A JW Story

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MistyF

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I was 8 when I began going to the Kingdom Hall. I truly loved God, and I did everything to please Him. I didn’t do it because Mom made me, I did it because it was what I believed I should do, and I wanted to share my faith with everyone else, to save them. I struggled for Him, I stayed away from “worldly influences” and began Pioneering (I was home-schooled).
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My sister was a few months old when Mom became a JW, and she was a shining example of how JW kids should be raised. She answered at meetings from the time she could talk, she was brave and told people when they did something wrong, and when she was asked why she didn't do birthdays or Christmas she proclaimed that they were bad, and would even explain why. I remember her crying because she was too sick to go to meetings sometimes.

When I was a teenager, I had problems with my Mom, for various reasons. Partly just normal teen issues with parents, partly that she and I were so alike that we fought, partly that she was so strict. She will even tell you now that she went overboard with it. She was afraid to let me talk to anyone, to do anything, to even have a normal semblance of privacy. When I was 15, she married another JW, and he was a jerk. Well, he was more than a jerk, but I'll keep it clean. We had lived in a small town up to this point, and then we moved to a big town (comparably). For the first time, I had friends. Lots of them. They, of course, were all JWs. I turned 16 somewhere in here. Things were getting unbearable at home. Mom's husband was very controlling of everything, and Mom submitted to his demands, as a "submissive wife" that the JWs value so much. I had a job for 3 years prior to this move, and I wanted a job when we moved, so I could save for a car. He said I could only work with him at his job, because otherwise I would be in danger of worldly association. I eventually was able to talk them into letting me have a job. I got a full-time job where I had a company car (because I had to run errands between offices). It was very high paying for my age, and the type of work. I loved it! Of course, I still spent lots of time doing the "witnessing work", and did everything right.

About this time, I went to a JW youth party, and met a great guy. He was a ministerial servant (a position of responsibility within the congregation, though not an elder), and I knew he was the kind of guy that I would want, and that Mom would approve of. Except for one thing. Even though I was approaching 17 years old, I was not allowed to date. Not even in social situations only. But, I really liked him. So, I decided that if I was "adult and responsible" about the situation, that I might have a chance. I sat Mom and her husband down, and explained how great he was, and pointed out things like that he was a ministerial servant, and so were all his friends, etc. I told them I knew they thought I was too young to date, and that if they would let me, I would follow all the rules. That I would only see him in social situations, going out in groups, etc. I wouldn't even ask to go on an actual date. To my surprise, they both said ok, and asked to meet him. I was elated!

So, he and his friend drove down (they lived about 90 minutes away) to meet my mom and her husband (J). As soon as they sat down, Mom and J tore into him, about how awful he was for wanting to date someone so young, and how the Watchtower Society disapproved of it. I was broken hearted. They told me not to see him again, not to talk to him. Well, that was just too much for me. I lived in a place where I didn't have a bedroom - they strung a curtain across the dining room for my room, because we lived in a two bedroom apartment, and there were three of us kids. And I was the lucky one, because I got my own room - my younger sister and brother had to share. There are more details I could put in here, but in the interest of saving time, I won't. I began to talk to him without their knowledge, wrote letters, and eventually a friend of mine went to a movie with me, and he met us there - and we *gasp* held hands. He didn't even try to kiss me, which really made me know that I was right about him. The next day, I came home and thought I was alone. I called a friend and told her about the night before, and then my brother came out from behind the couch and I was caught.
(cont’d)
 
I called Mom & J, and told them, since it was either I did it, or my brother did. They came home and J went through my room - not my mom - but J! He pulled every drawer out, pawed through my underwear, pulled the sheets off the bed. He looked everywhere possible to find any evidence of my wrongdoing. He found letters from my beau, and later brought them to me to show me how the Devil had misled me. He had highlighted things in the letters to show this. He took me before the elders of the congregation, so that they could publicly reprove me for lying. I could see this killing my Mom. She didn’t feel right about what he was doing, but because the JW belief is that she should follow in whatever decisions he made, she let it go on. I was grounded fro 3 months, and this meant that the only things I was allowed to do were go to work - although there was talk that he was going to make me give notice - and go to meetings. I wasn’t allowed to go to any friends, no phone, I couldn’t go in service (door-to-door)without one of them being there with me - which meant that my Wednesday and Friday evening service had to stop, my walks at the park had to stop, I couldn’t even take my siblings to the movies with me. I had everything that wasn’t religious or clothing taken from my room. No books. I wasn’t allowed to even do the crossword puzzles in the paper. And the worst thing he even found in those letters was something to the effect of how much I couldn’t wait to get out from under Mom’s thumb, and that we would have to wait until I was 18 to officially date.
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 The elders did not publicly reprove me, but they said that if I was found lying about anything else, no matter how minor, that they would. And they completely endorsed everything that J said. I found out later, Mom went to them herself and was told to do whatever J said, also.

 I talked to my friend's parents about my situation, and they agreed that I needed a way out. They recommended that I talk to the local juvenile probation officer about my options. I had two other JW families that were willing to allow me to live with them, so that I could remain in a situation that would encourage my faith.

 I talked the officer, and she recommended that I go ahead and leave. To do it over a weekend, leaving a note to tell them I was safe, and then talk to Mom on the phone at the end of the weekend, and to make sure she knew where I was. If she did nothing, I was home free. If she told the cops I was a runaway, I was to allow the cops to pick me up, and the following business day contact her, and the court would appoint me a lawyer and that would start the process for me to become an Emancipated Minor. Well, that is what happened. This went to court 2 weeks or so after my 17th birthday.
By this time, we had moved back to the small town, so that I wouldn’t be “corrupted” any more. Then Mom left J, because he tried to hit her, and he wasn’t supporting the family financially by choice. But it was too late for her and me. And she knew it, so she signed the papers. That day in court, I had about 20 people, my friends, and their parents, there to support me.

In the months preceding this, however, I had become depressed. I always fought with depression. But this was different. I was suicidal, but too scared to go through with it. When we moved, I was allowed to get a job at a grocery store, mostly because they knew they had to - the judge would frown on them not letting me.

The JWs accuse all other religions of brainwashing. And it’s funny now that I think of it, because that’s exactly what they did. When I left, I felt guilty for a long time, and I knew that if I ever were to go back to religion, it would be JWs, they were the only ones that could possibly be right. And somewhere inside me, I knew they couldn’t be. So, over the next couple of years I decided to be agnostic. I did once try to get my then-husband to study, when we first got married. But it just didn’t feel right, and so we quit. And I will say, I originally left because of corruption of men.

In the 10 years that have passed, I have avoided religion completely. The one good thing the JWs gave me was peace knowing that this world was all there would be for me. Hell is nothingness to them. So, I buried it all, and lived my life as I wanted.

Recently, I began dating an absolutely amazing man, who happens to be Catholic. Now, he accepts me completely as I am. He’s never pushed me, but he’s said some things that really touched me. He is the first man who has ever shown me true love. No strings, no judgments, no changes in myself.

(cont’d)
 
And the love that he’s shown has spread to other areas of my life. When the Pope became ill recently, I started asking him questions. It started as just casual questions. And then, mid April, those casual questions turned into so much more. I began to come home every night and all I did was look at biblical information, mostly Catholic. I think this change in me came because he showed me that the Church is about love. And I’ve been raised to believe that of all churches, the Catholic Church was the worst, and the least loving. I’ve seen differently now, though.
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  I have really struggled with all of this. I had sworn off religion completely. And here I was, looking into it. At first I told myself that it was just out of curiosity - after all, I needed to understand what my future husband believes in. Then I decided that it was a point of healing from all that I'd experienced as a JW. And let me say, it truly has been liberating in that aspect. But, there was a feeling inside of me that this search was becoming more, and that terrified me. I couldn't stop though, it was just impossibility.

 Then I began to notice what I now believe may actually have been Divine Guidance in my search. It's really difficult for me to say that, because of my past. But, I noticed things were falling into place too conveniently for it to be otherwise. For example, I wrote my boyfriend an email one evening and I talked about how I wasn't sure I could ever pray. The next day, when I got online to continue my quest, for some reason, I opened the website for the local Diocese, and there was a new Bishop's Message. I had already been all the way through this site, and there were so many others that I knew had information I wanted to read, so I'm not sure why I went there. But, I opened this, I read that message, and the Bishop spoke of prayer. And the way he said it touched me, it sparked a light inside of me. I am stubborn, and even though I knew at the time that it was what I needed to hear, I swore I couldn't let that happen yet.

 One night, I came to Catholic Answers. And I read a thread about JWs. And once again, this happened right at a moment where I was struggling with the subject. That thread linked me to a site about ex-JWs, and I found a few more after that. I cried over several of these stories, I could feel what the author felt. And it was so healing. I let go of so many things that tied me to the JWs, even when I tried so hard to cut the strings. I knew they were wrong, I knew their teachings were wrong, I knew what they did hurt me and my family to the core. But still, they held invisible strings on my heart. Some of my thinking still needs to be changed, because it's hard to know what ideas were real, and which weren't, since I had honestly studied the bible before, and thought I knew its meaning. 

 I have done a lot of writing about all of this. I love to write, and so I have been writing about what I'm feeling, and then also writing daily about what I've learned, and what questions I had. I also discussed almost all of it with my boyfriend. But, I realized that I had so totally and completely avoided saying that I had faith in God, and avoided even thinking about prayer. But, it was there. And I decided to sit down without distraction and give honest thought to those two ideas. When I was done, I admitted to myself that I did have faith in God, and that I was going to have to let Him help me with my past, and guide my search into His ways. The only way to do that was by praying to Him. And so I did.

 I think I've found God's Church, but I know that I haven't found all of God's Truths yet. And that need to know just won't be silenced. I am here because I have found the meaning of what the bible says, but the path that brought me here was corruption. Strange, huh?

 One other part of my story is about my sister. It's really her story, but I feel the need to add this.

 My sister, as I said above, was a shining example of a JW kid. We grew up in a small town. I moved away when she was about 8 or so, I think. So, I didn't know her very well. But, when she was 14, a man who was 51, and used to be an elder, and was also held in high esteem in the congregation began to take an interest in her. Over time this married man, we'll call him D, began to cross lines. He convinced her that he loved her, that this was true love, and he was the first person to do so. D also had a background in psychology, so he was very good at it. And as sheltered as Mom kept us, she was very susceptible. One other thing about her - she is very "young". Not that she isn't intelligent, but there's just something about her that doesn't get the world, and even now that she's 20, she seems more like 14 in her behavior, because she doesn't know how to cope in social situations. Anyway, he eventually kissed her, that eventually led to touching. They were caught, and reprimanded. I think she was 16 at this point.
(cont’d)
 
He kept trying to contact her, went to where she worked, etc. He taught her how to hide their relationship, how to convince people that she was doing so well again. He slept with her multiple times, and they were caught again. She was so deep into this that she thought she couldn’t live without him. Oh, and from the time this relationship started, she began cutting (self-mutilating) because of the guilt. They were both disfellowshipped. He was reinstated 6 months later. It took her over 3 years. She went to every meeting, she studied, she prayed. They kept telling her no. The first year, she was in the congregation she grew up in, the one that they disfellowshipped her in. These people knew her so well! They wouldn’t reinstate her, even after a year.
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 So, she moved with Mom to the bigger college town, close to where we moved when Mom got married. She still faithfully attended meetings. Almost a year passed there, also. She asked to be reinstated several times; they kept telling her "soon". It was later found that the last time she asked, and they told her they'd let her know, they recommended to the "faithful and discreet slave" (who had never met her, nor knew her story, nor cared about her) that she was ready, but they were told no.

 As an 18 year old girl in college, who lived at home, and had been cut off from her childhood friends, she had a really hard time. She tried so hard to do what was right, and she DID what was right. But they wouldn't reinstate her. So, it was no wonder that when this man was on his deathbed and called her, and she was still so messed up psychologically, she went to see him to say goodbye. She was caught, and shortly thereafter tried to commit suicide - after all that would mean, at worst, that it was all over - death is nothingness and that is what she longed for.

 She came to live with me then, and despite problems between her and me, and other general life problems, she no longer let suicidal thoughts win. She rarely lets the urge for self-mutilation take over - she's becoming stronger. And here she got reinstated. The only reason she wanted this was because my Mom wouldn't talk to her since she was disfellowshipped.

 How sick is it that these "shepherds of God's flock" never once offered her guidance, implied that seeking "worldly" psychological help was wrong, and shunned her, said they were doing it out of love?

 I never thought I would have allowed religion back into my life after these events. But, I am so glad that I have. I have found peace within myself, by allowing the Lord in. I have been able to forgive people, including the ones mentioned above, for wrongs they have done, although I still recognize that they are hurting others, and I wish I could make that stop. Another great thing is that I am now beginning to teach my children (boys, 5 & 7) about God and who Jesus was. I asked them, towards the beginning of this search into religion, if they knew who Jesus was, or who made the world. They looked at me like I was crazy, and that made me very sad.

 For anyone who made it to the end - thank you for caring enough to read this far, I know I'm long winded. :)
 
Jeff,
I don’t mind at all. But I don’t want the last part about my sister on there. I don’t mind taking the risk that my family would see my story. But, without her permission, I don’t want to take that risk for her. So, if you would, just take out the part at the end where I tell her story. I can put it into HTML format, if you would like.
 
Misty,

Thank you for sharing your story in such amazing detail. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

God Bless,

CARose
 
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MistyF:
Another great thing is that I am now beginning to teach my children (boys, 5 & 7) about God and who Jesus was. I asked them, towards the beginning of this search into religion, if they knew who Jesus was, or who made the world. They looked at me like I was crazy, and that made me very sad.
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Don’t take it personally. They’re kids! They think it is their job to think things are crazy.

Besides they are boys. Here is how I am with my boy, even now that he is all grown up: I wait for (or engineer) a teaching moment. This usually looks like a problem. Boys being boys, he gets all bent out of shape about the problem and tries to act in control by ‘solving’ it in a very inadequate and judgmental way.

My job is to breathe. As soon as he hears the breathing, he knows that I am going to say something. But I don’t. This usually happens a number of times, giving me plenty of time to think of a really subtle but penetrating question. A rhetorical question. Then I say it. Then I keep my mouth shut.

Well lo and behold if six months down the line, he starts a conversation about the very same thing and his solution looks just exactly like my rhetorical question. And of course it is all his idea. Whatever works I say, smiling to myself.

Point? They have to balance being independent with being totally enthralled with you as their mother and as their wise woman. Only they can work out the balance. God bless and welcome home again. Ani.
 
Ani,

What an insightful way of working with boys! I like it. I think it might even be helpful in working with my husband, seriously!

We have some things that are a challenge in our relationship, but he needs to have things be his idea, and we have some things that simply need to be addressed in a manner different than the approach being taken. I think if I tried more of the talk less approach but still get my point across (e.g. allow time before expecting him to get it and incorporate it) I’d do far better.

Please consider adding our marriage to your prayers. I’d certainly appreciate it.

Thanks,

CARose
 
Luke 21: 7 - 10
Then they asked him, “Teacher, when will this happen? And what sign will there be when all these things are about to happen?” He answered, “See that you do not be deceived, for many will come in my name, saying, ‘I am he,’ and ‘The time has come.’ Do not follow them! When you hear of wars and insurrections, do not be terrified; for such things must happen first, but it will not immediately be the end.” Then he said to them, "Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be powerful earthquakes, famines, and plageus from place to place; and awesome sights and might signs will come from the sky.
 
So what does it mean when you are taken in front of the elders and reproved? What right do they have to do anything to you?

Also what were some doctrinal reasons you left.
From what I just read its like the word love was not in their vocabulary.

Any way, Thank God your out of their hold.
 
Misty,

A JW just sent me that scripture passage. What significance does it hold to you?

CARose
 
Catholic Dude:
So what does it mean when you are taken in front of the elders and reproved? What right do they have to do anything to you?

Also what were some doctrinal reasons you left.
From what I just read its like the word love was not in their vocabulary.

Any way, Thank God your out of their hold.
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Well, in my case, being reproved was just them telling me I was wrong. J. was hoping that I’d get a public reproval, where they announce my name at a Thursday night meeting, and basically let everyone know I’ve done something wrong, so that they can watch out and I won’t corrupt others. They don’t say what I did, but when that happens, there’s always a talk given about the subject - in my case it would have been lying.

And I didn’t leave for doctinal reasons, really. I did have questions at one point, but was told basically that my faith should be stronger, and I was afraid to take it further, so I prayed and ignored my doubts. But at this point, the doctrinal reasons are things like they don’t believe in the Trinity, disfellowshipping, the 144,000 in heaven and everyone else on earth…I could go on and on. I’ve been collecting biblical ideas that contradict them, actually. There are a lot of websites that have done the same, though.
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CARose:
Misty,

A JW just sent me that scripture passage. What significance does it hold to you?

CARose
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CARose, the JWs used to quote that to prove that Armageddon was almost here. But, I just read it, and what it says is:
“See that you do not be deceived, for many will come in my name, saying, ‘I am he,’ and ‘The time has come.’ Do not follow them!” and the JWs seem to think that says “Do not follow them if they aren’t JWs”, or maybe “Do not follow any of them but one”. But, if they would just truly read it, and not focus on the terrifying parts at the end, they would see that it says not to follow people coming in Christ’s name saying the end is here. How simple is that? There are so many things that I’ve run across like that, and it’s just sad to me that so many of them are decieved, as I once was. It makes my heart sad for them.
 
Misty,

Thanks so much for sharing your story. It is so moving & wonderfully written. God is going to use you in such amazing ways. There is a verse in the Bible that talks about just that - how going through very difficult times makes us better able to help others. I am going to be praying for you, and your Mom & sister.

And what you believe is true…Nothing is coinsidence - God has had you in the palm of his hand the whole time… gently leading you home.

God Bless you,
CM
 
thank you for sharing your story, mistyf, and we’re praying for you!
 
Thank you so much for sharing your story - very moving and inspiring. You are very courageous - and much grace is being poured out on you! God bless you!

I have one question…what or who is the “faithful and discreet slave” you mentioned?

-Peace in Christ-

DustinsDad
 
Truly, thank God that you are free from them and that you have found God’s Church! I have family and friends who are JW and the one thing I can definitely say is that they are not a peaceful group. As you said, there is little forgiveness. They really do just scare you into submission. My step-mother is one and for them they don’t know God as Father. He is only a judge and ruler. But thanks be to God we know otherwise! My step mother self mutilates even at 60 something! Pray for those you love caught in their trap and give thanks for your freedom. May God grant you his peace and increase your faith as you seek understanding. I will keep you in my prayers.
 
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DustinsDad:
Thank you so much for sharing your story - very moving and inspiring. You are very courageous - and much grace is being poured out on you! God bless you!

I have one question…what or who is the “faithful and discreet slave” you mentioned?

-Peace in Christ-

DustinsDad
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The “faithful and discreet slave” is what the Watchtower Society (the organization that runs the JWs) calls themselves sometimes. This comes from Matthew 24:45-47, which in the NAB says:
“Who, then, is the faithful and prudent servant, whom the master has put in charge of his household to distribute to them their food at the proper time?
Blessed is that servant whom his master on his arrival finds doing so.
Amen, I say to you, he will put him in charge of all his property.” The JW version of the bible says “faithful and discreet slave” instead of “faithful and prudent servant”.
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cathlicnlovinit:
Truly, thank God that you are free from them and that you have found God’s Church! I have family and friends who are JW and the one thing I can definitely say is that they are not a peaceful group. As you said, there is little forgiveness. They really do just scare you into submission. My step-mother is one and for them they don’t know God as Father. He is only a judge and ruler. But thanks be to God we know otherwise! My step mother self mutilates even at 60 something! Pray for those you love caught in their trap and give thanks for your freedom. May God grant you his peace and increase your faith as you seek understanding. I will keep you in my prayers.
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That is a good point, that they don’t know God as Father, only as a judge and ruler. It’s so backwards compared to who He really is.

I didn’t know of any other JWs that self-mutilate, until my sister. The reason she did was guilt - which is what they use to control people. It has been a long, hard road for my sister to stop. Mental illness is something that runs in our family, on my mom’s side. And her and I both suffer from it. However, both of us have types of mental illness that are usually only brought out by traumatic events - and the life of a JW can definitely be described as traumatic, especially what my sister went through. That makes me wonder what your step-mother has gone through, and if she would ever consider getting help. It’s a really difficult thing to get past, and it takes a very strong person to resist when things get bad and you have the tendency to self-mutilate. I will pray for her.
 
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