A question about cohabiting

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sidetrack

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Is it okay for a couple who going to get married soon (like in a few months) and are** NOT **going to have intercourse before then to cohabit before they are married?.What if it’s a few days before they are married?.I have a feeling that the answer is probably no but I’m curious to here some opinions.Thank you very much so for your time.
 
Its not preferable but if there is some advantage to it (economics) then its tolerable (like if the girl has to give up her apartment by the end of the month and they don’t get married 'til the 10th of the following month). Its up to the conscience of both that they do not even sleep in the same room and live as brother and sister during this time. No intimacy at all.
 
It is rough, can be done, but not ideal. It should be done with much prayerful discernment and pastoral counsel.
 
sidetrack said:
Is it okay for a couple who going to get married soon (like in a few months) and are** NOT **going to have intercourse before then to cohabit before they are married?.What if it’s a few days before they are married?.I have a feeling that the answer is probably no but I’m curious to here some opinions.Thank you very much so for your time.
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Usually, not okay. It’s a near occasion of sin, first of all. The lines of modesty for each person are being blurred. There is also the problem of giving scandal. For example, are there younger siblings or friends that are going to see this as an endorsement of living together before marriage?

As noted above, there may be some extreme circumstances where it’s the best of the available options. But if you have waited for sex, why eliminate one of the wonderful treats – going for the vert first time to your own home to live as man and wife?
 
sidetrack said:
Is it okay for a couple who going to get married soon (like in a few months) and are** NOT **going to have intercourse before then to cohabit before they are married?.What if it’s a few days before they are married?.I have a feeling that the answer is probably no but I’m curious to here some opinions.Thank you very much so for your time.
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Not a good Idea the night before the wedding. Especially if you are having a couple of pre wedding drinks. your last hurrah so to speak. It lowers inhibitions, and you may end up doing something you regret. Best to stay with your folks or a close releative the night before. Before that? Its just better to wait to live together. Your not married yet, and what if you got a place together and you break up. Now your saddled paying for a place your not living in. That is no fun. Peace 🙂
 
sidetrack said:
Is it okay for a couple who going to get married soon (like in a few months) and are** NOT **going to have intercourse before then to cohabit before they are married?.What if it’s a few days before they are married?.I have a feeling that the answer is probably no but I’m curious to here some opinions.Thank you very much so for your time.
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I think it would be best to steer away from this situation all together. Both of you may be living as brother and sister and one’s on the couch and the other is upstairs, but not everybody else knows that. They will never ask you your exact arrangements but it won’t stop the speculation.

I can imagine it would be difficult to find a living situation between the end of the month and the wedding a week or so later, but it can be done. Maybe one of the two could stay with parents or relatives for those last few days or find a friend’s place to stay. But that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t be setting up your own house that you’re waiting to move into after the wedding.

But to avoid temptation and the appearance of impropriety you should live apart until after the wedding.

ChadS
 
I think that it is interesting that people assume that everyone will know that they have moved in together. As though there will be some grand announcement, like an ad taken out in the paper.

To the OP:
No it isn’t ideal, BUT it is understandable in certain circumstances.
 
maryjk said:
I think that it is interesting that people assume that everyone will know that they have moved in together. As though there will be some grand announcement, like an ad taken out in the paper.

To the OP:
No it isn’t ideal, BUT it is understandable in certain circumstances.
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There are more than enough reasons, other than public scandal, to suggest that this isn’t ideal and should be avoided all together.

A sin nobody knows about is still a sin.

ChadS
 
ChadS said:
There are more than enough reasons, other than public scandal, to suggest that this isn’t ideal and should be avoided all together.

A sin nobody knows about is still a sin.

ChadS
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Of course it is still a sin, if no one knows about it. BUT living in the same house for a week or maybe two, and not living as husband and wife is not a sin.

It just seemed interesting to me that almost everyone first thought of public scandal, as though everyone would know what this couple is doing. 🤷

Anyone that is married knows how busy that last week or two is. I had a very small wedding, yet looked like a chicken with my head cut off. :juggle: The last thing on my mind was relations with my soon to be husband.
 
Corki said:
Usually, not okay. It’s a near occasion of sin, first of all. The lines of modesty for each person are being blurred. There is also the problem of giving scandal. ?
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Best answer right there.

What we do or don’t do effects all the people in our life - its not just about us or our personal strengths and weaknesses its about being a member of the Body of Christ
striving to imitate him.

Before we were married, I stayed at my husband (then fiance)'s house overnight
sometimes becuase it was hard to get home on the bus after our dates - at the time I thought it was ok. I justified it. But later in life (after having children and trying to teach them to be good Christians) I realized what a mistake that was. We should have made more sacrifices - like making sure our date ended early enough for me to take the bus, or have him ride with me home and stay on the couch in my place where my brother and his wife lived. These simple things would have helped us avoid the above - because truthfully the temptation was hard to avoid perfectly. Anyway - I guess hindsight is 20/20 and we learn as we go. God is good and patient with us 🙂

Best wishes to you!
Great question
🙂
 
ConstantineTG said:
Its not preferable but if there is some advantage to it (economics) then its tolerable.
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Economics cannot justify cohabitation. Find a way around it whether it be staying with a relative or friend…or even getting married earlier. Putting oneself in a near occasion of sin (grave sin that is) is very dangerous and not justifiable morally.
Corki said:
Usually, not okay. It’s a near occasion of sin, first of all. The lines of modesty for each person are being blurred. There is also the problem of giving scandal. For example, are there younger siblings or friends that are going to see this as an endorsement of living together before marriage?

As noted above, there may be some extreme circumstances where it’s the best of the available options. But if you have waited for sex, why eliminate one of the wonderful treats – going for the vert first time to your own home to live as man and wife?
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Everything should be done to avoid cohabitation. Otherwise very good advice.
 
sidetrack said:
Is it okay for a couple who going to get married soon (like in a few months) and are** NOT **going to have intercourse before then to cohabit before they are married?.What if it’s a few days before they are married?.I have a feeling that the answer is probably no but I’m curious to here some opinions.Thank you very much so for your time.
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the question is naive
the word cohabit has only one meaning in current culture, we all know what that is, and it is forbidden for unmarried couples.
 
If a couple is living together is it alright for me to stay there if I’m coming in from another state?
 
sidetrack said:
Is it okay for a couple who going to get married soon (like in a few months) and are** NOT **going to have intercourse before then to cohabit before they are married?.What if it’s a few days before they are married?.I have a feeling that the answer is probably no but I’m curious to here some opinions.Thank you very much so for your time.
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In my personal opinion a couple getting married but cohabiting a few days or months before the wedding will not result in them living like brother or sister. While its not impossible I would find it hard to believe there would not be sexual activity.
Better not to put themselves in such a situation where they could sin.

What possible necessity would there be for them to live together a few days or months before the wedding anyway?
 
Get married first…then live as a married couple (share a bathroom and apartment and even a closet).
 
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