A life devoid of love.

[SoulSolace]

I have suffered from abuse in the past as well. You are not alone.

The outpouring of grace from God that you have received in how you have found the grace and the courage to endure what you have endured is incredible. God is truly with you, although it may be hard for you to see it.

Do not be daunted by your fears, God finds you immensely lovable although you may see yourself as less so.

Perhaps your loss of a sense of direction means that God is trying to take you where you need to be. Surrender to God and let Him guide you. And continue to pray and ask for the Holy Spirit’s consoling embrace.

I will pray for you as well.

I am sorry. I hate to think of anyone else undergoing abuse. It is a horrendous thing. Strangely I can be forgiving of others who live ‘chaotic’ or ‘sinful’ lives, that have endured abuse in childhood, but, well, I don’t know why I can’t do that with me… (yes, I do. I think I’ll get TOO forgiving with myself)

I hadn’t thought about that with my loss of direction (actually it isn’t a loss, it is a ‘never had it to begin with’) It is a perspective I will keep in mind as the days pass. I think you hit on something there
Surrendering I suspect is going to be a daily thing, but it is a plan/idea that I will try to be consciously aware of now.

Thank you for your time and prayers and suggestions. They are helpful.
God bless.

 

[chefmomster2]

I hate to say this, but here goes, I trust God, but not the embarrassing look Priest. So I guess trusting God means trusting He’ll give me the confessor I need. (just dawned on me)

Absolutely correct! It is VERY hard to trust after abuse. But God won’t let you down! Also, remember that you are not confessing to the priest. You are confessing to God. You need only three things: a true examination of conscience to the best of your ability, a full confession of your sins as best you can, and full repentance including the penance you receive. Honestly forgetting something does NOT invalidate the sacrament. God wants you to come to Him. He longs to be in more perfect relationship. The God who created all of the World, the God who guided Moses through the wilderness, the God who sent His Son is beckoning for YOU, specifically Individually and personally.

I couldn’t understand that one at all. I was not in a state of grace, but so wanted to stop the sin. I thought God didn’t help people who weren’t in a state of grace, and though I realize I was repentant of a sin, I still wasn’t… hmmm, I did try to make a good confession after that.

That statement explains a lot! God sends His grace upon the world despite our sin! The grace comes first. God wants each and every human soul to be gathered to Him. He sent His Son, His Spirit, Grace, the Apostles, the Fathers of the Church, on and on. God wants YOU PERSONALLY, SoulSolace, to be gathered to Him. He wants you because He loves you! He knows who you are. He knows what you’ve done and what you have been through.

Luke 12:6-7 Are not five sparrows sold for two [f]cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

If God cares about each and every individual and seemingly insignificant little bird, imagine how much He cares about you!

“God does not love us because we are good. God makes us good because He loves us!.”

Must your children be good for you to love them? Did you wait until they were good before you gave your heart to them? THE LOVE COMES FIRST! If you as an imperfect parent love even the imperfect people in your life imagine how the perfect Father loves us!

 

[fred_conty]

Soulsolace,
my best answer to help you be successful would be to place yourself and family in the lap of Mary and under her care in an absolute way. She is a mother to you, and mother’s are soft touches. You can get anything out of a mother. Mothers are understanding and kind as well as protective of her child. I believe very strongly that she would perform a miracle for you if you need it. As long as you have good will in your heart and are asking for blessings of the right kind.

You don’t have to make a formal act of consecration, but just a simple one in your own words. Dedicate yourself and all you do each day to her, and ask nothing in return except that you be able to fulfill the will of her son in your life in a reasonable way. Frequently give her expressions of your love for her and thank her as you pass from one favor to the next.

If you put yourself in her care and renew that each day, she will answer you. She has all power of heaven and earth at her disposal from her son. She will make it happen…gradually. Her role on earth is to be the mother of Jesus, and Jesus assigned her that role for us, for we are reflections of Jesus. Jesus has said that what we do to others we do to him. Then if you are in his image, Mary will do for you what she has done for Jesus…nurse, clothe, clean, house, and take care of you in the spiritual life. Lean on her and she will be there for you.

 

[marylauravicuna]

(1) Choose a therapist based on these guidelines: catholictherapists.com/the-root-of-so-many-problems.html Will often work long-term better than the modern therapists

(2) Read St. Faustina’s Diary. liturgicalyear.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/divine-mercy-in-my-soul.pdf

(3) Read My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints, by Dawn Eden amazon.com/My-Peace-Give-You-Healing/dp/1594712905 It really recommends having a spiritual director who is a priest or nun with an MA in theology, which you can find more easily at a monastery than in other sources. Opus Dei also has spiritual direction available easily.

 

[SoulSolace]

Absolutely correct! It is VERY hard to trust after abuse. But God won’t let you down! Also, remember that you are not confessing to the priest. You are confessing to God. You need only three things: a true examination of conscience to the best of your ability, a full confession of your sins as best you can, and full repentance including the penance you receive. Honestly forgetting something does NOT invalidate the sacrament. God wants you to come to Him. He longs to be in more perfect relationship. The God who created all of the World, the God who guided Moses through the wilderness, the God who sent His Son is beckoning for YOU, specifically Individually and personally.

That statement explains a lot! God sends His grace upon the world despite our sin! The grace comes first. God wants each and every human soul to be gathered to Him. He sent His Son, His Spirit, Grace, the Apostles, the Fathers of the Church, on and on. God wants YOU PERSONALLY, SoulSolace, to be gathered to Him. He wants you because He loves you! He knows who you are. He knows what you’ve done and what you have been through.

Luke 12:6-7 Are not five sparrows sold for two [f]cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

If God cares about each and every individual and seemingly insignificant little bird, imagine how much He cares about you!

“God does not love us because we are good. God makes us good because He loves us!.”

Must your children be good for you to love them? Did you wait until they were good before you gave your heart to them? THE LOVE COMES FIRST! If you as an imperfect parent love even the imperfect people in your life imagine how the perfect Father loves us!

You have been so helpful, gentle and encouraging. I really don’t deserve it (I am not saying that out of some piety, but really feel that way), but I am so glad you’ve offered such to me. I hope I can return the favor someday to someone. I have avoided this thread a bit today to gather my thoughts, and in an attempt to not think about things so much.
I believe I am ready to make a good, complete confession, but still don’t have a confessor. If you could keep me in your prayers for just a bit longer?
Please, and for my daughter as well, for she is suffering too much mental and emotional anguish. Especially for her, please pray.
I would go through all my suffering in life again if I thought it would help her.
I really would.
May God bless and keep you.

 

[SoulSolace]

Soulsolace,
my best answer to help you be successful would be to place yourself and family in the lap of Mary and under her care in an absolute way. She is a mother to you, and mother’s are soft touches. You can get anything out of a mother. Mothers are understanding and kind as well as protective of her child. I believe very strongly that she would perform a miracle for you if you need it. As long as you have good will in your heart and are asking for blessings of the right kind.

You don’t have to make a formal act of consecration, but just a simple one in your own words. Dedicate yourself and all you do each day to her, and ask nothing in return except that you be able to fulfill the will of her son in your life in a reasonable way. Frequently give her expressions of your love for her and thank her as you pass from one favor to the next.

If you put yourself in her care and renew that each day, she will answer you. She has all power of heaven and earth at her disposal from her son. She will make it happen…gradually. Her role on earth is to be the mother of Jesus, and Jesus assigned her that role for us, for we are reflections of Jesus. Jesus has said that what we do to others we do to him. Then if you are in his image, Mary will do for you what she has done for Jesus…nurse, clothe, clean, house, and take care of you in the spiritual life. Lean on her and she will be there for you.

Thank you so much. I will do that in small ways every day. I have nothing else, and I know my only help will come from Jesus and Mary (and through the people who carry their message such as yourself and others).

Please pray for my daughter. She is of my top concern right now. A beautiful person who needs some peace in her own soul and mind.

Bless you.

 

[SoulSolace]

(1) Choose a therapist based on these guidelines: catholictherapists.com/the-root-of-so-many-problems.html Will often work long-term better than the modern therapists

(2) Read St. Faustina’s Diary. liturgicalyear.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/divine-mercy-in-my-soul.pdf

(3) Read My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints, by Dawn Eden amazon.com/My-Peace-Give-You-Healing/dp/1594712905 It really recommends having a spiritual director who is a priest or nun with an MA in theology, which you can find more easily at a monastery than in other sources. Opus Dei also has spiritual direction available easily.

I will check those out. (I have Saint Faustina’s Diary actually, but haven’t read it completely nor for a while)
Please pray for my daughter, that she would be emotionally and spiritually healed. And if you wouldn’t mind, a small prayer for me to find a good confessor and Spiritual Director.

Thank you so much for your concern and taking the time to respond.

May God Bless You.

 

[SoulSolace]

:grouphug::grouphug:

Thanks to all of you.
I stayed away today because I knew if I came back and read all of these very loving, encouraging and gentle responses I’d be reduced to tears. . . and I have been.

I have a lot of reading, studying, searching, and learning to accomplish in the near future.
I will keep all of you in my prayers.
Please know that each of you has made a difference and I am truly grateful.

God Bless.:bible1::harp:

 

[chefmomster2]

I am touched by your warm words. I will certainly pray for you both. I have no doubt that the peace you will come to feel in close relationship with God will be such a marvelous gift that you can share with your daughter. I am so impressed with your willingess to listen and to try to do your very best. This bodes well for your future as a Catholic.

Dear Lord,
I need you now because I am full of stress and anxiety. Reading your Word brings comfort, as I ask you to come and take my heavy burdens. I take each burden, one by one, and lay them at your feet. Please carry them for me so that I don’t have to. Replace them with your humble and gentle yoke so that I will find rest for my soul today. I receive your gift of peace of mind and heart. Thank you that I can lie down tonight in peace and sleep. I know that you, Lord, will keep me safe. I am not afraid because you are always with me. Please keep me daily, Lord, in your perfect peace.
Amen

 

[marylauravicuna]

I will check those out. (I have Saint Faustina’s Diary actually, but haven’t read it completely nor for a while)
Please pray for my daughter, that she would be emotionally and spiritually healed. And if you wouldn’t mind, a small prayer for me to find a good confessor and Spiritual Director.

Thank you so much for your concern and taking the time to respond.

May God Bless You.

Hope they help. :hug3: Dawn Eden said the spiritual director was the most important part of her recovery.

 

[tuscany]

Holy Mother, please intercede for us.
Hold the sorrowful, strengthen the fearful,
mother the neglected, abused or forgotten,
give aid to all needing help or healing,
assist those who are sick, in pain or suffering,
be with those needing peace, console the lonely,
comfort the lost or hopeless, guard the unborn,
pray for those who are dying or who have died,
soften those with hardened hearts,
enlighten those who do not yet see truth,
help us be brave enough to let our hurt and anger go,
show us the way to do the right thing,
protect those who are in danger,
and guide us from every evil.
May all who keep your sacred commemoration
experience the might of your assistance.
Amen

 

[tuscany]

Blessed Mother, please intercede for us.
Hold the sorrowful, strengthen the fearful,
mother and love the weary, abused, neglected
or forgotten among us,
give your aid to all needing help or healing,
assist those who are sick, in pain or suffering,
be with those needing peace,
console the lonely or brokenhearted,
comfort the lost or hopeless,
guard the unborn,
pray for those who are dying or who have died,
soften those with hardened hearts,
enlighten those who do not yet see truth,
help us be brave enough to let our hurt and anger go,
show us the way to do the right thing,
protect those who are in danger,
and guide us from every evil.
May all who keep your sacred commemoration
experience the might of your assistance.
Amen

 

[300WhiteKnights]

I will offer my rosary for you tonight. Remember that today is Good Friday, and that Jesus suffered in the garden in a similar way that you are suffering. God knows what its like to feel complete desolation, darkness, and to be on the verge of despair. God knows what it feels like to be completely abandoned, it was Him after all who said on the cross “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”

Do you feel that God has abandoned you to your misery and darkness? Well he hasn’t, no matter how or in which way you think about it. Why? Because he has gone through worse on the cross for you. So He is especially close to you and loves you. Jesus loves you, so much more than you or I could imagine. He is not constantly seeking to condemn you, but to press you against his Sacred Heart.

When I have felt abandoned by God or have doubted His love, I read these messages here: tlig.org. I fully believe that they are authentic, even so, don’t read them with faith in the mystic or her experience. Read them with faith in Jesus. I hope this helps.

 

[Kathrin]

Dear Soul Solace

one of the first thigns that came to my mind when starting to read your post, where you talk about the devioid of love, was this, and I think that is really important:

No matter how devoid your life is of love from other people, GOD who IS Love, will always give you love. And He loves you with all your mistakes and fears and insecurities (by the way, i have a long long history of scrupulosity; I didn’t read the whole thread now because I have to leave for Good Friday liturgy soon now and wanted to reply before that (writing from Europe; early evening here), but I saw where you wrote about doing away with a gnat and then something bigger comes up… rang a bell.

That you out of your own motivation decided to be baptized, speaks of great strength! Especially for a kid!! God has blessed xoyu with a very strong faith it seems to me.

About all the worries about confession, please yes, do talk with a spiritual director. Maybe you can ask at a monastery in your area if somebody might have time? I KNOW there are priests who take a lot of time for things like that- own experience. Of course, sometimes they are busy, i understand that too; but I have often been able to really have a good conversation. That filled me with peace.

Or maybe I am asking too much?

Just did a prayer from a little prayer booklet today where it mentions (like Jesus speaking to me) something like: To not be shy asking for everything we need.
I don’t think God wants us to hold back prayers.
Of course, we must understand that He knows better what is good for us and why we must go through something ).

I read that children DO suffer for the sins of their parents. (the story in the Bible where >>Jesus is asked about the blind man, and who sinned that caused the blindness?

You really should talk with a priest about that!

I really don’t even know what suggestions or advice I am asking for

It is good to just speak out what is on your heart. Maybe something somebody writes will help you. Or at least give you comfort.

May God bless you…

Kathrin

 

[Techno2000]

This is a topic I don’t like bringing here, but have found little help elsewhere.
My entire childhood was one filled with abuse (of every kind) and one devoid of any love. I grew up thinking if only I was a better kid, everything would be okay. I couldn’t reach the right level of ‘good’ for that to happen. I lack a sense of direction, totally, and seem only to be in survival mode most of the time. I have tried therapy through out the years, but much of it seems only to make things worse. (I don’t want to dwell on the abuse and neglect of my childhood)
I was baptized when I was approx. 9 years old. (Of my own volition since I had no family that attended church, and my own attendance was intermittent). Like many things in my life there was no real follow through. I had no clue what God wanted of me except to ‘be good’. I gave up on Church, but still believed…with the Protestant notion of OSAS.
As I became older I sought comfort in relationships (most short-lived), and other things.
I don’t trust. I am fearful. I don’t want to suffer anymore. I am tired. I don’t know how to live a life that is constructive or helpful to others, but do try to wing it. I have extreme difficulty making friends (I am very isolated), but that really does have a lot to do with the life I lived, and the choices I made, after reaching adulthood.
I am trying to make a full confession and be in Communion with God and the Church, but many things have caused me more fear, and I have been unable to do so.
I am tired.
I don’t know what to do.
I am praying (intermittently) and asking for prayers.
I am seeking spiritual counsel through the Church, but no one seems to have the time.
Or maybe I am asking too much?
I fear hell, but almost feel it is an inevitable outcome. And somehow, I am the one making that choice? I have hope at times, but it quickly dissipates.
Now I am watching family members suffer, and giving up on God (gee, wonder where they learned that from) and it is more than I can bear.
I read that children DO suffer for the sins of their parents. (the story in the Bible where Jesus is asked about the blind man, and who sinned that caused the blindness? Though it was a case of non-sin on the man’s or parent’s part, it showed the commonly held belief that a person could suffer from the parent’s sins) and that has only added to my feelings of inadequacy and guilt.
Why should a child suffer for what I’ve done?
I have read books about psychology where Catholicism is integrated into the therapy.
It caused me even more despair and feelings of hopelessness. It made God seem more out of reach than ever, and had even more cynical views on human motives than I do.
I know that even if I make a full worthy confession, I will mess up because I don’t know how not to, and fear rules me.
I sincerely don’t know what to do.
I am not in a state of grace, but have thought at times that I was. (I was involved in some sinful activities and through prayer, especially saying The Hail Mary during times of temptation, have been able to not go back to that sin).
I am very tormented, but have been informed that since our journey starts here… well, the torment is a sign of my eternity.
I really don’t even know what suggestions or advice I am asking for, just tired of suffering and seeing the people I love suffer, and know that some would be better off without me. (I won’t take my own life though, as for me I know better than to do that).
I really wish someone could help me.
And if not me, then my family.
We are seeking counseling, but are limited geographically and the therapists tend to be very secular and ‘modern’.
Any help, advice, prayers, suggestions?
Thanks.
I hope this doesn’t become a consistent theme with my posts on here…

:console:

 

[Sarcelle]

Thank you. I need the prayers, blessings and peace.
I also need a spiritual director. They’re hard to come by these days. (Everyone has a hectic schedule)

Thank you especially for the Rosary.

May God bless you and yours.

I recommend frequent confessions. When I went to confession, I not only told of my sins but of my spiritual struggles. I went to one priest so many times for confession that he transformed over time to become my spiritual director.

 

[Kathrin]

I recommend frequent confessions. When I went to confession, I not only told of my sins but of my spiritual struggles. I went to one priest so many times for confession that he transformed over time to become my spiritual director.

Must be careful though when scrupulosity is in play; to me for example years ago a priest advised me to go to confession no more than once a month, because I felt I had to go for every little thing.

(of course if one knows one has committed a mortal sin one must go as soon as possible)

(I write KNOW as for scrupulous persons tiny things that aren’t sins at all might seem mortal).

THIS helped me a lot with scrupulosity:
catholicapologetics.net63.net/onlinelibrary/scruples.htm

 

[SoulSolace]

I didn’t know anyone else responded to this… (didn’t receive notifications, and was just checking the posts I’ve made, that’s how I found the ‘new’ responses)
I did okay for a while (Thanks all of you for your continued prayers and support), and actually felt as if I had made a full and worthy confession. I haven’t missed taking Communion since…
And yet, tonight the despair hit again full force (I am sitting here in tears) Why would God want me? I know the things I’ve done. I want forgiveness, but do I only want it because I hurt? I honestly don’t know, and wish I did.
I know God loves me, but the knowledge is with my head and not my heart. I also know God’s love is justice.
I suffered in my childhood, I have suffered tremendous losses in my adult life. I have chronic illnesses that even the doctors can’t explain all the complications I have. I know I deserve all the suffering I go through (for the sake of my sins, which truly have been grievous, not saying that out of piety) and yet, I don’t feel like I can suffer much more. I hurt. I offer it. But even in that I feel like I am just trying to ‘buy’ God’s mercy.
I pray, and it feels like my prayers are bouncing off a ceiling.
I take Communion, and if I am a little more ill afterwards I feel like it is because I am not supposed to take Communion, that I am eating and drinking condemnation to myself.
I am so sorry for the rant, I hate putting this online because I feel like it exposes all of my weaknesses… and yet, I don’t know what else to do.
I have followed my Directors orders, doing my penance (though I did miss a day here and there) and I still feel condemned. Lost. I hate this.
I don’t know my motives, but I suspect they’re selfish. I always suspect they’re selfish (even when I do something nice for someone, the thought immediately hits me that I somehow did it for my own benefit)
Again, sorry for the rant, even in it, I am self-pitying and trying to garner something I’m sure.

I can’t win.
God help me.

 

[Kathrin]

Dear Soul Solace

God is pure love. You do not need to question yourself why you want his forgiveness and love, is it out of hurt, and so on. If you went to confession and got the absolution, then you are forgiven. God knows that we often have mixed feelings, and often we are not sure exactly what all the reasosn are for what we do or feel (are we ever totally sure?). It doesn’t matter now: You went to confession and your sins have been forgiven. If you have problems with your penance, talk to your confessor/spiritual director about it, I think that would be of help.

Maybe you have problems forgiving YOURSELF? But if God Who is pure love and ultimate justice has forgiven you, there is no reason for doubt That is one of those so beautiful things about confession and absolution: It really does free us !! You can accept God’s mercy. He loves you like a father, but more even than an earthly father, He loves you IMMENSELY, I would even dare suggest that He IS love; and love also includes forgiveness, mercy, comfort, all those beautiful things.

I am writing this from my heart, as somebody who understands doubts and fears and scruples very well… I am not a priest and I am not an apologist and I am just writing from my feelings, but there are some things I have learned in my story of faith, and one is that God’s mercy and love is just soooooo immeasurable.

Why would He punish you for sins He has already forgiven you, for example by making you feel ill after taking communion? Is the feeling maybe your fear? When you take communion, feel His closeness and love, He is RIGHT INSIDE OF YOU after communion; I sometimes feel like I must hug myself after taking communion in a ways of hugging Jesus. Feeling so close to Him. This esepcially helps when I have disquiet and insecurity and fdear in my heart.

Just looking at the title of this thread now: No, your life is NOT devoid of love, because God’s love is with you.

Please try to find peace in His love.

Kathrin

 

[chefmomster2]

i am sorry that you are feeling so bad. I am glad you came back here fot reassurance!

First of all, I like to think we all gave you the world’s greatest and most proufound and wonderful advice. But…

You have years of pain, self-hate, and doubt to come to terms with. I am delighted that you had many days of calm, but it’s going to be one of those two steps forward, one step back kind of things. I can only share what has helped me.

I fight the habit of “sitting in mud puddles”. When I get depressed I tend to start feeling sorry for myself at some point. I sit in my slop, keep splashing it all over myself and wonder why I can’t get clean. It is good to examine your feelings, but bad to allow them to overtake you. They then continue to grow and grow until they become harmful. Fight it! You are stronger than you think!

Make yourself a list of things you enjoy that are distracting for you. You can include anything that keps your brain plugged into it. For me puzzles are great. Keep the list. Refer to it when you’re too down to think of anything.

Sometimes I have to do something to stop the looping messages in my brain. This will sound silly, but I count backwards by threes from 100. It is just enough to stop the thoughts for a moment and give me time to do something more longterm.

During the good times make a list of the gifts that God has given you. He has helped you turn your life around. You are now persisting in trying to follow the will of God. That’s a truly important one! Perhaps you had a temptation to go against His will, but you overcome it. Write it down. It is a victory for Christ. Read through this list when you are down to help you to remember your blessings. Focus on them rather than what is bad in your life.

Pray gratitude! Pray adoration! Pray for others! Ask for strength, but don’t stay in that mode. Prayers can become self-indulgent and lose focus on the Lord. Read the Psalms. They are uplifting. They may often speak of troubles, but they move to the kind of prayer I am speaking about.

Reread your thread responses. There is a lot of advice here far better than mine.

Remind yourself that you had several good days. Rejoice! Then sart stringing more of them together. YOU CAN DO THIS WITH GOD’S HELP!

---

Advice from Winnie the Pooh:

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
― A.A. Milne

“It’s snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
“So it is.”
“And freezing.”
“Is it?”
“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, "we haven’t had an earthquake lately.”
― A.A. Milne

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh