A question about churchgoing for Protestants.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Princess18
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Rightlydivide said:
Most families are not going to adjust their religious habits for a new addition.
Click to expand...
The OP was not expecting them to “adjust their religious habits”, as far as can be discerned from her posts, so this comment seems out of left field.
 
ibkc said:
The OP was not expecting them to “adjust their religious habits”, as far as can be discerned from her posts, so this comment seems out of left field.
Click to expand...
Noted and I disagree. Tone says a lot; even on a discussion board.
 
ibkc said:
Would you explain, in your opinion, in what way was she expecting them to “adjust their religious habits”?
Click to expand...
I suppose. The first thing you are dealing with is the background of the OP’s question: that this Protestant family had never actually seen a Catholic before and expected her to have horns. Possibly an exaggeration to be sure but it sets a general tone for the way she appears to be inclined to interact, ie the closing comments and how she asks her non-Catholic friends why they act they way they do; the underlying message appearing to be they act in a manner that differs from herself (tactfulness? cough).
So the Aunt, very nicely based upon the passage quoted, gives her the two times she can attend and assume she will be attending church with them (the religious habit of inviting guests to attend church with them). She is rather incredulous that she would want them to attend church with the Aunt and the Mother (who also has the same habit of attending church as a family) also has.
Habit is defined as a routine that people normally engage in.
Relgious denotes the nature of the habit.
Inviting people to church or likewise expecting the family to go as a family is something that seems to trouble her, thus her reaction.
Think about the opposite if it had occured. We are going to church and the Catholic is not invited. Lacks civility of course.

If that is left field; perhaps you are not standing on home plate yourself…
just a fun pun…could not resist!
 
Rightlydivide said:
Inviting people to church or likewise expecting the family to go as a family is something that seems to trouble her, thus her reaction.
Click to expand...
And? How is this expecting them to change? She came here to ask for advice, not to tell us she was going to demand that they submit to her will. Yes, she was a bit sardonic in describing the situation, but she was venting. I would be very shocked if she turned around and spoke to her new family in that manner.
Think about the opposite if it had occured. We are going to church and the Catholic is not invited. Lacks civility of course.
Click to expand...
Not from my point of view. I would be annoyed if I thought my Presbyterian brother’s wife and kids expected me to come with them to church, unless it was for something special like a wedding or funeral. Normally*, asking* if someone would like to come to church is the polite thing to do. Making plans with the assumption that your guest would be just delighted to come along is rude. In this case it seems that the family in question is seriously unfamiliar with any kind of Christianity other than their own, so they deserve the benefit of the doubt.

The OP came here to ask about navigating a genuine cultural divide. I think you are being extremely uncharitable in reading more into it than that.
 
As a Catholic, you cannot go to a Protestant service.
Anyway, why would you want to? It’s incomplete and empty of the joy of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. A beautiful setting is nothing compared to receiving the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Tell them “thanks, but no thanks”. You will be at Mass that morning and will see them at home.

Here are some answers from Ask an Apologist:

Why can’t Catholics receive Protestant communion?
Should I let my Catholic mother take my children to a Protestant service?
Can my Catholic daughter skip Mass for a Protestant service?
Should I attend my wife’s Evangelical church?
 
ibkc said:
And? How is this expecting them to change? She came here to ask for advice, not to tell us she was going to demand that they submit to her will. Yes, she was a bit sardonic in describing the situation, but she was venting. I would be very shocked if she turned around and spoke to her new family in that manner.

Not from my point of view. I would be annoyed if I thought my Presbyterian brother’s wife and kids expected me to come with them to church, unless it was for something special like a wedding or funeral. Normally*, asking* if someone would like to come to church is the polite thing to do. Making plans with the assumption that your guest would be just delighted to come along is rude. In this case it seems that the family in question is seriously unfamiliar with any kind of Christianity other than their own, so they deserve the benefit of the doubt.

The OP came here to ask about navigating a genuine cultural divide. I think you are being extremely uncharitable in reading more into it than that.
Click to expand...
I have given my reason. It sounds like you guys have similiar thoughts about things.
Take care
 
PatienceAndLove said:
As a Catholic, you cannot go to a Protestant service.
Anyway, why would you want to? It’s incomplete and empty of the joy of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. A beautiful setting is nothing compared to receiving the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Tell them “thanks, but no thanks”. You will be at Mass that morning and will see them at home.

Here are some answers from Ask an Apologist:

Why can’t Catholics receive Protestant communion?
Should I let my Catholic mother take my children to a Protestant service?
Can my Catholic daughter skip Mass for a Protestant service?
Should I attend my wife’s Evangelical church?
Click to expand...
The third link says that you can go to a Protestant service as long as you attend Mass as well, which is what I believe the OP was intending to do. I personally wouldn’t want to say “Thanks, but no thanks” on this one.
 
You’re getting married in the Catholic Church and your fiance is considering becoming Catholic.

Just think of all the adjustments your fiance’s family is going to have to go through in the coming years. I would say that now is the time to build up the best possible relationship with them, to show Christian charity and respect for their beliefs. It will help you a lot later on.

I’d explain to them that as a Catholic, you are obligated to attend mass. Then go to the 5:00 Saturday mass, attend the beach service with them on Sunday, and then remark about how nice it was. Then tell them how thoughtful it was of them to accomodate your wish to attend mass.

I think God will understand.
 
Let me see if I have this right…

  1. *]Catholic bride to be is marrying into a Protestant family
    *]Bride to be has been invited to a girls weekend and therefore probably isn’t taking her own transportation.
    *]She has emailed the Aunt who lives in the area where the weekend will take place to inquire about mass times.
    *]Email back from Aunt lists 2 times but also let’s her know the plans that have been made (service on the beach).
    Is it not possible that the Protestants don’t understand the obligation for her to go to mass? Yeah I would say so…

    Is it possible that they are being kind and inclusive about the service on the beach? Yeah I would say so…

    It seems to me that they are at least trying to include her… I would recommend going to mass at one of the times listed and go to their service on the beach too… The last thing you need at this stage is for hurt feelings and misunderstandings to cause a rift between you and your soon to be In Laws (called outlaws in my family). The being firm part is in the insistence to go to mass… not in refusing to also attend their service.

    The part that may be tricky is having to ask for a ride to mass but if you make it clear before you go that this is really important to you, then you should have no problem with asking for a ride to mass.
 
khutcheson said:
Why not? Seriously, I think it’s a great idea.

I’m one of them fundamentalist types. Many of us are sincere and more open minded than you might think. Years ago, a friend of my mother’s invited her to a wedding at Notre Dame. My mom came back quite surprised at how “Christ centered” the entire ceremony was.

You might help your future in-laws understand you and gain more respect for your faith if you took them to a mass. If the price is that you have to attend Church with them, that might not be so terrible.
Click to expand...
Y’know, one thing non-Catholics often say about us is that we never invited them to come to Church. Good insight you have there! 🙂
 
meh, I still think it’s a bad idea.
I went to service with my in-laws once or twice. They figured I had seen the light and was leaving “that whore of babylon”. There was an interesting “discussion” (read: argument) where I had to inform that that:
  1. No, I had no intention of converting, ever
  2. I would not be attending “service” with them ever again, nor would my children. If DH wants to, fine, he’s their child. I am not.
If you go with them (and I don’t recommend it in any way, shape or form), you MUST make clear that you are not interested in their denomination and that you WILL leave if there is even a smattering of information that is incorrect.
 
PatienceAndLove said:
meh, I still think it’s a bad idea.
I went to service with my in-laws once or twice. They figured I had seen the light and was leaving “that whore of babylon”. There was an interesting “discussion” (read: argument) where I had to inform that that:
  1. No, I had no intention of converting, ever
  2. I would not be attending “service” with them ever again, nor would my children. If DH wants to, fine, he’s their child. I am not.
If you go with them (and I don’t recommend it in any way, shape or form), you MUST make clear that you are not interested in their denomination and that you WILL leave if there is even a smattering of information that is incorrect.
Click to expand...
Great advice…put the cart before the horse! That will get you far!:rolleyes:
 
emeraldcoast said:
Great advice…put the cart before the horse! That will get you far!:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
When it comes to my getting into Heaven and getting my children to Heaven, I really don’t care “how far” it gets me with my in-laws, or anyone else for that matter.

The Catholic Church is the One True Church and the One True Faith. I leave it, deny it, or hide it for no one. I went through far too much to come home and I am not leaving it.
I don’t stay Catholic for people to love me, I stay Catholic because it is the Church founded by Christ, it is His Bride, and it is protected by Him.
 
Hi friends! I just got back. But first:
ibkc said:
And? How is this expecting them to change? She came here to ask for advice, not to tell us she was going to demand that they submit to her will. Yes, she was a bit sardonic in describing the situation, but she was venting. I would be very shocked if she turned around and spoke to her new family in that manner.
Click to expand...
Yes you are absolutely correct. I don’t expect them to change anything that they do. And I was venting - it’s a discussion forum, so that’s what I’m doing, discussing with friends. And the bit about “asking my non-Catholic friends” - who else am I suppose to ask? How could I ask Catholics about Protestant things, unless they’re converts? Thank you, ibkc, for helping explain while I was away from the computer.
ibkc said:
Normally*, asking* if someone would like to come to church is the polite thing to do. Making plans with the assumption that your guest would be just delighted to come along is rude.
Click to expand...
You’ve hit it again. That’s why I was so irritated. They’d have flipped out if I assumed they were coming to Mass with us when here. Thank you again.
JoeBlow said:
If they were kind enough to invite you for the weekend, then I think it would be rude not to go with them.

As for the “church two times in one weekend”, you say that like it’s a bad thing,
Click to expand...
No, not really. I don’t mind going twice, just that they assumed I’d want to go with them (see the quote immediately before this one).
Mrs_Mac said:
Just think of all the adjustments your fiance’s family is going to have to go through in the coming years. I would say that now is the time to build up the best possible relationship with them, to show Christian charity and respect for their beliefs. It will help you a lot later on.

I’d explain to them that as a Catholic, you are obligated to attend mass. Then go to the 5:00 Saturday mass, attend the beach service with them on Sunday, and then remark about how nice it was. Then tell them how thoughtful it was of them to accomodate your wish to attend mass.
Click to expand...
I agree, and that’s why I vented here and then politely accepted when I spoke to her (brought up earlier). And it’s funny that you mention saying it was a nice service - apparently that’s a common thing to do in their circles and I didn’t know. When we went to church with his mom she introduced me to the pastor and I just shook his hand and said “Nice to meet you”. They kind of looked at me like I was being rude. It wasn’t until later that my non-Catholic friends said “Well, did you thank him for the lovely service? You’re supposed to do that.” Good thing they clued me in; I was sure to say that when introduced to this pastor this time. 🙂
PatienceAndLove said:
meh, I still think it’s a bad idea.
I went to service with my in-laws once or twice. They figured I had seen the light and was leaving “that whore of babylon”. There was an interesting “discussion” (read: argument) where I had to inform that that:
  1. No, I had no intention of converting, ever
  2. I would not be attending “service” with them ever again, nor would my children. If DH wants to, fine, he’s their child. I am not.
If you go with them (and I don’t recommend it in any way, shape or form), you MUST make clear that you are not interested in their denomination and that you WILL leave if there is even a smattering of information that is incorrect.
Click to expand...
I had a bad experience when we attended his mother’s church for Easter Sunday, which including meeting her church friends who were less than charitable while I was there. I let her know beforehand that I was only attending at her request and had no intention of converting. Afterwards, I had FH let her know that we would not be going with her again - which I doubt she took seriously. But that’s another discussion for another time.

Continued …
 
I did have to borrow my future mother-in-law’s car to attend Mass on Saturday - hair wet, smelling like chlorine and sunscreen but at least I made it on time! (oh funny - when I got back they all asked me “was it a nice service?” - I was tickled since I finally understood the gesture).

Sunday morning we all went to the beach service. It was hosted by a Methodist church. This was the first time that any of them had been besides FH’s aunt who invited us because all the rest of them are Baptist. They had the same reading that we had in Mass, the one from Matthew about weeds and wheat and the minister preached almost identically to what the priest had said (not shocking, I’m not sure there are many other ways to interpret that reading). It was, as she said, a simple service. She told me later that since it’s so simple, she usually attends church again later that morning. It was pleasant, I appreciated that she wanted to include me in something she enjoyed so much, and I told her so.

On a side note, my future MIL and the other aunt snickered after it was over that they fell asleep during the service. :mad:
 
Princess… your last line is the key… they want to be entertained and not worship. At least you were able to make a good Christian witness to them by making it a priority in your life to go to mass. Don’t expect them to appreciate it now, but the seed has been planted.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top