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golfer999
Guest
They still perform weddings there. I think there are 3 that will take place there this year if I recall right.
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newf
Guest
I don’t blame you for being annoyed. 1ke is off base comparing you to spoiled teenagers. But that is her issue, not yours, don’t take it personally.
My daughter was recently married. She and her then fiance both grew up in our parish. She was heartbroken we could not fit the time table available with our plans. So we took the wedding to the seminary down the street. It worked out beautifully. The important thing was the people, not the building.
I hope your wedding will work out, too. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
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Truly_Beloved
Guest
I was wondering about this, too.Have you gone to the diocese with your request? Talked to the Bishop? This would be the correct channel to voice your request!
When is the wedding?
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TAS2000
Guest
No one ever said the OP was being a teenager, etc. They were merely piointing out some of the MANY examples of things people have wanted that THEY thought were perfectly reasonable but the church didn’t. Without a specifc example, there isn’t really much else you could do,and they were tryign to help by pionting out what the OP thought was reasonable might not be, given the lack of info.
Now that we have the info, I must say the circumstances described are not unique,so they don’t give away anything. We have a similar arangement. Infact, we can go 1 better, as severla years ago in the lsat round, several area chapels were closed outright, and now have maybe 1-2 masses a year there. So our current situation is to have 2 currently open and actively used churches about 3 mi. apart, and about 5-6 other chapels in the area that are essentially closed and not used. It has been very unsettling for some who just can not let go of their “traditional fmaily parish” because their great great whatever helped build/found the building. It is a common story these days.
Given that both churches are actively used and open each weekend, what you describe sounds reasonable, but why didn’t you make it clear at the begining that you wanted to do this? I can say that the way our parish does things, a change along the way could be quite an upheval, depening on when the request was made. In our parish, you’d be talkign about 2 completely differrnt sets of people, aside from the preist himself. different musicains, different maintence staff, etc. And because of what we will call Bad Feelings of niether parish wanting to giveup its own identity and afriad that the next round of closing will mean one or the other will be merged, people from one church don’t play nice with others, and “switching” wedding locations would cause no end of complaining that the pastor would hear about but the couple never would.
Again, we can’t make a good judgement call without knowing both sides of the story, and frankly, a GOOD preist probably wouldn’t feel comfortable explaining details like that to you even if you directly asked him why it was such a big deal to switch. There is a big desire to present a unifed apperance, even when evryone involved KNOWS it isn’t so.
Now that we have the info, I must say the circumstances described are not unique,so they don’t give away anything. We have a similar arangement. Infact, we can go 1 better, as severla years ago in the lsat round, several area chapels were closed outright, and now have maybe 1-2 masses a year there. So our current situation is to have 2 currently open and actively used churches about 3 mi. apart, and about 5-6 other chapels in the area that are essentially closed and not used. It has been very unsettling for some who just can not let go of their “traditional fmaily parish” because their great great whatever helped build/found the building. It is a common story these days.
Given that both churches are actively used and open each weekend, what you describe sounds reasonable, but why didn’t you make it clear at the begining that you wanted to do this? I can say that the way our parish does things, a change along the way could be quite an upheval, depening on when the request was made. In our parish, you’d be talkign about 2 completely differrnt sets of people, aside from the preist himself. different musicains, different maintence staff, etc. And because of what we will call Bad Feelings of niether parish wanting to giveup its own identity and afriad that the next round of closing will mean one or the other will be merged, people from one church don’t play nice with others, and “switching” wedding locations would cause no end of complaining that the pastor would hear about but the couple never would.
Again, we can’t make a good judgement call without knowing both sides of the story, and frankly, a GOOD preist probably wouldn’t feel comfortable explaining details like that to you even if you directly asked him why it was such a big deal to switch. There is a big desire to present a unifed apperance, even when evryone involved KNOWS it isn’t so.
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Thomas63116
Guest
As I understand the situation your fiance’s parish (now your parish too) consists of what were once two different parishes “Parish A” and “Parish B.” The two parishes were consolidated and the parish now splits its Mass schedule between “Church A” and “Church B.”
Both “Church A” and “Church B” are used for weddings, and “Church A” is available on the date in question. You and your fiance wish to hold your wedding ceremony at “Church A” but the pastor is saying it must be at “Church B.”
You don’t state this explicitly, but I gather that your fiance grew up in “Church A.” Presumably this is the church where she was baptised, received her first communion, had her confirmation, etc. There is also a family connection to “Church A” going back several generations. Your fiance would like to receive the sacrament of marriage in the same church where she received these other sacraments. This seems like a reasonable enough request. Presumably part of the reason both “Church A” and “Church B” were left open as part of the consolidation was to allow the parishioners at each to maintain a connection to their church.
Your pastor’s reasoning for holding the ceremony in “Church B” seems to be that your fiance has moved within the parish and now lives closer to “Church B.” This also seems like a fairly reasonable “rule of thumb” for the parish to use in determining where a parishoner’s wedding ceremony will be held. But in this case, this guidline seems to be placing your fiance’s current geographic location above her connection to the parish where she received the other sacraments and where her family has been active for generations.
Both your position and your pastor’s position seem reasonable enough. I think a respectful letter to the pastor might be in order. Thank him for his help with your preparations to date, and explain your understanding of the reasons why he has decided the ceremony should be held at “Church B.” Outline your reasons for wanting to hold the ceremony at “Church A” and ask him if he might reconsider.
Others have suggested contacting the diocese or the Bishop, so you might consider copying the Bishop on the letter. Personally, I’m not sure how effective that would be and it might cause further friction with the pastor if you tried to go “over his head” like that. You’ll have to judge the risks and possible rewards of that strategy. Congratulations to you and your fiance and good luck with your pastor.
Both “Church A” and “Church B” are used for weddings, and “Church A” is available on the date in question. You and your fiance wish to hold your wedding ceremony at “Church A” but the pastor is saying it must be at “Church B.”
You don’t state this explicitly, but I gather that your fiance grew up in “Church A.” Presumably this is the church where she was baptised, received her first communion, had her confirmation, etc. There is also a family connection to “Church A” going back several generations. Your fiance would like to receive the sacrament of marriage in the same church where she received these other sacraments. This seems like a reasonable enough request. Presumably part of the reason both “Church A” and “Church B” were left open as part of the consolidation was to allow the parishioners at each to maintain a connection to their church.
Your pastor’s reasoning for holding the ceremony in “Church B” seems to be that your fiance has moved within the parish and now lives closer to “Church B.” This also seems like a fairly reasonable “rule of thumb” for the parish to use in determining where a parishoner’s wedding ceremony will be held. But in this case, this guidline seems to be placing your fiance’s current geographic location above her connection to the parish where she received the other sacraments and where her family has been active for generations.
Both your position and your pastor’s position seem reasonable enough. I think a respectful letter to the pastor might be in order. Thank him for his help with your preparations to date, and explain your understanding of the reasons why he has decided the ceremony should be held at “Church B.” Outline your reasons for wanting to hold the ceremony at “Church A” and ask him if he might reconsider.
Others have suggested contacting the diocese or the Bishop, so you might consider copying the Bishop on the letter. Personally, I’m not sure how effective that would be and it might cause further friction with the pastor if you tried to go “over his head” like that. You’ll have to judge the risks and possible rewards of that strategy. Congratulations to you and your fiance and good luck with your pastor.
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golfer999
Guest
The parish is managed in a pretty straight forward manner. The priests work out of both churches and are housed in 1 rectory. The eucharistic ministers, readers, musicians, and even the facilities staff also do their duties in both facilities. All of the services and parishioners were absorbed in to the 1 parish that now consists of the 2 churches. Its actually real convenient because of the way the timetables are, it actually benefits us by having mass at both churches and gives a ton of opportunities to get to mass.
In terms of our A/B scenario; which was a good way to present the situation. We are getting married in church A, which is where she also has her roots. We want to get married in B. We go to both churches, depending on our availability. He gave his reasons and in the end, the priest is owed a certain degree of respect,even if you disagree with the decision made. Going to the Bishop would probably shake things up because it really is not a major dispute. It was just a courtesy that we would have hoped to have been extended. However, we have decided in the end that we don’t want to be viewed as “those guys” in the parish.
In terms of our A/B scenario; which was a good way to present the situation. We are getting married in church A, which is where she also has her roots. We want to get married in B. We go to both churches, depending on our availability. He gave his reasons and in the end, the priest is owed a certain degree of respect,even if you disagree with the decision made. Going to the Bishop would probably shake things up because it really is not a major dispute. It was just a courtesy that we would have hoped to have been extended. However, we have decided in the end that we don’t want to be viewed as “those guys” in the parish.
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Thomas63116
Guest
OK, so her historical connection has been with “Church A” and “Church A” is where the pastor is suggesting having the ceremony. What do you prefer about getting married in “Church B”? (Just trying to undertsand your rationale).
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golfer999
Guest
Because it’s a 140 year old gothic style cathedral that literally floored me when I was in there for the first time…She warned me that I’d fall in love with the place when I saw it.
I grew up in the surrounding suburbs in a more modern church. I never knew that such a wonder was so close by. It has such a presence like you wouldn’t believe.
I grew up in the surrounding suburbs in a more modern church. I never knew that such a wonder was so close by. It has such a presence like you wouldn’t believe.
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newbetx
Guest
Maybe the priest has some issue with the popularity of the place. Maybe there are other underlying issues you’ll never know about. As you descibe the place, maybe you’d like your wedding pictures there. I know of other couples that take the “wedding” pictures before the wedding to save time and to get a more professional and beautiful set of poses. It’s not the same as being married there, but I thought I’d throw out the idea… You are free to throw it out, too.Because it’s a 140 year old gothic style cathedral that literally floored me when I was in there for the first time…She warned me that I’d fall in love with the place when I saw it.
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Truly_Beloved
Guest
You could even have the pictures taken there after the wedding, depending on your time table.I know of other couples that take the “wedding” pictures before the wedding to save time and to get a more professional and beautiful set of poses. It’s not the same as being married there, but I thought I’d throw out the idea… You are free to throw it out, too.
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HouseArrest
Guest
Were there more reasons other than she had moved a few miles away?
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