A horrible emptiness

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kristinbk

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I attended both the Holy Thursday service and the Good Friday service and it was so tough for me. My husband and I were married outside of the church and can’t have our marriage blessed until after Lent. Therefore we are living in mortal sin and can’t take communion. It was so hard for me and I felt such an emptiness and almost burst into tears when everyone was going up and I was just sitting there. Even now I have a knot in my stomach just thinking about the emptiness I felt. I don’t know why I’m posting this, I really don’t expect anything from it I guess I just had to let it out. But I’ll tell you what, It has really pushed me to wanting to get our marriage blessed as soon as possible.
 
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kristinbk:
I attended both the Holy Thursday service and the Good Friday service and it was so tough for me. My husband and I were married outside of the church and can’t have our marriage blessed until after Lent. Therefore we are living in mortal sin and can’t take communion. It was so hard for me and I felt such an emptiness and almost burst into tears when everyone was going up and I was just sitting there. Even now I have a knot in my stomach just thinking about the emptiness I felt. I don’t know why I’m posting this, I really don’t expect anything from it I guess I just had to let it out. But I’ll tell you what, It has really pushed me to wanting to get our marriage blessed as soon as possible.
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Take comfort in the thought that your emptiness wil very soon be filled! I was in the exact same situation you are now in when I converted. When I found out that I was technically “living in sin”, I almost died! The good thing is that you are responding so appropriately to the situation of sin (stomach knots). Many people just don’t care. Please post when you have your marriage blessed and I’ll send up a celebratory Hail Mary.
 
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kristinbk:
I attended both the Holy Thursday service and the Good Friday service and it was so tough for me. My husband and I were married outside of the church and can’t have our marriage blessed until after Lent. Therefore we are living in mortal sin and can’t take communion. It was so hard for me and I felt such an emptiness and almost burst into tears when everyone was going up and I was just sitting there. Even now I have a knot in my stomach just thinking about the emptiness I felt. I don’t know why I’m posting this, I really don’t expect anything from it I guess I just had to let it out. But I’ll tell you what, It has really pushed me to wanting to get our marriage blessed as soon as possible.
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Image the joy when you do come into the fullness. Offer your emptiness up and I promise God will put it to good use. God Bless you and your marriage.

Kathleen
 
Oh darlin, I know where it is you are. I am in the midst of a change in my spiritual life, long story!!! Just know this, even the devout go through periods of emptiness. Holy thursday and Good Friday are especially overwhelming to some. Seems as though I have spent the last two weeks sitting in a pew, and though I know that I have been forgiven my sins, I still have an unexplainable emptiness or confusion in my belly. And Frankly I’ve about had enough of it. I did a good confession this past week after years of denying it’s needs, I was floating on air, and yet today I feel kinda confused and empty, I really think that it is because we are suppose to feel this way during this most passionate week. I am hoping the Joy of Easter Sunday and our Lords ressurection will remove this feeling. Or at least I can hope and pray for that. Know that you are not alone and that people do care about you. I shall say a prayer for you now… I’ve asked for the Holy Spirit to inspire you and for God to show you his Love this day. Be courageous and strong and pray for me too. I need it also. Happy and blessed Easter and know that even if you can not receive the eucharist on Sunday you are still in the right place and doing the right thing. Let that be your consolation. Please do go up for a communial blessing at communion time, even if you can’t receive it is still a very beautiful thing. I’ll be thinking about you.
 
I don’t understand.

Lent is a season of sacrifice.

It’s too late now, of course, but deciding to live as brother and sister for the season of Lent, and until your marriage is blessed after Lent, would have been a wonderful – and a doable – sacrifice for this season of repentance.

Yes, you would still be in a marriage that is invalid, until your marriage is convalidated. But you would not be actively sinning – and if you confessed your prior sins and repented of them, you would have been eligible for the sacrament.

Did you discuss this with your priest/confessor? If you did, I would be disturbed that you apparently did not get this advice.

Some situations – cases where, for whatever reason, a marriage cannot be validated (usually divorce/remarriage; occasionally obstinacy on the part of a partner) – are tough; it’s hard for a couple to contemplate living “as brother and sister” indefinitely. But for a period of weeks, in preparation for a scheduled validation of a marriage? Any of us can do that. And offering it up to God in Lent – putting obediant sacrifice ahead of personal wants – would further enrich the effort, and, in my opinion, would strengthen your relationship with each other, as well as your relationship with God.
 
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kristinbk:
I attended both the Holy Thursday service and the Good Friday service and it was so tough for me. My husband and I were married outside of the church and can’t have our marriage blessed until after Lent. Therefore we are living in mortal sin and can’t take communion. It was so hard for me and I felt such an emptiness and almost burst into tears when everyone was going up and I was just sitting there. Even now I have a knot in my stomach just thinking about the emptiness I felt. I don’t know why I’m posting this, I really don’t expect anything from it I guess I just had to let it out. But I’ll tell you what, It has really pushed me to wanting to get our marriage blessed as soon as possible.
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Unite your emptiness to the sacrifice of the Cross. Jesus wants you to do this. Trust in Him and everything will be fine. Soon you will be able to receive the King of kings and Lord of lords. Christ is using suffering to prepare you to receive the greatest gift in the world - HIMSELF!

Pray to our Sorrowful Mother. She will help you at this time as well. United to the sufferings of Jesus and the sorrows of the Blessed Mother will make your reception of Our Lord in Holy Communion all the more glorious.

Peace
 
Re-reading what I posted above, it struck me that I left something out.

Assuming that the original poster (kristinbk) was properly counseled (which may be a leap, I recognize!), then what she faced was a choice – on the one hand, to live as brother and sister until her marriage is blessed, go to confession, and be eligible for the sacrament of the eucharist; on the other hand, to continue to behave as if validly married, and to forego the sacrament.

Now, we don’t know whether kristinbk was properly counseled, and understood this choice. However, if she was properly instructed, and chose to continue to have marital relations, instead of living as brother and sister and returning to the sacraments, until her marriage is blessed…well, I’m not sure we should be expressing support and sympathy for that choice.

If she wasn’t properly counseled, and didn’t understand her options, I would of course be sympathetic – we should support her, and pray for her – and we should also pray for those who failed in their duty to assist her!
 
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kristinbk:
I attended both the Holy Thursday service and the Good Friday service and it was so tough for me. My husband and I were married outside of the church and can’t have our marriage blessed until after Lent. Therefore we are living in mortal sin and can’t take communion. It was so hard for me and I felt such an emptiness and almost burst into tears when everyone was going up and I was just sitting there. Even now I have a knot in my stomach just thinking about the emptiness I felt. I don’t know why I’m posting this, I really don’t expect anything from it I guess I just had to let it out. But I’ll tell you what, It has really pushed me to wanting to get our marriage blessed as soon as possible.
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On Holy Thursday, I attended the English service and subsequently the Vietnamese service. Since I wasn’t allowed to partake in Holy Communion a second time, the priest that I talked to said what I could do was an act of spiritual communion.

“My Jesus,
I believe that You
are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things,
and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment
receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You. Never permit me to be separated from You. Amen.”
 
Thank you so much for all of your prayers they are much needed. I guess I should’ve expanded more in my original post. I got away from the church for quite some time and so did my husband. At the time we got married we had been away from the church for years. We decided to get married in a chapel in Tennessee and that was all well and good until about the beginning of this year when I found this website. It really brought me back closer to God. Reading everyones posts and getting a lot of my questions answered turned on a light inside of me that was out for so long. I was very ignorant in the teachings of the church. I didn’t even know that when you were living in Mortal sin that you couldn’t accept communion. I did however start going back and did not accept communion. Right after lent started I called my parish priest and told him that my husband and I wanted to get our marriage validated in the church and he told me that we would have to wait until after Lent but did not mention anything about us living as brother and sister until we were validly married. It was a very brief telephone call and in the rush of it no advice was given. I would’ve taken any advice that he would’ve given me. I’m just hoping that Monday, when I call we can have it blessed as soon as possible. I really want to make it right. Thanks again for all your blessings and prayers and I will pray for all of you as well. God bless
 
I’ve lived much of my life as a homosexual person w/o acting on it. Yet I still feel as though all my communions were no good since I might have been spreading something. I now feel I can only receive My Lord in the hand. This I read in other threads is purgatory. Then I must accept that I am in purgatory without having died. I will continue to receive in the hand until I actually do die.😦 Pray for me everyone, please.:confused:
 
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goofyjim:
I’ve lived much of my life as a homosexual person w/o acting on it. Yet I still feel as though all my communions were no good since I might have been spreading something. I now feel I can only receive My Lord in the hand. This I read in other threads is purgatory. Then I must accept that I am in purgatory without having died. I will continue to receive in the hand until I actually do die.😦 Pray for me everyone, please.:confused:
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You need to check out the Courage website:

couragerc.org/

They minister to people with same sex attractions who are trying to live a chaste, Catholic life.

The most important thing to remember is God’s mercy is infinite. If you are trying to do the right thing, and it sounds like you are, God’s mercy is there for you. As long as you are in a state of grace, you can receive communion. In fact, receiving Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament is the best way to gain strength to carry this cross you bear. Don’t lose hope. :blessyou:
 
kristinbk,

By all means, call the rectory on Monday. Ask for an appointment to meet with the pastor – don’t try to work things out on the phone. Why? Because if you actually sit down in his office, he’s more likely to really focus on your situation, and help get you back on track. It sounds like, when you called before, he really didn’t.
 
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