A Letter to God

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Everstruggling

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Dear God,

Please don’t take this personally, but I am rejecting you…again.
I know, I know, you’ve heard this all before. It seems like I spend most of my life rejecting you, but I really hope that in the end this will strengthen our relationship. I’m just not willing to ignore our differences, and I don’t think you should either.

For one thing there is that whole love and evil business. I’ve talked to many of your “followers”, and they don’t seem to be able to tell the two apart. I frequently see cold-blooded contempt being touted as some sort of überlove that I am somehow incapable of grasping. If I am going to believe you are a loving God, it’s going to take more than a bunch of people tapping their heals saying, “Blame it on free will. Blame it on free will. Blame it on free will.”

Either you exist, and you gave me a mind, or you don’t, and I somehow got it on my own. Either way, I have one and I’m not going to stop using it. I refuse to accept a lukewarm god. If you exist, you should be able to prove it. If you love, I shouldn’t have to hear about it second hand. If I am to devote my life to you, I expect to be devoting myself to something better. I expect a fuller, richer, deeper appreciation, and I don’t find that in “your” churches. Sometimes, I find it among people. More often than not I find your glory among those that don’t even believe in you.

So once I again I am rejecting you. It might seem hard hearted, and I admit it is sometimes difficult, but I think things are better this way. Would you really want my half-hearted support? Do you really want a hypocrite waving your banner, claiming that they’ve found you? I don’t think so. So I am going to try something better.

I will wait. I will watch. I will study. I will listen. I will continue to devote myself to rejecting false idols and false promises. I will reject “the fullness of truth” in favour of the just plain true. I will make errors, and I will own them. I will proudly proclaim that I just don’t know. I might be waiting for God or I might be waiting for Godot. If my path will be fruitful, I just don’t know, but it is the path that I will follow.

Perhaps you can’t accept that. Perhaps you don’t want me to be true to my convictions. Perhaps you need me to sing your praises even if they are unworthy of singing.

Perhaps.

But I know you are better than that. I know you can handle my doubt. I know that you can handle my demands that you be a better god than I have been led to believe you are.

In love, if not belief,

Ever
 
wow! thats deep. Hope that you are open enough to hear him because he does speak. Im not trying to knock your feelings,I think its how a lot of people feel.
Have you thought of who you truly are? That you are a directly connected to GOD through JESUS. if he has not spoken to you is because you are blocking him. Don’t beileve the garbage that we are here and he is up there somewhere, hes right inside of you. We are never seperate and have never been seperate from Him. Look inside, hes right there.
 
Dear Ever,

You are a good writer and you seem to have many God given virtues.

Best wishes,
 
Prayer of Saint Francis - this may help

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is DOUBT, FAITH;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
 
Everstruggling said:
Dear God,

Please don’t take this personally, but I am rejecting you…again.
I know, I know, you’ve heard this all before. It seems like I spend most of my life rejecting you, but I really hope that in the end this will strengthen our relationship. I’m just not willing to ignore our differences, and I don’t think you should either.
Click to expand...
I have found this helpful always. From Pere Teilhard de Chardin:

Let your ideas mature gradually–let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

Blessings
 
Wow, that is very deep, Ever.

Speaking for myself (I appreciate that your own experience is different) I only need to look at a crucifix to dispel any idea that God is lukewarm about us, having ‘so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten son’. Although of course we are far too frequently lukewarm about each other.

As for the whole ‘free will’ issue - I don’t know how old you are, whether you have any children yourself and so on.

Having lots of nieces and nephews around me, I’m coming more and more to see that there is a sort of wholehearted love of a person that accepts even their flaws and failings. This sort of love loves the beloved with those flaws, and perhaps even because of them in a sense, rather than in spite of them.
 
Everstruggling,
Until recently, I was an Atheist for many of the same reasons you listed. However, it seems like you still do believe that God exists. During my atheist years, I secretly knew that God existed. My advice is to study, contemplate and don’t force anything. I tried to return to Christianity twice after declaring myself an atheist. Neither time lasted because I mentally wasn’t ready to accept it. You are very correct in deciding to use your own mind. That is what led me, slowly and painfully, into the Catholic Church.
 
Thanks for all the kind posts. I was sort of expecting to be barbequed. :eek: :tiphat:

I especially want to thank** patientone. **You made my whole month!
:blushing::extrahappy:
 
You are very welcome.

Yesterday I prayed for you and that the Spirit will softly lift your doubts.Today I thank God for providing me the opportunity to make your month.

God’s timing is perfect, it’s up to us to cooperate.

God bless,
 
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