A girl at work is driving me nuts

  • Thread starter Thread starter Anglewannabe
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

Anglewannabe

Guest
I am on contract so I have NO desire to do anything at work to show that the girl that sits beside me drives me nuts. But she does. The reason we get along is because she loves to hear herself talk and I listen. But frankly, I am getting sick of it. Yesterday, I wanted to make an innocent comment/joke about my sweater, I wasn’t half way through my sentence that she interrupted me and told me that the problem is, I don’t buy clothes that fit properly and I should always have a tight T-shirt under anything I wear:rolleyes: She then proceed to offer to go shopping with me to teach me to pick out clothes. I politely said, ‘Thanks but I think we would just argue’ Which she respected. Then at lunch she kept talking about she knows nothing about fashion and doesn’t care to:rolleyes:

Well… it is so petty I can’t believe that I am even noticing it. But the problem is, this is what it is like to be around her all the time and I can’t take much more of it. Also, I am a bit bitter because she did complain to my manager behind my back about something she had earlier told me to do. I never confronted her on it because if my manager say reason to reprimand me, I did not think I would win that battle, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth.

The funniest thing is, after the initial 5 minute of tension, it is like nothing ever happened. I go along with the game because I am on contract but honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can keep the pot from boiling over.

The worst was one day at lunch she was telling this girl that ‘The only thing I know about the church is through the media, I like the present pope because of blah blah blah’ And she continued to teach this girl about the Catholic religion as if she is an expert. Well, she knows I am a practicing Catholic and never asked me what the religion teaches. It wasn’t the religious aspect that bothered me so much as the way she always talks as if she is an expert when she isn’t. And if she is not an expert and the topic is something else, she daydreams and ignores the conversation. She is never willing to learn anything or talk about someone else’s interest.

So, the day she was talking about the church, she then proceeded to say negative things about it. I just said in a calm manner ‘I am Catholic and my religion means the world to me can we please talk about something else’. She said ‘I am just giving my opinion’ to which I said ‘Can we please talk about something else’ She got mad and there was an akward silence. She said ‘So when I say good things about Catholics that is allowed but when I say bad things it isn’t’ to which I say ‘Yes’. The other girl looked at her in the eyes and said this is akward I am leaving and they both left.

Well, I have had some Catholics say I handled it wrong. Honestly I doubt that anything I said would have changed her mind so I did not see the point in arguing

Just had to vent

Angie
 
You mentioned that you were on “contract” quite a few times. At face value, this tells me that you are really grateful for your job and concerned about being unemployed. So with that being said, I would recommend not engaging in conversation with her at all, unless it is business related or just small talk. You don’t have to be rude about it. Just play shy. Concentrate on your duties, and do the best you can to allow her comments to evaporate.

You already know you can’t trust her since she ratted you out already. The last thing you need her to say is that you are “preaching” at the workplace. You would only be placing yourself under more scrutiny.

This is just may two cents.
Peace.
 
I’m guessing you must be female as men just don’t care. Get on with your work, be polite but as disinterested as she is. The Little Flower would suggest offering up the little irritations of the day for your own failings and the souls in purgatory. I always judge people by the power they have over me, but I am evil. Long distance in the mind and short shrift in conversation is my immediate advice. Others more evil may advise extreme sweetness but this is too hard to maintain if she sits next to you. Offices can be real school playgrounds if you let them.
 
She sounds extremely annoying; I’ve worked with people similar to her.

My suggestion is this: just don’t let her bother you. Imagine a sort of invisible barrier around yourself, one she can’t cross. When she says something stupid or irritating, smile vaguely, don’t think about it for a second, and keep working on whatever you’re doing. In short, don’t let her live in your head rent-free. Give yourself mental distance, and look at each situation as though you’re a scientist viewing some sort of animal interaction from another side of a barrier: “Huh, she said that silly thing. Not really important.” This takes some practice, but it’s an extremely useful skill.

I often allow myself to be easily irritated by other people, and have found that treating such people like this–courteously but distantly–is the best way to maintain my own sanity. (This is probably due in part to the fact that I’m a highly logical introvert, so I tend to be unreasonably impatient with inanity of the kind you describe.) Don’t be rude, of course, but remember that this is a coworker. You don’t have to like her, you don’t have to make huge amounts of small talk with her, and you don’t have to be her best friend or therapist. You only need be polite and professional, and being distant is perfectly acceptable.
 
If she is as you say, there is no one remotely acquainted with her who does not know she is an obnoxious self-important boor. Oh, well.

The reason you get along is not because she loves to hear herself talk and you listen. The reason you get along is because she loves to hear herself talk and you let her do it. Well, you may as well let her talk, because there is no stopping her, is there? So the first thing to do is to let yourself off the hook on the “listening thing”. The less real engaged listening you do to her, the better. When life deals her a blow and you start hearing the real her, listen to her then. Until then, you can tune her false front out entirely. (That is what you’re hearing, by your account.)

I knew a fellow once who had a particular talking head on the radio, a very popular one, whom he absolutely despised. Now, this fellow was the kind who would go to parties and was easily drawn into a political argument. He was very easy to bait. Very easy, that is, until he decided to leave this talking head’s show on in his work space every day. At first, the guy yelled at every stupid thing this talking head babbled out. Gradually though he began to ignore him: It was if he had gone through idiot-immunotherapy. He had developed the capacity to listen to a boorish moron go on and on, and just ignore him. It was personal breakthrough, and kind of an amusing one to hear him relate, at that. He was fairly proud of himself, and rightly so.

You could do that. This will not last forever. You can use this as your chance to learn how to ignore a blowhard. Who knows, it might come in very handy some day. You could also possibly vent by going home each day and adding to a comic screenplay you are writing, a screenplay based on her. It would be a one-woman show, because what would be the point of hiring any actors other than her? She could be on the phone during the entire piece, and you can let the audience imagine what few words the poor schmucks on the other end of the phone are getting in. You might actually look forward to what outrageous gem she is going to dish out today.

Why would this be funny? Because everyone knows someone like this.

You can learn to let her babbling roll off of your back. It won’t be easy, but since you are going to run into someone like this more or less for the rest of your life (provided you don’t join the Carmelites or otherwise remove yourself from the World), it is a skill you will undoubtedly use from time to time. Plus, if you do it in order to gain self-mastery that you hand over to the Lord, it is time off of Purgatory, too. I dunno, but I suspect that Purgatory is easier now than later, so there is that angle to consider, too. Enough of this woman, and you could go straight to heaven, a martyr who was talked to death but never renounced her vow of patient endurance! 😃 (But I only say that a little bit tongue in cheek; learn to endure the foolish words of others out of love, and your foolish words will be forgiven. How cool would that be!?!)
 
I wish I had some good advice. I would go NUTS with that, too! My gosh! I’m so sorry it’s been so hard.

Avoidance is the first line of defense, but I suspect you’re probably already doing that.

You will probably need to call a truce and decide not to talk about religion at all, ever.

I once had a problem years ago when I left my faith, and one of my sisters negotiated a truce for the family…no talk about politics or religion. When it came up again, anyway, she would just say…so and so…remember our agreement not to talk about x?

As to the small talk, I would have a hard time with that, as well! I have no idea what could be done. Earplugs? 😉 I honestly don’t know. I like silence much of the time, myself.

I don’t know what to advise. So, I’ll just say a prayer.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

:angel1:
 
So, the day she was talking about the church, she then proceeded to say negative things about it. I just said in a calm manner ‘I am Catholic and my religion means the world to me can we please talk about something else’. She said ‘I am just giving my opinion’ to which I said ‘Can we please talk about something else’ She got mad and there was an akward silence. She said ‘So when I say good things about Catholics that is allowed but when I say bad things it isn’t’ to which I say ‘Yes’. The other girl looked at her in the eyes and said this is akward I am leaving and they both left.
Click to expand...
Well, I have had some Catholics say I handled it wrong. Honestly I doubt that anything I said would have changed her mind so I did not see the point in arguing
Click to expand...
Anyone who says you handled that situation poorly must simply like to hear the sound of their own advice. 😉

For what it’s worth it would’ve been pointless to have handled that any differently. There is no use having a one-sided discussion.

I don’t know what you were reprimanded for but, if in any event something should happen again, figure out a way to try and help yourself if you think it’s feasible. Instead of arguing your point (if you feel it would be in your best interest) find a way to systematically question the transgression. You’ll either find a way to possibly turn the tide in your favor, or at the very least have a clearer understanding of the politics involved.

As for your know-all ‘friend’, don’t engage. Bury yourself in your work. When the non work related small talk during break gets old learn to tune her out. If you’re allowed to listen to music while you work invest in a pair of earphones. Try your best not to be rude (which it seems you’ve done a reasonable job already) but you’re not obligated to listen to her chat about non business related tasks during working hours. She’s there to do a job, so are you. You said it best yourself, “It’s a game.” Don’t trust her any further than you can throw her, keep distance, plug away at your job, and stick with it. After all, a good offense is the best defense. 🙂
 
ClearWater said:
I wish I had some good advice. I would go NUTS with that, too! My gosh! I’m so sorry it’s been so hard.

Avoidance is the first line of defense, but I suspect you’re probably already doing that.

You will probably need to call a truce and decide not to talk about religion at all, ever.

I once had a problem years ago when I left my faith, and one of my sisters negotiated a truce for the family…no talk about politics or religion. When it came up again, anyway, she would just say…so and so…remember our agreement not to talk about x?

As to the small talk, I would have a hard time with that, as well! I have no idea what could be done. Earplugs? 😉 I honestly don’t know. I like silence much of the time, myself.

I don’t know what to advise. So, I’ll just say a prayer.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

:angel1:
Click to expand...
Those are the two main things: Cling to God and do not be too hard on yourself if you do not handle such a difficult person with “perfect grace” at all times. There are lots of strategies to try, but there is no one perfect way to respond to this kind of situation. Who can say what will give good results? Surviving it with some semblance of serenity is a total win; whatever “perfection” is, don’t get wrapped up in that. Shoot for goodness, not perfection. Get the plane onto the ground in one piece, and leave “perfect” for further down the spiritual road.
 
Is it possible to eat lunch somewhere else? If you only have a short lunchtime and the breakroom is the easiest place, than I’d join a bookclub - bring a book every day that you are reading for your bookclub and sit apart.

I’d also not initiate conversations with her except about work. If your office gets busy toward the end of the year, that’s a great excuse. If work slows down, perhaps you can ask your manager for an additional task - that might be good for your contract status and recent reprimand also.
 
Keeping your nose merrily to the grindstone is a great way to avoid people you find irritating! 👍

(Thomas Merton said somewhere that the vow of silence is the only thing that allows so many very different people to survive each other’s company in a cloister!)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top