A fallen away Catholic marries a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic ceremony

[gmathers]

My sister in law will be marrying in a civil ceremony to a non-Catholic. She was raised Catholic but has long since practiced. She was married before (in a civil ceremony) and divorced.

My husband and I are both practicing Catholics. I have discussed with my husband the fact that attending such a wedding would give tacit approval to his sister. As I’ve tried to explain to my husband, we would give scandal in attending such a ceremony. This is causing much stress between my husband and I. Please advise.

Gina

 

[Conservative]

My sister in law will be marrying in a civil ceremony to a non-Catholic. She was raised Catholic but has long since practiced. She was married before (in a civil ceremony) and divorced.

My husband and I are both practicing Catholics. I have discussed with my husband the fact that attending such a wedding would give tacit approval to his sister. As I’ve tried to explain to my husband, we would give scandal in attending such a ceremony. This is causing much stress between my husband and I. Please advise.

Gina

I FULLY understand your dilemma, since this has become all too common in our society today, and Catholics just don’t get it ! In my own family, I’ve been through the same, and to my chagrin, have given gifts (while not attending due to distance) for family members on third marriages no less. Perhaps, I should confess this? Never thought of it. But, I do believe, yes, attendance MIGHT indicate approval? As I recall, attendance of a non-Catholic marriage might be okay, since you’re an attendee - but in this case, I’m curious. Either my Baltimore Catechism memory is slipping or???..Might be a very good topic to bring to the “Apologetics” column, and I, for one, would appreciate a refresher course !

 

[FAB]

My sister in law will be marrying in a civil ceremony to a non-Catholic. She was raised Catholic but has long since practiced. She was married before (in a civil ceremony) and divorced.

My husband and I are both practicing Catholics. I have discussed with my husband the fact that attending such a wedding would give tacit approval to his sister. As I’ve tried to explain to my husband, we would give scandal in attending such a ceremony. This is causing much stress between my husband and I. Please advise.

Gina

I have had similar incidents happen in my family. I went to the civil cerimony and celbrated the union. Now I do pray for them each day and work when I can to encourage them to come back to the faith, but that is in God’s hands. If you go, you can keep the channels of communication open with this sister. You can show your christian love and faith. By showing this tolerance you are keeping the door open and the possiblity of that you will be able to evangilize your sister in the future otherwise, it may be shut for years and the scares from the hurt feelings may never heal.

Peace,
FAB

 

[BamaRider]

I have had similar incidents happen in my family. I went to the civil cerimony and celbrated the union. Now I do pray for them each day and work when I can to encourage them to come back to the faith, but that is in God’s hands. If you go, you can keep the channels of communication open with this sister. You can show your christian love and faith. By showing this tolerance you are keeping the door open and the possiblity of that you will be able to evangilize your sister in the future otherwise, it may be shut for years and the scares from the hurt feelings may never heal.

This is the way I see it. Not attending can cause a lot of hard feelings, and close the door for any future works to fix the situation.

 

[saint_rafael]

You have a duty to God and your Catholic faith to not attend the ceremony. Your sister-in-law is committing mortal sin and sacrilege by getting married outside the Church. You and your husband would be sinning against the first commandment.

You and your husband have to live your faith and stand for truth.
**
Your sister-in-law is making you choose between her sin and Jesus. You have to choose Jesus. Tell your husband you love Jesus more.**

 

[rwoehmke]

Your sister-in-law may not have formally left the Church by writing the Bishop, but she for all practical purposes considers herself no longer a Catholic. While she may objectively be living in mortal sin, no one else really knows the state of her soul. I vote for attending the wedding, but not taking any part in the ceremony. Keep those lines of communication open. Life is a long time and someday your relationship to her may be instrumental in bringing her back. Lord, what a headache that will be to get everything strengthened out if that happens.

 

[bilop]

My sister in law will be marrying in a civil ceremony to a non-Catholic. She was raised Catholic but has long since practiced. She was married before (in a civil ceremony) and divorced.

My husband and I are both practicing Catholics. I have discussed with my husband the fact that attending such a wedding would give tacit approval to his sister. As I’ve tried to explain to my husband, we would give scandal in attending such a ceremony. This is causing much stress between my husband and I. Please advise.

Gina

I would reccomend a compromise. Skip the ceremony, and tell your sister-in-law why, but attend the reception.

God Bless

 

[FAB]

You have a duty to God and your Catholic faith to not attend the ceremony. Your sister-in-law is committing mortal sin and sacrilege by getting married outside the Church. You and your husband would be sinning against the first commandment.

You and your husband have to live your faith and stand for truth.
**
Your sister-in-law is making you choose between her sin and Jesus. You have to choose Jesus. Tell your husband you love Jesus more.**

"Saint Rafael is wrong in so many ways. Our faith calls us to love, Jesus calls for us to love. How he makes the jump that showing love for your sister is a sin against the first commandment only he can explain.

 

[saint_rafael]

"Saint Rafael is wrong in so many ways. Our faith calls us to love, Jesus calls for us to love. How he makes the jump that showing love for your sister is a sin against the first commandment only he can explain.

It is a mortal sin to go to that wedding because she and her husband will be cooperating in the sin of her sister-in-law. She will be celebrating the scandal, co-habitation, and fornication of her sister-in-law. That marriage is invalid. Her sister-in-law will have an invalid marriage by getting married outside the Church.

We are called to love, and that love must be first for God and his commandments. Their is no greater love that she can show her sister-in-law than her standing up for God’s laws. Admonishing the sinner is a spiritual work of mercy.

It might be through her faith and convictions that her sister-in-law might save her soul when she sees the utter gravity and mortal sin she is committing.

 

[redrosetea]

Christ ate with the publicans ans sinners…I would go to the wedding

I am sure she knows your feelings on the matter. It’s better to err on the side of kindness, than to be harsh…staying home won’t change a thing, she will marry anyway

Kindness covers a multitude of sins

 

[I_Believe]

My sister in law will be marrying in a civil ceremony to a non-Catholic. She was raised Catholic but has long since practiced. She was married before (in a civil ceremony) and divorced.

My husband and I are both practicing Catholics. I have discussed with my husband the fact that attending such a wedding would give tacit approval to his sister. As I’ve tried to explain to my husband, we would give scandal in attending such a ceremony. This is causing much stress between my husband and I. Please advise.

Gina

Hi Gina, I don’t understand the bolded sentence. Are you saying she is a non-practicing Catholic ?

At any rate, sin against the Sacrament of Marriage is a serious matter. Talk to your pastor and make him aware of the details. Write them down and present them to him. Follow his advice.

Take hubby with you, and agree before you both go, that you both will accept his advice. That should settle the matter between you and your husband.

For what it is worth, I agree with saint rafael’s opinion. But as you can see, the matter can’t be settled here. You will get too many conflicting opinions on a web forum.

God Bless

 

[I_Believe]

It is a mortal sin to go to that wedding because she and her husband will be cooperating in the sin of her sister-in-law. She will be celebrating the scandal, co-habitation, and fornication of her sister-in-law. That marriage is invalid. Her sister-in-law will have an invalid marriage by getting married outside the Church.

We are called to love, and that love must be first for God and his commandments. Their is no greater love that she can show her sister-in-law than her standing up for God’s laws. Admonishing the sinner is a spiritual work of mercy.

It might be through her faith and convictions that her sister-in-law might save her soul when she sees the utter gravity and mortal sin she is committing.

Exactly.

 

[jmcrae]

"Saint Rafael is wrong in so many ways. Our faith calls us to love, Jesus calls for us to love. How he makes the jump that showing love for your sister is a sin against the first commandment only he can explain.

There will be no wedding taking place; therefore, there is nothing to “celebrate” - unless someone’s next big step towards Hell is something that ought to be encouraged and celebrated?

It will also be ten times more difficult for her to return to the Church, should she one day choose to do that, if she enters into this “marriage.”

 

[HashemEchad]

My sister in law will be marrying in a civil ceremony to a non-Catholic. She was raised Catholic but has long since practiced. She was married before (in a civil ceremony) and divorced.

My husband and I are both practicing Catholics. I have discussed with my husband the fact that attending such a wedding would give tacit approval to his sister. As I’ve tried to explain to my husband, we would give scandal in attending such a ceremony. This is causing much stress between my husband and I. Please advise.

Gina

I personally think that to attend would be seen as acceptance/ consent. This is why in Orthodox Judaism, we are not permitted to attend a wedding where a Jew is marrying out of their faith.

I do believe that in Catholicism, such a marriage is not legitimate anyway, just as in Judaism, any marriage between a Jew and a nonJew is not valid, either.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

I would go to the wedding. She doesn’t consider herself a Catholic. Getting married in a Catholic church would be a farce, even if she went to the trouble of getting an annulment, because she is not a believer. What priest would marry them if she isn’t a practicing Catholic?

I think it would be better to keep the lines of communication open with her and her husband. Befriend them. Let them see the difference your faith makes in your relationship with each other and in your life. Encourage her to come back to the church. Then the marriage issue can be dealt with.

 

[Julianna]

My sister in law will be marrying in a civil ceremony to a non-Catholic. She was raised Catholic but has long since practiced. She was married before (in a civil ceremony) and divorced.

My husband and I are both practicing Catholics. I have discussed with my husband the fact that attending such a wedding would give tacit approval to his sister. As I’ve tried to explain to my husband, we would give scandal in attending such a ceremony. This is causing much stress between my husband and I. Please advise.

Gina

Gina,
Go to the wedding and don’t let the scare tactics of some posters get to you. Your brothers sister is getting married. She chose not be a Catholic and to marry a non-catholic. You all had nothing to do with her choice. Does this mean that you will never attend a wedding of a friend who is non catholic? You will spend the rest of your lives keeping your Catholicism to yourselves? And we wonder why people have left the church in droves and are running to the Protestant churches. Scare tactics do not bring one closer to God. You can’t love what you fear.

You will be looking at her over the table at Thanksgiving…and at Christmas…and other family events. Right? or are they no longer invited to your home for dinner, birthday parties etc., because they didn’t marry in the Catholic Church? They know they can’t be Godparents…they know you can’t be witnesses as in “signing” as maid of honor and such. This is a given.

How are you showing this sister in law the faith? By shunning her and her new husband? Causing rift in the family is bringing one closer to the faith? How is that so?

it’s very cold and lonely in that cave of a world some folks choose to call Catholicism. Let her know the door is still open by teaching as Jesus did…attend the wedding.

Hmmmm…I wonder if the bride and groom at the wedding of Cana were Catholic? I doubt it. But Jesus went anyway.

 

[Lhhs]

I don’t necessarily agree with this
If it were in my circumstances, no one would think it was tacit approval, and there would be no doubt anywhere about it (!)
It isn’t always and probably rarely is interpreted to mean tacit approval.
If that’s a risk and you go, send ’ em a note ahead of time explaining your Catholic stance and go.

attending such a wedding would give tacit approval to his sister.

Gina

 

[John_Higgins]

Gina,

Go. Don’t even think of not going. If you had posted this question in another portion of the forums, you’d have had an even higher number of people saying go.

Go, enjoy. Doubtless your sister-in-law knows already how seriously you two take your Catholic faith.

And, BTW, this canonically invalid marriage following another canonically invalid marriage will not make anything more difficult.

John

 

[allana]

Christ ate with the publicans ans sinners…I would go to the wedding

I am sure she knows your feelings on the matter. It’s better to err on the side of kindness, than to be harsh…staying home won’t change a thing, she will marry anyway

Kindness covers a multitude of sins

I have to agree with this, still try to evangalize your sister in law and her husband gently but firmly.
Force results in Rebellion, but Compromise can bring Peace.

 

[Andreas_Hofer]

Gina,

Go. Don’t even think of not going. If you had posted this question in another portion of the forums, you’d have had an even higher number of people saying go.

And yet perhaps she actually wanted traditional opinions on the matter, which might be in short supply elsewhere (as there have also been many non-traditional opinions already on the thread here). The danger of scandal is real, and is far too little accounted for in modern moral calculus.

This isn’t a matter of “I disapprove of your choice of spouse/venue/etc…” It’s not even “You’ve defected from the Church but at least you’re doing something right in getting validly married.” Rather, this is “You’re going through the motions of getting married only to embark upon a life of (further) sin in your invalid union.” What’s to celebrate? We could strain and spin the matter to come up with the objective goods or lesser evils possibly secured by such a move, but the bottom line is that no marriage is taking place, and no Catholic can honestly pretend that it has - how are you going to attend without giving that impression?