H
holyrood
Guest
Seems like it’s a season for family problems. A number of people have posted about parents, particularly mothers, with narcissistic personality disorders. I believe my mother is one of them.
Her stories of her childhood made me think, even back when I was in high school, that she was born full of envy, jealousy, hatred, and believing everyone had it better than her. She spent my childhood years telling me how awful so many other people were, and trying to make sure I hated the same people she hated.
But if someone was cruel to me, she’d say, “I don’t have to be mad at them just because you are!” and act as if I was terrible–when in fact all I’d done was SAY what someone had done, not ask her to be mad at them at all.
She has spent my life telling people I’m a liar when I’m not. She has been negative and critical and told me many times that if someone hurt me, I was really at fault.
I finally just quit calling her, years ago, and she has never made any attempt to call me, either. Given the other family issues/dysfunction/alcoholism, and on advice from this forum, I quit going to any family events.
So she wanted to start something at Christmas mass of all places. Lit into me very bitterly about how I’ve made it very clear I don’t want my kids around them. I asked when she last made any attempt to call me. She just kept going on about how I won’t let them see the kids. (Actually, they see my kids plenty–XH brings them over and he even once had the gall to invite them into my home to visit the kids while I was at work–which I didn’t find out about until months later.)
I walked away from it, and amazingly felt at peace. But it really highlighted that they have no interest, ever, in how any of this might feel to me, or why I don’t call them. It doesn’t appear that they care about losing me as a daughter/sister at all.
It highlighted that they appear to think these kids belong to them and I have no actual rights to my own kids. This isn’t the first time my family members have behaved as if I’m some unimportant background noise in my own children’s lives who doesn’t need to be consulted in any way.
It highlighted for me that I was right to walk away from this, but unfortunately also made it very clear that this is exactly what my kids are hearing about me and the situation.
Merry Christmas, ‘mom.’ It’s nice to know that as you walk farther and farther into old age, you’re going to die with hatred and venom on your tongue.
Her stories of her childhood made me think, even back when I was in high school, that she was born full of envy, jealousy, hatred, and believing everyone had it better than her. She spent my childhood years telling me how awful so many other people were, and trying to make sure I hated the same people she hated.
But if someone was cruel to me, she’d say, “I don’t have to be mad at them just because you are!” and act as if I was terrible–when in fact all I’d done was SAY what someone had done, not ask her to be mad at them at all.
She has spent my life telling people I’m a liar when I’m not. She has been negative and critical and told me many times that if someone hurt me, I was really at fault.
I finally just quit calling her, years ago, and she has never made any attempt to call me, either. Given the other family issues/dysfunction/alcoholism, and on advice from this forum, I quit going to any family events.
So she wanted to start something at Christmas mass of all places. Lit into me very bitterly about how I’ve made it very clear I don’t want my kids around them. I asked when she last made any attempt to call me. She just kept going on about how I won’t let them see the kids. (Actually, they see my kids plenty–XH brings them over and he even once had the gall to invite them into my home to visit the kids while I was at work–which I didn’t find out about until months later.)
I walked away from it, and amazingly felt at peace. But it really highlighted that they have no interest, ever, in how any of this might feel to me, or why I don’t call them. It doesn’t appear that they care about losing me as a daughter/sister at all.
It highlighted that they appear to think these kids belong to them and I have no actual rights to my own kids. This isn’t the first time my family members have behaved as if I’m some unimportant background noise in my own children’s lives who doesn’t need to be consulted in any way.
It highlighted for me that I was right to walk away from this, but unfortunately also made it very clear that this is exactly what my kids are hearing about me and the situation.
Merry Christmas, ‘mom.’ It’s nice to know that as you walk farther and farther into old age, you’re going to die with hatred and venom on your tongue.
