A husband and a couple

[CatolicaEveM]

What do you think?

Is it acceptable for a married person, with or without kids, to meet up with a couple (male/female, married or just dating, friends to the married person) for coffee, or dinner, etc.?

I had this idea that a married couple should get together with other couples. Guys nights are for guys and girls nights are for girls. I don’t want to offend anyone but I find that leaving your spouse at home (because you cant find a babysitter, etc.) to go out with a couple is disrespectful to the marriage and weakens the bond between the spouses. I find it awkward too.

Let me know your thoughts and if there are good Catholic resources on marital matters to share. Thanks and God bless.

 

[agapewolf]

What do you think?

Is it acceptable for a married person, with or without kids, to meet up with a couple (male/female, married or just dating, friends to the married person) for coffee, or dinner, etc.?

I had this idea that a married couple should get together with other couples. Guys nights are for guys and girls nights are for girls. I don’t want to offend anyone but I find that leaving your spouse at home (because you cant find a babysitter, etc.) to go out with a couple is disrespectful to the marriage and weakens the bond between the spouses. I find it awkward too.

Let me know your thoughts and if there are good Catholic resources on marital matters to share. Thanks and God bless.

For people to have a small social outing without their spouse is NOT disrespectful to the marriage or weaken the bond. I find the suggestion ludicrous.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

My fiance and I don’t socialize much without each other.

But then again we don’t have to coordinate who is going to take care of the kids.

 

[CatolicaEveM]

For people to have a small social outing without their spouse is NOT disrespectful to the marriage or weaken the bond. I find the suggestion ludicrous.

I’m not sure you understood. I don’t mind at all that my husband goes out with his male friends. I find it hurtful that he thinks it’s ok to have evenings out with a couple without me. sigh Maybe I am just being foolish.

 

[bzkoss236]

I’m not sure you understood. I don’t mind at all that my husband goes out with his male friends. I find it hurtful that he thinks it’s ok to have evenings out with a couple without me. sigh Maybe I am just being foolish.

I am with you with one exception… if the other spouse can’t make it.

To expand on the details: If it can’t be rescheduled and, say, the wife can’t make it, but tells her husband that he can still go if he wants to (or if the situation is in reverse, with the husband not being able to make it), then since he has the approval, it would be okay.
Or say that one couple works at the same place as one person from the other couple and they go to eat for lunch together in the workday.

 

[LisaAnnC]

I think it is disrespectful, first of all, if you don’t have a babysitter, than neither should go out. My hubby and I have been married for 24 years and we have never gone out without the other in the type of situation you described. Why would either of us want to? As you say, husband going out with male friend or friends is one thing but going with another couple without you, I think that is a little suspicious and selfish of the husband.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

I can’t even begin to understand this thread.

If you would be so kind, can you explain from the beginning what the problem is?

I mean, it’s not as if we’re talking about the husband going out by himself with another single woman. It’s not even as if we’re talking about the husband going out by himself with a single woman and a single man. We’re talking about the husband going out with a couple, and as such, there’s not even a theoretical possibility of adultery or anything like that.

Or supposing your husband has friends that are a couple and they share a hobby between the 3 of them…

What… what would be the problem exactly?

LisaAnnC:

As you say, husband going out with male friend or friends is one thing but going with another couple without you, I think that is a little suspicious and selfish of the husband.

How is it suspicious?

How it is selfish?

 

[Litcrit]

If you would have wanted to go, and these are your friends too, but he chose himself as the person to socialize while you were the person to watch the kids, then I understand why you’re upset.

But I don’t think we need a rule like the one you stated. People really are allowed to socialize in any way that is good for all involved provided all the parties are happy with the arrangement.

 

[LisaAnnC]

the husband goes out with another couple, leaving the wife at home because they can’t get a babysitter, you don’t think that is selfish?? The husband gets to enjoy a night out, but the wife is stuck home with the kids. sorry, I do think its selfish of the husband.

 

[red_bug_jen]

What do you think?

Is it acceptable for a married person, with or without kids, to meet up with a couple (male/female, married or just dating, friends to the married person) for coffee, or dinner, etc.?

I had this idea that a married couple should get together with other couples. Guys nights are for guys and girls nights are for girls. I don’t want to offend anyone but I find that leaving your spouse at home (because you cant find a babysitter, etc.) to go out with a couple is disrespectful to the marriage and weakens the bond between the spouses. I find it awkward too.

Let me know your thoughts and if there are good Catholic resources on marital matters to share. Thanks and God bless.

If it only happened once or twice I wouldn’t really think anything of it. If it was a regular occurrence, where he is routinely going out with another couple that you also enjoy spending time with and is intentionally choosing times when you are unavailable, I personally would be offended by that and would want to know why. It doesn’t seem as though a blanket rule applies here, it should be determined by the situation. Have you spoken with him about how you feel?

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

the husband goes out with another couple, leaving the wife at home because they can’t get a babysitter, you don’t think that is selfish??

I mean, if you’re going to call anything that you do that does not involve your spouse ‘selfish’, then I guess so. But that seems like a rather zany definition of selfishness.

One day last week, my wife got really wrapped up in a new book, so I took out the garbage, cooked dinner, cleaned the dishes, etc. that night so she could finish enjoying it. Would you consider that selfish of her?

The husband gets to enjoy a night out, but the wife is stuck home with the kids.

Sometimes I need time apart from my wife, so I have it. Sometimes my wife needs time apart from me, so she has it. I don’t see what the big deal is about that. We love each other dearly, but still like our time apart here and there.

…and when she’s out without me, I could hardly care if she’s with an individual person or a couple or a group, just so long as she’s not putting herself in a sinful or dangerous situation. Apart from that, why should I care?

 

[bzkoss236]

I can’t even begin to understand this thread.

If you would be so kind, can you explain from the beginning what the problem is?

I mean, it’s not as if we’re talking about the husband going out by himself with another single woman. It’s not even as if we’re talking about the husband going out by himself with a single woman and a single man. We’re talking about the husband going out with a couple, and as such, there’s not even a theoretical possibility of adultery or anything like that.

Or supposing your husband has friends that are a couple and they share a hobby between the 3 of them…

What… what would be the problem exactly?

How is it suspicious?

How it is selfish?

It leads the wife to assume that the husband finds her embarrassing to be around or that there is something wrong with her that he doesn’t want his friends to meet, see, or hang out with her. A married couple is supposed to function as a unit, so unless plans were made before hand where it is known that the wife couldn’t attend (or vice versa), it might be considered selfish and disrespectful of the husband to not invite his wife. I believe a non-married couple functions similarly, especially a couple that plans on getting married.

 

[Litcrit]

I’ve just seen your other thread. Your husband seems to exclude you from his social life and always leave you home alone with 6 kids. What you seem to be asking here is “Can’t he at least take me with him when he’s socializing with a couple?”

What he does is wrong because he doesn’t seem to spend nearly enough time with his wife and children.

 

[_Jenn]

What do you think?

Is it acceptable for a married person, with or without kids, to meet up with a couple (male/female, married or just dating, friends to the married person) for coffee, or dinner, etc.?

I had this idea that a married couple should get together with other couples. Guys nights are for guys and girls nights are for girls. I don’t want to offend anyone but I find that leaving your spouse at home (because you cant find a babysitter, etc.) to go out with a couple is disrespectful to the marriage and weakens the bond between the spouses. I find it awkward too.

Let me know your thoughts and if there are good Catholic resources on marital matters to share. Thanks and God bless.

I think it depends on the situation. My husband & I don’t have all the same friends. We do share some of the same friends, but not all. Also, he is more of the homebody while I am more of the “get out & socialize” mentality. We both compromise, though. I have stayed home at times to be with him, and he will go against his desire to cuddle up at home to go out at times.

Is he doing this often? Do you get the chance to do it as well? That, I think, is where whether or not it is “ok” comes into play.

In general, though, I do not believe that it automatically weakens the bond between spouse or is a bad thing. It is very situational, IMO.

 

[Lorelei12]

What do you think?

Is it acceptable for a married person, with or without kids, to meet up with a couple (male/female, married or just dating, friends to the married person) for coffee, or dinner, etc.?

I had this idea that a married couple should get together with other couples. Guys nights are for guys and girls nights are for girls. I don’t want to offend anyone but I find that leaving your spouse at home (because you cant find a babysitter, etc.) to go out with a couple is disrespectful to the marriage and weakens the bond between the spouses. I find it awkward too.

Let me know your thoughts and if there are good Catholic resources on marital matters to share. Thanks and God bless.

Yes, of course this is “acceptable”. As far as I am aware, there is no Catholic teaching that states a married couple may only socialize with other couples together. That would be ridiculous.

A couple having trouble fairly balancing work, child care, and socialization is a separate issue. A man consistently leaving his wife home with the kids while he goes out to have fun can be disrespectful unless she is getting an opportunity to do the same. However, this is not the same as saying it’s somehow wrong for a married man to socialize with a married couple.

 

[Carolus_Martell]

…What do you think

hummmm, if he repeatedly does this knowing how you feel then I suppose there is something that needs attending to…

…then again if he otherwise, in all aspects of marriage performs as a faithful loving husband and also offers to watch the kids while you get a chance to go out with friends. Then maybe, you just could be a bit over anxious.

 

[Iron_Donkey]

I’m not sure the fundamental deciding factor should be whether going out to meet a couple or not. I would rather think the deciding factors should be 1) is the husband just as willing to stay home with the kinds while the wife goes out and socializes in whatever manner she wishes as ask the the wife to stay home while he goes out, and vice versa, and 2) do both husband and wife spend enough time with the kids and together. The absence of either one of these conditions I think would make going out to socialize individually with either couples or non-couple problematic.

I suppose a rule of this sort (couples with couples, individuals with individuals) might be a good way to try to cause these two conditions to be met, by guaranteeing somewhat indirectly that they must be, but I don’t think it would be good for it’s own sake but rather just a potentially good way of bringing about 1 and 2.

 

[CatolicaEveM]

I read all of the responses here and the responses from my other thread. It looks like there really are no rules to socializing within a marriage. It’s more about what each individual couple decides or sees fit.

Just to make it clear, my husband does allow, and even encourages me to go out with friends. But, I would rather have him join me. And I wouldn’t accept an invitation to meet with another couple without my husband. I just don’t see couples in the past do that to each other. You know, when men opened doors for women?

If I’m wrong, I’m wrong, and will apologize.

 

[Em_in_FL]

What do you think?

Is it acceptable for a married person, with or without kids, to meet up with a couple (male/female, married or just dating, friends to the married person) for coffee, or dinner, etc.?

I had this idea that a married couple should get together with other couples. Guys nights are for guys and girls nights are for girls. I don’t want to offend anyone but I find that leaving your spouse at home (because you cant find a babysitter, etc.) to go out with a couple is disrespectful to the marriage and weakens the bond between the spouses. I find it awkward too.

Let me know your thoughts and if there are good Catholic resources on marital matters to share. Thanks and God bless.

Nothing that applies to all Catholics across the board…

I’m not sure you understood. I don’t mind at all that my husband goes out with his male friends. I find it hurtful that he thinks it’s ok to have evenings out with a couple without me. sigh Maybe I am just being foolish.

Sounds like a personal issues between you and your husband?

I read all of the responses here and the responses from my other thread. It looks like there really are no rules to socializing within a marriage. It’s more about what each individual couple decides or sees fit.

Just to make it clear, my husband does allow, and even encourages me to go out with friends. But, I would rather have him join me. And I wouldn’t accept an invitation to meet with another couple without my husband. I just don’t see couples in the past do that to each other. You know, when men opened doors for women?

If I’m wrong, I’m wrong, and will apologize.

I think you’re trying to speak in “general” terms… this is really something that you and your husband need to discuss together… one on one.

 

[CatolicaEveM]

Ok. Sounds like it is just a preference that I should let go of. This situation was new to me and I never thought about this in the past. Thinking about this and discussing this with my husband shows no end in sight. It has given me headaches these past couple of days!