A question about culpability (looking for advice)

[ProdglArchitect]

( I apologize if this isn’t the right place for this)

I have a question and am looking for advice about a trait that I have noticed in myself.

I have long dealt with problems regarding porn and masturbation. I have, for the last year or so, but especially the last few month, be trying very hard to overcome them. During this time, I have begun to notice something about myself; namely, that I tend to check out mentally a lot.

What I mean by this is that my brains seems to stop making decisions, and just starts doing stuff based on habit. This is specifically in regards to looking at porn, though it does also happen in regards to other daily functions. I’ll just start doing it without really thinking about and then when I “wake up” I find it next to impossible to stop.

I have been fortunate enough to catch myself earlier on in the process recently, and have been able to put a stop to it before it gets out of hand, but this honestly concerns me a bit. I have been striving to be a better Catholic, and I know it’s the struggle and the drive to improve that’s important, not actual success, but I always feel horrible during and after, and would really like to find a way to stop. (By during, I mean that my conscience will kick in and start telling me to stop, but my body won’t listen)

I’m not looking to make excuses, and I am legitimately trying to stop this behavior, but I am curious about the third criteria for something to be considered a mortal sin: the engagement of the will (making a choice to do something). If anyone has any thoughts, or has been through anything similar, some advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Bravo_6]

Q. Surely our natural inclinations give natural rights to enjoy sexual love.

A. That is natural to man which is in accordance with his complete nature. Now man consists of both body and soul. He is both animal and spiritual. He has senses, but he has reason also. And his soul, the spiritual in man, should control by reason the lower animal passions, and not be controlled by them. The soul must rule the body. The body must not rule the soul. That which accords only with the blind passions of man’s lower animal self, but which is opposed to the dictates of reason and conscience, is not natural, but unnatural to man. A mere animal gratification of the appetites is not the purpose of life. It is puerile because unreasoning; and it is degrading, for, as Cicero says, “Human nobility lies in that quality by which he differs from animals—his mind.” The Christian, at least, is bound to fight for virtue; he must struggle to control blind passions. Unregulated self-indulgence is to grow flabby in one’s character, and impair one’s will. The pleasure lover who talks of “self-expression,” and laughs at the idea of “self-repression,” ends in utter depravity. Chastity is the only law which has ever lifted life above the tyranny and bondage of the lusts of the flesh. It may be difficult, but to say that it is right to violate chastity because it is difficult is a complete renunciation of human dignity and nobility.

 

[Edmundus1581]

I’m heading off to Saturday Morning Mass now, and just saw the psalm for today…

*A pure heart create for me, O God,
put a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from your presence,
nor deprive me of your holy spirit.
*

I was in the middle of writing a post in answer. i hope to get back to it when I return.

Blessings

 

[Edmundus1581]

…
If anyone has any thoughts, or has been through anything similar, some advice would be greatly appreciated.

Just reassuring that many of us have been through this, and struggled with these issues. Anyone who has struggled with an habitual vice (or addiction) has been confronted with our own repetition of the action despite best intentions, amendment of life, daily efforts and prayers, and reception of the sacraments.

Obviously, none of use can or should judge your personal culpability. The is between yourself and God, guided by a confessor.

I will give my response to the whole situation, based on my own experiences. :

Suggestion 1. Have a regular confessor, and follow his advice on your personal culpability.

That is, see the same priest every time (as much as is practical) and go face-to-face. I recommend that it not be one’s parish priest, as one can then be more candid without being concerned about “what is he thinking?”. Having said that, I once had a parish priest who was so old and wise, that I did make him my regular confessor for a few years.

Suggestion 2. Go to a twelve step program. Don’t stay away while you analyse “Am I really an addict? Do I agree with all of this?..”. Just go, listen, and enjoy the sobriety that pervades such meetings. Don’t share until you are comfortable -and that is fine in any meeting. Unfortunately some meetings have a loud mouth who will put pressure on newcomers - such people are dangerous and turn hundreds away. Ignore them, keep going and just listen, and if anyone chats to you be evasive and say “I just like being here”, which is fine by most people. A.A, Narcotics Anonymous (N.A.), Sexaholics Anonymous (S. A.) can all be helpful.

SA has phone meetings too… So, you can get the feel of it before you attend a meeting.

Be cautious of resting on any gradual progress. I made “gradual progress” with both alcohol and impurity over several years, while the habits were becoming more and more deeply entrenched. This is one area where I had to disagree with both my confessor and therapist - they gave me approval for gradual progress, but I had to face the inner knowledge that I had lost the battle, despite significantly reducing the actual behaviour. This is probably one of the hardest things for the struggling addict to manage. “Am I on the road to total sobriety?”. This is another reason to go to meetings. If you overcome this by yourself, with “gradual progress” then great, and you can leave the program, but if you don’t succeed then you’ve got the “parachute” firmly strapped on for when you need it. And, you will know when you need that parachute …

Suggestion 3. Consider psychological counselling or therapy with a trained professional, in addition to spiritual counselling. Addictions are usually compounded by mental health issues which need to be addressed separately. The whole person must be healed.

Suggestion 4. Get a filtered internet connection, ie. use an ISP which filters all inappropriate content, or use an internet filter on your PC and give someone else the password. Do anything and everything to remove the temptations and occasions of sin.

My :twocents: Hope it helps - take what’s useful, and discard the rest.

Edmundus

 

[Edmundus1581]

Or, to put it more forcefully, if we acknowledge an “addiction” (or deeply ingrained habit) to reduce our culpability in the confessional then we may be met with compassion and understanding by the confessor, and indeed we usually are, but then we had better be doing something serious about it outside the confessional. Otherwise it is, as one of the epistles says, like looking in the mirror, and then going away and forgetting what we’ve seen. And if what we have tried isn’t working, then we have to try something else.