A family member asked me a question that I cannot answer. Maybe someone here can fill me in?

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One of my cousins is 28. He was born into a Catholic family, baptized, confirmation, whole nine yards. He left home and stopped attending mass since he was 18 due to personal family reasons. A few months ago, he got back into the Catholic church but said he didn’t feel welcome and at home there. Recently, he went to a Baptist church and said he felt really comfortable there. He wants to convert to Baptist, but knows that if he doesn’t attend Catholic mass on Sundays, then he’s sinning. I told him that I didn’t think it was the right thing for him to do, but I cannot force him. I also told him that I don’t believe that you can no longer defect.

So, what does he do? Attend both services?
 
Start praying for him and especially the Rosary, you can use the green scapular too.

Get educated about the Catholic faith. Can you arrange a meeting with a pries to answer his question?

Catholic is the original church started from the Apostle Peter and Paul. It contains all the blessed sacraments and you need a priest that receive the sacrament of ordination to be able to consecrate the host into the body of Christ.

When i resume to Church, i didn’t feel home also neither God in my heart, but i remembered the feeling before i left the church. I was determine to prove my loyalty to God. Now, i do experience his love when i pray.

Don’t pressure him to go to church. God doesn’t want slave but children that love him deeply. Pray for him and especially pray Mother Mary, she will take care of her child.

All the best!
 
joshkt79 said:
So, what does he do? Attend both services?
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Attending both services doesn’t seem like a very practical solution to me. He either lives like a practicing Catholic or he doesn’t. Or he lives as a practicing Baptist or he doesn’t. But, if he really believes that by not attending Sunday Mass he is sinning, then it seems to me that he is still a Catholic at heart. That’s probably the direction you should encourage him to go.
I also told him that I don’t believe that you can no longer defect.
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Correct. The Church will consider him a Catholic no matter where he goes on Sunday morning. If, however, he does decide to become a Baptist, he probably won’t care what the Catholic Church considers him to be.
 
joshkt79 said:
One of my cousins is 28. He was born into a Catholic family, baptized, confirmation, whole nine yards. He left home and stopped attending mass since he was 18 due to personal family reasons. A few months ago, he got back into the Catholic church but said he didn’t feel welcome and at home there. Recently, he went to a Baptist church and said he felt really comfortable there. He wants to convert to Baptist, but knows that if he doesn’t attend Catholic mass on Sundays, then he’s sinning. I told him that I didn’t think it was the right thing for him to do, but I cannot force him. I also told him that I don’t believe that you can no longer defect.

So, what does he do? Attend both services?
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Find a more welcoming parish for him! The Baptists work VERY hard to convert Catholics, and if he told them he is thinking of converting, they will be like a warm blanket all over him! Has he been back to confession yet? Has he talked to a priest? What about the Eucharist? I would talk to him very sincerely about how Jesus is present within our Eucharist and he will be deprived of that if he leaves the Church. How would he reconcile that? It is time for him to deepen his faith and connection to the Church, not to convert.

Challenge him: Is it all about being “comfortable?” If so, he can stay home and watch some denominational service on TV, that’s the most “comfortable” you can get! Or is it about the Truth and Jesus?
 
Attending both services is not a good idea. He will feel pressure from both churches to forget about the other one. He will always feel caught in the middle and the need to defend the other church.

I would explain to him the Catholic church never said mass was a party. It is an obligation. It is not suppose to be fun. There is nothing wrong with building a community spirit and talking after mass and spending time with friends praying together. But that is a secondary aspect and not a guarantee.

Angie
 
joshkt79 said:
One of my cousins is 28. He was born into a Catholic family, baptized, confirmation, whole nine yards. He left home and stopped attending mass since he was 18 due to personal family reasons. A few months ago, he got back into the Catholic church but said he didn’t feel welcome and at home there. Recently, he went to a Baptist church and said he felt really comfortable there. He wants to convert to Baptist, but knows that if he doesn’t attend Catholic mass on Sundays, then he’s sinning. I told him that I didn’t think it was the right thing for him to do, but I cannot force him. I also told him that I don’t believe that you can no longer defect.

So, what does he do? Attend both services?
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It sounds like there has been a number of hurts in the past and that carries over when he attends Mass and doesn’t feel welcome. The major problem with attending the two is that he will get confused. He probably feels more welcomed at the Baptist church because they make an effort to be more friendlier than a typical Catholic Church. Suggest to him to try another Catholic Church if able or attend a youth style Mass if available. Likewise, if he would step out and try to come forward to do something at Mass, usher, etc. he would met more people or newer people. Some diocese have single/young person groups and I think if he were able to join one of those and get connected to others, that would help him. I think one of the biggest reasons people leave one Church and go to another is for social and loneliness reasons much more than the theological. If someone didn’t feel accepted or welcome then naturally, they start looking elsewhere for fellowship and connections. Since it sounds like he had family difficulties, then maybe attending Mass with a friend like yourself would help him. Being 18, it is kinda hard to attend alone. He seem fortunate to have a caring friend like you so don’t give up and keep praying and trying.
 
robwar said:
It sounds like there has been a number of hurts in the past and that carries over when he attends Mass and doesn’t feel welcome. The major problem with attending the two is that he will get confused. He probably feels more welcomed at the Baptist church because they make an effort to be more friendlier than a typical Catholic Church. Suggest to him to try another Catholic Church if able or attend a youth style Mass if available. Likewise, if he would step out and try to come forward to do something at Mass, usher, etc. he would met more people or newer people. Some diocese have single/young person groups and I think if he were able to join one of those and get connected to others, that would help him. I think one of the biggest reasons people leave one Church and go to another is for social and loneliness reasons much more than the theological. If someone didn’t feel accepted or welcome then naturally, they start looking elsewhere for fellowship and connections. Since it sounds like he had family difficulties, then maybe attending Mass with a friend like yourself would help him. Being 18, it is kinda hard to attend alone. He seem fortunate to have a caring friend like you so don’t give up and keep praying and trying.
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He’s actually 28 now, he left the Church when he was 18 and has been away for 10 years.

And the OP is his cousin.
 
Anglewannabe said:
Attending both services is not a good idea. He will feel pressure from both churches to forget about the other one. He will always feel caught in the middle and the need to defend the other church.

I would explain to him the Catholic church never said mass was a party. It is an obligation. It is not suppose to be fun. There is nothing wrong with building a community spirit and talking after mass and spending time with friends praying together. But that is a secondary aspect and not a guarantee.

Angie
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Attending Mass is more than an obligation someone has to endure. We should attend Mass because we desire to. Yes there is an obligation but it should be more than that. Attending Mass is done in community, we do with others, it isn’t a private thing and if someone has been hurt and disconnected for whatever reason, that has to be address. Attending Mass because I am obligated and have to endure it like going to the dentist is the lowest form and reason and the people that attend Mass with just this reason truly end up leaving in the long run. Your commitment and desire needs to be bigger and deeper than that.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
He’s actually 28 now, he left the Church when he was 18 and has been away for 10 years.

And the OP is his cousin.
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OK, he is his cousin, but the base of my suggestions still stand and apply. He needs more of a connection to the Catholic Church than a punch card attendance. Likewise, maybe his cousin can attend with him so he isn’t alone.
 
The Baptists and the Catholics teach very different things about an entire range of important theological questions, not the least of which surrounds the Mass, the Sacraments, and the True Presence. Since it is mutually exclusive that both are teaching the truth, ask if he thinks the Baptists are teaching the truth.

He should also ask himself what it is about the Baptist church he is attending that makes him feel more comfortable than the Catholic churches he has attended so far. Most diocese do allow people to act as full members of parishes where they do not have domicile (in terms of whether their house is in the boundaries of the parish). It may be that he needs to keep looking for a parish.
 
robwar said:
Attending Mass is more than an obligation someone has to endure. We should attend Mass because we desire to. Yes there is an obligation but it should be more than that. Attending Mass is done in community, we do with others, it isn’t a private thing and if someone has been hurt and disconnected for whatever reason, that has to be address. Attending Mass because I am obligated and have to endure it like going to the dentist is the lowest form and reason and the people that attend Mass with just this reason truly end up leaving in the long run. Your commitment and desire needs to be bigger and deeper than that.
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You are absolutely right! The Mass is Heaven on earth, and even us who go regularly and know that need prayerful renewal to keep our faith and to go deeper into it.

May the Year of Faith last to the end of our lives! 🙂

When one realizes what the Eucharist is, how can they leave? Pray for them!
 
Catholic parishes have social events that are generally separate from the “worship service”.

The Divine Liturgy or Mass is whole unto itself. [Although new parishioners do help out with ushering and greeting.]

But there are, for example, Knights of Columbus groups and they have a wide variety of service and fraternal functions. You can be busy every day of the week if you want to … helping out … and with a very pleasant bunch of people.

There are people who work on the church building doing fixups on a daily basis.

There are people who bring Holy Communion to nursing homes and shut-ins.

There are soup kitchens and food pantries.

There are prayer groups and Eucharistic Adoration groups.

There are fund raisers … and the funds are used to help support seminarians or the religious education program or the food pantry and soup kitchen.

Both men and women participate an all of these.

So, if someone is looking for “more” … you only need to ask around … and you will find more.

Just show up.

At one parish, when a new pastor was assigned, we made up a list for him … there were more than 50 groups. We were surprised, ourselves, at the number. No one had listed them all before.

So, we decided to have an open house to “present” to the parish … the whole list.

What was stunning … some guy got up … and demanded “who appointed you” … as if … some high muckety muck was pulling the strings … so finally, we said to him … “JUST SHOW UP!!!”

I guess he just liked to complain, because we asked among ourselves … he never showed up for anything and we never saw him again.
 
joshkt79 said:
One of my cousins is 28. He was born into a Catholic family, baptized, confirmation, whole nine yards. He left home and stopped attending mass since he was 18 due to personal family reasons. A few months ago, he got back into the Catholic church but said he didn’t feel welcome and at home there. Recently, he went to a Baptist church and said he felt really comfortable there. He wants to convert to Baptist, but knows that if he doesn’t attend Catholic mass on Sundays, then he’s sinning. I told him that I didn’t think it was the right thing for him to do, but I cannot force him. I also told him that I don’t believe that you can no longer defect.

So, what does he do? Attend both services?
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outside of praying and fasting for him. I would give him reasons to go back to the Catholic mass, and don’t make it if you don’t go to Sunday mass you will be sinning, rather give him reasons why spiritually you will have more benefit for going to a Catholic Mass rather then a Baptist service. Once you show this to him step back and let him make the choice, don’t bug him so much that you annoy him but just do enough to where he can know the truth. The truth is convincing don’t think you have to bug him till he comes back. God will bring him back in his own time be patient and let him work.
 
If you think he would read a good book I would buy him a copy of Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn. Scott Hahn is a Catholic convert who during his Protestant college years took great pride in converting Catholics to the Protestant faith. Although he regrets it now at that time he truly thought he was doing a great thing. In this book he talks about his journey from being Protestant to becoming Catholic with great fervor. I found it to be an easy but fascinating read. Scott Hahn is now a theology professor at Franciscan Univer.

In addition to that being 28 years old and attending a Catholic church with an population of young families or the elderly can feel very lonely and awkward. The Church needs to figure out what to do with this age group but the response has been very slow. Call the archdiocese and find out if they can recommend a church that has an active young adult group and stress that he is not a teen or a college age student. Even if he doesn’t join the group it will be a relief to see others of the same age at Mass. The Catholic church really needs to wake up to this problem! Also see if you can find a Theology on Tap program which might meet his needs.
 
Demetra2 said:
If you think he would read a good book I would buy him a copy of Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn. Scott Hahn is a Catholic convert who during his Protestant college years took great pride in converting Catholics to the Protestant faith. Although he regrets it now at that time he truly thought he was doing a great thing. In this book he talks about his journey from being Protestant to becoming Catholic with great fervor. I found it to be an easy but fascinating read. Scott Hahn is now a theology professor at Franciscan Univer.

In addition to that being 28 years old and attending a Catholic church with an population of young families or the elderly can feel very lonely and awkward. The Church needs to figure out what to do with this age group but the response has been very slow. Call the archdiocese and find out if they can recommend a church that has an active young adult group and stress that he is not a teen or a college age student. Even if he doesn’t join the group it will be a relief to see others of the same age at Mass. The Catholic church really needs to wake up to this problem! Also see if you can find a Theology on Tap program which might meet his needs.
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As a matter of fact, that’s a great idea. If there is a college town anywhere near him, he should go to that parish - there will be all sorts of programs and ministries geared toward the students. He might feel more welcomed and be able to fit in more easily.
 
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