A question about women

[gardenswithkids]

…However, there is something that is driving me crazy! My wife from the time I can remember seems to insist that she can read my mind and tell me what I am thinking. Time and again she puts words in my my mouth regarding how I am feeling emotionally. …Ladies, any (name removed by moderator)ut from you would be greatly appreciated.

A lady’s (name removed by moderator)ut here: She tries to read your mind because you won’t tell her what you’re thinking. She knows your thinking something–it’s probably written all over your face! If you won’t share, she takes her best guess.

Just this morning as my husband got ready for work, the expression on his face told me something was wrong. We’d just had a wonderful morning and suddenly there was this look of disapproval on his face. I thought to myself, “What just happened here? What went wrong?” Then I remembered he was getting ready for work; he had just switched in his mind from thinking about us to thinking about his work. He confirmed my guess that he was thinking about work, not us.

Hubby rarely discusses what’s going on at his work, but I finally figured out that his paycheck comes because he solves problems–and much of his “problem solving” thoughts happens on our personal time. So I read “there’s a problem” on his face when there is no problem in our relationship–that is there’s not until I push him to share the thoughts he’d rather keep to himself. You might ease your wife’s worries and “fix her problem” by letting her know the general nature of your thoughts so that she doesn’t feel the need to guess. She’s assuming that something must be very wrong in your relationship since you don’t want to talk with her about what’s on your mind. Talk to her–she wants to talk to you.

 

[St_Gabriel]

If she’s been doing this for the past 13 years, I think that you need not beat yourself over the head. It could just be her personality and just a bad habit she’s formed since childhood. If this is the case, be gentle and patient and let her know that what she thought wasn’t what you were thinking at all. Pray for patience and teach her how to wait until you finished speaking. If she is young, she may grow out of it.

If it just started to happen, then she probably has something on her mind and you both need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk.

Not all women are like this.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…I’m making a cup of java as dh comes in the door.
I turn to dh and perceive a less than pleasant countance.
I ask dh, "What’s the matter with you?"
Dh looks at me like I’ve lost my mind and says, "Why the hl are you always asking me that when I come home?!"**
I tell dh, "Because you walk in the door with that look and talk to me like that!"
Dh: "What look? I was just comming in the door! There was no look! What’s in that coffee woman?!"
Me: "See? That! That pickle up your bum attitude right there!"
Dh: "Woman, I’m actually in a decent mood given that I just came home from That Place That Must Not Be Named, but if you want to argue I’m game to vent all my cruddy work day if you are?!"

“Vent all his cruddy work day”–and he’s game! Wow, you have a hubby that’s willing to open up and share his work day with you! (Sort of just kidding, but really it’s strange to know so little about my husband’s work days.)

Martha, I remember you mentioned on another thread your husband worked at “The Dark Place”–so does mine! But if they sat in the same cubical, my hubby wouldn’t tell me.

Your husband asked a good question. Why do you always ask him what’s the matter with him when he walks in the door? You should know by now what’s wrong–his job. If he’s at all like my hubby, he doesn’t want to re-live every detail when he walks in the door.

 

[Michal]

Gospel:

She must ask me at least once every day why do you love me? I tell her all the wonderful things about her, but many times she just rolls her eyes at me.

You need to persist even more. Your persistence should have no end in sight.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Any of you confused husbands out there really should pick up the book For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. (You don’t even have to read the whole thing–there’s a cheat-sheet in the front.)

Chapter 2 is entitled "The Deal is Never Closed: Why her ‘I do’ will always mean 'Do you?’ " In a survey, only 18% of women said they *never *felt insecure about their husband’s love or the relationship. It sounds like the op’s wife often feels insecure about both. According to the book here’s a list of common things that can trigger that feeling: conflict, husband’s withdrawal, husband’s silence, when her “emotional bank account” is depleted, when husband is absent a lot, and unresolved relationship issues.

Maybe the original poster’s wife does need counselling; but maybe what she really needs is someone to listen to her and reassure her that she and her marriage are okay. If that is the case, then a counselor is an awfully expensive way to get it.