JR,
Do you believe that a great apostasy occurred?
You’re not the only one confused. I had formerly listed my religion as “confused protestant,” and maybe I’ll go back to that. I find questions such as the apostasy, the perpetual virginity of Mary, and many other topics in this forum to be interesting, to spur me to research a bit, to use my morning coffee-sipping time in a way that’s possibly more productive than some other ways to pass the time, but I don’t necessarily have strong convictions on many of these issues. I like hearing what others have to say and how they defend their positions. I always learn something from visiting here.
The things I do have convictions about are my need for greater love for God and mankind, my need to be more earnest and consistent in living my life in a way pleasing to our Maker, my constant need to be more charitable and patient when interacting with others.
As with the boy’s father in Mark 9:24, I find myself constantly in the position of saying, I believe; help my unbelief.
A hymn I think of often is the following:
J. Newton
Breathing after Love to Christ (John 21:16)
1 ‘Tis a point I long to know,
(Oft it causes anxious thought,)
Do I love the Lord or no?
Am I his, or am I not?
2 If I love, why am I thus?
Why this dull and lifeless frame?
Hardly, sure, can they be worse
Who have never heard his name.
3 Could my heart so hard remain,
Prayer a task and burden prove,
Every trifle give me pain,
If I knew a Saviour’s love?
4 [When I turn my eyes within,
All is dark, and vain, and wild;
Fill’d with unbelief and sin,
Can I deem myself a child?
5 If I pray, or hear, or read,
Sin is mix’d with all I do:
You that love the Lord indeed,
Tell me, is it thus with you ?
6 Yet I mourn my stubborn will,
Find my sin a grief and thrall:
Should I grieve for what I feel,
If I did not love at all?]
7 Could I joy his saints to meet,
Choose the ways I once abhorr’d,
Find, at times, the promise sweet,
If I did not love the Lord?
8 Lord, decide the doubtful case;
Thou who art thy people’s Sun,
Shine upon thy work of grace,
If it be indeed begun.
9 Let me love thee more and more,
If I love at all, I pray:
If I have not loved before,
Help me to begin to-day.