A question about churchgoing for Protestants.

[Princess18]

I’m marrying a man from a Protestant family and they are driving me absolutely bonkers. They’d never actually seen a Catholic before me and I don’t doubt that they expected me to have horns on my head and worship some statues in front of them in the middle of a conversation.

In the hope of gaining some perspective, I tend to ask my non-Catholic friends why they act the way they do. It most definitely is NOT an attempt to fuss about them being a different religion, okay?

I’ll spending the weekend with all the ladies in his family, a “girls only weekend” and he won’t be there. I emailed his aunt and let her know that I needed to go to Mass while I was at her house. I emailed her the Mass times and asked which one would fit in best with the activities she had planned. She replies

The plan I have for Sunday morning is to attend church services on the beach. We need to be there by 7:15 am and we will be home by 8:30. So you could attend the 5pm on Saturday or 10am on Sunday. I just thought everyone would enjoy going to the beach for church so no one would have to bring church clothes. Everyone wears shorts and t-shirts. It is just a simple service; no one tries to get you to join!!

While I appreciate that she is not going to try to convert me, why does she think I want to go to church with her, much less go to church twice in one weekend? His mom does the same thing, she informs me that he and I need to go with her to her church regardless of if we’re going to Mass. I toyed with the idea of emailing her back and saying “so if I come with you, you’ll be coming to Mass with me?” but decided against it.

Any thoughts? Thanks for your help.

 

[Gottle_of_Geer]

I’m marrying a man from a Protestant family and they are driving me absolutely bonkers. They’d never actually seen a Catholic before me and I don’t doubt that they expected me to have horns on my head and worship some statues in front of them in the middle of a conversation.

In the hope of gaining some perspective, I tend to ask my non-Catholic friends why they act the way they do. It most definitely is NOT an attempt to fuss about them being a different religion, okay?

I’ll spending the weekend with all the ladies in his family, a “girls only weekend” and he won’t be there. I emailed his aunt and let her know that I needed to go to Mass while I was at her house. I emailed her the Mass times and asked which one would fit in best with the activities she had planned. She replies

While I appreciate that she is not going to try to convert me, why does she think I want to go to church with her, much less go to church twice in one weekend? His mom does the same thing, she informs me that he and I need to go with her to her church regardless of if we’re going to Mass. I toyed with the idea of emailing her back and saying “so if I come with you, you’ll be coming to Mass with me?” but decided against it.

Any thoughts? Thanks for your help.

How are people you don’t know - except by computer - supposed to be able to tell you what your prospective in-laws are thinking ? Would it not be better to ask them the reasons for what they think ?​

 

[JonNC]

I’m marrying a man from a Protestant family and they are driving me absolutely bonkers. They’d never actually seen a Catholic before me and I don’t doubt that they expected me to have horns on my head and worship some statues in front of them in the middle of a conversation.

In the hope of gaining some perspective, I tend to ask my non-Catholic friends why they act the way they do. It most definitely is NOT an attempt to fuss about them being a different religion, okay?

I’ll spending the weekend with all the ladies in his family, a “girls only weekend” and he won’t be there. I emailed his aunt and let her know that I needed to go to Mass while I was at her house. I emailed her the Mass times and asked which one would fit in best with the activities she had planned. She replies

While I appreciate that she is not going to try to convert me, why does she think I want to go to church with her, much less go to church twice in one weekend? His mom does the same thing, she informs me that he and I need to go with her to her church regardless of if we’re going to Mass. I toyed with the idea of emailing her back and saying “so if I come with you, you’ll be coming to Mass with me?” but decided against it.

Any thoughts? Thanks for your help.

I’m Lutheran.

1st, it sounds to me like they just want you to feel included. I’m an optimist, though obviously you know the situation better than me.

2nd, I know some Catholics would prefer not to attend protestant services at all. It may be the time for your fiance to intervene for you, if this is the way you feel. They - his family - need to know how you feel.

3rd, you might want to consider this a blessing in disguise, as it is something you will have to deal with eventually, since you are marrying into this family. Stand by your faith. Most people, anyway, will respect that. I do.

BTW, in which church are you getting married?

Blessings on your marriage,
Jon

 

[TriuneUnity]

I’m marrying a man from a Protestant family and they are driving me absolutely bonkers. They’d never actually seen a Catholic before me and I don’t doubt that they expected me to have horns on my head and worship some statues in front of them in the middle of a conversation.

In the hope of gaining some perspective, I tend to ask my non-Catholic friends why they act the way they do. It most definitely is NOT an attempt to fuss about them being a different religion, okay?

I’ll spending the weekend with all the ladies in his family, a “girls only weekend” and he won’t be there. I emailed his aunt and let her know that I needed to go to Mass while I was at her house. I emailed her the Mass times and asked which one would fit in best with the activities she had planned. She replies

While I appreciate that she is not going to try to convert me, why does she think I want to go to church with her, much less go to church twice in one weekend? His mom does the same thing, she informs me that he and I need to go with her to her church regardless of if we’re going to Mass. I toyed with the idea of emailing her back and saying “so if I come with you, you’ll be coming to Mass with me?” but decided against it.

Any thoughts? Thanks for your help.

Honestly, you have to let your conscience and convictions guide you here. I for one, if I were Catholic, would categorically not attend a Protestant service. I would not attend any worship service that is not Lutheran unless there’s a very, very good reason (a funeral, a wedding, a baptism) to do so.

From a confession of faith standpoint, I think you’re on the right track in your viewpoints. Just gently, and with love, inform her that you wouldn’t feel comfortable worshipping where your beliefs are not affirmed and recognized.

 

[khutcheson]

While I appreciate that she is not going to try to convert me, why does she think I want to go to church with her, much less go to church twice in one weekend? His mom does the same thing, she informs me that he and I need to go with her to her church regardless of if we’re going to Mass. ** I toyed with the idea of emailing her back and saying “so if I come with you, you’ll be coming to Mass with me?” **but decided against it.

Any thoughts? Thanks for your help.

Why not? Seriously, I think it’s a great idea.

I’m one of them fundamentalist types. Many of us are sincere and more open minded than you might think. Years ago, a friend of my mother’s invited her to a wedding at Notre Dame. My mom came back quite surprised at how “Christ centered” the entire ceremony was.

You might help your future in-laws understand you and gain more respect for your faith if you took them to a mass. If the price is that you have to attend Church with them, that might not be so terrible.

 

[Princess18]

I’m Lutheran.

1st, it sounds to me like they just want you to feel included. I’m an optimist, though obviously you know the situation better than me.

Very likely, and if that’s the reason, that’s great. A Baptist friend of mine (somewhat lapsed) suggested that it might be a really passive way of trying to “show me the right way”, or that they don’t consider Mass to be real church attendance. I hate to think that I’m being paranoid.

2nd, I know some Catholics would prefer not to attend protestant services at all. It may be the time for your fiance to intervene for you, if this is the way you feel. They - his family - need to know how you feel.

3rd, you might want to consider this a blessing in disguise, as it is something you will have to deal with eventually, since you are marrying into this family. Stand by your faith. Most people, anyway, will respect that. I do.

I suspect you’re right, he needs to talk to them - but they’re pushy, and it’s a can of worms I am not looking forward to opening. We went with his mom and they did some Catholic bashing while I was there … she must have told them I was coming and it was not fun. I really don’t want to sit through that again.

BTW, in which church are you getting married?

Blessings on your marriage,
Jon

Thank you! We’re getting married in the Catholic Church I grew up in, and they are not happy about it but haven’t tried to talk him out of it. I really don’t understand what the issue is … he never went to church before he met me, isn’t this an improvement? It’s likely he’ll convert in the next year or so (he’s mentioned looking into it) and his mom will probably stroke out if he does.

As one of her friends put it “the only thing that’s wrong with you is that you’re Catholic”. (sigh)

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[jmcrae]

While I appreciate that she is not going to try to convert me, why does she think I want to go to church with her, much less go to church twice in one weekend? His mom does the same thing, she informs me that he and I need to go with her to her church regardless of if we’re going to Mass. I toyed with the idea of emailing her back and saying “so if I come with you, you’ll be coming to Mass with me?” but decided against it.

Any thoughts? Thanks for your help.

In my family (which doesn’t actually have any actively practicing Protestants in it, at the present time, although they all go together to a Protestant church on Sundays) Church-going is a family activity. It’s what “the family” does on Sunday mornings, regardless of what you style yourself as outside of the family. In other words, part of being a member of the family is that everyone goes to the same Church together on Sunday mornings, even if you are an atheist, a Buddhist, a Catholic, or a Mormon in real life. The attitude of the family is that you do your atheist/Buddhist/Catholic/Mormon thing on your own time, but Sunday morning is family time and it is spent in Church together.

Going to Church on Sunday mornings has nothing to do with what religion you are - it’s about being together as a family, and the Protestant church that my family goes to is mostly just there to be a place for our family to gather together with other families that are also gathering together.

This is the mindset that you are dealing with.

They are not thinking, “Oh, she is a Catholic, so she doesn’t want to come to a Protestant church” and nor is there any idea of converting to something - rather, they are thinking, “She is going to be a member of our family, so we better make sure she comes to the family church, so that she can meet all of our family friends and other family members. She can do her Catholic thing at a different time.”

 

[Princess18]

Why not? Seriously, I think it’s a great idea.

You might help your future in-laws understand you and gain more respect for your faith if you took them to a mass. If the price is that you have to attend Church with them, that might not be so terrible.

I suppose I could suggest it, I just don’t want to possibly make them feel like I’m trying to do any converting either. I can’t find any immediate reason to stir up conflict on this - so I’m hesitant to accidentally create any. They’re nice folks, and the occasional headbutt over this doesn’t keep me up every night … just the nights right before we visit.

Thank you!

 

[Princess18]

Going to Church on Sunday mornings has nothing to do with what religion you are - it’s about being together as a family, and the Protestant church that my family goes to is mostly just there to be a place for our family to gather together with other families that are also gathering together.

This is the mindset that you are dealing with.

They are not thinking, “Oh, she is a Catholic, so she doesn’t want to come to a Protestant church” and nor is there any idea of converting to something - rather, they are thinking, “She is going to be a member of our family, so we better make sure she comes to the family church, so that she can meet all of our family friends and other family members. She can do her Catholic thing at a different time.”

Good point. I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thanks!

(THAT would be why I posted here, to answer the reply in post #2)

 

[Cantaloupe]

CONGRADULATIONS on your engagement…that must be so tough for you. I say stick with it and just go to Mass, you don’t need to go to a “service” for one it isn’t complete. It doesn’t have the eucharist. So it basically sounds like they are going to service for the beach… . I agree with your baptist friend that it might be their subtle way of showing you the “right way.” My husband’s family has a lot to say about Catholics too, as you could probably tell, they too are not Catholics. I kind of had the same problem one Easter, my husbands family wanted me to go to sunrise service, I did not want to go…I told him that I wasn’t going that I was going to Mass, well he wasn’t happy with that, but I thought to myself, what does it matter he doesn’t go to church at all…so in the long run I stuck with my guns and went to Mass and felt overjoyed to be home and receiving the eucharist…so pray about it…I know you know the answer to this one.

God Bless

 

[SORROWS]

Be strong in this area. Look up the closest Catholic Church in that area via internet and the times and make arrangements to go.

It sounds like the family is looking for your weakness and if you give in now it will be an uphill battle later (could be, maybe ??) You need to show you are a strong Catholic and going to their service is not enough.

 

[ibkc]

jmcrae has probably hit on the truth, here. In addition, they probably have no clue in the universe that Catholics are obligated to attend Sunday mass, because that’s just not how it works for them. Church is church to them.

Maybe try to make this into a teaching moment about our Sunday obligation.

 

[JonNC]

Very likely, and if that’s the reason, that’s great. A Baptist friend of mine (somewhat lapsed) suggested that it might be a really passive way of trying to “show me the right way”, or that they don’t consider Mass to be real church attendance. I hate to think that I’m being paranoid.

I suspect you’re right, he needs to talk to them - but they’re pushy, and it’s a can of worms I am not looking forward to opening. We went with his mom and they did some Catholic bashing while I was there … she must have told them I was coming and it was not fun. I really don’t want to sit through that again.

Thank you! We’re getting married in the Catholic Church I grew up in, and they are not happy about it but haven’t tried to talk him out of it. I really don’t understand what the issue is … he never went to church before he met me, isn’t this an improvement? It’s likely he’ll convert in the next year or so (he’s mentioned looking into it) and his mom will probably stroke out if he does.

As one of her friends put it “the only thing that’s wrong with you is that you’re Catholic”. (sigh)

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

Best wishes in your marriage. The Holy Spirit will stand with you.
Your fiance needs to, also.

Jon

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

I’m marrying a man from a Protestant family and they are driving me absolutely bonkers. They’d never actually seen a Catholic before me and I don’t doubt that they expected me to have horns on my head and worship some statues in front of them in the middle of a conversation.

In the hope of gaining some perspective, I tend to ask my non-Catholic friends why they act the way they do. It most definitely is NOT an attempt to fuss about them being a different religion, okay?

I’ll spending the weekend with all the ladies in his family, a “girls only weekend” and he won’t be there. I emailed his aunt and let her know that I needed to go to Mass while I was at her house. I emailed her the Mass times and asked which one would fit in best with the activities she had planned. She replies

While I appreciate that she is not going to try to convert me, why does she think I want to go to church with her, much less go to church twice in one weekend? His mom does the same thing, she informs me that he and I need to go with her to her church regardless of if we’re going to Mass. I toyed with the idea of emailing her back and saying “so if I come with you, you’ll be coming to Mass with me?” but decided against it.

Any thoughts? Thanks for your help.

When I was in high school a baptist friend of mine would come to my house every Sunday we would go to the early Mass at my church then head over to his church for service. My response to this Aunt would be to thank her for letting you know the time and if there is a Mass before the you could go to and still make it to this service invite her to attend with you. if not then I would go Saturday night or later Sunday Morning Mass.

 

[RC_Matt]

I’m marrying a man from a Protestant family and they are driving me absolutely bonkers. They’d never actually seen a Catholic before me and I don’t doubt that they expected me to have horns on my head and worship some statues in front of them in the middle of a conversation.

In the hope of gaining some perspective, I tend to ask my non-Catholic friends why they act the way they do. It most definitely is NOT an attempt to fuss about them being a different religion, okay?

I’ll spending the weekend with all the ladies in his family, a “girls only weekend” and he won’t be there. I emailed his aunt and let her know that I needed to go to Mass while I was at her house. I emailed her the Mass times and asked which one would fit in best with the activities she had planned. She replies

While I appreciate that she is not going to try to convert me, why does she think I want to go to church with her, much less go to church twice in one weekend? His mom does the same thing, she informs me that he and I need to go with her to her church regardless of if we’re going to Mass. I toyed with the idea of emailing her back and saying “so if I come with you, you’ll be coming to Mass with me?” but decided against it.

Any thoughts? Thanks for your help.

I would go to the 5:00 Saturday Mass and spend Sunday with them; give them the benefit of the doubt, roll with it and you’ll probably have a good time. They’ll all be in a Catholic Church soon enough - for your wedding.

 

[Princess18]

Future Husband just told me what he guesses she’s thinking: worshiping Jesus in such a beautiful place as the beach, why wouldn’t I want to go? He says she’s probably not thinking of it as a non-Catholic service - just Christian.

Well, I think I’ll go. Should be interesting at the very least.

 

[GrahamCE]

Congratulations on your engagement.

I am married to a non-practicing Methodist (who is walking and talking more like a Catholic of late ) and I do go to church with his family when we visit. In-laws are becoming more religious (sis-in-law is now free-will Baptist) and they are reading the Bible everyday and doing Bible studies etc. I have found that attending with them has opened the lines of communication on religion and we do talk about it afterwards. It’s been interesting… The last one was about the annual Methodist conference and the pastor went on to say how important it was to have a governing body to make decisions and keep things in line, instead of the multitudes of off-shoots who are completely run by one person - and those churches take on the persona of that pastor. And one before that he specifically said there can be something to learn from Catholics on praying for/with those who have gone before us.

I agree with the previous poster that church to them is family time, and family worship time. I am not one to try to create any dissension, and I believe that they enjoy and appreciate the fact that I join them. However I will say that the past few times it has become more evident to me how much more fulfilled I feel when I do attend Mass in contrast. There I get a ton of singing, some readings, a long sermon, and meet and greet time. At Mass I get so much more - of course!

If anything, its an interesting “study” and helps me to get what they believe and where they’re coming from. Afterwards it motivates me to study more about my own faith.

Good luck - enjoy the Mass at a new location, and enjoy the service on the beach as well!

 

[emeraldcoast]

In my family (which doesn’t actually have any actively practicing Protestants in it, at the present time, although they all go together to a Protestant church on Sundays) Church-going is a family activity. It’s what “the family” does on Sunday mornings, regardless of what you style yourself as outside of the family. In other words, part of being a member of the family is that everyone goes to the same Church together on Sunday mornings, even if you are an atheist, a Buddhist, a Catholic, or a Mormon in real life. The attitude of the family is that you do your atheist/Buddhist/Catholic/Mormon thing on your own time, but Sunday morning is family time and it is spent in Church together.

Going to Church on Sunday mornings has nothing to do with what religion you are - it’s about being together as a family, and the Protestant church that my family goes to is mostly just there to be a place for our family to gather together with other families that are also gathering together.

This is the mindset that you are dealing with.

They are not thinking, “Oh, she is a Catholic, so she doesn’t want to come to a Protestant church” and nor is there any idea of converting to something - rather, they are thinking, “She is going to be a member of our family, so we better make sure she comes to the family church, so that she can meet all of our family friends and other family members. She can do her Catholic thing at a different time.”

ITA! Great post!

 

[Rightlydivide]

Most families are not going to adjust their religious habits for a new addition. I can not say it any better than jmcrae does.

 

[JoeBlow]

If they were kind enough to invite you for the weekend, then I think it would be rude not to go with them.

As for the “church two times in one weekend”, you say that like it’s a bad thing,