A desperate need to vent and heal

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anon59781800

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I have had one heck of a roller coaster ride, and I needed to get out of this “relationship”. I befriended a woman at my work place. She seemed alone and scared and abandoned by most people in her life. She was going through school for an APN. So we became friends. She is married and has a five year old son. I am single and just do what God has asked me to do, help the sick. We became close, having what seemed the same ideals in life. Then she sent her small son to Europe with her father over last summer and we got to know each other better. There were times when she completely just shut me out- would not answer any calls or texts for no apparent reason. She always said her husband was mean and untrustworthy. I eventually got to meet him and he was quite pleasant. Anyway, over a few month period, I realized that she slowly started taking me away from my family, my job, and My God. She would also do things that made me uncomfortable- hug me for very prolonged periods of time (over an hour), hold my hands. This at first to me was “odd” but she said I was just cold. After her son returned- 3 months later- she started to then try to make out with me or tempt me for sex. I said this is something that I
do not want to do, but she continued to pressure me. Every time I brought this up
she became out of control mad and very upset with me. I just said, I’m not a lesbian and would not do these things at all. And on top of that “you are married”. Well- we fought. Anyway, over time she accused me of odd things that made her not “trust me”, such as I was reading her mail. That led to a HUGE fight.
I was so upset at all that happened I went to our parish priest just to talk and get his advise. By this time, I was VERY distant from the family I loved, my church, and my work. I wanted my old life back. I was spending so much time trying to make this person happy and keep her happy that I almost lost my family, I almost lost myself and my soul. So, even though I knew I would probably hurt her, I broke off all communication with her saying I could no longer live life like this. I stated that the life she was trying to lead me into was NOT me.
A week later, she shows up quite distraught at my home. She won’t stop crying - saying its all my fault. I end up calling 911 bc she was just psychotic by this point. (I am a physician) I go with her to the ER, with her husbands knowledge that this is occurring- I waited for her husband to show up in the ER and tell him she really needs psychiatric help. Since then, she has tried to call me, text, and email me, but I have not responded. I had to block all communication. I still love her as my friend and I know she is mentally ill, but as selfish as this sounds, I had to save my life, my profession and most importantly my relationship with God. I pray for her and for her family.
This was one experience I really never expected in my life.
Any thoughts for this “mini series drama”
 
anon59781800 said:
I have had one heck of a roller coaster ride, and I needed to get out of this “relationship”. I befriended a woman at my work place. She seemed alone and scared and abandoned by most people in her life. She was going through school for an APN. So we became friends. She is married and has a five year old son. I am single and just do what God has asked me to do, help the sick. We became close, having what seemed the same ideals in life. Then she sent her small son to Europe with her father over last summer and we got to know each other better. There were times when she completely just shut me out- would not answer any calls or texts for no apparent reason. She always said her husband was mean and untrustworthy. I eventually got to meet him and he was quite pleasant. Anyway, over a few month period, I realized that she slowly started taking me away from my family, my job, and My God. She would also do things that made me uncomfortable- hug me for very prolonged periods of time (over an hour), hold my hands. This at first to me was “odd” but she said I was just cold. After her son returned- 3 months later- she started to then try to make out with me or tempt me for sex. I said this is something that I
do not want to do, but she continued to pressure me. Every time I brought this up
she became out of control mad and very upset with me. I just said, I’m not a lesbian and would not do these things at all. And on top of that “you are married”. Well- we fought. Anyway, over time she accused me of odd things that made her not “trust me”, such as I was reading her mail. That led to a HUGE fight.
I was so upset at all that happened I went to our parish priest just to talk and get his advise. By this time, I was VERY distant from the family I loved, my church, and my work. I wanted my old life back. I was spending so much time trying to make this person happy and keep her happy that I almost lost my family, I almost lost myself and my soul. So, even though I knew I would probably hurt her, I broke off all communication with her saying I could no longer live life like this. I stated that the life she was trying to lead me into was NOT me.
A week later, she shows up quite distraught at my home. She won’t stop crying - saying its all my fault. I end up calling 911 bc she was just psychotic by this point. (I am a physician) I go with her to the ER, with her husbands knowledge that this is occurring- I waited for her husband to show up in the ER and tell him she really needs psychiatric help. Since then, she has tried to call me, text, and email me, but I have not responded. I had to block all communication. I still love her as my friend and I know she is mentally ill, but as selfish as this sounds, I had to save my life, my profession and most importantly my relationship with God. I pray for her and for her family.
This was one experience I really never expected in my life.
Any thoughts for this “mini series drama”
Click to expand...
Sounds almost like a situation of co-dependence and you got out before you could get sucked in!

I’ve found that there are some people who are honestly victims, and who have been down on their luck… but there are many other people who are stuck in a victim mentality and haven’t been abandoned so much as they have driven everyone out of their lives. Example: I dated a girl one time who told me about how all of her exes had ended up being “mentally abusive”… come to find out, they were mostly all pretty decent guys. After we broke up, I found out she even genially hung out with some of them still… which doesn’t make sense if she really was a victim and was trying to get away.

The other thing I never noticed in that scenario was her high turn over of friends… people were constantly walking out of her life and she liked to play it like it was their fault and she was “abandoned” by so many people. Turns out, she was just a psychotic person who drove people out of her life and was stuck in a victim paradigm. The best possible thing I could do in that situation was get out and recommend counselling, and that’s exactly what you’ve done here (aka, the right thing)
 
Thanks, I just wanted to hear others opinions on this too. I am doing well, I have “re found” my own life, reconnected with my family and God. I feel like myself once again just by leaving this whole crazy part of my life behind. I asked God about 1 or 2 weeks before it finally ended, to “please get me out of this hell hole.” He did…and very quickly. And I am eternally grateful for His mercy
 
anon59781800 said:
Thanks, I just wanted to hear others opinions on this too. I am doing well, I have “re found” my own life, reconnected with my family and God. I feel like myself once again just by leaving this whole crazy part of my life behind. I asked God about 1 or 2 weeks before it finally ended, to “please get me out of this hell hole.” He did…and very quickly. And I am eternally grateful for His mercy
Click to expand...
Good, I am happy for you!

To complete my story, I remember at the end of my association with said girlfriend, I was SO stressed out, I didn’t now what to do… so I went on a catholic retreat. Part of that retreat was to spend an hour in silent contemplation alone. I wandered off and sat under a tree and immediately turned to asking God how I could help save this one, particularly from sins that she was falling into.

As clear as day, a revolutionary “thought” came to me. I put that in quotes because I know it was God speaking to me, even though it wasn’t a sense of physical hearing. The thought was “this isn’t your cross to bear”, and the reality was that I was wrong to think that *I could save this person from their sins and the path they were choosing… that wasn’t in God’s plan, and I was abusing my faith by supplanting the role of Christ and getting in my own way.

It was like being hit in the face with water… sometimes you have to let go and entrust people to the will of God because you aren’t the one that God has in store to help them.

🙂 So to reiterate, I think you did the right thing!
 
anon59781800 said:
Thanks, I just wanted to hear others opinions on this too. I am doing well, I have “re found” my own life, reconnected with my family and God. I feel like myself once again just by leaving this whole crazy part of my life behind. I asked God about 1 or 2 weeks before it finally ended, to “please get me out of this hell hole.” He did…and very quickly. And I am eternally grateful for His mercy
Click to expand...
You will spot her kind much sooner next time, and RUN, not walk, in the other direction! I have found that, in general, people are who they really are, not as they pretend they want to be. IOW, someone who plays the victim will ALWAYS play the victim, unless God changes them. They get something out of doing it, and they really don’t want to improve their lives. Rescuing someone in distress almost never works out - there is always another source of distress and another emergency. “Oh, I just need $20 for gas!” “Oh, my landlord lost my check and now he’s going to evict us if I don’t pay him the rent again!” etc. etc.

If someone plays games with you - withdraws for no reason - they are mentally ill or a narcissist. That kind of person cannot be dealt with in a sane way, as you found out.

Glad you got out when you did! Who knows what might have happened.
 
Rule number 1) Never date in the work place that’s just asking for trouble and awkwardness.
 
I am glad you prevailed in what seems like a strong test of faith, just remember you are stronger for it. Don’t look back and question what has happened, just accept it, learn from it and move on. God bless you!

I pray that we all have your strength during times of trial.
 
There is a limit to trying to please people and you found that limit. Obviously can’t make out with homosexuals (or married people) just because they’re asking and wanting it very much. Situations like you describe sometimes soften people’s perception of what’s normal to the point that an emotional guilt trip can actually trick them into doing things very much out of their character. Or tolerating such things done by others, e.g. not telling a married person to take his or her hands off right away.

Glad you got out of that. Perhaps a lesson for the future.
 
If something comes between you and God then you must get rid of it. You did the right thing don’t worry
 
Continue to pray for her so she gets well and she cans be a good mother and wife to her husband. if your post is what you said, she isn’t in integrity at all and she isn’t putting her son first.

But Please break this friendship now your are flirting with her unconsciously. You clearly have emotional attachment and a lot of confusion. It isn’t usually appropriate to be friend with a married woman. I know your intention were from a good place but pray for her instead.

I would go see my priest if i was you, to receive words or clarity and wisdom.

Pray for her, but cut all bonds or tights.

Blessings and love

p.s I just saw your last post, i am happy that you already did cut the bond and return to God.
 
I am so sorry you had to go through this. Manipulative people can be very cunning and it is REALLY hard to see straight when they are in our face. Good for you for walking away
 
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