A "priest?" my husband found

[notsmart]

This morning my husband called me from work. He said he found the ideal situation for us all. One of his coworkers has a Pastor that was a Catholic Priest. My husband told me, he did some research and a Catholic Priest is always a Catholic Priest no matter what. Apparently, this Priest left the Priesthood because he wanted to get married. So, my husband thinks I should get in touch with him, and get us (5yr old and myself) baptised by him and skip all the “catholic junk” that will be required if I go the normal route.

I was wondering where he got this “research” and it hardly sounds correct to me. Does anyone know what he is talking about? It sounds sneaky, and probably sinful to do that.

?

 

[Jenny_Z]

Ugh, avoid that at all costs. There is a very, very good reason for all the “Catholic junk” you would be skipping. It’s of the utmost importance that you’re educated about what you’re getting into, because it is such a serious, life-altering decision. RCIA is a very enriching experience, not only by giving you the knowledge you need to be a good Catholic, but also because it gives you roots in the community you’re going to be joining.

 

[ibkc]

Your husband isn’t taking your conversion very seriously, I see. That is a shame. Do not allow yourself to be swept up in this little scheme. Educate your husband as to why things must be done correctly, with all "i"s dotted and "t"s crossed.

 

[rpp]

If a priest left the priesthood to get married, but did not go through the proper process but rather just quit, he is automatically excommunicated.

Even if he had gone through the proper process, I would not think such a person, especially since they are now acting as a pastor in a church of another denomination, that they would be a good source or sound Catholic teaching.

As other have said, I suggest you avoid this former priest.

 

[jmcrae]

This morning my husband called me from work. He said he found the ideal situation for us all. One of his coworkers has a Pastor that was a Catholic Priest. My husband told me, he did some research and a Catholic Priest is always a Catholic Priest no matter what. Apparently, this Priest left the Priesthood because he wanted to get married. So, my husband thinks I should get in touch with him, and get us (5yr old and myself) baptised by him and skip all the “catholic junk” that will be required if I go the normal route.

I was wondering where he got this “research” and it hardly sounds correct to me. Does anyone know what he is talking about? It sounds sneaky, and probably sinful to do that.

?

There would be no point, anyway; you would still have to go through the regular process in order to be received for Confirmation and First Holy Communion, except that now, you would have to explain why you went to a rogue priest to be baptized. (I am trying to visualize explaining something like that to an RCIA coordinator without sounding like a total idiot - it’s not working. )

From what I understand, unless he is receiving you into his non-Catholic church, he can’t even baptize you or hear your Confession, unless you are in danger of death.

 

[Corki]

This morning my husband called me from work. He said he found the ideal situation for us all. One of his coworkers has a Pastor that was a Catholic Priest. My husband told me, he did some research and a Catholic Priest is always a Catholic Priest no matter what. Apparently, this Priest left the Priesthood because he wanted to get married. So, my husband thinks I should get in touch with him, and get us (5yr old and myself) baptised by him and skip all the “catholic junk” that will be required if I go the normal route.

I was wondering where he got this “research” and it hardly sounds correct to me. Does anyone know what he is talking about? It sounds sneaky, and probably sinful to do that.

?

While it is true that a priest is a priest forever, this doesn’t mean that he can do everything that he did as a priest. Priests who have been laicized (allowed to return to “regular” life - usually to marry) can still baptize validly if there is some reason you can’t get to a fully incardinated priest. Actually anyone can baptize someone in a grave situation (such as danger of death). A laicized priest can also hear the confession and give absulution to someone who is dying. That’s about it. He is usually forbidden from acting publically in any way as a priest. This includes public sacraments, offering Mass, etc. Sometimes, laicized priests are allowed to teach, but this is usually under close supervision.

Going to someone like that is not going to get you closer to the Church if that is your goal. But from your previous posts, I think you are still in the very early stages of inquiry. First, you should go to the first stage of RCIA, which is for inquirers. If you decide in your heart that you are no longer an “unbeliever” as you have called yourself, then you can start figuring out the “how”.

 

[lizaanne]

What he considers “catholic junk” are really the commands of God through His Church and through His Son.

There is no easy way out here - either you are Catholic, or you are not.

Keep learning, keep asking questions. You are having to educate both yourself and your husband now, so make sure you are getting the TRUTH, and not just some watered down version.

~Liza

 

[1ke]

This morning my husband called me from work. He said he found the ideal situation for us all. One of his coworkers has a Pastor that was a Catholic Priest. My husband told me, he did some research and a Catholic Priest is always a Catholic Priest no matter what.

Yes and no.

Ordination creates a permanent change, so yes this man is a priest. However, if a man leaves the priesthood-- through the proper channels-- he is laicized. This means he CANNOT licitly confer the Sacraments or exercise ANY priestly ministry (except in danger of death when he may hear confession, etc). The Church/Bishop still has authority over him once laicized and can forbid him from exercising his priestly faculties.

For you to seek a Sacrament from this priest is itself a sin and so would his adminstering it outside danger of death.

If he did NOT go through the proper channels to be laicized, but instead just walked away, then that is even MORE reason not to seek a Sacrament from him. He is in a state of mortal sin. You would be committing a sin by going to him outside danger of death.

We are to OBEY the authority of the Church set over us.

Apparently, this Priest left the Priesthood because he wanted to get married. So, my husband thinks I should get in touch with him, and get us (5yr old and myself) baptised by him and skip all the “catholic junk” that will be required if I go the normal route.

I am sorry your husband disrespects your faith so much he would call it “junk”.

It sounds sneaky, and probably sinful to do that.

You are right on the money. It is sinful.

So, continue with RCIA and do not listen to detractors who want to pull you off the path to the Church.

 

[notsmart]

Hello 1ke, (I cant reply to all individually, so this is really for all if they dont know)
Its not that he is really disrespecting my faith, as you said. He is an atheist, and wont tolerate any kind of waiting period to have marital relations with me, and he actually thought he was “helping me out” with this crazy scheme (I had a feeling it was, I hate to tell him I told ya so honey, so I wont say it that way…

So, I think in a small way it was a nice thing he was trying to do so our marriage would not be on the line over this. Then he was wondering why is it a baptism when it sounds like a baptism to God+baptism to a church denomination.

I did not know how to answer, so I just said, I dont know!

 

[LaLucia]

I don’t think the priest would agree to baptist them as Catholics if they are truly Catholics.
A person can be baptist in any Christian religion and be considered valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church.

If the husband believes that the Catholic church is not important to him then he is not ready to be a Catholic.

If the wife wants to become a Catholic then she should wait until she feels she is ready to be Baptist as a Catholic along with her child.

It looks like her husband doesn’t really care who baptises them.
He also thinks he can enter the Catholic religion through the back door.lol. Pretty sneaky me thinks.

 

[notsmart]

My husband is an athiest, but I know you did not know that when you typed this. He is simply trying in a misguided way to get what he calls “my new God obsession” out of the way nicely. He wont try to enter the church, at least not in the forseeable future, so dont worry. He just found out about what is entailed in trying to obtain a declaration of nullity, so you can imagine hes as hot as a pistol now, and if he was neutral about a God before by simply rejecting the idea, he has now gotten a very angry attitude about God. He is calling God a “homewrecker” now.

I don’t think the priest would agree to baptist them as Catholics if they are truly Catholics.
A person can be baptist in any Christian religion and be considered valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church.

If the husband believes that the Catholic church is not important to him then he is not ready to be a Catholic.

If the wife wants to become a Catholic then she should wait until she feels she is ready to be Baptist as a Catholic along with her child.

It looks like her husband doesn’t really care who baptises them.
He also thinks he can enter the Catholic religion through the back door.lol. Pretty sneaky me thinks.

 

[Jenny_Z]

My husband is an athiest, but I know you did not know that when you typed this. He is simply trying in a misguided way to get what he calls “my new God obsession” out of the way nicely. He wont try to enter the church, at least not in the forseeable future, so dont worry. He just found out about what is entailed in trying to obtain a declaration of nullity, so you can imagine hes as hot as a pistol now, and if he was neutral about a God before by simply rejecting the idea, he has now gotten a very angry attitude about God. He is calling God a “homewrecker” now.

I’ll keep you in my prayers. This is gonna be a very hard thing for you to see through to the end, with his attitude… keep at it and stay strong. It’ll all work itself out

 

[the_phoenix]

Praying that a closer and closer relationship with Jesus will lead to a closer relationship with your husband.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen

 

[notsmart]

Maybe its better if I just quit. Because it cant be best for my husband to end up a virolent anti-God type. I could be putting him in a worse state for his soul, and then it may be best I just keep praying for spiritual communion with Jesus on my own and for my daughter. I was told to check some links, and in one I found something a Father Corapi (sp?) said, where he defined marriage as a strong desire to see each other (wife/husband) in heaven.
How can I be a good wife if I am causing my husband to call God names? He never did that before.

 

[notsmart]

Hello Phenoix,

My husband always brags to everone how he feels we have the closest relationship he has ever seen amoung his friends. You have to understand, in our minds when we married, we agreed to live a certain way. I am changing things now. I know now, how a christian sees marriage, which is completely different than we did. So, he and I are in a catch 22. He believes he is in a great marriage. I believe it would be even better if I and my child and hopefully one day he will be. But, to do it and be a Catholic (which is where I am desiring to be) means a hardship for him that he “never signed up for” and I cant even hope to be a good example for him to change his mind when I cant even be called a christian now.

 

[1ke]

Hello 1ke, (I cant reply to all individually, so this is really for all if they dont know)
Its not that he is really disrespecting my faith, as you said. He is an atheist, and wont tolerate any kind of waiting period to have marital relations with me, and he actually thought he was “helping me out” with this crazy scheme (I had a feeling it was, I hate to tell him I told ya so honey, so I wont say it that way…

So, I think in a small way it was a nice thing he was trying to do so our marriage would not be on the line over this. Then he was wondering why is it a baptism when it sounds like a baptism to God+baptism to a church denomination.

I did not know how to answer, so I just said, I dont know!

A **key **piece of information is missing here.

You reference that your husband won’t “tolerate” any “waiting period” for having marital relations with you. What does that have to do with you seeking to be baptized?

Why would you be refraining from relations? Is there a prior marriage for one/both of you and a nullity process needed? If so, going to this “renegade” priest would NOT change one thing in that regard.

Edited: Nevermind. I see now that you are going to have to go through a nullity petition.

 

[Jenny_Z]

Maybe its better if I just quit. Because it cant be best for my husband to end up a virolent anti-God type. I could be putting him in a worse state for his soul, and then it may be best I just keep praying for spiritual communion with Jesus on my own and for my daughter. I was told to check some links, and in one I found something a Father Corapi (sp?) said, where he defined marriage as a strong desire to see each other (wife/husband) in heaven.
How can I be a good wife if I am causing my husband to call God names? He never did that before.

Think of it this way… what if your conviction to join the church, your perseverance, eventually makes him realize how important this is to you, and causes him to look into it and eventually be converted?

If you give up, he certainly won’t give it a second thought.

You can’t know what God has in store for him… but it’s obvious what he has in store for you. And you must know that even if we can’t comprehend it, God is making great things come about because of this.

 

[1ke]

Maybe its better if I just quit. Because it cant be best for my husband to end up a virolent anti-God type. I could be putting him in a worse state for his soul, and then it may be best I just keep praying for spiritual communion with Jesus on my own and for my daughter. I was told to check some links, and in one I found something a Father Corapi (sp?) said, where he defined marriage as a strong desire to see each other (wife/husband) in heaven.
How can I be a good wife if I am causing my husband to call God names? He never did that before.

First and foremost you are responsible for YOUR soul and YOUR knowledge. If you know the truth of the faith, it *may *be a sin for you to refuse to enter the Church.

This is an area where you need spiritual guidance from a PRIEST.

Perhaps you could also PM with the poster rpp. He converted and his atheist wife left him. He can relate to where you (and your husband, since rpp was an atheist before converting) are coming from.

 

[1ke]

he “never signed up for”

Of course he “signed up for” this. He signed up for better OR worse, in sickness AND health, until DEATH… no matter what. Period. Unless of course he really didn’t mean those words when he said them.

If you were in a car wreck and became paralyzed would he say “I didn’t sign up for this?” Only if he were totally self-centered.

In just this way he is trying to keep you in *spiritual *paralysis with bullying and guilt tactics about how he “never signed up for this.”

He signed up for a life committment. There are no preconditions on a marriage.

 

[LaLucia]

Dear Notsmart… you are smart in your soul and God is calling you to be with him and feel his love for you and your family.

Your husband is acting like a angry brat. I once met an atheist who was a peaceful man and I trusted him very much. We worked together and I was the only Catholic in the office. When my adult son died I chose him to tell everybody the news in my office because he had a kind soul.

Atheist people just don’t believe that there is a God. Your husband should allow you to believe in whatever you have chosen to believe in. You seem to have grown apart because he is a bully and you are moving closer to God. Don’t let your husband’s anger stop you from becoming Catholic if that is what you want in your life.
Whatever deals you made between you in the past can nolonger work for you because you have grown and he hasn’t.
It is up to you to take care of your needs and get close to God.

Why is your husband so afraid of God if he doesn’t believe in God.
Is your husband living in the darkness of evil and wants you to stay in that evilness that he is in? Don’t let him do that to you just to keep the peace in the house. You will become seriously depressed and ill if you do.

We all need to pray for this family. Advise is useless if the darkness of evil is in that families’ house.
I will pray for you that you get out of the darkness into God’s Light.