A fasting for lent problem

[PattyPryor]

Now let me first say this is hard for mer to tell people because I personally struggle everyday with this.

I have been having a lot of problems understanding why the God I love so deeply denys me the one true thing I want… a marriagr with children.

this may seem silly to everyone but I personally stuggle with this everyday and cry so much.

Well this lent I thought I would give up sweets and soda to get to the root of my issue and because Jesus gave up so much for me.

I suffer a lot of depression and it seems I may be bi polar. Anyway today I had soda and I amjust kicking myself over it.

Then I think I gave up stuff for the wrong reason and that i’m just so horrible because I “failed”

Lately I feel like a failure. can’t loose weight, I am losing friends and well I feel like I
m losing my dreams…

I feel just like I failed God today and that I was just not a good catholic to start with.

I talked to someone today that said that God doesn’t check mark on a board when I fast and fail. I guess that is true but I still feel horrible and just feel like giving up on fasting.

I give up meat on fridays and try to be the best Catholic I can be. I work in a assistated living and feel my heart goes out to the lonely and poor so much more.

I guess my question is what should I do? just give up fasting from sweets and soda because it is too much and my heart forgot why I am doing it. Or continue.

I know this is a silly question but I would love some advice

thanks for listening

God Bless

 

[Tietjen]

I guess my question is what should I do? just give up fasting from sweets and soda because it is too much and my heart forgot why I am doing it. Or continue.

I know this is a silly question but I would love some advice

thanks for listening

God Bless

Hi Patty,

Let me say up front that this is NOT a silly question. People fall and question whether they should get back up all the time. We all have our trials.

Now for my advice … No, you shouldn’t give up on your fast nor should you beat yourself up over having slipped up. You have NOT sinned by having that soda. What you need to do is speak with God about it in prayer and ask His help to stay away from the sweets and sodas during lent. It’s supposed to be a difficult task or else we wouldn’t call it a sacrifice. I’ll say a prayer for you as well and hopfully (and with God’s grace) neither you nor I will slip up on our Lenten sacrifices during the remainder of the season. God bless you.

 

[Eilish_Maura]

Attend to your health problems first as some of your difficulties with fasting could be rooted there.

Soda and sweets can be a way to self medicate.

We are to love others as we love ourselves. If you are not taking care of yourself properly you can not be properly loving yourself.

What good is a sacrifice (or attempted one) if it costs you following the 2nd Greatest Commandment???

Get the 2nd Greatest Commandment firmly set in your heart, do what you need to do regarding health issues, and wait on the Lord’s plan for your life.

Good luck.

 

[JRKH]

Now let me first say this is hard for mer to tell people because I personally struggle everyday with this.

I have been having a lot of problems understanding why the God I love so deeply denys me the one true thing I want… a marriagr with children.

this may seem silly to everyone but I personally stuggle with this everyday and cry so much.

I can understand this somewhat because my siste, who is a natural born mom, didn’t marry until late, and then found they couldn’t have kids. However, God did use her to give a home to 5 adopted children.

There are a number of ways to look at this problem; grow where you’re planted, or God will put you where he wants you etc. but they all boil down to your desires vs God’s plan for you. The key is to simply live your life loving God and serving your fellow man.

Well this lent I thought I would give up sweets and soda to get to the root of my issue and because Jesus gave up so much for me.

Do you note how you communicated this? "I thought I would…
Is that how you decide to sacrifice for God? This may be a clue to some of the issues.

I suffer a lot of depression and it seems I may be bi polar. Anyway today I had soda and I amjust kicking myself over it.

Two things here. First is, don’t jump to the bi-polar conclusion to quickly. There appears to be some self esteem issues at play but that is a long way from bi-polar.
Second. Do you see how your half hearted decision (I thought I’d give up…) leads to the failure? When you go choose a lenton sacrifice, be firm with yourself. (I will not have soda or sweets).
As for the “failure”, just pick ourself up, say and act of contrition and move on.

Then I think I gave up stuff for the wrong reason and that i’m just so horrible because I “failed”

Lately I feel like a failure. can’t loose weight, I am losing friends and well I feel like I
m losing my dreams…

What do you do with this feeling of failure? Failing is a necessary thing. We all fail. When we are little we fail many times to walk before we succeed. Then later, we will fail many times to walk a mile before we finally manage it. It is no different spiritually.
The important thing is to recognize the difference between failure as in, “I failed this time”, and failure as in, “I’ll never succeed” The first recognizes a reality of the present, while the second projects an image of the future.

I feel just like I failed God today and that I was just not a good catholic to start with.

Nonsense!! You failed yourself today. God has already forgotten it.

I talked to someone today that said that God doesn’t check mark on a board when I fast and fail. I guess that is true but I still feel horrible and just feel like giving up on fasting.

God doesn’t want you to be perfect, He wants you to strive.
As for fasting, can you see how your setting yourself up to fail again?

I give up meat on fridays and try to be the best Catholic I can be.

You go girl.

I work in a assistated living and feel my heart goes out to the lonely and poor so much more.

It takes a large heart to do this kind of work, and it can be very depressing sometimes. I doff my hat to you for you love and compassion toward those in your care.

I guess my question is what should I do? just give up fasting from sweets and soda because it is too much and my heart forgot why I am doing it. Or continue.

Only you can answer this question, but I will say this.
Whether you choose to stop the fast, or cintinue will not change teh underlying struggle. Perhaps you can use this to explore the whys of the failures. For instance, why do you “need” the soda and sweets? Why does a minor failure cause you such grief? Why do you feel that such a ‘fast’ has to be perfect or dumped? These answers might help you understand yourself better and help in other areas such as weight loss etc.

I know this is a silly question but I would love some advice

Hogwash - this is not a silly question. Thanks for trusting us enough to share.

thanks for listening
God Bless

Your welcome.
Hope some of this helps.

Peace
James

 

[MarieVeronica]

Aw Patty. :hug3: You have not failed God. The others are so right. They’re answers were so great. Our dear Lord doesn’t judge us on a “soda slip”. He loves you (and all of us) SO much.

Just pick yerself up… dust off… and try again tomorrow. Ok? God bless.

 

[brigid12]

Attend to your health problems first as some of your difficulties with fasting could be rooted there.

Soda and sweets can be a way to self medicate.

We are to love others as we love ourselves. If you are not taking care of yourself properly you can not be properly loving yourself.

What good is a sacrifice (or attempted one) if it costs you following the 2nd Greatest Commandment???

Get the 2nd Greatest Commandment firmly set in your heart, do what you need to do regarding health issues, and wait on the Lord’s plan for your life.

Good luck.

I really strongly agree! Please do for yourself what you would want the people you help all the time to do. Talk to your doctor (the sugar in the pop and the sweets may cause more problems with the depressive symptoms, cravings, etc. especially on withdrawal) then if you feel it would be good, talk to your priest. James was right. God wants you to reach out to him. He doesn’t expect perfection (he knows what human beings are really like more than we do)! He wants us to love Him including showing it by our actions as much as we can (and sometimes we’re able to do a better job at it then other times).

 

[puzzleannie]

no question that looks inward to one’s soul condition can be called silly.

as for the common prayer of “why is God permitting something bad to happen to me, or preventing me from having something good that I desire” the antidote is the prayer of thanksgiving for what we have been given, and the prayer of total trust in God. the divine Mercy chaplet is a good formal prayer for this, but not the only way to pray for trust in Divine Providence.

another tested and true way of dealing with these very valid feelings is praying the psalms, especially those where David (or the writer of the psalm) is asking the same questions. chances are if you browse the psalms you will find at least one that is saying exactly what is in your heart.

since you are already “fasting” in one sense, in being denied a good thing that you desire, you can turn that into a spiritual good by offering that good thing back to God in prayer. For instance, I must follow a very strict medical diet due to my diabetes, and as well as forgoing junk food must also give up some good, delicious foods that normal people can eat. So since I can’t do the traditional fast of the Church, I offer my diet to God in deliberate prayer each day and before eating, and that becomes my fast.

OP has made a very valid observation, that fasting is first an action of the heart and will, not just an action of the body, but there are also times when we continue doing the prayer or good action even when we don’t feel the motivation in the heart, just because it is a good prayer or action. Whether or not the feeling is there, if the intention is there, it still is a good prayer or action as long as it is offered to God.

 

[bpbasilphx]

Dear Patty,

You have brought up many issues in your posting–all deserving of comment and assistance, but I will limit myself to one:

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Only a physician can diagnose clinical depression or bi-polar disorder.

I myself suffer from clinical depression–have all my life–and for the last few years I’ve taken an anti-depressant, which has made a BIG difference.

Know that clinical depression (bi-polar disorder, too) is a PHYSICAL DISEASE. It is a chemical imbalance, and NOT a moral failure.

There are remedies available. Everyone is different, and what works in one case may not work for yours. It may take time to find the right meds or combination of meds for you. Be patient.

Perhaps this issue–which is a physical health issue, principally, God wants you to take care of before you take on the struggles of marriage and motherhood.

God bless you, dear soul.

• Basil

 

[kitkatty]

**Hi Patti, so guess what , you failed, your human! Dont let the evil one tell you you are a failure and dont let him persuade you to give up on your Lenten resolutions, just ask the Lord for strength and keep right on. Yesterday I had a bad day with my Lenten resolutions too but I am not going to let that interfere with the keeping the rest of Lent. Hang in, Jesus is so much stronger than any of that and his help is always there, just remember to ask Him in the weak moments.