A guy's 16 year old daughter is pregnant

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Something to get off my chest: a long time acquaintance–“long” as in, since high school which ended over 30 years ago, “acquaintance” as in, we are friendly not friends–has a 16 year old daughter who is pregnant. (18 weeks).

He, his wife, and the daughter discussed ALL the options (he emphasized ‘all,’ meaning of course, abortion) and decided to keep the baby.

The baby daddy is 15 years old, and barely in the picture at all. Realistically, how could he be involved at that age? He lives with his grandparents. Is he going to ride the school bus home, do his homework, then hop on his bike to go change diapers?

The two kids have been dating for three years. The girl’s friends, teachers, etc. have been supportive. She’s having trouble with her boyfriend. (big surprise, right?)

Here’s the thing: why would parents allow a 13 year old girl get into a long term serious relationship? The boy was 12 when they started dating!! And apparently it has been a tumultuous relationship all along. Full of teen drama, etc. So what goes on in people’s heads?

I lay the blame squarely on the shoulders of her parents. I think they try to be cool parents, very liberal, etc. And now look what they’ve gotten themselves into. Look at the wreck of their daughter’s life, and look at the poor kid who’s going to be born into it.
 
-sigh-

Sadly these stories are all but too common. I mean, this society is doing all kinds of damage to our teens.
 
I think we’re running in a paradoxical world.

Except for the last 100 years, a 13 yo having a sweetheart would be nothing to blink an eye at. Now, we get riled when 23yo’s are preparing for marriage.

Still, we live in the time we do. It isn’t socially acceptable for young teens to date seriously. Yet, we’re still biologically wired for it. Best idea is to keep kids in big groups, have sweethearts but let them know that it isn’t forever.
 
I partially blame the parents and then partially blame the kids. Those kids were old enough to know NOT to have sex and WHY they shouldn’t be doing it. My guess is that they weren’t having sex in front of their parents, so they were obviously sneaking around. If the parents were allowing them to be alone together unsupervised, SHAME ON THEM!! That is neglectful parenting, especially in this day and age. My daughter has had boyfriends but if they aren’t out together in a public setting with other adults keeping an eye on them, they are at our house with ME keeping an eye on them. Parents have to be parents nowadays. Once the kids are all raised, THEN they can be friends! 😉
 
peacoat said:
I think we’re running in a paradoxical world.

Except for the last 100 years, a 13 yo having a sweetheart would be nothing to blink an eye at. Now, we get riled when 23yo’s are preparing for marriage.

Still, we live in the time we do. It isn’t socially acceptable for young teens to date seriously. Yet, we’re still biologically wired for it. Best idea is to keep kids in big groups, have sweethearts but let them know that it isn’t forever.
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Wait, what?!? In this day and age, adulthood is not considered to have been attained until 18 or 20. What’s this about “we get riled when 23yo’s are preparing for marriage.”?

A 13 year old having a boyfriend has been unheard of for a very long time, (except for the times when puberty was essentially coming of age) and only recently has it become culturally acceptable for teens to go on “dates.”

It IS socially acceptable for young teens to date; but it’s wrong. They won’t be ready for marriage for quite a few years, and all that time together is really just experimenting with explosives.
 
But let us also celebrate the survival of this precious child and pray for the parents and grandparents.
May God bless them and may the Holy Family watch over them. May Saint Joseph join us in prayer for the young father and the grandfathers and Our Lady intercede on behalf of the young mother and grandmothers. May Our Dear Lord keep this child close to His heart and, over he course of his life, guide him safely to heaven.
Amen.
 
I agree that 12 and 13 year olds dating is crazy. And has been for more than 100 years.

However, I will say a prayer of thanksgiving that the baby’s life has been saved. It will be very difficult for the mom and the grandparents. The father and greatgrandparents will hopefully do whatever they can to support her during her pergnancy.

Perhaps you can recommend adoption as a best choice for this baby. But the gift of life is precious nonetheless. ❤️
 
Prayers said for the health of the baby and wisdom for the rest involved.
 
At least they are keeping the baby. Although the fact that the children had sex and now find themselves with a child is very sad, I don’t think we should rant against them or their families. We should pray for them and the baby. Thanks be to God that they aren’t aborting it. :signofcross:
 
You really have no place judging these parents. Period. You have no idea why they make the decisions they do, what they talked about, or what rules they had in place. All you know is what you see.

My now 14 year old niece started having sex at 12. Thank goodness she didn’t get pregnant. She had a boyfriend, which her parents tried to forbid, but she did it anyway. Finally her parents decided that it would be better to let her “date” so that they could keep a watchful eye on the situation so she wouldn’t sneak around. So he hung out at their house. What they didn’t know was that the kids were having sex at school! Her parents are good parents, they tried to do what they felt was best, but sometimes kids just do things that you can’t stop. It was a tumultuous time for their family. As far as they know she is no longer sexually active, and they keep a very close eye, but if she was doing it at school who knows how creative kids can get?

Rather than judgement you should offer this family support and kindness.
 
on_the_hill said:
Something to get off my chest: a long time acquaintance–“long” as in, since high school which ended over 30 years ago, “acquaintance” as in, we are friendly not friends–has a 16 year old daughter who is pregnant. (18 weeks).

He, his wife, and the daughter discussed ALL the options (he emphasized ‘all,’ meaning of course, abortion) and decided to keep the baby.

The baby daddy is 15 years old, and barely in the picture at all. Realistically, how could he be involved at that age? He lives with his grandparents. Is he going to ride the school bus home, do his homework, then hop on his bike to go change diapers?

The two kids have been dating for three years. The girl’s friends, teachers, etc. have been supportive. She’s having trouble with her boyfriend. (big surprise, right?)

Here’s the thing: why would parents allow a 13 year old girl get into a long term serious relationship? The boy was 12 when they started dating!! And apparently it has been a tumultuous relationship all along. Full of teen drama, etc. So what goes on in people’s heads?

I lay the blame squarely on the shoulders of her parents. I think they try to be cool parents, very liberal, etc. And now look what they’ve gotten themselves into. Look at the wreck of their daughter’s life, and look at the poor kid who’s going to be born into it.
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The past is the past. If the daughter was determined to date the boy, then there would not be much the parents could have done.

The bright side is that the baby will grow up with relatively young grandparents, who made the right choice to not push their their daughter into aborting their grandchild. Allowing the child to live, lets their daughter’s mistake to die, not her child.

Child birth will not “ruin” this girls life. This is a ‘pro-choice’ myth, used to scare people into thinking abortion is a necessary evil. The daughter will have more responsibility earlier than most girls, but so many blessings earlier as well.

Ranting about the hardships of someones life that you are not directly involved in does not reflect well on the pro-life movement. It is often this kind of negative attention that women fear that pushes them towards abortion. Very few women go under the knife believing themselves in the right, but to escape fear and powerlessness.

Every ounce of Christian prayer must go towards courage and encouragement for unplanned mothers.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
You really have no place judging these parents. Period. You have no idea why they make the decisions they do, what they talked about, or what rules they had in place. All you know is what you see.

Rather than judgement you should offer this family support and kindness.
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I have to agree with this. If you are upset by this fact, the most charitable thing you can do is pray for them. You aren’t aware of the situation in full, so how do you know what happened and who is to blame? You said you are barely acquaintances. Even if you did know, the best thing to do is pray.

This type of judgement is one thing which pushes woman to abort. We as a Catholic community must condem sex outside marriage. However when it happens we are to a) encourage them to repent and seek reconcilliation b) support young mothers who have to deal with pregnancies.
 
on_the_hill said:
Something to get off my chest: a long time acquaintance–“long” as in, since high school which ended over 30 years ago, “acquaintance” as in, we are friendly not friends–has a 16 year old daughter who is pregnant. (18 weeks).

He, his wife, and the daughter discussed ALL the options (he emphasized ‘all,’ meaning of course, abortion) and decided to keep the baby.

The baby daddy is 15 years old, and barely in the picture at all. Realistically, how could he be involved at that age? He lives with his grandparents. Is he going to ride the school bus home, do his homework, then hop on his bike to go change diapers?

The two kids have been dating for three years. The girl’s friends, teachers, etc. have been supportive. She’s having trouble with her boyfriend. (big surprise, right?)

Here’s the thing: why would parents allow a 13 year old girl get into a long term serious relationship? The boy was 12 when they started dating!! And apparently it has been a tumultuous relationship all along. Full of teen drama, etc. So what goes on in people’s heads?

I lay the blame squarely on the shoulders of her parents. I think they try to be cool parents, very liberal, etc. And now look what they’ve gotten themselves into. Look at the wreck of their daughter’s life, and look at the poor kid who’s going to be born into it.
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Ah the myth of “safe” sex outside of marriage… unfortunately we coined that term so unwisely and then handed it to teenagers, who are already known to have a particular weakness towards “risky” behavior. So then we go and tell them that, hey, use this condom and poof, no consequences and then expect them to make responsible adult decisions about VERY adult behaviors!!!

This is one of the reasons the church is against birth control… first, because the idea that you absolutely won’t get pregnant is a lie. Second, because the idea that children can be seperated from being a natural consequence of sex is totally degenerative in society and results in a bevvy of consequences (from the explosion of the pornography industry to the explosion of teen/single mom pregnancies that statistically result in terrible life consequences for the children).
 
on_the_hill said:
Something to get off my chest: a long time acquaintance–“long” as in, since high school which ended over 30 years ago, “acquaintance” as in, we are friendly not friends–has a 16 year old daughter who is pregnant. (18 weeks).

He, his wife, and the daughter discussed ALL the options (he emphasized ‘all,’ meaning of course, abortion) and decided to keep the baby.

The baby daddy is 15 years old, and barely in the picture at all. Realistically, how could he be involved at that age? He lives with his grandparents. Is he going to ride the school bus home, do his homework, then hop on his bike to go change diapers?

The two kids have been dating for three years. The girl’s friends, teachers, etc. have been supportive. She’s having trouble with her boyfriend. (big surprise, right?)

Here’s the thing: why would parents allow a 13 year old girl get into a long term serious relationship? The boy was 12 when they started dating!! And apparently it has been a tumultuous relationship all along. Full of teen drama, etc. So what goes on in people’s heads?

I lay the blame squarely on the shoulders of her parents. I think they try to be cool parents, very liberal, etc. And now look what they’ve gotten themselves into. Look at the wreck of their daughter’s life, and look at the poor kid who’s going to be born into it.
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I agree with the posters who say that this is really the family’s affair, but I would also add that it is very, very common now for even very young teens to be in what look like serious relationships. It was sort of common when I was in middle and high school, but most of those “relationships” lasted a few months at most. By the time I was teaching middle and high school, I had several students who had been “together” for years. And you can bet they’re doing everything that “serious couples” in their 20s and up are doing, unfortunately - minus shacking up.

It is not unheard of for teenagers to think they are adults and that they can handle adult responsibilities. I remember being that way myself. 😛 But I think there has been a major attitude shift in how to handle that in teenagers. I wasn’t particularly rebellious because even though I hated it, I (usually) thought that my parents at least had my best interest in mind, even if I thought they were wrong about what it was. 😉 I wasn’t allowed to go on one-on-one dates until I was 16, and that was seen as puritanical by most of my friends (and occasionally by me, though sometimes I was relieved to have a convenient excuse to say “no”). I dated two guys and ended up marrying the second one when I was 23. My friends who have been “dating” since the seventh grade…still date like seventh graders. 🤷

My kids won’t be dating until they’re older. I may even say 18. 😉
 
Mrs_Sally said:
I agree that 12 and 13 year olds dating is crazy. And has been for more than 100 years.

However, I will say a prayer of thanksgiving that the baby’s life has been saved. It will be very difficult for the mom and the grandparents. The father and greatgrandparents will hopefully do whatever they can to support her during her pergnancy.

Perhaps you can recommend adoption as a best choice for this baby. But the gift of life is precious nonetheless. ❤️
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I don’t even see how a 12 year old and 13 year old can “date!” Unless by “date,” they mean, “Come over and hang out at my house behind my closed bedroom door, while we tell mom and dad we’re studying.”

:rolleyes:

Dates happen when at least one of the people is driving age and has the disposable income to fund a recreational activity for both people to enjoy.

But leaving that aside, at least the baby will have a chance at life. If I were the OP, I might very delicately bring up the topic of adoption, but it would have to be done very carefully and respectfully. If that’s not possible, then just pray for the family and especially for that new little life growing in the daughter’s uterus.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I don’t even see how a 12 year old and 13 year old can “date!” Unless by “date,” they mean, “Come over and hang out at my house behind my closed bedroom door, while we tell mom and dad we’re studying.”

:rolleyes:

Dates happen when at least one of the people is driving age and has the disposable income to fund a recreational activity for both people to enjoy.
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I know! It’s so ridiculous that kids think they are adults already when they have barely begun pubertyl
 
I am surprised by how many parents think it’s cute for their 12 year old to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. I know of parents that take their 11 y.o to the movies with their “boyfriends” thinking look how popular my daughter is to have a boyfriend.
I have a friend who is always bragging about the boys who have crushes on her daughter. I have also heard conversations between my daughter and her friend where a boys name will come up and she will say, “oh, he has a crush on me.” ugh.

I do think it’s best not to judge, and to try to be supportive.
 
Sure it is the family’s affair primarily. Of course, now it is also the grandparent’s affair, the boy’s parents affair, and probably the school and social worker’s affair, and all of society’s affair, unless they live in total isolation. People make decisions for themselves, but the affect others.
 
on_the_hill said:
Here’s the thing: why would parents allow a 13 year old girl get into a long term serious relationship? The boy was 12 when they started dating!! And apparently it has been a tumultuous relationship all along. Full of teen drama, etc. So what goes on in people’s heads?
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Hopefully this is an aspect of Catholic parenting that will be taken more and more seriously in the future. I don’t think you mentioned that your friend is Catholic?

There does seem to be certain trend now among some Catholic parents to do as you suggested–ie make sure children are spending time together outside of school in groups only, and not permitting long-term dating relationships to develop before the late teens or so. I can’t imagine letting my daughter date at age 12…it does seem some parents really do place an emphasis on wanting to be cool, and wanting their kids to be accepted by peers, over the protection of their son/daughter’s physical and emotional development. Most teen relationships don’t work out, and instead of encouraging teens to relate to both sexes well, we set up teens to start serial dating early.

I think it’s the Cana is Forever book in which Father Doyle advises that teens should not enter long-term dating relationships basically because they do not have the resources to independently support themselves in an adult relationship, and emotional wreckage ensues with every break-up…which is probably unavoidable at some point, but there’s not a benefit from having more break ups than necessary. I read the Cana book, and I also noticed he has a book titled Sins of Parents about guiding youth that has come back into print. (I haven’t read this second book.) It’s doubtful that very secular parents would appreciate this, however.

However, I suppose it’s understandable, unfortunately, because it’s not unusual to find kids dating in middle school. If there’s not a prominent model to consider other than what the societal norm is, maybe Catholic parents just don’t think about the dangers. Let’s hope that Theology of the Body evangelization teams and similar organizations widen their outreach and books such as Father Doyle’s find their way into more hands.
 
Given we are all created by God Our Heavenly Father EVERY child is a GIFT, the most precious GIFT from God of all! Regardless of the situation. The child was meant to be brought into the world (God’s world) by this young girl with her family supporting as Grandparents. God obviously has the most wonderful plans for this baby and lessons to be learned by the family’s new little addition!

Pray for their family and do not judge God’s decision on how He has brought this little one into His world
 
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