A Friend Has Revealed Herself to be Anti-Catholic

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chloebelle

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Hello everyone! I don’t post on this site very often but I lurk often.

I have been friends of a co worker of mine for about 2 years now. We spend time together outside of work and chat at work as well. She struggles financially and is unable to afford a car so I often take her to run errands and take her to and from work even on days when I am off. As we’ve become better friends, she’s come to rely heavily on me.

She is a non denominational Christian who interprets the Bible very literally. However, most of her beliefs focus on Revelation. She spends a lot of time “preaching” for lack of a better term about the second coming and telling that these are the end times, etc. Despite differences between our beliefs, we bonded over our faith in Christ and built a positive relationship on it.

However, some of her beliefs are a little unorthodox (in MY opinion, everyone is entitled to their own). She believes she is a biblical prophet and has the ability to predict the future. She doesn’t talk about it often because I think she can tell I am a little uncomfortable with it, but she will talk about how she “knew” a cousin of hers would get pregnant before she actually did and how her intuition is “ALWAYS” right. Any time she is expressing an opinion she’ll say “I can’t help that I’m always right. I didn’t ask for this gift.” She also believes many, many conspiracy theories and once told our boss who has multiple children with special needs that the government created and gave them their conditions. She watches many biased YouTube videos on these conspiracies and refers to them as “research”. We don’t usually discuss it but when we do I listen politely and change the subject.

However, the other day we went out to lunch and I casually mentioned needing to go to confession. She asked me what confession entails and I explained. I made sure to include references to the Bible that support it because I knew that would make it more easily digestible for her. She responded by asking me if I’d ever been to any Protestant churches or if I knew what they believed. I told her that I’m a convert and did TONS of research (books,articles, historical documents, church documents, Bible/Catechism, etc.) before becoming Catholic. She responded by saying “I’ve done a lot of research and have some VERY STRONG opinions on the Catholic Church. She then proceeded to tell me that our church publicly supports child molestation because it doesn’t constitute priests cheating on their wives and that the entire institution is evil and I should really look into joining another church or following “just the Bible” with no church like she does. Before I could even explain that priests do not have wives (or ask how much “research” she really could have done if she doesn’t know that) or explain anything else she just said “AGREE TO DISAGREE” and then started challenging many other church teachings such as infant baptism. She would explain her opinion and I wouldn’t interrupt, but when she was done and I’d go to explain she’d just cut me off by saying “agree to disagree”
 
(This is the rest. My original post had too many characters and I couldn’t figure out what to cut out to shorten it.)

To be completely honest, I was livid. To me, it felt like the same thing as telling a Muslim friend that they’re all people who practice Islam are terrorists and then acting like nothing happened afterward. It felt like hate speech and I did not even get a chance to defend myself. I brought up the encounter to a mutual friend and she told me that this woman has been telling our entire social circle that I’m “in a cult” but she doesn’t want to upset me by telling me.

I’m still quite upset by her comments, especially because I could’ve easily refuted everything that she said, but she didn’t even allow me a chance to speak. My knee jerk reaction is to completely distance myself out of anger and that if my beliefs are so evil and immoral and I support child abuse, maybe she should not ask me for so much help. However, I feel like that isn’t being charitable and turning the other cheek comes to mind. I still gave her a ride home from work and to the store today and I didn’t engage as much as I normally do just because the whole thing left such a bad taste in my mouth.

How do I handle this? Do I bring it up again and (politely) let her know that what she said offended me? Would it be best to just end the friendship? I will be moving soon and start a new job next month and although I previously told her I’d find a way to continue to help her with transportation, I suppose I could say that the move has made it more inconvenient than I anticipated and ask her find someone else to help her. I know that we have a moral obligation to help those in need, so would doing so be wrong? Any advice on the matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
 
I’m a person who desperately tries to avoid conflict at all costs because I have issues…so take this with a grain of salt in this scenario.

I wouldn’t treat her any differently, but if the conversation comes up just mention “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this right now.” or try to change the topic. It sounds like you are about to move and change jobs so that might just take care of it.

I have had friends like that. The audacity it takes to say those things to a friend’s face…I mean, would you do that? It signals to me people that are unhealthy in their relationships. Especially the way she cut you off. If she did this over politics or anything else, I’d probably have the same advice. It’s not really a religious thing, but rather that it sounds like she could be very difficult to have a healthy relationship with because she, frankly, doesn’t sound that healthy.
 
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I think you have enough reason to end your friendship with her. She not only disrespects your religion but also cannot tolerate your defending your faith. She seems to have her mind made up about several things, not only Catholicism, for example, her notion that she is a prophet and can accurately predict the future all the time. It doesn’t seem to me such a belief is biblical, given she is such a strong adherent of the literal meaning of the Bible. And the fact she didn’t know that priests are not married - I hardly know what to make of that. She is what is called a “toxic friend,” exactly the kind of person you don’t need in your life, especially at this time. She sounds like she needs professional help. It’s your choice, of course, but I would stop doing her favors and end your friendship, gently of course. You’ve already done more than enough for her, considering her attitudes and attitude.
 
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From my point of view, this gal has made it quite apparent that she does not respect YOU. Nevermind that she doesn’t respect your beliefs or your faith, she has made it pretty clear that she doesn’t value your thoughts, feelings nor your friendship.

You have become a Uber source and a time filler. Charity doesn’t require becoming a doormat. End this. You don’t even really owe her an explanation but if you do, don’t lie. Just tell her it’s apparent that she doesn’t respect you…then say we’ll just have to agree to disagree!

If, by any chance she starts apologizing, let her know that you will think about it and that she’ll need to listen to you and respect your answers whether she agrees with them or not…she needs to learn how to listen to others.

My humble opinion…
 
I am sorry that happened. It is clear she does not respect you. I have a rule not to have any close friends that are not Catholic. Being friends with her is like being a doormat. Do not let her walk all over you, I would end the friendship.
 
Ever heard of the word “Goodbye”?
Believe me, it’ll bring you GREAT peace of mind.
 
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chloebelle said:
I previously told her I’d find a way to continue to help her with transportation, I suppose I could say that the move has made it more inconvenient than I anticipated and ask her find someone else to help her.
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Personally I would put this out there. In my experience when someone becomes comfortable enough to bite the hand that feeds them, it’s all downhill from there. You have been a charitable help to her up til now but perhaps your new job is God’s way of releasing you from that duty. She’ll find another way.
 
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First: what Cajun Joy said. Pray for her.

Second: what’s she’s doing is maligning you and your religion, then denying you the right to reply. You do not help her by enduring this abuse (and it is abuse) nor does she have the right to subject you to it.

Third: she’s going behind your back to tell other people you’re in a cult. That’s deceitful. I’d call that enough cause to walk away even without the rest.
 
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Zaccheus said:
You do not help her by enduring this, abuse (and it is abuse) nor does she have the right to subject you to it.
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You are absolutely right. I started out feeling compassion for her as did the OP. I was slow to recognize the abuse, you are right. Some situations require distance, and prayer.
 
@chloebelle You have my sympathy and prayers. I agree with the other posters—she’s not going to change any time soon. She thinks she’s smarter than you are, and that you’ll never be sharp enough to learn that she’s talking behind your back (after all, you were dumb enough to join that Catholic cult).

Your innate kindness and sense of responsibility are guilting you into turning the other cheek, but with her superior attitude toward you, you’ll soon feel like your face is caught in a swinging door. Been there; done that. As others have mentioned, if you continue to be at her beck and call, you’ll feel even more like a doormat. Friendship is a two-way street, but she’s made it a one-way thoroughfare, and she’s hogging the road.

I think your best course of action is to be unavailable and non-confrontational, with as little comment as possible. If she asks a question, you need not give her precise answers, either. Don’t answer your phone or texts. When she asks in person for a ride, say that you’re busy. If she continues to probe, just say something like, “As I said, I just don’t have time to do (whatever).”

Or, you could tackle her questions directly. Look her in the eyes and politely say “I’m done.” When she asks why, tell her she’ll figure it out, if she thinks about it.

Or, when she tries to talk (or should get loud), hold up your hand to indicate for her to wait, then say, “I thought we were friends, but it doesn’t feel like you’re my friend when you (list her transgressions toward you), so I’m done.” It would be tempting to add, “Find another sucker!” but that would be sinking to her level.

If you choose this scenario, I would be as polite as possible, and speak quietly, but in a deadly serious manner, and with finality. If you go this route, though, know that she’ll likely badmouth you, since that’s her modus operandi.

Play it by ear, chloebelle. Do what’s comfortable with your sense of fair play and with what’s in your heart. Of course, you’ll pray for her and forgive her, but please give her no more opportunities to walk on you. You go, Girl! 😇
 
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chloebelle said:
However, some of her beliefs are a little unorthodox (in MY opinion, everyone is entitled to their own). She believes she is a biblical prophet and has the ability to predict the future.
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Sounds like a visit to the nuthouse may be in her future.
 
Your friends a series of beliefs you think are not based on evidence. Your friend thinks the same about you and your beliefs.

I try not to have any beliefs.I try to conclude things from evidence. I find it difficult because (I think) humans are hard-wired to accept statements from people in authority, and by extension, authority sources like holy books. I hypothesise that this helped our ancestors form effective groups and gave those groups with this tendency an evolutionary advantage.

I find it useful to break down ‘beliefs’ into claims about the observable world and claims about things that are not observable. So in this group I don’t challenge people on their belief in the real presence, but I sometimes challenge claims about material ‘miracles’ said have happened. The first is outside any sort of scientific discussion. The second is entirely capable of proof or disproof by science (at least as far as our methods allow).

So when your friend says she can predict the future, this is a claim about the material world. Her statement now is claimed to describe a future event. If she will do this with sufficient specificity, the claim is testable. “Next week the winning lottery numbers will be…” 'On Wednesday the temperature at 12 noon will be 22.275 Celsius as measured by X". But ‘misfortune will come your way’ and ‘it will be warm next week’ are not testable in any sensible way. But if she says ‘you will go to hell because the Pope is the anti-Christ and you follow him’ there is no way of entering a rational debate unless you can pick a starting point with which you both agree (e.g. ‘The Bible is the word of God’.

Although some of her beliefs are clearly bizarre they are no more bizarre than beliefs I myself have held in the pst and now put aside. Ido not want to say anything uncharitable about Catholic beliefs but people like me find some of them, well, highly improbable, such as the ‘physical virginity’ of Mary being preserved in the process of the birth of Jesus.

But you may find that outside this sort of belief you have a lot in common. Do you help fed the hungry? Are you kind to children? Do you help out people at work that others treat badly? Do you like family movies without sex and violence?

Friendship is a valuable thing. Don’t let friends get in its way.
 
I would talk to her about how she’s running you down behind your back while accepting favors at your hands.

“I heard something that upset me, and I need to talk about this…”

It will be upsetting and very awkward, but if somebody who is your “best friend” is doing this, you need to discuss it.
 
chloebelle said:
How do I handle this?
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I would definitely let her know how offensive it is to not only attack your faith with false statements, but then also refuse to let you respond. And lying about you behind your back!?
Let her know that the combination of the move and her actions will not allow you to continue helping her, and she needs to start making other arrangements – now.
Turning the other cheek doesn’t require us to be doormats. That was extremely rude of her.
 
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I would tell her that whilst you do not agree with her stance on her idea that she is a biblical prophet who can predict the future as the Catholic Church says ‘beware false prophets’ as does Jesus. I would tell her that she crossed the boundary with the conversation at lunch after you mentioned Confesson. I would tell her Catholic Priests do not marry, therefore her research is in grave error.
I would then tell her that you will be moving to a new job and moving, and will not have time to continue offering her transportation on a regular basis. Tell her she will need to make alternative arrangements, starting now.

Tell her there is also gossip that she has been telling others she is concerned you are in a cult. And that the Catholic Church is not a cult, and if she tries to dispute anything you are saying
‘agree to disagree’. If she won’t allow you to speak, tell her it is your turn to speak, you listened to her the other day.

This is a great opportunity to let Jesus shine through you, not get angry, or even accusative. However, do not allow any disrespect. Even if you have to outright say, that is disrespectful.
 
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chloebelle said:
this woman has been telling our entire social circle that I’m “in a cult” but she doesn’t want to upset me by telling me.
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So, I don’t think you have a friend. I think you have a person who is biding her time until she thinks it’s the right time to strike in order to evangelize and convert you.
 
Wow. Sounds like she’s a little rude, and possibly working off a script. Honestly, I am not sure I could hang with this person. You say you bonded over your joint relationship with Christ, but the Christ she knows is just flat out wrong. She’s also not intellectually honest if she isn’t able to listen to other arguments after starting the conversation.

If you still enjoy her company, as soon as she brings up anything to do with her religion I’d just say ‘AGREE TO DISAGREE’ and shut it down right then. I don’t see a way of positively dealing with someone who does not want to have honest discussions.

We aren’t called to be doormats, but rather witnesses to the Truth. What would St. Paul do? I’m guessing move on.
 
First of all, this lady is not truly a “friend” as it sounds like she has been somewhat disrespectful of your beliefs all along and also sounds like she has some life struggles (and possibly mental problems if she’s convinced herself she can predict the future) that make her unable to truly understand what it is to be a friend, such as being respectful of a person’s beliefs and boundaries.

This lady is a struggling person for whom you voluntarily have been doing some acts of charity.

I would recommend at this point, since you are moving away and it will likely be inconvenient for you to continue providing “taxi service” for her, that you just let it die naturally. See if you can find some resources in the community to refer her to for transportation. You might also politely suggest that you think it would be best if she finds someone from her own church or her own community to help her with transport, because due to your new location you might not be a reliable provider due to the distance.

If you do decide, out of the kindness of your heart, to help her again with transportation, don’t engage with her on the subject of religion. If she tries to talk to you about it just tell her, “I’m sorry, but it’s clear we don’t agree on Catholicism and I don’t wish to have a discussion with someone who is so disrespectful of my beliefs.” Then just ignore whatever else she says.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience. Don’t let it get you down. Pray for her.
 
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