A Guide to the Restoration of Marriage

[theplummer]

If you’d been providing 80% of childcare, I would have to acknowledge that it was fair.

At least you acknowledge that your lazy . Just joking. Never said it was easy. However, did you ever consider that much of what you feel is necessary just… Isn’t. Maybe the kids really don’t need all the extra curricular activities. Maybe the bedsheets don’t need to be done quite as often. Maybe you are setting your sights too high and trying to be super mom.

As far as your statement about if I did 80% of the childcare then you’d have to consider it. Well maybe you should “trim the budget”, maybe live I a cheaper home, drive cheaper (paid for) cars,so your husband doesn’t have to work so much and he could have more time with the kids. Do you really think his day is s picnic either? I’ll bet there are days he’d just “rather not” go to work. But he does it anyway. And probably doesn’t complain. And if you don’t consider what he does as actual childcare, maybe you are just taking advantage of him.

Now I’m not accusing you of any of these things, because I really don’t know what your situation is. Though many wives are absolutely addicted to rampant out of control consumerism. So much so that women spend nearly 85% of disposable income in America, while only actually earring 20% of family income. Wives are working their husbands to death, forcing him to be away from his children, and then divorcing him, taking her little mutilated beggers with her, at the first sign of “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore”.

 

[theplummer]

Nah, it’s just an acknowledgement of the fact that a guy who doesn’t know the name of his kid’s doctor or dentist, doesn’t know their teachers’ names, doesn’t know their friends’ names, doesn’t know their clothes sizes, doesn’t know the baby’s bedtime, doesn’t know how much medicine and what kind to give them, and doesn’t know what to feed them for breakfast really doesn’t have any business having full custody.

Is that really so controversial?

Come on now. Really. How much of his job could you actually know about. If he were home sick, could you put on his “work uniform” and go take his place and be as effective as he is.

You are just being intellectually dishonest here. Dare I say it…straw man much?

 

[pianistclare]

At least you acknowledge that your lazy . Just joking. Never said it was easy. However, did you ever consider that much of what you feel is necessary just… Isn’t. Maybe the kids really don’t need all the extra curricular activities. Maybe the bedsheets don’t need to be done quite as often. Maybe you are setting your sights too high and trying to be super mom.

As far as your statement about if I did 80% of the childcare then you’d have to consider it. Well maybe you should “trim the budget”, maybe live I a cheaper home, drive cheaper (paid for) cars,so your husband doesn’t have to work so much and he could have more time with the kids. Do you really think his day is s picnic either? I’ll bet there are days he’d just “rather not” go to work. But he does it anyway. And probably doesn’t complain. And if you don’t consider what he does as actual childcare, maybe you are just taking advantage of him.

Now I’m not accusing you of any of these things, because I really don’t know what your situation is. Though many wives are absolutely addicted to rampant out of control consumerism. So much so that women spend nearly 85% of disposable income in America, while only actually earring 20% of family income. Wives are working their husbands to death, forcing him to be away from his children, and then divorcing him, taking her little mutilated beggers with her, at the first sign of “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore”.

I can assure you, our friend Xantippe is no spendthrift. She’s a devotee of Ramsey’s Financial University and I’ve known her to be quite particular about saving, spending wisely and no junk.
You assume that women stay home to spend money. Having a stay at home mom pretty means you don’t have any extra money for “fun” things, designer things, or even non-discount store things. These are the sacrifices women make to nurture their children so they don’t grow up to be odd lonely men who hate women. And their husbands like having the person they love caring for their children, rather than some stranger who really doesn’t care one way or the other.
I would submit, that many stay at home moms (especially in large families) are also “worked to death”. A houseful of ill children or kids who can’t do math is no walk in the park.

 

[theplummer]

Yeah.

It makes a big difference when you’ve grown up seeing your parents fight but smooch the next day and do the same thing every week.

That’s not ideal, of course, but it does give you a sort of basic optimism.

Recent studies have indicated that children with in tact parents that are in bad marriages actually do much better than divorced families.

Let’s move toward helping. Marriages stay together, work toward being in a better marriage instead of taking the nuclear option.

Remember a marriage is NEVER a failure until one person gives up. Then they are ALL failures.

 

[theplummer]

I can assure you, our friend Xantippe is no spendthrift. She’s a devotee of Ramsey’s Financial University and I’ve known her to be quite particular about saving, spending wisely and no junk.
You assume that women stay home to spend money. Having a stay at home mom pretty means you don’t have any extra money for “fun” things, designer things, or even non-discount store things. These are the sacrifices women make to nurture their children so they don’t grow up to be odd lonely men who hate women. And their husbands like having the person they love caring for their children, rather than some stranger who really doesn’t care one way or the other.
I would submit, that many stay at home moms (especially in large families) are also “worked to death”. A houseful of ill children or kids who can’t do math is no walk in the park.

Like I said, I don’t know her situation. So you don’t need to white knight for her, she’s a big girl. Don’t infantilize her. Let her speak for herself.

It just really chaps me that I come on to a CATHOLIC forum and read so many women espousing the joys of divorce and how wonderful it is to be able to get out of a “bad marriage”. Definitely NOT in line with authentic catholic teaching.

 

[Walking_Home]

Recent studies have indicated that children with in tact parents that are in bad marriages actually do much better than divorced families.

Let’s move toward helping. Marriages stay together, work toward being in a better marriage instead of taking the nuclear option.

Remember a marriage is NEVER a failure until one person gives up. Then they are ALL failures.

---

Yea – looks like bad marriages does “wonders” for the children.

domesticviolenceroundtable.org/effect-on-children.html

cnn.com/2014/09/10/living/impact-of-domestic-violence-on-children-parents/

thinkprogress.org/health/2014/09/26/3571723/domestic-violence-long-term-effects/

 

[theplummer]

---

Yea – looks like bad marriages does “wonders” for the children.

domesticviolenceroundtable.org/effect-on-children.html

cnn.com/2014/09/10/living/impact-of-domestic-violence-on-children-parents/

thinkprogress.org/health/2014/09/26/3571723/domestic-violence-long-term-effects/

Ok here we go. Someone throwing “sources” that refute my claim. Well, the first one is clearly using the junk psudeoscience that feminists love to spew. It’s clearly a woman always victim man always perpetrator type of garbage. Fact is l, IPV is NOT gender specific. Women are just as likely to perpatrate violence as men are. In fact lesbian relationships carry the highest rates of IPV than all other relationship types.

The second article, Ray rice. Really. Did you actually see the whole video where his wife attacked him three times before he finally slapped her once? Really come on

The third article hints at male perpetrated violence my mentioning the football players recent trend, then backs off and gets gender neutral, but the author still planted the seed.

How about checking out things like Dr. Tara Palmontiar, or Dr. Paul Elam. And their research. That isn’t tainted by feminist doctorine.

Agreed IPV isn’t ideal, but it’s still better than divorce.

Edit: you know what, I didn’t mean to say that IPV was better than divorce. What I meant was that unhappy, acrimonious marriages are still better than divorce on children.

The whole way we look at IPV really needs to be reevaluated, because things really aren’t what they seemed to be for many years now. Things like the Duluth model of abuse is more junk science that most lawmakers have fallen for. And now there is some really good research being done that identifies the Duluth organization as nothing more than a hate group. IMHO

 

[Walking_Home]

Ok here we go. Someone throwing “sources” that refute my claim. Well, the first one is clearly using the junk psudeoscience that feminists love to spew. It’s clearly a woman always victim man always perpetrator type of garbage. Fact is l, IPV is NOT gender specific. Women are just as likely to perpatrate violence as men are. In fact lesbian relationships carry the highest rates of IPV than all other relationship types.

The second article, Ray rice. Really. Did you actually see the whole video where his wife attacked him three times before he finally slapped her once? Really come on

The third article hints at male perpetrated violence my mentioning the football players recent trend, then backs off and gets gender neutral, but the author still planted the seed.

How about checking out things like Dr. Tara Palmontiar, or Dr. Paul Elam. And their research. That isn’t tainted by feminist doctorine.

Agreed IPV isn’t ideal, but it’s still better than divorce.

---

Well – it can be seen the usual “comeback” from the “mano” side is the “bad” feminists.

Frankly – what that" MAGTOW" bunch and the sewer pit known as the “manosphere” need — is exorcism.

 

[theplummer]

---

Well – it can be seen the usual “comeback” from the “mano” side is the “bad” feminists.

Frankly – what that" MAGTOW" bunch and the sewer pit known as the “manosphere” need — is exorcism.

Really? And where are you deriving this opinion from? Have you actually researched the “manosphere” for yourself. Or are you just parroting some other man hating feminazi.

The invitation to read this document is open to you also. So maybe you could use it to form at least a coherent counter arguement. fathermag.com/news/Case_for_Father_Custody.pdf

 

[Walking_Home]

Really? And where are you deriving this opinion from? Have you actually researched the “manosphere” for yourself. Or are you just parroting some other man hating feminazi.

The invitation to read this document is open to you also. So maybe you could use it to form at least a coherent counter arguement. fathermag.com/news/Case_for_Father_Custody.pdf

---

Read enough of the “mano” sewer – to make me want to shower afterwards.

And again – the usual comeback – the bad femnists.

Here is from another site:

Finally, we emphasize that no person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage. Some abused women believe that church teaching on the permanence of marriage requires them to stay in an abusive relationship. They may hesitate to seek a separation or divorce. They may fear that they cannot re-marry in the Church. Violence and abuse, not divorce, break up a marriage. We encourage abused persons who have divorced to investigate the possibility of seeking an annulment. An annulment, which determines that the marriage bond is not valid, can frequently open the door to healing.

usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/marriage/domestic-violence/when-i-call-for-help.cfm

 

[theplummer]

---

Read enough of the “mano” sewer – to make me want to shower afterwards.

And again – the usual comeback – the bad femnists.

Here is from another site:

Finally, we emphasize that no person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage.

 

[Walking_Home]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read enough of the “mano” sewer – to make me want to shower afterwards.

And again – the usual comeback – the bad femnists.

Here is from another site:

Finally, we emphasize that no person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage.

Some abused women believe that church teaching on the permanence of marriage requires them to stay in an abusive relationship. They may hesitate to seek a separation or divorce. They may fear that they cannot re-marry in the Church. Violence and abuse, not divorce, break up a marriage. We encourage abused persons who have divorced to investigate the possibility of seeking an annulment. An annulment, which determines that the marriage bond is not valid, can frequently open the door to healing.

usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/marriage/domestic-violence/when-i-call-for-help.cfm
I completely agree, and would like to add that nearly an equal amount of men need to be supported from abuse also.** The church has fallen prey to the political movement of man bad woman good montra also**.​

Nothing new under the sun – with this thread’s “mano” resident

 

[theplummer]

theplummer;13163003:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read enough of the “mano” sewer – to make me want to shower afterwards.

And again – the usual comeback – the bad femnists.

Here is from another site:

---

Nothing new under the sun – with this thread’s “mano” resident

Ok, now that’s two insulting posts in a row, with absolutely nothing positive to support your position.

Is that all you’ve got. Stop wasting my time.

You are acting like a troll.

 

[Xantippe]

At least you acknowledge that your lazy . Just joking. Never said it was easy. However, did you ever consider that much of what you feel is necessary just… Isn’t. Maybe the kids really don’t need all the extra curricular activities. Maybe the bedsheets don’t need to be done quite as often. Maybe you are setting your sights too high and trying to be super mom.

**Nope. I’m pretty minimal about extracurriculars and sheet changes. (The commonly accepted schedule for bedding is once every week or two weeks, by the way–once a week for sweaty people.)

mnn.com/your-home/at-home/blogs/how-often-do-you-need-to-change-your-sheets**

On the extracurriculars, I’ve been hearing from parents of older teens that the big problem is kids just vegging out on electronics and losing their childhood interests, so I’m particularly vigilant about making sure that our teen has non-electronic interests.

As they say, idle hands are the devil’s workshop.

As far as your statement about if I did 80% of the childcare then you’d have to consider it. Well maybe you should “trim the budget”, maybe live I a cheaper home, drive cheaper (paid for) cars,so your husband doesn’t have to work so much and he could have more time with the kids.

My husband is a tenured professor, has lots of vacations, and spends lots of time with our children (especially the big ones) enjoying their common hobbies. A couple of months ago, I left him with our 2-year-old for a week while I took the big kids to see family and he and the 2-year-old did just fine, just like they did the year before. He works a lot (even during summer, vacations and evenings) but mostly because he thinks his work is important and it’s important that somebody does it. My husband is a poster child for the competent modern middle class dad. Meanwhile, a friend of mine can’t leave her husband with even just one kid for a weekend because 1) he wouldn’t agree and 2) he can’t manage their kids by himself for more than a couple of hours. Let’s just say that one of those two men would have a much better case for joint custody…

**We live in a house of a size my husband likes (I would prefer something a little smaller) in a location that allows my husband to walk to and from work every day (he would hate commuting). The house is kind of a barn and I wish the mortgage were smaller, but it’s on a 20 year note and it is paying off very nicely. My husband never wants to move. The big house, the kids’ private school (we live in a city), and household help are our main vices. Otherwise, we have two very modest paid-off cars (an 11-year-old Ford and a 4-year-old Kia), our family travel is either to see family or a night or two a year in the big city. We haven’t had any non-mortgage debt for about half a decade (we do credit cards but pay them off in full every month). We have just started saving for college. I’m a budget nut and have been for the past 8 years when we first started doing Dave Ramsey. I’ll probably start working in a few years when it’s time to start paying for the baby’s private school tuition and bracing ourselves for college expenses. **

Do you really think his day is s picnic either? I’ll bet there are days he’d just “rather not” go to work. But he does it anyway. And probably doesn’t complain. And if you don’t consider what he does as actual childcare, maybe you are just taking advantage of him.

My husband likes his work. It’s his vocation. There are some aspects of it that aren’t fun (correcting heaps of student papers, getting articles rejected, dealing with weepy plagiarists and smoothing prima donna colleagues’ ruffled feathers), but it’s not a J-O-B.

Now I’m not accusing you of any of these things, because I really don’t know what your situation is. Though many wives are absolutely addicted to rampant out of control consumerism. So much so that women spend nearly 85% of disposable income in America, while only actually earring 20% of family income.

**I spend a bundle at the grocery store…because I do 95% of the grocery shopping in our family. I also buy all the clothes for everybody and get all the kids their haircuts. I pay for our daughter’s music lessons and pay all the copays for medical and dental visits. I write the checks to the lawn guys that save my husband from the misery of yard care in Texas in July. It’s not a mystery to me how it could be that women spend the vast majority of household income. It’s part of the job.
**

Wives are working their husbands to death, forcing him to be away from his children, and then divorcing him, taking her little mutilated beggers with her, at the first sign of “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore”.

Really? Why is it necessary to divorce him after working him to death?

(I’m asking for a friend.)

 

[Xantippe]

Come on now. Really. How much of his job could you actually know about. If he were home sick, could you put on his “work uniform” and go take his place and be as effective as he is.

You are just being intellectually dishonest here. Dare I say it…straw man much?

Eh, but that’s why I wouldn’t stomp in to my husband’s classroom and attempt to take over his class.

That would be silly.

 

[Xantippe]

You assume that women stay home to spend money. Having a stay at home mom pretty means you don’t have any extra money for “fun” things, designer things, or even non-discount store things.

**Right. I had way more money to spend on just me when I was a single gal or a working married newlywed. Having children nukes our ability to spend money on ourselves. If we are paying attention to finances, of course. (It took me a number of years to realize that our finances had been nuked.) **

I would submit, that many stay at home moms (especially in large families) are also “worked to death”.

Yes. A lot of good Christian husbands don’t think nearly hard enough about what they are asking of their wives and whether it is reasonable or fair. When I was a kid, there were three of us (me, my younger sister, and our baby brother) and we were living in a half-finished house. I remember my dad often griping that my mom had not finished some house-finishing project. When I was a kid, that sailed over my head, but now that I’m an adult, I think that was very unreasonable–to have three kids (including an energetic toddler), normal household chores to manage, AND a house to finish. That was ridiculous.

 

[theplummer]

Really? Why is it necessary to divorce him after working him to death?

(I’m asking for a friend.)

Not sure I understand your question.

However, good on you. You and your spouse seem to have it pretty much worked out and yes youngins are a chore. I found that cleanup lasts less than five minutes. Before the little tornados are right back.

Really, I believe we have much in common in realizing what’s wrong with our western culture.

It can be said that the definition of crazy is repeating the same mistakes over and over, expecting different results.

We’ve been down the road of all the ills I’ve already mentioned. It’s time to try something different. Well, not really different, more a renaissance, so to speak. The Case for Father’s Custody makes that case quite clearly and completely. And falls within Roman Catholic teachings to boot. Who knew, Jesus knew what he was talking about. Go figure

 

[Xantippe]

O
How about checking out things like Dr. Tara Palmontiar, or Dr. Paul Elam. And their research. That isn’t tainted by feminist doctorine.

I would do a little bit more research on Paul Elam if I were you.

This is a good place to start:

buzzfeed.com/adamserwer/how-mens-rights-leader-paul-elam-turned-being-a-deadbeat-dad#.ls0v49MWl

 

[theplummer]

I would do a little bit more research on Paul Elam if I were you.

This is a good place to start:

buzzfeed.com/adamserwer/how-mens-rights-leader-paul-elam-turned-being-a-deadbeat-dad#.ls0v49MWl

Buzzfeed. Really is that where you get your credible information from

I don’t even need to click on the link to know what their issue with him is. I’m surprised he hasn’t sued the pants off of them for their fabrications.

Ive also read a statement made by his daughter condemning the author of the hit piece you presented in how she was so very misquoted and used , just like the media is doing to old Donald Trump right now with them misquoting what he said about illegal immigration.

Journalistic integrity seems to be an oxymoron.

Dr. Elam is not perfect, neither am I, or I’ll bet you included. However, he is really doing some good work out there in the areas he tackles. I do not agree with his secular atheist beliefs but that does not make him less able to recognize injustices when he sees them. He’s devoted his life’s work helping men in trouble. You’d think Christians would appreciate someone like that.

Guess it only matters when you do good work only for the ones that “deserve” it. Like…women and children?

 

[Walking_Home]

Ok, now that’s two insulting posts in a row, with absolutely nothing positive to support your position.

Is that all you’ve got. Stop wasting my time.

You are acting like a troll.

---

Hey – you came on here flinging “feminist”/“feminist suppremist pride”/“feminatzi” uncharitable at others. It has been seen often enough as the “modus operandi” – of the “mano residents”. So when the shoe fits.