecka said:
I wonder if my area is the only one like this? I don’t go to confession at my own parish because I a bit hard of hearing and the priest is sotto voce. The other nearest parish is quite huge. I have not been able to determine any set schedule of what priest is hearing confessions. And, they are so huge that I feel it’s an imposition on the priests there to ask for spiritual direction. The pastor, for example, is wonderful but so busy…

I’m wondering, is it possible to work with a spiritual director over the internet? Or by letter? But then how do you know what they’re like?

I’m hoping someone can point me in the right direction.
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Talk to some good priests in your diocese or maybe that you just know that are not in your diocese and ask this question. Ask for their opinion on your situation. I know Padre Pio had many “spiritual children” he spoke frequently with through letter. Mother Teresa spoke with her spiritual director through letter. I knew of a priest who had a “spiritual son” in a different city so they would only be able to get together rarely. They spoke over the phone. St. Francis de Sales had many letters from St. Jane de Chantal. I think the letter thing would be more traditional and possibly make it a bit more comfortable. I am not an expert though. These are just my observations and ideas. I believe you should find a priest perhaps maybe even in another state … anywhere… that is known for his orthodoxy and his direction. Write him. Ask him what you should do. Perhaps, through his experience, he may know a priest near you or that would direct you through letter (if that is even a possibility). See what happens. Pray.
 
Thank you DOM
It is a “textbook” on the spiritual life. It covers everything you could imagine. And personally it has the best information about spiritual direction I have been able to find. It is great you saved it because more people really do need to know about this book. 😃
If you have not already found the link then here is the link to the entire book.
ewtn.com/library/indexes/SPIRIT.htm
It is going to be difficult to find a good spiritual director. It is already difficult to find good priests who actually know about the spiritual life, but what may be more difficult is finding a priest who has the same ideas as Tanquerey about direction and how it is to be played out.
You have to keep in mind that Tanquerey wrote a good while before Vatican II and some priests are going to have their own ways of going about spiritual direction and are not going to have such “strict” ideals. If you like what Tanquerey says though you may want to mention what you have read to whoever ends up directing you and see what they think about it.

Thank you DOM I have looked at the book and remember how Jesus used St Therese to bring me to the point where He could embed the littleway into me for His use. It was books, and the likes of “The way of Divine Love”. Many books of St Therese the little flower, then many other saints.
These books had a profound design on how I think, and how Jesus was showing me His ways and how I could be if I so let go. Jesus sent me books from places where I would go to prayer groups and a person would come up to me ask me what I was looking for and tell me he had the book and send it to me. Our Lord sent me to another town whilst there a christian passenger ship came in, I went on board and there I saw a book I was asking the Lord for and bought it.
I have spoken to my priest who is a carmelite Priest, so loving and gentle however when I told him what I was doing and have done he asked me a question and left it at that. He asked me one night how I knew the bible the way I do without reading it there in front of me. I told him it is in my heart I had been told by the Lord to eat it up as Ezekeil did, and it would tast as sweet and the honey but as bitter as worm. So it goes to show that there are the right times and here is mine I have this hunger and you have given me food through my questioning, and your feeding me. God bless for being reseptive, thank you.
My question is heard that there are directors and here is mine at present. This CAF is just that, is it not?

Thank you
Godbless
littleone.
 
“Depersonalized” could it be that Jesus was depersonalized inthat He is God and yet He let go of His being and accepted going to mankind at our own height. he put away His personal being as God in the spirit.

Is this it?
 
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