A gay family member

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Chris_in_BC

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This isn’t a delimma for me but given the fact I am about to get married and have kids soon after it could happen to me asnd it got me thinking of what to do. It all started with a fellow member of the Knights of Columbus who was a very active member ask for a withdrawel of his membership out of the blue. Not only that but him and his wife stopped going to church altogether. This guy and his wife were very committed to their faith so it was a mystery what brought this on for them. I later found out that teir son is gay and their love for their son was coming into conflict with their faith. Then I started thinking about me and what if that happened to me. If I had a son or daughter who was gay I hope I’d love them enough to support them but on the other hand I have the faith I love so much as well. If it weren’t for my faith I can honestly say I wouldn’t even want to get married let alone have kids. So my question is what do you do in a situation like this.
 
Love the family member and pray hard, fast and make sacrifices for their conversion. You want them to join you in Heaven, you don’t want to join them in hell.
 
You need to support you children, but support them in the way that God want.

You need to be a constant source of encouragement for them to live a chaste life and keep them constantly in your prayers

Anything else isn’t support or love.
 
Chris_in_BC said:
This isn’t a delimma for me but given the fact I am about to get married and have kids soon after it could happen to me asnd it got me thinking of what to do. It all started with a fellow member of the Knights of Columbus who was a very active member ask for a withdrawel of his membership out of the blue. Not only that but him and his wife stopped going to church altogether. This guy and his wife were very committed to their faith so it was a mystery what brought this on for them. I later found out that teir son is gay and their love for their son was coming into conflict with their faith. Then I started thinking about me and what if that happened to me. If I had a son or daughter who was gay I hope I’d love them enough to support them but on the other hand I have the faith I love so much as well. If it weren’t for my faith I can honestly say I wouldn’t even want to get married let alone have kids. So my question is what do you do in a situation like this.
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I don’t know but this situation made me think of Mathew 10:37…
He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me.
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Catholig
 
You have to put God first or you are no good to your husband, children, or self. God has many laws that are hard to live, but that doesn’t excuse us from our particular crosses.
If your child has same sex attractions, try to find a Courage chapter to help them deal with it chastely. If they refuse and want to live a gay lifestyle, let them know you still love them but are unwilling to encourage them in their sinful path. For example, they are welcome to supper, but their “partner” isn’t. Your child’s situation will be unique. Pray for them, consecrate them to Our Lady while they’re babies, and stay close to God that you may always discern His will in any problematic situations that may arise.
 
Eileen_T said:
Love the family member and pray hard, fast and make sacrifices for their conversion. You want them to join you in Heaven, you don’t want to join them in hell.
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I am a bit taken back by your comment. You seem to imply that homosexuals are destined for the fires of Hell. Being a homosexual is not a sin as some people still think. It clearly states in the CCC:

2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture…tradition has always declared that “homosexual acts are intrisically disorderd.”…under no circumstances can they be approved.

2358 The number of men and women who have deepseated homosexual tendencies is not negligible…They must be accepted with resepct, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

Clearly, being gay is not a choice and something that God has made them. Homosexuals just need to lives of chastity, but I would not be at all distraught if my son or daughter were gay. Its at these times that we need to be stronger in faith, and prayer. You shouldnt push your son or daughter away, you should be there to support and help. And there is no way in Hell would I send my son or daughter to one of those “therapy” places to try and “convert” to become heterosexuals. That’s just stupid and doesnt work. Its like putting them through torture and trying to psychologically traumatize them, using shock therapy of genitals and all these horrific things. Mary is a prime example of how mothers should be, love your son or daughter unconditionally!
 
Family members and Friends of a person suffering from Same Sex Attraction may join the support group at Courage called Encourage.

www.couragerc.net
 
i really don’t understand what a gay person should do…spend his or her life alone?? and who are we to judge? aren’t we supposed to respesct people’s choices?
 
Chris_in_BC said:
This isn’t a delimma for me but given the fact I am about to get married and have kids soon after it could happen to me asnd it got me thinking of what to do. It all started with a fellow member of the Knights of Columbus who was a very active member ask for a withdrawel of his membership out of the blue. Not only that but him and his wife stopped going to church altogether. This guy and his wife were very committed to their faith so it was a mystery what brought this on for them. I later found out that teir son is gay and their love for their son was coming into conflict with their faith. Then I started thinking about me and what if that happened to me. If I had a son or daughter who was gay I hope I’d love them enough to support them but on the other hand I have the faith I love so much as well. If it weren’t for my faith I can honestly say I wouldn’t even want to get married let alone have kids. So my question is what do you do in a situation like this.
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It’s a serious, serious issue. Look at this from the kid’s perspective:
  • He finds himself with feelings that are aparently out of the ordinary. He’s attracted to other boys (or, if it’s a girl, attracted to other girls).
  • His Church, whom he had trusted, says that gay people have to remain single all his life - no romance, no dating, no marriage, no relationships. Single celibacy.
  • But he doesn’t feel as if there is any inherant wrongness to homosexuality. He certianly doesn’t feel sick or disordered.
  • So, who does he believe? His own feelings and conscience or the Church’s?
  • Well, so he investigates the Church. This is the important step. If the other claims of the Church can be found to be logical and reasoned; founded in factual, provable truth, then the Church would be right. But if it’s not… then there might be some questions.
  • If the kid comes to the conclusion of most Catholics, he’ll come to understand that believing in the Church is really just a matter of faith. The evidence isn’t really as important as just believing.
  • So, would he rather trust his own heart and be open to the possibility of romance or “just believe” in the Church and be alone all his life?
  • It’s hard to ask someone to commit themselves to celibacy all thier life on a matter of faith, without factual, provable evidence that the Church as a whole is absolutely true.
  • So the Kid disagrees with the Church.
That’s not a very hard line of reasoning to follow. I wish more folks on this forum would put themselves in the other person’s shoes.
 
Exalt said:
It’s a serious, serious issue. Look at this from the kid’s perspective:
  • He finds himself with feelings that are aparently out of the ordinary. He’s attracted to other boys (or, if it’s a girl, attracted to other girls).
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That’s where you go wrong. There are virtually no lesbians who have not had a prior relationship with a man.
You are applying an abstract, logical analysis which assumes that homosexual love is the mirror image of heterosexual attraction, in order to conclude that homosexual love is the mirror image of heterosexual attraction. Instead you need to look at the real behaviour.
 
Eileen_T said:
Love the family member and pray hard, fast and make sacrifices for their conversion. You want them to join you in Heaven, you don’t want to join them in hell.
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I agree with those. Though honestly, I don’t know about making sacrifices for their conversion. I don’t see how that would help.
 
Malcolm_McLean said:
That’s where you go wrong. There are virtually no lesbians who have not had a prior relationship with a man.
You are applying an abstract, logical analysis which assumes that homosexual love is the mirror image of heterosexual attraction, in order to conclude that homosexual love is the mirror image of heterosexual attraction. Instead you need to look at the real behaviour.
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What? How did you become an expert on lesbianism? There are many who lesbians don’t have prior heterosexual relationships, just like there are many gay guys who don’t. And there are, of course, plenty of those who are – Western culture nowadays often rushes people into dating and sex well before they’ve figured out some major things like orientation.

And to answer the OP’s question, I’d be perfectly fine and happy if I had a gay kid, just as I’d be if the child turned out to be straight, bisexual, or none of the above 😃
 
orgel_maestro said:
I am a bit taken back by your comment. You seem to imply that homosexuals are destined for the fires of Hell. Being a homosexual is not a sin as some people still think.
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Homosexuality is not a sin, but homosexual actions are mortal sins. Not everyone acts on those temptations- those who don’t do not commit sin by simply having those feelings. The original post seems to imply that the person in this case does- or intends to (otherwise there would be no feeling of conflict with the Knights of Columbus or the Church).
 
Malcolm_McLean said:
That’s where you go wrong. There are virtually no lesbians who have not had a prior relationship with a man.
You are applying an abstract, logical analysis which assumes that homosexual love is the mirror image of heterosexual attraction, in order to conclude that homosexual love is the mirror image of heterosexual attraction. Instead you need to look at the real behaviour.
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O_o

Come to Austin. I want to introduce you to two very loving women who have been in a relationship for 3 years now. They’re practically married. They’ve never had a relationships with men before (besides one or two dates when they were closeted). It’s pretty much the best relationship I’ve ever seen. They love eachother very much and are a great couple. (Oh, they’re age 21 and 20, by the way. Right around my age.)

If you’re going to argue against homosexuality, you’re going to have to do it a different way.
 
Malcolm_McLean said:
That’s where you go wrong. There are virtually no lesbians who have not had a prior relationship with a man.
You are applying an abstract, logical analysis which assumes that homosexual love is the mirror image of heterosexual attraction, in order to conclude that homosexual love is the mirror image of heterosexual attraction. Instead you need to look at the real behaviour.
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Don’t judge the celibate homosexual, which is what you seem to do here. Homosexual love does very much mirror heterosexual attraction. I know because I have experienced SSA while never acting on it.
 
The_Chicken said:
aren’t we supposed to respesct people’s choices?
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Indeed, we should. Inform them of what is right, and pray for them to make the right decisions. But always respect them for their fundamental human dignity - which includes autonomy. (But that doesn’t mean we should forget what is right.)
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Exalt:
It’s hard to ask someone to commit themselves to celibacy all their life on a matter of faith
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Yes, absolutely. Its one more reason not to pass judgement on others - its not for us to demand such a sacrifice. It must be freely chosen (as was Christ’s sacrifice).
 
Are you guys actually saying that it’s a sin to love your children if they’re sinners?

If so, I’m in the wrong church and worshipping the wrong god.
 
Chris_in_BC said:
This isn’t a delimma for me but given the fact I am about to get married and have kids soon after it could happen to me asnd it got me thinking of what to do. It all started with a fellow member of the Knights of Columbus who was a very active member ask for a withdrawel of his membership out of the blue. Not only that but him and his wife stopped going to church altogether. This guy and his wife were very committed to their faith so it was a mystery what brought this on for them. I later found out that teir son is gay and their love for their son was coming into conflict with their faith. Then I started thinking about me and what if that happened to me. If I had a son or daughter who was gay I hope I’d love them enough to support them but on the other hand I have the faith I love so much as well. If it weren’t for my faith I can honestly say I wouldn’t even want to get married let alone have kids. So my question is what do you do in a situation like this.
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The conflict would seem to be a false conflict. Perhaps if they had a better understanding of their faith they would not have withrdawn?
 
Chris_in_BC said:
This isn’t a delimma for me but given the fact I am about to get married and have kids soon after it could happen to me asnd it got me thinking of what to do. It all started with a fellow member of the Knights of Columbus who was a very active member ask for a withdrawel of his membership out of the blue. Not only that but him and his wife stopped going to church altogether. This guy and his wife were very committed to their faith so it was a mystery what brought this on for them. I later found out that teir son is gay and their love for their son was coming into conflict with their faith. Then I started thinking about me and what if that happened to me. If I had a son or daughter who was gay I hope I’d love them enough to support them but on the other hand I have the faith I love so much as well. If it weren’t for my faith I can honestly say I wouldn’t even want to get married let alone have kids. So my question is what do you do in a situation like this.
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A perfect example of how one persons sin can hurt all around them, Their sons sin has pulled them away form the Church, I am sure that shortly they will fnd a Church that affirms their new found beliefs on homosexual behavior. They have let their love of their son deprive them of the fullness of Truth.

I have homosexual members of my extended family and although i love them and include them in family events they are very aware that i disaprove of their sexual behavior,
 
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