A disguise to hide embarassment and anxiety

[Barbkw]

Can I wear a hat?

After 15 plus years away, I started back because I had to take my Dad to Mass. Finally, after attending Mass for a couple of months without Eucharist, I knew I had to go to confession.

It took me another couple of months of wondering how in the heck I was going to accomplish that without giving myself a heartattack / or dying from embarassment once I got into the “Room of Reconciliation”.

I lucked out and didn’t have to go face to face. I didn’t expect that I’d handle it this way…but once I got in there I bawled like a baby. Bring Kleenex.

Prayers for you, I’ve been there and done that.

Once it’s all over and done, you’ll feel wonderful. The Body and Blood of Jesus is worth the terror

 

[PattiDay]

Just go, however you dress, wherever you choose to go, just do it. When you tell the priest how long it’s been since your last confession, tell him you are very anxious to be able to say everything you want to and need to.

Remember it is Jesus you are asking to forgive you. The priest is there in the person of Jesus. There is nothing you can tell Jesus that He doesn’t already know, and nothing you can tell the priest that he hasn’t heard before. Your heart will be so light when you have freed yourself from these things. God bless you

 

[Shae]

I don’t know what kind of curtains your church’s confessional has, but all the ones I’ve seen have been heavy velveteen or that kind of curtain that they use in hotels that block all light. There are even a couple of churches around here that have solid wooden doors on the penitent booths as well as the priest’s booth. Just about all of the churches around here have one booth labeled for the hard of hearing so that Father doesn’t have to shout penances out, either. And penitents are self-policing in my neck of the woods, no hovering next to the booth, people tend to line up a respectful distance away to be out of earshot.

I rang the cathederal office last week and the administrator says the flimsy lacy curtain I complained about can’t be anything different because of security reasons

I have a real fear of judgement and its not from a normal anxiety perspective, but a distorted belief system.
For now as I have not confessed in 4 years I will confess my mortal sins anonymously, then in the future as I seek spiritual counsel or direction I hope to go face to face, but then that is still a huge ask from me.

I think it is just wonderful I am receiving real support and love on here with my struggles, I even struggle to put my concerns here for fearing the “thou shall be damned, pointing finger”
It is like being on the battle field every single time and any positive previous experience doesnt always serve to help every time.

 

[JimG]

I rang the cathederal office last week and the administrator says the flimsy lacy curtain I complained about can’t be anything different because of security reasons

Security reasons? I don’t understand. The confessionals at my parish church have thick curtains which cannot be seen through. What security reasons? Do they think someone is going to attack the priest? If that’s the case, it won’t matter what kind of curtains are there.

 

[centurionguard]

why the need for privacy?
anxiety, embarrassment, these are not valid reasons to skip confession.
that is like refusing to undress at the doctor’s office for your exam.
personal preference and feelings and comfort level are not the purpose of this sacrament. If that anxiety accompanies a reluctance to name our actual sins, and that is usually what it does mean, get all the spiritual help you can to overcome it.

Have you thought of going to a priest at another church who does not know you if the anxiety is of a clinical severity? Not to mention of course medical intervention if it disrupts your life to that degree? certainly you can wear a hat, you can wear a ski mask if it helps, but what you cannot do is use this human emotion to keep you away from the sacrament of love and mercy. The only one who matters, Jesus, is the one hearing and absolving your sins, and he already knows you.

Normally in every way I would humbly embrace everything you just stated.

Though unrelated to the OP I had my own parish priest refuse to hear my confession.
His reasoning was because I worked in a responsible position as sacristan and caretaker in my parish, that any sins I would tell him would leave him in a vulnerable position to judge me indiscriminately.

I thought priests weren’t suppose to judge.

He’s no longer my parish priest and resides in a western Canadian city now as an Archbishop.

Peace
Chris

 

[Ben_F]

Good for you wanting to return to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. You can wear whatever you want over your face, head, or whatever.

But let me give you a better suggestion. Go somewhere else if possible. Find a parish across town or in another town altogether. That way you don’t know the confessor and he won’t know you nor would he recognize your voice. Best guarantee of anonymity that there is.

Having said that, I will tell you that from the priests that I know on a personal basis, they are universal in stating that they simply don’t remember what is being confessed and who is in the confessional. They universally say that it all blends in together for them after a while.

But I appreciate the desire for anonymity, even with that, so I would suggest just going to a different parish.

Where I confess, the Priest is behind his desk and I´m in front of it. Face to face. If you sin in front of God and are not embarrassed, why should you be imbarrassed in front of a Holy designated person, probably with sin himself? I´m not. God bless:thumbsup:

 

[Love_Divine]

Normally in every way I would humbly embrace everything you just stated.

Though unrelated to the OP I had my own parish priest refuse to hear my confession.
His reasoning was because I worked in a responsible position as sacristan and caretaker in my parish, that any sins I would tell him would leave him in a vulnerable position to judge me indiscriminately.

I thought priests weren’t suppose to judge.

And I thought what happens in the Confessional stays in the confessional? Actually, I too had my own parish priest refuse to hear my confession because it what outside of his scheduled 30 minutes/month regular time. He was quite rude about it too. I was trying to return to full communion with the church after being away for 10 years. I was quite put off by it, but eventually in another diocese in another province I found an FSSP priest willing to hear my confession. It’s too bad bishops don’t have a suggestions/comments box for feedback in where his priests are lacking.

He’s no longer my parish priest and resides in a western Canadian city now as an Archbishop.

Peace
Chris

Hmm, I live in a western Canadian city and I know who you’re talking aout.

 

[PattiDay]

Where I confess, the Priest is behind his desk and I´m in front of it. Face to face. If you sin in front of God and are not embarrassed, why should you be imbarrassed in front of a Holy designated person, probably with sin himself? I´m not. God bless:thumbsup:

It’s more difficult for some who grew up with the privacy of the confessional.

 

[JimG]

Normally in every way I would humbly embrace everything you just stated.

Though unrelated to the OP I had my own parish priest refuse to hear my confession.
His reasoning was because I worked in a responsible position as sacristan and caretaker in my parish, that any sins I would tell him would leave him in a vulnerable position to judge me indiscriminately.

I thought priests weren’t suppose to judge.

He’s no longer my parish priest and resides in a western Canadian city now as an Archbishop.

Peace
Chris

I can understand a priest not wishing to hear the confession of a close friend or employee. It’s for the same reason that a priest would rather have some other priest hear the confession of his own brother, sister, mom or dad, or other close relative.

 

[Love_Divine]

If you sin in front of God and are not embarrassed, why should you be imbarrassed in front of a Holy designated person, probably with sin himself? I´m not. :

Because usually unless someone was being presumptious of being able to confess after they were finished sinning, they have a level of shame, guilt, remorse, contriction when they go to confession. I wouldn’t say people are in the same mind frame at the time of the sin and then when at Confession.

It’s more difficult for some who grew up with the privacy of the confessional.

Not to mention some priests won’t hear confessions unless it’s anonymous unless it’s an emergency. Also, I believe in the old form priests aren’t allowed to hear the confessions of women face-to-face.