A Greater Spiritual Awareness

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Hi again all,
I want to first say thank you to those who replied to my previous posts and I have been reaffirmed in Christ that I have a calling to the religious life. Bless you for your kindness!

Today was a different experience that I’ve never had before. I went to Adoration today to gain strength in the Lord and also listen to Him speak in my heart. I love the silence in Adoration. I love how there are very little distractions and I can “tune in” to the Lord’s still, small voice. I needed to just be with Him today because I’ve felt like I’ve been distracted lately, and I felt ashamed that I had forgotten to trust Him like I normally do. Since getting news that I had been turned away by two cloistered Carmelite communities, I wanted to ask the Lord if He was really calling me to this life. I wanted to make sure that I was following His will and not mine because I know I am weak and I can only find strength in His arms. So, after all my prayers and the rosary, I asked Him to please speak to my heart. If it was time yet, then I asked Him to please speak to me when the time was right. Apparently He heard me because I heard a tiny whispering voice. I don’t want to share the whole message because some of it was personal, but He said something along the lines of, “I am calling you to the cloister. In time you will see where you are called, but for now, remain open to the Father’s will. Wherever He calls you, listen to Him.” I gave Him my promise that I would follow His guidance. I thanked Him, said the “Our Father” and a “Hail Mary” and left in silence and thanksgiving.

I then proceeded to the garden behind the Formation Center at the Church and started walking the Stations of the Cross. I got to the part where the Lord is stripped of all His clothes and just broke down because I can’t imagine the pain He endured during His trial. It was the first time I’ve ever done the Stations alone, so it was nothing I’d ever experienced before. I just stood there, crying, and asking the Lord for His forgiveness for the times I’ve strayed far from Him and I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused Him. He knows how much I want to join Him in the desert to relieve His suffering and the fact that I must wait is something I must accept, but for now, I just want to remain in His loving care for eternity.

Unfortunately, I was unable to finish the Stations because I was getting bitten up by mosquitoes (wicked little things!) and had to leave because the sun was going down. I thanked the Lord for His mercy and left again in silence.

I am so thankful for the Sacraments where I can come closer to the Lord and just “be” with Him. That’s all I want. Nothing else will satisfy me like He will. I pray I will not have to wait too long for religious life, but I will do what He asks because I am confident in His perfect timing. Thank you and God bless!

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Psalm 36
drbo.org/cgi-bin/d?b=drb&bk=21&ch=36&l=5&f=s#x

*4 Delight in the Lord, and he will give thee the requests of thy heart. 5 Commit thy way to the Lord, and trust in him, and he will do it. *

May The Lord fulfill you in every way and grant you the very deepest desires of your heart…Blessings…Barb *

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Psalm 36
drbo.org/cgi-bin/d?b=drb&bk=21&ch=36&l=5&f=s#x
May The Lord fulfill you in every way and grant you the very deepest desires of your heart…Blessings…Barb *

I am striving to live by that quote! It’s beautiful and so true. I think I may have found where I am being called, but I need to visit to be absolutely sure. It’s the Carmelite Nuns of Carmel-by-the-sea, California. I am feeling pulled more towards them than I have been by any community, especially when I read their Vocation page. Praised be Jesus Christ! He knows how much I love His creation in nature, so I am not surprised that He selected a place that’s close to the ocean (I love the sound of crashing waves against the shore; it’s my lullaby) and that has a prayer garden. Wow! I am overjoyed! I am going to write them a letter today to get communication started but most of all, I am going to Mass today to pray! Here is their website:

carmelitesistersbythesea.net/homepage.htm

I am overjoyed that He chose a place where the nuns wear the traditional habit because I want to surrender EVERYTHING to Him!

I also found a website with pictures of the monastery, and it is GORGEOUS!

flickr.com/photos/from_linda_yvonne/sets/72157605317793306/

I cannot wait to visit them!

 

[water]

May God give you the strength to follow His Will.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

May God give you the strength to follow His Will.

Thanks for sharing!

You’re welcome, and thank you! You want to hear something ironic? I asked St. Therese to help me in my discernment and also help reveal God’s plan when it was the right time. Today, of course, is her feast day, and His plan was revealed at 5:34 this morning, so I know it is her rose to me! The monastery is called “Carmel of Our Lady Mediatrix of All Graces and Saint Therese.” Thank you, Little Flower of Jesus!

I know Blessed Virgin Mary interceded for me as well, so thank you my Mother! Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, continue to intercede for me, and for all vocations to the priesthood and religious life!

 

[Nickkname]

Thanks for sharing!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Thanks for sharing!

God bless you!

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I am striving to live by that quote! It’s beautiful and so true. I think I may have found where I am being called, but I need to visit to be absolutely sure. It’s the Carmelite Nuns of Carmel-by-the-sea, California. I am feeling pulled more towards them than I have been by any community, especially when I read their Vocation page. Praised be Jesus Christ! He knows how much I love His creation in nature, so I am not surprised that He selected a place that’s close to the ocean (I love the sound of crashing waves against the shore; it’s my lullaby) and that has a prayer garden. Wow! I am overjoyed! I am going to write them a letter today to get communication started but most of all, I am going to Mass today to pray! Here is their website:

carmelitesistersbythesea.net/homepage.htm

I am overjoyed that He chose a place where the nuns wear the traditional habit because I want to surrender EVERYTHING to Him!

I also found a website with pictures of the monastery, and it is GORGEOUS!

flickr.com/photos/from_linda_yvonne/sets/72157605317793306/

I cannot wait to visit them!

Hi CC…God bless you in your discerning and make your every hope and dream, aspiration, come into being:thumbsup:

I cannot wait to visit them!

I just bet you can’t wait!

Blessings and regards…Barb

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Hi CC…God bless you in your discerning and make your every hope and dream, aspiration, come into being:thumbsup:

I just bet you can’t wait!

Blessings and regards…Barb

I hope to defy logic and do the opposite of making my hopes and dreams come true. I have done my will for far too long, and I have not been happy. It is only when I have done what He’s asked of me that I have grown in maturity and happiness. I cannot imagine doing my will any longer. Even if He sent me to the most ugly monastery (ugly to me, probably not to Him), I would still be rejoicing because I would be doing what He wants.

In all honesty, my heart sank into my stomach this morning when I learned He was calling me so far away from my current home. This means that my parents won’t get to see me very often and they will probably take the separation very hard at first, but I pray that in time, He will comfort them.

I wish that I could visit them right now, but since my schoolwork comes before plane trips, that will have to wait. In fact, I won’t be able to visit as much as I’d like without doing a 3-month live-in because they don’t do retreats. But I could visit the chapel and gardens and at least get a taste before I go that far.

I am excited and scared to death at the same time. This is, by far, the biggest step I will take. Pray that Jesus finds a way for me to enter with a history of depression. I know that if He is indeed calling me there, then He will make it possible.

God bless!

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Quoting Carmelite Girl

I hope to defy logic and do the opposite of making my hopes and dreams come true. I have done my will for far too long, and I have not been happy. It is only when I have done what He’s asked of me that I have grown in maturity and happiness. I cannot imagine doing my will any longer. Even if He sent me to the most ugly monastery (ugly to me, probably not to Him), I would still be rejoicing because I would be doing what He wants.

I think that your deepest hopes and dreams, aspirations, are to be about God’s Will.

In all honesty, my heart sank into my stomach this morning when I learned He was calling me so far away from my current home. This means that my parents won’t get to see me very often and they will probably take the separation very hard at first, but I pray that in time, He will comfort them.

I am sure He will…no worries! Sometimes it can be hard for the family and parents to understand and it may take time. But usually when they know that you are happy, they start to come round until they accept it fully.

I wish that I could visit them right now, but since my schoolwork comes before plane trips, that will have to wait. In fact, I won’t be able to visit as much as I’d like without doing a 3-month live-in because they don’t do retreats. But I could visit the chapel and gardens and at least get a taste before I go that far.

Perhaps you may be able to do a live in for a while.

I am excited and scared to death at the same time. This is, by far, the biggest step I will take. Pray that Jesus finds a way for me to enter with a history of depression. I know that if He is indeed calling me there, then He will make it possible.

Will surely keep you in prayer! I know the problems mental illness can present re religious orders. I suffer Bipolar.

Blessings back…Barb

 

[northstar3]

I went and took a look at their website, WOW! What a witness (and what a beautiful location as well!). If it’s meant to be, you’ll know and it will work out

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

I went and took a look at their website, WOW! What a witness (and what a beautiful location as well!). If it’s meant to be, you’ll know and it will work out

Amen! Thank you and God bless!

 

[Inity]

I looked at the website. Beautiful place! Wishing you all the best, hope that sisters will be kind to you!
I really envy those who are living in western countries, because there are so many monasteries to go and choose from!
Few years ago, there was an attempt to open a Carmel in Russia, but so many Orthodox people protested, full of hate towards catholics - so the project was canceled.
And for you is so easy to contact vocations directors in your diocese, find spiritual directors… I don’t have much choice! I asked our parish prior, who is a dominican, if he wants to become my spiritual director, but he declined. He directed me to an eastern catholic priest who is my old friend, but even if I love that priest as a friend, I don’t want to submit my will to his guidance… he doesn’t really believe in my vocation, and when I talked to him this spring saying that I want to join the monastery, he immediately responded “Your health won’t allow that”. That was terrible to hear his non-believing voice! I said him that I quit all medications long ago and that I don’t need them anymore, but he just kept shaking his head. I was really disappointed.
And there are not many priests here… and most of them badly know me, because I don’t have a chance to tell them my story etc. - they only see me at mass and occasionally confession, and that’s all… so they don’t know me well, I don’t know them well, and it’s hard to choose a stranger to become your spiritual guide. The administrator of lay dominican community here in Petersburg is negative towards me, too. He doesn’t like the fact that I left Orthodox church to join the Catholic church, and hopefully the Order (other lay dominicans here know me well for long time and mostly like me, so they were wondering why he’s so negative… but fact is fact). So now I’m only getting spiritual guidance from the sisters I’m in touch with. They recommended me to recite liturgy of the hours daily, and I very luckily found russian site that provides daily reading. I don’t have a breviary (it’s very expensive book to buy), and now I can pray in front of a computer. I also started reading daily rosary with help of Virtual Rosary - virtualrosary.org - great program! I try to teach myself to deep and rich prayer life… I know that I’m lazy and pray not as frequently as I really can, so I’m battling myself 8)
I’m still having many worries if I will fit in that community… they have two houses and their main house mission is dedicated to elderly women assistance; the second one dedicated to educating children. I wonder where I can fit and what I can really do for them. Teaching children is great mission, but it’s too hard to do in non-native language!.. Sometimes I feel really scared of this possible life in a foreign country… how can I share the dominican charism? But I’m sure that my future lies with Dominicans (as yours with Carmel!)
Keeping you in prayer!

 

[Inity]

Just forgot to add, that tomorrow I’m taking my friend (one of these two girls who live with me) to the first catechization lesson (we don’t have RCIA, but it’s similar - cycle of lessons for those who want to study catholic faith).
She asked for the possibility to study the catholic faith, when we were together in the church in the feast of St.Dominic… and seems that her interest did not fade away! May be she will occasionally convert, who knows, God works in misterious ways!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

I looked at the website. Beautiful place! Wishing you all the best, hope that sisters will be kind to you!
I really envy those who are living in western countries, because there are so many monasteries to go and choose from!
Few years ago, there was an attempt to open a Carmel in Russia, but so many Orthodox people protested, full of hate towards catholics - so the project was canceled.
And for you is so easy to contact vocations directors in your diocese, find spiritual directors… I don’t have much choice! I asked our parish prior, who is a dominican, if he wants to become my spiritual director, but he declined. He directed me to an eastern catholic priest who is my old friend, but even if I love that priest as a friend, I don’t want to submit my will to his guidance… he doesn’t really believe in my vocation, and when I talked to him this spring saying that I want to join the monastery, he immediately responded “Your health won’t allow that”. That was terrible to hear his non-believing voice! I said him that I quit all medications long ago and that I don’t need them anymore, but he just kept shaking his head. I was really disappointed.
And there are not many priests here… and most of them badly know me, because I don’t have a chance to tell them my story etc. - they only see me at mass and occasionally confession, and that’s all… so they don’t know me well, I don’t know them well, and it’s hard to choose a stranger to become your spiritual guide. The administrator of lay dominican community here in Petersburg is negative towards me, too. He doesn’t like the fact that I left Orthodox church to join the Catholic church, and hopefully the Order (other lay dominicans here know me well for long time and mostly like me, so they were wondering why he’s so negative… but fact is fact). So now I’m only getting spiritual guidance from the sisters I’m in touch with. They recommended me to recite liturgy of the hours daily, and I very luckily found russian site that provides daily reading. I don’t have a breviary (it’s very expensive book to buy), and now I can pray in front of a computer. I also started reading daily rosary with help of Virtual Rosary - virtualrosary.org - great program! I try to teach myself to deep and rich prayer life… I know that I’m lazy and pray not as frequently as I really can, so I’m battling myself 8)
I’m still having many worries if I will fit in that community… they have two houses and their main house mission is dedicated to elderly women assistance; the second one dedicated to educating children. I wonder where I can fit and what I can really do for them. Teaching children is great mission, but it’s too hard to do in non-native language!.. Sometimes I feel really scared of this possible life in a foreign country… how can I share the dominican charism? But I’m sure that my future lies with Dominicans (as yours with Carmel!)
Keeping you in prayer!

Like you, I am having difficulty finding someone to be my spiritual director. I asked my parish priest if he would do it, and we had a talk, but he referred me to a Dominican sister at my old Church. I waited too long to talk to her though, because I tried to find her number after finally getting the courage to contact her, and she isn’t there anymore I contacted my diocese to see if they could recommend someone else, and they gave me the Dominican sister’s number and told me to contact her. The problem is, my car is not working and this sister lives about 30 minutes away from me, so it is not feasible to walk there. Before I asked my parish priest if he would be my S.D., I asked a priest at my old Church where I go for Confession, and he too, directed me the sister. But now what do I do? I am going to try to go to Confession again this weekend and ask a priest again and see what they say.

I am trying to take my discernment slowly because I’ve had problems in the past with people not understanding that I am doing much better (though I am still on my medication; I hope to get off it very soon). One of my worries is that they will ask me to fill out a preliminary questionnaire and I know that all of them ask health questions (theirs is on their website, and I have seen that problematic question). Can I just say that I don’t want to fill it out yet? I would rather fill it out when I’ve been off my medication for at least a year.

I wish all the monasteries were like the one in Savannah where you would be accepted even if you had an illness–if it was controlled by medication; and you could take the medication while in there. So many of the monasteries’ numbers in members are going down (the one I am interested in has only 12 members; Savannah has 6). I wonder why they are so unaccepting of mental illnesses if it’s a problem in our society. Just because someone has a mental illness, it does not mean they have no vocation.

Continue to pray for me, and I will pray for you! Thanks!

Just forgot to add, that tomorrow I’m taking my friend (one of these two girls who live with me) to the first catechization lesson (we don’t have RCIA, but it’s similar - cycle of lessons for those who want to study catholic faith).
She asked for the possibility to study the catholic faith, when we were together in the church in the feast of St.Dominic… and seems that her interest did not fade away! May be she will occasionally convert, who knows, God works in misterious ways!

Awesome! Hope everything goes well! I pray that she will convert to the Church and come home. God bless!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

I am striving to live by that quote! It’s beautiful and so true. I think I may have found where I am being called, but I need to visit to be absolutely sure. It’s the Carmelite Nuns of Carmel-by-the-sea, California. I am feeling pulled more towards them than I have been by any community, especially when I read their Vocation page. Praised be Jesus Christ! He knows how much I love His creation in nature, so I am not surprised that He selected a place that’s close to the ocean (I love the sound of crashing waves against the shore; it’s my lullaby) and that has a prayer garden. Wow! I am overjoyed! I am going to write them a letter today to get communication started but most of all, I am going to Mass today to pray! Here is their website:

carmelitesistersbythesea.net/homepage.htm

I am overjoyed that He chose a place where the nuns wear the traditional habit because I want to surrender EVERYTHING to Him!

I also found a website with pictures of the monastery, and it is GORGEOUS!

flickr.com/photos/from_linda_yvonne/sets/72157605317793306/

I cannot wait to visit them!

I am rather embarrassed! I wrote this when I was extremely tired and wasn’t in the best frame of mind to be determining things about my future. Although the monastery at Carmel, CA is beautiful, it’s a little too elaborate for my tastes. The “sensation” I had disappeared just as fast as it appeared. The Holy Spirit seems to have revealed that I was wrong and this “sensation” is not what He inspired.

However, I do have some good news. I have been continually building upon the relationship that I started with Savannah Carmel’s prioress, Sr. Joann, and I feel drawn to them and their way of life. Their habit is beautiful, the monastery is so simple and beautiful, and their prioress is just the sweetest. She keeps telling me that she wants me to visit because she believes that I may have a vocation judging by what I’ve told her, and she wants me to get to know their community in person as well as by email. I cannot seem to get this community out of my head no matter how I try to ignore it or test my call there. I think that is really an important clue that I may have a vocation there.

I am still finishing up my certificate to be a nursing assistant, but as soon as I get the time and Sr. Joann returns from visiting other Carmels, I’m going to try to make it up there. Hopefully, I will have a working car by then . I am excited to see where this is going! I feel like a girl who is about to be proposed to!