A heavy cross to carry

[Abis]

I am sorry if this is the wrong forum for this posting but I need some advise. I am new to this (posting) so please bare with me.

In my youth I was a very rebellious and wild kid. I did way too many things that I am not proud of and ashamed of some. In that early youth I committed a major sin. This sin became my necessary evil. It changed my life forever.

I stopped my wrongdoings, cleaned up my act, finished school and dedicated my life to helping others. I have done a lot of good since then and I have suffered quite a lot doing it. I work so others may have what they need.

I remember this incident every day of my life. This is my cross to cary.

Although I am active in my church with a strong faith I have never confessed my sin. I feel I don’t deserve to be forgiven by God when I have yet to be forgiven by the people affected here on earth. They are good people, I am certain I will be forgiven, all I have to do is ask. However, because of the nature of my sin, I know if and when I ask for forgiveness I am going to destroy a person’s life and I don’t dare do that. That is why I have carried this pain for so long. I want desperately to ask God for forgiveness but not at the expense of someone else’s life. I simply CANNOT ask God to forgive me without their forgiveness FIRST.

I don’t know what to do. The older I get the heavier my cross becomes.

 

[Mike_Brick]

I am sorry if this is the wrong forum for this posting but I need some advise. I am new to this (posting) so please bare with me.

In my youth I was a very rebellious and wild kid. I did way too many things that I am not proud of and ashamed of some. In that early youth I committed a major sin. This sin became my necessary evil. It changed my life forever.

I stopped my wrongdoings, cleaned up my act, finished school and dedicated my life to helping others. I have done a lot of good since then and I have suffered quite a lot doing it. I work so others may have what they need.

I remember this incident every day of my life. This is my cross to cary.

Although I am active in my church with a strong faith I have never confessed my sin. I feel I don’t deserve to be forgiven by God when I have yet to be forgiven by the people affected here on earth. They are good people, I am certain I will be forgiven, all I have to do is ask. However, because of the nature of my sin, I know if and when I ask for forgiveness I am going to destroy a person’s life and I don’t dare do that. That is why I have carried this pain for so long. I want desperately to ask God for forgiveness but not at the expense of someone else’s life. I simply CANNOT ask God to forgive me without their forgiveness FIRST.

I don’t know what to do. The older I get the heavier my cross becomes.

Abis my brother/sister in Christ. You have carried the guilt of this sin for far too long and must confess it to a priest in confession at which time you will be forgiven by God. Also be sure to confess the sin of failing to confess this sin in past confessions if any. While there, consult with your confessor as to how to settle the difficulty of asking for forgivness from the victim(s) of your sin, to repair the damage in this life too without causing further damage. That can be done if you will trust in God’s loving mercy!

Most importantly you must allow God to repair the damage to your own soul. Give this “Cross” back to Jesus, who died just so you personally and all of us personally as well could be forgiven when we fall down in our journey. Heaven is populated by saints, who at one time have “fallen”, but by the grace and mercy of a loving God, got up, sought and received forgivness and went on to exemplary lives.

Based on how you describe your “turn-around”, (that’s conversion my friend) you have already gotten back up and are to be commended for that, but you need the assurance that a good confession and God’s assurance of absolution will bring. Then you must, and I repeat must do the more difficult part, forgive yourself. If God can and will forgive you, you do not have the authority or right to refuse to forgive yourself. You are human not God, you are not more powerful than our Loving Father who holds out His arms and wants to welcome you back into Him. No you will not forget your sinful act(s), but you must forgive yourself and continue to move forward in close relationship with God through our redemeer, Jesus Christ, who’s death we remember and even clelbrate today as I write this to you. He even forgave those who were killing His humanness on the Cross of Calvary; are you less deserving than they were? You cannot “work” you way through this serious matter by “being a good person now”, you must trust in the mercy of Jesus, who died for you!

I am, and I’m sure others who visit this thread are too, praying for you that you will give this burden to Our Lord in confession and trust Him to forgive and follow Him in forgiving yourself.

May You Feel His Peace Soon!
Mike

 

[exiled]

Dear Abis,
We have all committed serious sins. I still carry the consequences of some of mine, and no doubt I hurt others, but I no longer bear “guilt” for them, and the “guilt” does not weigh me down. It is because I have confessed my sins and received the grace of the Sacrament, and that is what you MUST do as well. If your priest instructs you to speak to the other person, then you must, but I doubt you will be asked to reveal any information any further. In fact, I believe it is quite alright for you to say, “I have sinned against purity” (for instance), without going into the exact nature of what happened, therefore not revealing information that in irrelevant to your contrition.
I’m not sure this is helpful based on not knowing specifics, but there is NO sin you can commit that God will not forgive if you go to Him in love. He’s heard it all!

 

[nkmeck]

I believe it was Bishop Fulton Sheen who said that “Hell is full of people who were unable to forgive themselves.” And that seems to be your problem.

Remember as Christians that we are called to live like Christ. Jesus, in His mercy, forgives people of their transgretions. We must also forgive others when then sin against us, but we must also be able to forgive ourselves first and formost.

In my prays
Nate

 

[puzzleannie]

I Although I am active in my church with a strong faith I have never confessed my sin. I feel I don’t deserve to be forgiven by God when I have yet to be forgiven by the people affected here on earth. They are good people, I am certain I will be forgiven, all I have to do is ask. However, because of the nature of my sin, I know if and when I ask for forgiveness I am going to destroy a person’s life and I don’t dare do that. That is why I have carried this pain for so long. I want desperately to ask God for forgiveness but not at the expense of someone else’s life. I simply CANNOT ask God to forgive me without their forgiveness FIRST.

.

you have it backwards, that is not how it works. God has priority, you must ask his forgiveness first, because only he has the right and ability to forgive you completely, to absolve your sin, and wipe it away. Go to confession today if you can find a priest, or at the earliest opportunity. Do whatever he tells you with regard to reparation or reconciliation with others you have offended, but do not put them ahead of God. You are using them as an excuse to avoid doing what you know you have to do, confess, express contrition and do penance, and accept God’s mercy.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

Keep in mind that the Sacrament of Penance reconciles us not only with God, but also with our neighbor. We read in #1469 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

This sacrament reconciles us with the Church. Sin damages or even breaks fraternal communion. The sacrament of Penance repairs or restores it. In this sense it does not simply heal the one restored to ecclesial communion, but has also a revitalizing effect on the life of the Church which suffered from the sin of one of her members. Re-established or strengthened in the communion of saints, the sinner is made stronger by the exchange of spiritual goods among all the living members of the Body of Christ, whether still on pilgrimage or already in the heavenly homeland:

“It must be recalled that . . . this reconciliation with God leads, as it were, to other reconciliations, which repair the other breaches caused by sin. The forgiven penitent is reconciled with himself in his inmost being, where he regains his innermost truth. He is reconciled with his brethren whom he has in some way offended and wounded. He is reconciled with the Church. He is reconciled with all creation.”​

One of the reasons we confess to the priest is that he represents not only God, but also all God’s people whom we have offended by our sin, and he forgives us in their name. You will be given additional grace through the Sacrament to seek any other healing with individuals that you may feel is necessary.

 

[drafdog]

Thinking that your sin is too great to be forgiven is the sin of pride.
Phooey!! None of us “deserves” to be forgiven! The fact of the matter is that when love is the basis of the equation, forgiveness is a given. When dealing with God, the relationship equation is one of Love. You would no more hold a mistake against a child of your own than the Father would hold one against any one of us. Confess in expectation and rejoice in forgiveness given freely because God so passionately loves you. He has brought you this close; come closer still. There is room in the Father’s lap for all of his children.

Matthew

 

[Cari]

The Devil tries to keep us all from God- and he’s a dirty fighter. He couldn’t stop your conversion, he couldn’t stop you from changing your ways, he can’t stop your love for God. But he can (and is) stopping you from receiving the Grace that will cleanse and heal your soul.

Go to confession. You won’t be able to ask for forgiveness from the people you’ve hurt until you can re-establish the lines of communication with God that the Devil’s trying to sever.

You’re in my prayers,
Cari

 

[mommyof4]

Abis, I don’t have any more advice to give, because you have received some excellent advice here already. I just want you to know that I will be praying for you.

 

[MTD]

I feel I don’t deserve to be forgiven by God when I have yet to be forgiven by the people affected here on earth.

I think you have a wrong sense of injustice. In the absolute sense, we don’t owe anything to men but only to God. Thus sin is an offense against God for Himself whereas sin is only an offense against men insofar as God has GIVEN them rights to our respect. In other words, of themselves men don’t have a right to anything, not even good behavior from their fellowmen. So try to remember that sin is first and foremost an offense against God and that it is an offense against others only insofar as God has ordained that we love our neighbor. We do not owe love of neighbor to our neighbor; we owe love of neighbor to God! In other words, we love our neighbor not for himself but for love of GOD.

They are good people, I am certain I will be forgiven, all I have to do is ask. However, because of the nature of my sin, I know if and when I ask for forgiveness I am going to destroy a person’s life and I don’t dare do that.

In cases where prudence dictates that it would be an unjust damaging of another person’s reputation to ask for forgiveness, the forgiveness of the offended people must be assumed. Besides, our salvation and life of grace before God do not depend on whether other people have forgiven us; they can and sometimes do not forgive. What is ultimately important is God’s forgiveness and your sincere contrition and purpose of amendment. Sometimes this contrition and amendment requires asking for forgiveness; other times it doesn’t. Yet other times it is required NOT to ask forgiveness because of circumstances beyond your control, such as the good reputation of another being unjustly harmed.

I don’t know what to do. The older I get the heavier my cross becomes.

Go to confession. You really are committing two serious sins by NOT confessing that sin: pride and despair. You must give place to these sins by humility and hope.

Humility is truth: recognizing that you are nothing and that God is everything; that without Him you can do nothing; that without His grace you cannot do one, single good thing; that without His mercy you cannot be forgiven and saved. Hope is trust and confidence in God; you know that you cannot do any good thing without His grace nor can you rise out of your sin without His mercy. Hope is a theological virtue, a GIFT from God that inclines us to hope in His grace and mercy.

Despair is a most dreadful sin; do not fall prey to it.

In fact, I believe it is quite alright for you to say, “I have sinned against purity” (for instance), without going into the exact nature of what happened, therefore not revealing information that in irrelevant to your contrition.

Both the nature and the number of mortal sins must be confessed. There are many different types of sins against purity, for example; adultery is a completely different sin from fornication. No, the sin must be confessed in just enough detail that the priest knows exactly what sin has been committed. Details that do not affect the kind of sin it is are unnecessary.

You are in my prayers and sacrifices, Abis.

Maria