A father at any cost?

[AngelRS]

Hey everyone, I’m a bit uncertain and thought the family here at CAF might give some helpful insights.

I’ve always believed that as far as possible, children need both a mother and a father in order to grow up well as each parent or guardian has a special role in shaping personality and socialising the child. Obviously in the case of death one carries on as best one can; other family members help in raising children but what about other situations?

What happens when the father can be considered a bad influence on the children, should I continue encouraging a mother to let her children see their father at all costs even when she’s convinced that having him in their lives is detrimental?

Thanks and God bless you!

AngelRS

 

[sanctamaria17]

Hey everyone, I’m a bit uncertain and thought the family here at CAF might give some helpful insights.

I’ve always believed that as far as possible, children need both a mother and a father in order to grow up well as each parent or guardian has a special role in shaping personality and socialising the child. Obviously in the case of death one carries on as best one can; other family members help in raising children but what about other situations?

What happens when the father can be considered a bad influence on the children, should I continue encouraging a mother to let her children see their father at all costs even when she’s convinced that having him in their lives is detrimental?

Bad influence…if he’s abusing them, absolutely not. Same if he’s doing anything illegal. Otherwise, it really depends.
Thanks and God bless you!

AngelRS

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

Well it would depend on what is meant by bad influence.

 

[gmarie21]

Well it would depend on what is meant by bad influence.

Agreed. Some women fail to realize dads parent in different ways than they do. Some women tend to be “control freaks” when it comes to their children. There needs to be more specifics in order to answer properly since there is not a uniform answer to such a general question. And this is coming from a mother who is fighting her “control freak” tendencies daily.

 

[momor]

If I take the OP question at face value and don’t try to read anything else into it my answer is No. A father (or mother) can certainly be enough of a negative for a child that they would be better off not having them in their lives.

 

[Rence]

What happens when the father can be considered a bad influence on the children, should I continue encouraging a mother to let her children see their father at all costs even when she’s convinced that having him in their lives is detrimental?

Thanks and God bless you!

AngelRS

If having someone in a child’s life is detrimental to the child, then access to the child should be limited, it not legally prevented.

Being abused by my father did nothing for my brother except ruin his life.

 

[AngelRS]

Hi Everyone

Thanks for the feedback. The mother’s been vague - she’s hinted that there may have been some sort of abuse involved but isn’t explicit and I don’t want to push.

I get the control freak thing, too, but I don’t have all the details of the family situation.

Perhaps I can suggest that unless the children’s father can be considered objectively to be a risk then it’s more important for them to have contact, even supervised if necessary, than not to spend time with him at all.

Thanks again! :grouphug: