A massive dilemma

[waitingforHim]

It’s great that you are aware of some of this before marriage.

I recommend you have a very open, gentle and frank conversation with her about your misgivings.

In my own circumstance, fear kept me from saying things early in my marriage that would’ve made my current situation much better. Don’t make that mistake. Say what’s on your mind.

And pray.

I find prayer works in two ways. It opens my heart to listen for God’s direction in my life. But it also opens my mind to listen to my own heart.

Self-knowledge is a very powerful aspect of effective prayer, I think. Praying under delusions can produce very confusing results…

Just two pennies…

what kind of self delusions are you referring to?

 

[VirtusTransitus]

what kind of self delusions are you referring to?

In my case, it has only been through reflective prayer that I understood just how many lies I had been telling myself about my own drive to rejoin the church. I convinced myself any spiritual solution would be fine. I have paid a price for that self delusion.

 

[waitingforHim]

In my case, it has only been through reflective prayer that I understood just how many lies I had been telling myself about my own drive to rejoin the church. I convinced myself any spiritual solution would be fine. I have paid a price for that self delusion.

i feel like had it not been for my developing feelings i would never have addressed the issues in our relo
is it possible they’re only a problem because im infatuated with someone else?

 

[Marie1234]

i feel like had it not been for my developing feelings i would never have addressed the issues in our relo
is it possible they’re only a problem because im infatuated with someone else?

You didn’t care about your issues until you began developing feelings for another woman?

Are you trying to focus on your gf’s and your relationship’s flaws to try and rationalize breaking up with her ?

I really think you need to talk to your gf…

God Bless you, and I pray He helps you make the right decision for you.

 

[Actaeon]

i feel like had it not been for my developing feelings i would never have addressed the issues in our relo
is it possible they’re only a problem because im infatuated with someone else?

Sure, it’s possible. You’ve let yourself be lead into a situation where you’re tempted by another woman and the brain is exceptionally good at rationalizing things that we subconsciously want. In other words, your desire for girl B can certainly cause your mind to start thinking up excuses to dump girlfriend A.

That’s why I pointed out in the first post that you need to treat a relationship in the proper Catholic manner. You need to logically think out “do I want to marry girl A?” and NOT give any context to girl B. If the answer is no, then break up with girl A now.

At the same time, you also need to think “Am I ready to be married? Am I good marriage material?” This whole thing about associating with another girl so closely that you develop strong infatuation for her is not a good thing, and maybe you should consider talking with your girlfriend about this issue and letting her decide for herself as well.

 

[waitingforHim]

Sure, it’s possible. You’ve let yourself be lead into a situation where you’re tempted by another woman and the brain is exceptionally good at rationalizing things that we subconsciously want. In other words, your desire for girl B can certainly cause your mind to start thinking up excuses to dump girlfriend A.

That’s why I pointed out in the first post that you need to treat a relationship in the proper Catholic manner. You need to logically think out “do I want to marry girl A?” and NOT give any context to girl B. If the answer is no, then break up with girl A now.

At the same time, you also need to think “Am I ready to be married? Am I good marriage material?” This whole thing about associating with another girl so closely that you develop strong infatuation for her is not a good thing, and maybe you should consider talking with your girlfriend about this issue and letting her decide for herself as well.

i remember in the month or so leading up to the point where i talked to her about our issues, i started to feel like i wanted distance; i didn’t want to talk to her everyday like i used to and i started feeling like it wasn’t as fun anymore. perhaps im not ready to make the necessary sacrifice that goes into a successful marriage?

 

[VirtusTransitus]

i remember in the month or so leading up to the point where i talked to her about our issues, i started to feel like i wanted distance; i didn’t want to talk to her everyday like i used to and i started feeling like it wasn’t as fun anymore. perhaps im not ready to make the necessary sacrifice that goes into a successful marriage?

It’s really good that you are asking yourself these questions. I hope you find some wisdom. Marriage requires a lot of sacrifice, patience and work. It’s worth it. But the careful thought you’re putting into it right now is probably going to pay off for you later.