A Decision To Make

[naomanos6]

My work partner a couple days ago in between calls said she wants me to go to Paramedic school with her. The company we work for would pay for our schooling and we would pay it back over time through our paychecks. The cost is $8000.

I would like to do it, but have reservations. One is the fact that during the schooling and after I graduate there will be schedule conflicts. There may be times I have to tell my ex-wife that I cannot take the kids that week or weekend because of class stuff. My girlfriend said she would watch them while I am off doing class stuff, but I’m not sure my ex-wife would appreciate me not spending time with the kids when it’s my week or weekend to have them, no matter what I am doing.

Second is that afterwards my work schedule will be such that my girlfriend and I will have no time to ourselves without kids. So, no going to a movie without kids, no going to a theme park without kids, nothing of any sort without the kids. Because I won’t get to see them much, asking someone to watch them when I haven’t seen them in a week or two and only have a couple days with them would seem wrong.

Some.might say see your girlfriend after work, by the time she gets home, it’s late and she doesn’t really go out after work as she moved closer to me to make it easier on us to see each other, but further from her work. So, she goes to bed earlier in order to get up on time to get to work. I will have to work every other weekend the whole weekend and that is where we would lose time to ourselves.

Third, being a a paramedic scares me. I’m an EMT now, but there isn’t near as much responsibility as a paramedic. I’m afraid I’m gonna kill someone even if by accident and have that on my conscious for the rest of my life.

My girlfriend supports me fully in whatever choice I make. My mom doesn’t care, but thinks I need to do it in order to better myself, get ahead and be able to support my girlfriend when we marry in the future. My girlfriend is fine with me staying an EMT and says we’ll figure it out.

So, I am confused as to what to do. On one hand I will make more money and be able to provide better for my future and my kid’s future and girlfriend’s future when she becomes my wife. As an EMT I will never make enough to do all that. Then there is what I outlined above.

I do not want to become a nurse or a care giver in people’s homes. I enjoy Emergency Medical Services. I enjoy being in an ambulance. I do not want to be stuck in a hospital setting or in people’s homes.

Maybe someone can throw some incite at me and help me to order my thoughts and come up with a decision.

Forgot to mention that having someone you know in class with you is a big help and that would help my partner and I do well in said class.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think you need to pray over this and ask the Lord for guidance. I will pray for you as well.

My impression from your post is that you really want to go, and this is a good opportunity as your employer will cover the cost and you will have a friend in the class, but you are nervous about taking the step.

I recently took a workshop about class and poverty sponsored by St. Vincent de Paul society. One of the lessons that was taught was that in order to improve one’s career or get ahead financially, one has to give up some personal relationship time for a while. For example, if a person goes away to college or even has to spend time studying for college classes, he won’t get to see his parents, siblings, or girlfriend as much during the time he is away or studying. According to the workshop, most middle-class people are fine with giving up their relationships for a while in order to help their education or career get ahead and improve their economic future. But for some people, especially those who are working class or below, giving up relationships even for a short time is seen as a big problem, especially if their parents, siblings or girlfriend are not supportive and get mad that the person will not have as much time to spend with them. This is a factor that according to the workshop keeps some people from achieving in their educations and careers.

Here, it sounds like your girlfriend and family are being pretty supportive. I suspect it’s because they see that you want to do this. I know it may be hard to give up some time with your kids, but you’re also doing this for their good so you can better support them going forward, and it’s not like you will be dropping out of their lives, just maybe missing a couple visits.

With respect to the responsibility that a paramedic has: Even being an EMT you have to deal with life and death situations. Being a paramedic, you would be even better equipped to deal with those situations and help people. The training you get would help you to do well and you would really be providing a wonderful service to people while doing some work that you would likely enjoy based on your post.

And if you do get the qualification, but then find out later you don’t like the paramedic job or it’s taking up way too much time or it is too much stress, then at least you will have the extra training, qualification and salary, which would help you to find a different job, more than if you just stay at the level you are and don’t even try.

If I were you I would go for it. You can always change jobs later if you don’t like it. But you won’t be always wondering if you should have tried. But that’s just me.

You pray over it.

 

[pensmama87]

One practical consideration: could your current custody arrangements be revised if you went back to school, if keeping the current schedule wouldn’t let you see your kids much?

It seems like that’s really the big obstacle, but it seems to me that it could be overcome.

 

[naomanos6]

I think you need to pray over this and ask the Lord for guidance. I will pray for you as well.

My impression from your post is that you really want to go, and this is a good opportunity as your employer will cover the cost and you will have a friend in the class, but you are nervous about taking the step.

I recently took a workshop about class and poverty sponsored by St. Vincent de Paul society. One of the lessons that was taught was that in order to improve one’s career or get ahead financially, one has to give up some personal relationship time for a while. For example, if a person goes away to college or even has to spend time studying for college classes, he won’t get to see his parents, siblings, or girlfriend as much during the time he is away or studying. According to the workshop, most middle-class people are fine with giving up their relationships for a while in order to help their education or career get ahead and improve their economic future. But for some people, especially those who are working class or below, giving up relationships even for a short time is seen as a big problem, especially if their parents, siblings or girlfriend are not supportive and get mad that the person will not have as much time to spend with them. This is a factor that according to the workshop keeps some people from achieving in their educations and careers.

Here, it sounds like your girlfriend and family are being pretty supportive. I suspect it’s because they see that you want to do this. I know it may be hard to give up some time with your kids, but you’re also doing this for their good so you can better support them going forward, and it’s not like you will be dropping out of their lives, just maybe missing a couple visits.

With respect to the responsibility that a paramedic has: Even being an EMT you have to deal with life and death situations. Being a paramedic, you would be even better equipped to deal with those situations and help people. The training you get would help you to do well and you would really be providing a wonderful service to people while doing some work that you would likely enjoy based on your post.

And if you do get the qualification, but then find out later you don’t like the paramedic job or it’s taking up way too much time or it is too much stress, then at least you will have the extra training, qualification and salary, which would help you to find a different job, more than if you just stay at the level you are and don’t even try.

If I were you I would go for it. You can always change jobs later if you don’t like it. But you won’t be always wondering if you should have tried. But that’s just me.

You pray over it.

You brought up good points.

I am a time spent kind of person. I was raised by a single mother who worked to provide for me. All I wanted was her time and could care less about having the stuff that I had. She rarely spent time with me.

It’s not just during class that is an issue. It’s after class. I already only have my kids half the time, during class and after will reduce my time with them to a 1/4 of the time or less. That is not acceptable to me. Especially as they are only 4 and 2 years old.

As for being an EMT and dealing with life or death, you are correct to a point. I am a transport EMT and do not do emergency calls. Can someone I am transporting back to a skilled nursing facility go south? Yep, but I still am required to call for paramedic help unless we are close enough to the hospital that waiting for a paramedic would be worse. Paramedics have far far more responsibility then I do as they push drugs, run vents, intubate, etc… They are essentially a mobile emergency room where as I am not.

If it sounds like I have my mind made up, I do not, I am still trying to make a decision. My mom is only supportive of me because she is money driven. My girlfriend is supportive of me no matter what choice I make. I have not involved my ex-wife because she could use this to make a run for full custody of our kids claiming that I have no time for them all the while asking for more money in child support.

I appreciate your reply, I really do, but it’s not as cut and dry in my head and have reasons for the way I feel that I didn’t mention.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I appreciate your reply, I really do, but it’s not as cut and dry in my head and have reasons for the way I feel that I didn’t mention.

I understand. That is why I said Pray over it. I’m sure there are many things in your head that may be too complicated or long or just not able to be shared with total strangers on the Internet.

One other thing to consider might be, will this opportunity be there again in the future when your children are older and would understand better about missing the visits? Like does your employer offer this on a continuous basis, or every year? If so, maybe waiting a while would make sense.

Good luck with whatever you decide. The fact that you care so much about your family speaks very well of you.

 

[naomanos6]

One practical consideration: could your current custody arrangements be revised if you went back to school, if keeping the current schedule wouldn’t let you see your kids much?

It seems like that’s really the big obstacle, but it seems to me that it could be overcome.

They would be revised to me having less time with them and that is not an option for me.

The reason it would be less time is because if I’m not there, why should I have them? Which also means that I would have to pay more child support for them. While going to class and having to do labs, clinicals and ride time, I will be working less than I do now. At 42 years old, long hours takes it’s toll on me. So, I will work a little less in order to devote time to those things. So, I won’t make nearly as much money as I am now.

The courts here base your child support on time spent with your children. Less time spent, means more money paid in child support. Even if I don’t do 40 hours and cut it down to 20 or 25, they will impute 40 hours of work at my current wage in order to come up with the payment per month. They did that when we divorced, but in having my children 3 nights a week, I did not owe as much in support which helped because I was only working 25 hours per week until I got my EMT job.

There are many factors going into this decision and is why it is so hard for me. If I was in my 20s and had no children I would jump at the opportunity, but now in my early 40s there is much to consider.

 

[naomanos6]

I understand. That is why I said Pray over it. I’m sure there are many things in your head that may be too complicated or long or just not able to be shared with total strangers on the Internet.

One other thing to consider might be, will this opportunity be there again in the future when your children are older and would understand better about missing the visits? Like does your employer offer this on a continuous basis, or every year? If so, maybe waiting a while would make sense.

Good luck with whatever you decide. The fact that you care so much about your family speaks very well of you.

Thank you for the compliment!

It is always there, yes. However, I am 42 and my youngest is only 2. I have many years before they understand why daddy isn’t spending as much time with them as he once did. My 4 year old is a complete and total daddy’s girl. I know she gets mad at me now when I go to work and I have her because I can see it in her face and she will not say I love you back. It breaks my heart knowing that I have upset her.

 

[HCTC]

In my humble opinion, it would help you a lot if you could decide whether or not making this career change fits with what satisfies you in your heart and in your soul. I understand that you have both approach issues and avoidance issues, but I would suggest that you enjoy helping people so much that you are willing to make a career out of helping people in crisis situations - which makes you remarkable in my book.

Going to the next level in your profession is clearly more responsibility, but it is also an opportunity to make more of a difference in the lives of people who are having a medical crisis. If that is something that you sincerely want to do, all of the other stuff will through love resolve in time. However, in your current position you help people who are in crisis and you help paramedics too. I understand that completely. The question becomes: Where will you be able to make the bigger difference. The paramedic training would certainly make you more capable in a medical crisis when there is only you - something likely to occur when you are not on the job.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I guess different people read things differently. The only thing I saw in his post was a man who did NOT want to go back to school but was consiering it because of all the pressure from his mom and co-worker. Sounds to me like he is only considering it out of guilt

 

[bitterhope]

I guess different people read things differently. The only thing I saw in his post was a man who did NOT want to go back to school but was consiering it because of all the pressure from his mom and co-worker. Sounds to me like he is only considering it out of guilt

This is how I read it as well.

 

[naomanos6]

I guess different people read things differently. The only thing I saw in his post was a man who did NOT want to go back to school but was consiering it because of all the pressure from his mom and co-worker. Sounds to me like he is only considering it out of guilt

There is a little of that as well.

My mom likes to throw around “if you don’t want to better yourself” at me quite a bit. I think in one conversation she used that line 7 times in a 10 minute conversation. She will also say to me that she wishes I was more like my step-dad who works and works. He has had to have surgery to fuse several of his cervical vertebrae and a year ago he had a total knee replacement. He will need a second one for his other knee soon.

I do not want to end up like him at his age which is 53 years old.

 

[puzzledtoo]

May you be filled with loving kindness. May you be well. May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be happy.

 

[CradleJourney]

Thank you for the compliment!

It is always there, yes. However, I am 42 and my youngest is only 2. I have many years before they understand why daddy isn’t spending as much time with them as he once did. My 4 year old is a complete and total daddy’s girl. I know she gets mad at me now when I go to work and I have her because I can see it in her face and she will not say I love you back. It breaks my heart knowing that I have upset her.

On the other hand - you have many years of needing to support these children ahead. Braces, sports fees, camps, tutoring, and so forth. My youngest is 12, my oldest is well into adulthood so I have some experience - time with them is very important - but there are soooo many unexpected expenses that come up with kids and it’s your job to provide for them along with their other parent.

I think every parent would love to be able to work shorter hours and spend more time with their young children. But you need to do some math and see just how much money difference you’re talking about. What if down the road they need you to be making more money but there’s no chance at that time for you to take this class with employer and friend support? Are you making enough now to support your children, yourself, your future wife (current gf) - covering all bills, plus higher costs for the kids as they get interested in things or emergencies come up, and still have adequate money going into savings for long term expenses like your retirement or to cover periods of unemployment or disability?

Stuff to think about.