A few questions

  • Thread starter Thread starter ChristtheKing
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

ChristtheKing

Guest
Hell. My name John. I am 20 years old. I converted to Catholicism in high school after a year or so of searching and praying. However in a haste to get married last year, due to extenuating circumstances I got married in a civil court and did not go through the church. For the past year my faith has been wavering. I’ve been like a lost sheep. I have bounced from church to church, denomination to denomination. I have tried to get the priest where I live to bless my marriage, I went through all of the motions he set before me. However I feel as though there has been a lot of feeting dragging on the part of the church. I first asked the priest about all of this in May. It’s December and my marriage remains un-blessed. Whenever I would ask he would put me off, and told me essentially I have been an unfaithful Catholic and he wanted to wait a little longer basically to test my faith. However I feel so bad. I feel like a terrible Catholic. I have been cut off from the Eucharist because I made a mistake. I have been spending the better part of a year trying to correct that mistake however I feel as though the church is not allowing me to. So I go to Mass but then I get discourage because I feel shamed for having gotten married the way I did, I feel shamed because I am not worthy to recieve the Lord, I feel shamed because my wife is pregnant and according to the church we are not “married.” So I get angry and want to leave the church because I feel so guilty and shame ridden about two things that should be great sources of joy in my life: my wife and my baby girl who will be here in a month. As much as I try to leave the church I am never satisfied, I don’t want to leave Catholicism, however I feel as though legalism is choking all the joy out of my life. I feel devestated, I felt so bad that for a brief period I considered converting to Judaism. But I cannot deny my Lord and Savior like that.
I went to Mass today and abstained from Commuion, and it killed me on the inside. I want help so bad and I feel as though I made an earnest effort to rectify my wrongs and I was put off. Where was the forgiveness there? I ran back into the arms of the Church and I feel as though she pushed me away. I am desperate for help. Please someone give me advice. Has anyone else been in a situation like this before?
-John
 
ChristtheKing said:
Hell. My name John. I am 20 years old. I converted to Catholicism in high school after a year or so of searching and praying. However in a haste to get married last year, due to extenuating circumstances I got married in a civil court and did not go through the church. For the past year my faith has been wavering. I’ve been like a lost sheep. I have bounced from church to church, denomination to denomination. I have tried to get the priest where I live to bless my marriage, I went through all of the motions he set before me. However I feel as though there has been a lot of feeting dragging on the part of the church. I first asked the priest about all of this in May. It’s December and my marriage remains un-blessed. Whenever I would ask he would put me off, and told me essentially I have been an unfaithful Catholic and he wanted to wait a little longer basically to test my faith. However I feel so bad. I feel like a terrible Catholic. I have been cut off from the Eucharist because I made a mistake. I have been spending the better part of a year trying to correct that mistake however I feel as though the church is not allowing me to. So I go to Mass but then I get discourage because I feel shamed for having gotten married the way I did, I feel shamed because I am not worthy to recieve the Lord, I feel shamed because my wife is pregnant and according to the church we are not “married.” So I get angry and want to leave the church because I feel so guilty and shame ridden about two things that should be great sources of joy in my life: my wife and my baby girl who will be here in a month. As much as I try to leave the church I am never satisfied, I don’t want to leave Catholicism, however I feel as though legalism is choking all the joy out of my life. I feel devestated, I felt so bad that for a brief period I considered converting to Judaism. But I cannot deny my Lord and Savior like that.
I went to Mass today and abstained from Commuion, and it killed me on the inside. I want help so bad and I feel as though I made an earnest effort to rectify my wrongs and I was put off. Where was the forgiveness there? I ran back into the arms of the Church and I feel as though she pushed me away. I am desperate for help. Please someone give me advice. Has anyone else been in a situation like this before?
-John
Click to expand...
With all due respect, you may have made what you thought was an “earnest effort”, but you haven’t done what the Church requires yet (at least, not according to your post).

In your situation, it is absolutely correct to abstain from the Eucharist. What you have to do is confess your sins (including the adultery that you mentioned) and live in chastity with your wife – i.e., sleep apart from one another and do not engage in sexual intimacy – until such time that you can get your marriage convalidated by the Church. This is not an instantaneous process; it’s not enough merely to want it to happen. One must endure the process in order to receive the blessing of the Church.

This may seem like jumping through hoops, but the end result will be a valid marriage that will enable you to receive the graces of the Eucharist once more. Your feelings of shame should neither be an obstacle to your attending Mass nor a substitute for going through the proper channels to have your marriage convalidated.

Hang in there, brother – you can get this done. I’ll pray for you.

Merry Christmas!

Peace,
Dante
 
John-

First, I want to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas.

Second, I want to commend you for using the Advent season for the period of reflection it was intended to be. This is what truly makes the season special and what recharges the spiritual batteries.

Third, I want to encourage you to read the Psalms. David wrote them as part of his struggle to reconcile himself with God. Your sins likely were not as great as David’s, but it is helpful to reflect on the depth of contrition and love for God that our ancestor felt in a very dark place spiritually.

Fourth, I want to acknowledge that it is very difficult for a young man to go through such a wilderness period, especially a convert such as yourself who came so far so quickly in terms of spiritual growth. Life is not a sprint, but a marathon, and quite often the sprinter will not realize this until burning out for a time early in the race. It is natural. It is painful. One must get through it.

To this end, I recommend reading Martin Gilbert’s one-volume abridgment of his magisterial biography of Sir Winston Churchill “Churchill: A Life”. Churchill was a sprinter—he did more before the age of 25 than many men do in a lifetime. And yet he endured a hellishly long time in the wilderness before returning to offer his greatest service to the world, one which caused many to this day to insist upon his place as the preeminent man in the history of the 20th century. Churchill is the template for anyone who aspires to true greatness and it is quite humbling to see how even so great a man had to suffer so.

May God bless you and whatever you do, don’t give up on Him or His Church. They will never give up on you, for they know the man you are destined to become.
 
And, also, remember that priests are human too. They make mistakes. They may lean too far in one direction-- caution to make sure you are really serious-- and it’s made you feel worse.

Talk to the priest. Be honest with him. You’ve confessed your sin, and you have earnestly made the effort to correct it. If he still drags his feet regarding convalidation-- go talk to a priest in another parish.
 
the priest has a sacred obligation to make sure you and your wife intend what the Catholic Church intends for the sacrament of matrimony and that every condition is in place for a valid marriage. That is his duty. I don’t quite get the chronology of your story but it sounds as if he has not even met your wife yet, so obviously the marriage cannot be convalidated until she gets here. If you were engaged there would still be a period of preparation, at least 6 months, and the Church in her wisdom has found that w/o such precaution, care and preparation, the likelihood of invalid marriage increases.

If the main reason you married in haste was pregnancy, his duty is even more essential, to make sure that you have a commitment based on more than pressure of this sort. Work with the Church and with your priest, because the source of your frustration and drifting away from the Lord is at least in great part your decision to go against the Church on this matter, so the remedy also lies within the Church. Your patience and cooperation will be rewarded by astounding graces for you and your family when things finally fall into place.
 
The answer about not breaking the 6th commandment and going to confession are correct.

Now the priest is right to make sure you understand well the things about matrimony. Though he should not impede you should you request it, as it is a thing of Natural Law that Our Lord sanctified.

Are you baptized? Because if not you are in a legitamate marriage, though not a Catholic.

If you are, then follow the already mentioned steps. But above all, you need to pray a lot! Pray the Rosary with her, and go together or even alone to the Blessed Sacrament. They won’t leave you alone, they want to be your total friends again, more than you!
Go to them, they won’t leave you alone.

Then tell the priest all this we have told you and your firm proposal to live your lives as Catholics and raise children as Catholics and that you want to receive the Holy Church’s blessing.

Rules there are. Our Lord died for us, He would had died if you were the ONLY sinner in the whole universe. But you have to want it, therefore follow the steps.

Mother of Purity, Pray for us!

Most Chaste Joseph, Pray for us!

St. Mary Magdelene, Pray for us!
 
puzzleannie said:
the priest has a sacred obligation to make sure you and your wife intend what the Catholic Church intends for the sacrament of matrimony and that every condition is in place for a valid marriage. That is his duty. I don’t quite get the chronology of your story but it sounds as if he has not even met your wife yet, so obviously the marriage cannot be convalidated until she gets here. If you were engaged there would still be a period of preparation, at least 6 months, and the Church in her wisdom has found that w/o such precaution, care and preparation, the likelihood of invalid marriage increases.

If the main reason you married in haste was pregnancy, his duty is even more essential, to make sure that you have a commitment based on more than pressure of this sort. Work with the Church and with your priest, because the source of your frustration and drifting away from the Lord is at least in great part your decision to go against the Church on this matter, so the remedy also lies within the Church. Your patience and cooperation will be rewarded by astounding graces for you and your family when things finally fall into place.
Click to expand...
In order to clarify, I will clear up the chronology.
2005-06:Converted to Catholicism
Jan 07:Got married (not due to pregnancy)
May 07: Wife and I meet the Priest and talk about the blessing
June 07: Finish all the proper paperwork and he sends it off to the Bishop.
So I have been waiting and waiting, asking and asking since May/early June. Whenever I ask he always just sort of non-commitedly puts me off. It’s very frustrating. I really did put forth and honest effort. I understood this would not be instantaneous, however I feel as though six months is long enough. I am considering going to a different parish, however the next closest one is 45 minutes away, and I mean I do like my Priest he is generally a good guy. But I have had a rough go of it lately. I feel so left out when I go to Mass. I have confessed my sins, and I feel as though I have been paying for it, and I feel as though it should almost be paid in full. I feel really torn because I feel as though this situation is tearing me away from the Church, it has caused me to question if I want to stay Catholic. (To be honest there are underlying doctrinal difficulties for me, the big two being Papal Infallibility and the Catholic position on St. Mary) I have been looking into Orthodoxy but I feel as though I am only looking at that because it’s a “Catholic Replacement.” I just feel lost and confused right now, and my Priest is never available. I mean he is really busy, he’s the pastor of 2 churches, well more like 1 1/2.😃 (One of them is extremely small) However I have tried numerous times to set up an appointment with him only to not get any response from him. And I mean we’re a rather small community as there are not many Catholics in Southeast Georgia, we’re in the heart of Baptist-ville. I just feel really in need for prayer. Sometimes I feel as though I don’t need church and all it’s legalism…sometimes I feel as though all I need really is Jesus…
 
Don’t let stupid temptations make your thirst for Christ a thirst for personal consolation. The laws are just, though they are not the goals ultimately. Be patient. Our Lady who was not subject to the Laws of Purification went to the temple and still did all that it prescribed. Now us who are sinners cannot just expect convertion or results in our spiritual life just like that. We do not expect a person who smokes since a kid to get rid of cancer in a day.

If you spend your whole life sinning, sainthood is not coming in a day for anybody!

Just pray and follow the commandments for now.

Rosary, adoration…etc.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top