A Friend Has Revealed Herself to be Anti-Catholic

[TenEleven]

I would suggest a book for you to read: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. You can get a used paperback copy on Amazon for a few dollars.

The way you’ve described the situation where someone repeatedly treats you like garbage and you ask a bunch of strangers on the internet for permission to discontinue the friendship makes me think you might benefit from reading this excellent book. Please don’t let her continue to treat you so poorly!

 

[PetraG]

She didn’t realize you were Catholic? This reminds me of the sign “Clairvoyant Meeting Canceled Due to Unforeseen Circumstances”

She’s a one-woman cult herself. I’d say don’t make any sudden moves but just back away slowly. Really—distance yourself quietly and without rancor. I don’t think you want to be anywhere on this person’s radar. Maybe she’s harmless but the again maybe she’s not.

Whatever she is, she is not a friend and she is not to be trusted. Who treats a benefactor as she has treated you? Commend her to God and pray for her but do not stick around to see what comes next.

 

[casslean]

How do I handle this? Do I bring it up again and (politely) let her know that what she said offended me? Would it be best to just end the friendship? I will be moving soon and start a new job next month and although I previously told her I’d find a way to continue to help her with transportation, I suppose I could say that the move has made it more inconvenient than I anticipated and ask her find someone else to help her. I know that we have a moral obligation to help those in need, so would doing so be wrong? Any advice on the matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I think it’s reasonable to be straightforward and blunt with her. Tell her you were offended both by what she said and by how she conducted herself. If she tries to interrupt you or shut you down, stop her politely, but firmly, and state that you want an opportunity to voice your opinion.

I would be respectful about her beliefs. I would say that the two of you can agree to disagree on matters of faith, but that means that you expect that she will not bad mouth your faith to you and will not speak disparagingly about you behind your back.

Focus on “I” statement - I think, I feel, I need, I want…

Then set clear consequences for her actions. If this behaviour continues, you will not spend any more time with her. Period. And follow through.

I know it sounds like you’re dealing with a child, but frankly, she was acting like one.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Whatever she is, she is not a friend and she is not to be trusted. Who treats a benefactor as she has treated you?

Unfortunately, a LOT of people act exactly that way. While some people are genuinely grateful for help they receive, very often when people don’t have help, their own personality is a major reason why they don’t. They act entitled or toxic or think it’s perfectly fine for them to disrespect your boundaries and criticize your religion, your life, etc. They have no help because no one wants to be around them. When they find someone they can take advantage of, they will do so until that person runs out of goodwill or leaves/ moves away and then they find another pigeon to impose themselves upon.

In my experience, many such people have either a mental disorder (diagnosed or not) or at the very least, a severe lack of social skills. They either don’t realize that they’re behaving very badly, or they have some justification for their actions that makes sense only to them.

Have seen this many, many times. If you’re going to help people in need and do favors for them, you need to be prepared for it. Usually they are not going to behave in a grateful manner or as a real friend would behave.

 

[PetraG]

In my experience, many such people have either a mental disorder (diagnosed or not) or at the very least, a severe lack of social skills. They either don’t realize that they’re behaving very badly, or they have some justification for their actions that makes sense only to them.

There are also people who treat others well when it is required to get what they want but don’t when someone does not require it.

My concern is that

She believes she is a biblical prophet and has the ability to predict the future. She doesn’t talk about it often because I think she can tell I am a little uncomfortable with it, but she will talk about how she “knew” a cousin of hers would get pregnant before she actually did and how her intuition is “ALWAYS” right. Any time she is expressing an opinion she’ll say “I can’t help that I’m always right. I didn’t ask for this gift.” She also believes many, many conspiracy theories and once told our boss who has multiple children with special needs that the government created and gave them their conditions.

and

She would explain her opinion and I wouldn’t interrupt, but when she was done and I’d go to explain she’d just cut me off by saying “agree to disagree”

and

…I did not even get a chance to defend myself. I brought up the encounter to a mutual friend and she told me that this woman has been telling our entire social circle that I’m “in a cult” but she doesn’t want to upset me by telling me.

This is what puzzles me:

…although I previously told her I’d find a way to continue to help her with transportation, I suppose I could say that the move has made it more inconvenient than I anticipated and ask her find someone else to help her. I know that we have a moral obligation to help those in need, so would doing so be wrong?

Normally, I’d say that you just tell her the truth: that is, that her treatment of you has been very upsetting and hearing that she has been telling people you’re in a cult was more upsetting still, and that her unfailing knowledge of everything failed her this time.

I wouldn’t do that because I think she is a bit unhinged, and it is not a good idea to be on the radar of someone who is unhinged. I think I’d fall back on, “I’m really sorry, but continuing to give you rides is not going to work out for me.” If she presses, say, “I’m not a good match for you. Someone with your beliefs should not be spending time with someone like me. I’m not going to change and so you really need to find someone whose beliefs are more in line with your own. This is just not working.”

 

[YourNameHere]

There are many who hate the Church.
All we can do is try to correct their inaccuracies and stand up for the Church.
More than that, we can pray for them.

 

[MiserereMeiDei]

I try not to have any beliefs.

[10 characters]

 

[YourNameHere]

Also, pray for her!

 

[Bluebright]

I’d say just love her through it. My sister in law ‘hates Catholics’ her words not mine. But she has married into a family of them and over the years she is being loved by us and she and I occasionally talk religion and almost always in love. I buy my nephew biblical stories respectfully not specifically Catholic and recently gave her a grace cube which she was deeply touched by (a cube which has different prayers printed on it that you can use for saying grace at meals, I thought it perfect as their 2yr old can be involved in rolled the dice/cube and choosing the prayer even though he cannot read his parents can) She said to me we’d been thinking about starting saying grace. It just goes to show if you are just careful and loving in all your approaches with the person God will lead you. I am not saying I am perfect, far from it, I have pushed too hard before and no doubt set things back, but she is at least respectful of my views and I of hers even though they cause me pray for her with earnest sacrifice and sorrow for her, my brother and my unbaptised nephew. I have known my sis in law for well over 10 yrs now and we are just beginning to iron out the rough bits of our relationship and the complexity of her in my brothers life. They are in God’s hands and he is mighty. I’d say pray and fast for your friend and ask God for patience and longevity of soul for yourself. God put her in your life for a reason and that may not be for your part in converting her, it may be for your own sanctification. Practice loving your neighbour with her, challenging I know. God bless you.

 

[Mary888]

I agree with meltzerboy, that this woman is not truly a friend to you. Friendship goes both ways. You have the right to defend your faith and you have the right to tell her that if she does not change her attitude she can’t be your friend anymore.
Don’t feel guilty because she is clearly abusing you. Her beliefs are not rooted in the Bible. Revelations about other people’s life that she claims to have may come from both God and the Enemy though if you use logic you will see that it is usually pointless for a person to see the future of others, simply useless. God gives us only what is useful. You know a gifted person from God would not try to constantly lure you from your Church in which you believe. Clairvoyance does not equal a prophet. The Church is skeptical about this ability because of the Church’s better knowledge of deceit and how intense it can be. If you cannot talk to this lady normally except to get angry, I don’t see how exactly is she a friend to you.
Offer prayers for her illumination and help from God and prepare to find better, true friends.

 

[TheBomb.Com]

This is usually how dialogue between Protestants and Catholics go. “You’re Church is wrong, but AGREE TO DISAGREE.” At the same time, one will continue to attack the other.

 

[Zaccheus]

Sounds like a visit to the nuthouse may be in her future.

Or she might just have been deceived (or self-deceived) into those beliefs.

 

[TheLittleLady]

“Sally, I value our friendship. Friendship only works when there is mutual respect. From here on out, I ask that you not speak about my deeply held beliefs in the way you did last Tuesday. You hurt me, and I forgive you for the things you said. In the future, we will not discuss religion.”

 

[PetraG]

@TheLittleLady, reasonable when you’re talking to someone reasonable when you mutually discover a topic you can’t discuss without someone getting upset.

I think this relationship has more fundamental problems than that, though.

 

[QwertyGirl]

There are a few different issues going on here.

First of all, your friend is quirky. I would even say it sounds like she has mental health issues. These would manifest themselves some other way, if not through her religious beliefs.

Second, she is disrespectful of you to discuss your religion that way. This has nothing to do with being quirky. This has to do with being rude and not understanding the concept of boundaries.

The issue here is, do you still want to be friends with her? Sounds like you have a good “out”. Only you know what you want. Don’t ever be a “friend” out of obligation, because then you aren’t really a “friend”. Be an “acquaintence”, instead, if that is what you like. Or cut off the relationship altogether, if that is what you feel like doing.

If you decide to stay connected with this person, then I would only do it if the two of you can agree to not discuss religion. “Agreeing to disagree” is fine, but it means you don’t keep going over things again, and again. Sounds like she doesn’t understand that.

 

[englands123]

If every priest turned away thoes who choose to ignore their faith and wisdom.

Many people would not attend church especially youngsters.

You friend is entitled to her opinion.
She seems to have crossed over to the spritual side of faith and forgotten earthly blessings.

Can easily be done.

My advice is never to turn any friend away good or bad. God sent you them and all you can do is serve others.

Regarding the Spritual side just explain to her that these are not things to be messed with. Veru dangerous indeed, because a person has this gift it doesn’t mean it’s correct to use.

I hope you can sort your friendship out.

Otherwise what good has come out of a bad situation?

 

[englands123]

Pride is an awful thing…

Take some advice from an old fool like me.

Love = anyone can Love. A man on death row can love without remorse. Some people Love animals more than humans !!

Forgivness = is more difficult entirely. Husband cheats , easy to say love you still but hard to forgive ? Yes or no.
A parents child is murdered. How difficult must it be to forgive the killer.

Love without forgiveness isn’t Love.
Not pure love anyway.

So if you do Love your Friend then you Must Forgive them.

Trust me forgiveness leads to freedom. Love doesn’t always.

 

[englands123]

Glad God doesn’t think like that !!

 

[MiserereMeiDei]

Is the problem not having close friends who aren’t Catholic? Nothing wrong with that. He isn’t saying don’t associate with non-Catholics but it doesn’t make a lot of sense to be close friends with them. Fr. John Hardon gave similar advice to be very careful with whom you choose to be close and certainly intimated if not totally explicit that they should share your faith.

 

[NewChristianConfused]

I just found Jesus. I am finally a Christian believing he was born again. After I had such a strong religious experience salvation, I thought I was Jesus.

I am just now reading the bible again as an adult. But I have been around evil all my life. Jesus is about submitting to power, except in shaming them by acting better than do, by example. Offering help to someone that abuses you, shames them deeply and makes them change, to act better. It is a slave religion. To shame the rich and selfish.

So to me. Anyone that follows Jesus truly, or is just truly good and consumed by evil. Is following Jesus. But without Jesus it is almost impossible to not let the evil into your heart. See darkness all over and not beauty. I was a good person, but still consumed by guilt and shame and sin. But trying to be kind. But always not being understood.

I feel like Jesus wants every Christian to be kind and open minded. Not judgmental, beyond gentle, or loud corrections to authority that is abusing us or others. If your friend is taking advantage of you, or making you question your faith, then maybe she shouldn’t be your friend. But maybe she strengthening your faith in her doubt. Because she doubts Christ. Not Catholicism. If continually are being disrespected. It is something to pray on. But she also terrified. Terrified. Inside. So I don’t know how to reach those people. But we have to. I was barely eating. And drinking and all my muscles were tense. All the time. Radically kindness seems to be what we need to do right now.

Maybe evil is ascendent. I felt and feel the hate around us. I am empathic from being around abuse my whole life. I can feel the greed and selfishness. I had to move because it was making me sick. I am in my 40’s. The world in my actual physical community, and the media and politics. Things are not good.

And I was helping spread evil by talking about politics.

I found my Christianity in the salvation from the fear of evil killing me.

The way forward is peace. It is to defend your neighbour’s in words and actions and smile if the government kills you while you peacefully defend anyone of any faith from oppression. We need to partner with any religion that is willing to do that.

That IS Jesus. So I was a skeptic. I thought their couldn’t be a God. But there is. We need to follow Jesus. Let him truly judge others. And follow humanitarian values, even when others don’t.

I know this is true. I think Catholics agree. And I am not trying start a controversy. Or argument. At all. I feel compelled to share this message from Jesus to me.

It seems the only thing to do. There are so many weapons in the world. We can’t have a world war. That is extinction. Truly extinction. So we have to live together. Everyone in Jesus. Whether you agree or believe in Jesus or not. Civility is the lesson. Submit. Or it is doom.