A little help on relationships dispute?

  • Thread starter Thread starter da_nolo
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

da_nolo

Guest
I had an ill hearten conversation w/ my bro just the other day about relationships.

he claims there is no possibility for a male & female to being a friend, and only a friend. without sexually tendencies, advances, or pressure.

I strongly disagree, but am lost for words in a logical means to counter such an absurd comment.

anyone like to express their thought?
 
da_nolo said:
I had an ill hearten conversation w/ my bro just the other day about relationships.

he claims there is no possibility for a male & female to being a friend, and only a friend. without sexually tendencies, advances, or pressure.

I strongly disagree, but am lost for words in a logical means to counter such an absurd comment.

anyone like to express their thought?
Click to expand...
I know women and men CAN be friends and just friends. I have several.

I have male friends, and there are ZERO sexual tendencies, advances or pressure. Believe me - ZERO. Right off the top of my head I can think of 5 men I consider good friends. I know several other men whom I consider friends, not “good friends”, but still definitely on the friend meter! Of the good friends, four are married, and I am also friends with their wives; one is not married. I have known 2 of these men since college and the other 3 for well over 15 years.
 
I LOVE relationships dispute. (My exes didn’t, however.)

Friendship (hereinafter in the understanding of “friendship and nothing beyond that”) between a male and a female is possible. As a minimum, there’s probably no denying that an old married couple are actually friends to each other (and likely earlier than that, but we’re talking minimum here).

Further, it’s hard to deny that family friends and other such people can’t become at least acquaintances, if we are restrictive with the word “friend”. I’m talking about friends of the spouse, distant in-laws, all sorts of informal relationships.

Relationships with a big age difference (e.g. teacher-student) or where romance is otherwise completely out of the question can include a measure of friendship.

You may disagree with me but you can’t not concede at least some merit when I say that mutually non-attractive people of the opposite sex to each other can be friends.

Glad to help!

PS. Please note that noticing your friend is attractive doesn’t make it more than friendship any more than noticing your blood relative is attractive makes it incest or noticing the attractiveness of a member of the opposite sex makes you gay. You can notice that a random stranger is attractive and it doesn’t make you gay. You can believe that your sister or whoever is attractive and that doesn’t make it sexual. Therefore the same shouldn’t be overstressed in male to female friendships.
 
chevalier said:
PS. Please note that noticing your friend is attractive doesn’t make it more than friendship any more than noticing your blood relative is attractive makes it incest or noticing the attractiveness of a member of the opposite sex makes you gay.
Click to expand...
Well shoot…I never thought noticing the attractiveness of a member of the opposite sex was gay!
Hehe 😛
 
da_nolo said:
I had an ill hearten conversation w/ my bro just the other day about relationships.

he claims there is no possibility for a male & female to being a friend, and only a friend. without sexually tendencies, advances, or pressure.

I strongly disagree, but am lost for words in a logical means to counter such an absurd comment.

anyone like to express their thought?
Click to expand...
I don’t know about “no possibility,” but I think depending on the ages of the people involved, there is frequently some sort of sexual tension involved in a male/female friendship. Unless, of course, the man is gay, in which case, it’s just two girlfriends.

😉

Just kidding.
 
Well… It all depends on how you define ‘friend’. I have friends that are men. Yet contact is limited to playing cards at an organized club or not too late in the evening unless their wife is with us.

However, a friendship where I call a guy up to rent a movie in my appartment and spend hours hanging out alone… Sadly, I don’t think it is possible. I use to when I was younger but not anymore.

When I was younger, I enjoyed being friends with men. But now that I am older, I have no desire to spend lots of time with a man I will never marry. It would take time away from meeting the right guy

My suspicion is you and your brother are both earliy 20s at the most. And it makes sense you would have different view points. Young women often see nothing wrong with it because their sexual urges are less and they can be just friends. Men on the other hand have very strong sexual urges. Although they can totally respect woman, they would rather pursue something that could lead to a ‘pay off’ so to speak

CM
 
cmscms said:
Well… It all depends on how you define ‘friend’. I have friends that are men. Yet contact is limited to playing cards at an organized club or not too late in the evening unless their wife is with us.

However, a friendship where I call a guy up to rent a movie in my appartment and spend hours hanging out alone… Sadly, I don’t think it is possible. I use to when I was younger but not anymore.

When I was younger, I enjoyed being friends with men. But now that I am older, I have no desire to spend lots of time with a man I will never marry. It would take time away from meeting the right guy

My suspicion is you and your brother are both earliy 20s at the most. And it makes sense you would have different view points. Young women often see nothing wrong with it because their sexual urges are less and they can be just friends. Men on the other hand have very strong sexual urges. Although they can totally respect woman, they would rather pursue something that could lead to a ‘pay off’ so to speak

CM
Click to expand...
I’m 23/single (until November)…he’s 28/married…3 years or so.

Now about the constant pay off, that’s probably my bro’s point of view. but being almost 24 and never having intercourse with anyone (by choice), it’s easier for me to dispute such urges because I know it is not necessary.

Ergo, I…just like any man…may be in a relationship w/ female for non sexual and non marital purposes. if one was to only aim for sexual tenancies, and purposely aim to have sex w/ a girl … and only sex (my bro’s outline) then the two are not true friends.

Which comes to why I am so pissed off about this thought that a meaningful relationship outside marital purpose/status is not possible. It totally dehumanizes any female (or at times male) into being no more than an object of use.

A clear insult. which is why I asked for help. I was and partially am still pissed off and unsure what to say about the whole matter.

Unfortunately I aim in saying things perfectly, cause I don’t have a good record of saying things that others understand.

…

thank you and everyone who replied.
 
This is my opinion.

Yes it is possible. Some men and some women can be friends --and only friends-- with some one of the opposite sex.

But I don’t believe it is true of all men and all women. And I believe that it is usually harder for men than for women.
 
I think that it’s very possible for a man and woman to have a purely platonic friendship with each other. I think that the OP made a good point: saying that platonic friendship was not possible just lowers both men and women to the status of sex symbols. Surely both men and women can be capable of much more than objectifying people of the opposite sex. Is your brother really saying that every male/female relationship must end with “I want to get in bed with that person”? That just sounds absurd to me. Someone else also said that a person can be able to admit that someone of the opposite (or same) sex is attractive without actually being attracted to them in a sexual way. I agree entirely. 🤷 Just my two cents.

I have a male friend who I have known since high school. We have never seen each other in “that way.” We’re just friends, and very happy to be just friends. Now we are each married, each expecting a new child, and we’ve got plenty of new experiences that we can talk about together. I’ve found it very beneficial to have friends of both sexes.
 
SummerSmiles said:
I think that it’s very possible for a man and woman to have a purely platonic friendship with each other. I think that the OP made a good point: saying that platonic friendship was not possible just lowers both men and women to the status of sex symbols. Surely both men and women can be capable of much more than objectifying people of the opposite sex. Is your brother really saying that every male/female relationship must end with “I want to get in bed with that person”? That just sounds absurd to me. Someone else also said that a person can be able to admit that someone of the opposite (or same) sex is attractive without actually being attracted to them in a sexual way. I agree entirely. 🤷 Just my two cents.

I have a male friend who I have known since high school. We have never seen each other in “that way.” We’re just friends, and very happy to be just friends. Now we are each married, each expecting a new child, and we’ve got plenty of new experiences that we can talk about together. I’ve found it very beneficial to have friends of both sexes.
Click to expand...
yes, I believe my bro sated clearly that the pure point was the “bed”/physical.

I’m trying to change such an opinion.

thank you (and to all) for the comments
 
da_nolo said:
yes, I believe my bro sated clearly that the pure point was the “bed”/physical.

I’m trying to change such an opinion.

thank you (and to all) for the comments
Click to expand...
must say that i pity the wife of yr brother.
did you guys have any sisters or girl-schoolmates?
 
catharina said:
must say that i pity the wife of yr brother.
did you guys have any sisters or girl-schoolmates?
Click to expand...
I don’t know the social aspect of my brother.
myself, yes. at least one. of whom is my best friend now
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top