A question concerning friendship

[roseproject]

After reading this excerpt from St. Faustina’s Diary it made me wonder…

71 I was sent for treatment to our house in Plock, and there I had the privilege of decorating the chapel with flowers. That was at Biala.[36] Sister Thecla did not always have time for this, so I often decorated the chapel by myself. One day, I had picked the prettiest roses to decorate the room of a certain person. When I was approaching the porch, I saw Jesus standing there. In a kindly way He asked me, My daughter, to whom are you taking these flowers? My silence was my reply to the Lord, because I recognized immediately that I had a very subtle attachment to this person,[37] which I had not noticed before. Suddenly Jesus disappeared. At the same moment I threw the flowers on the ground and went before the Blessed Sacrament, my heart filled with gratitude for the grace of knowing myself.
O Divine Sun, in Your rays the soul sees the tiniest specks of dust which displease You.

…is there anything wrong with having certain attachments to certain people? Yes, you must give everyone equal respect and kindness as we are all God’s children, but naturally, even if you do this, your relationships with people will not be identical. You’ll feel closer to some and more distant with others. You’ll have friends who you are closer to than others. There’s a person in particular who I feel very attached to. He’s been very kind to me; talking to me when no one else would, caring about me when I was sick on several occasions, and whether he knows it or not, comforted me during times when I was very depressed. During those times, it was as if Christ was comforting me through him. Since my family moved to a different state, I often like to pray for his happiness, success in his studies, etc.

I’m not sure what to make of this. Can anyone clarify it for me?

Thanks in advance

 

[1ke]

I’m not sure what to make of this. Can anyone clarify it for me?

There is nothing to make of it. Private revelations are for those to whom they are given alone, not for us.

This in no way applies to you. Nor does it imply that St Faustina was doing anything sinful, merely that her particular mission from Christ was to lead her a different way.

 

[AV1]

David and Jonathan.

 

[Julia_Mae]

After reading this excerpt from St. Faustina’s Diary it made me wonder…

71 I was sent for treatment to our house in Plock, and there I had the privilege of decorating the chapel with flowers. That was at Biala.[36] Sister Thecla did not always have time for this, so I often decorated the chapel by myself. One day, I had picked the prettiest roses to decorate the room of a certain person. When I was approaching the porch, I saw Jesus standing there. In a kindly way He asked me, My daughter, to whom are you taking these flowers? My silence was my reply to the Lord, because I recognized immediately that I had a very subtle attachment to this person,[37] which I had not noticed before. Suddenly Jesus disappeared. At the same moment I threw the flowers on the ground and went before the Blessed Sacrament, my heart filled with gratitude for the grace of knowing myself.
O Divine Sun, in Your rays the soul sees the tiniest specks of dust which displease You.

…is there anything wrong with having certain attachments to certain people? Yes, you must give everyone equal respect and kindness as we are all God’s children, but naturally, even if you do this, your relationships with people will not be identical. You’ll feel closer to some and more distant with others. You’ll have friends who you are closer to than others. There’s a person in particular who I feel very attached to. He’s been very kind to me; talking to me when no one else would, caring about me when I was sick on several occasions, and whether he knows it or not, comforted me during times when I was very depressed. During those times, it was as if Christ was comforting me through him. Since my family moved to a different state, I often like to pray for his happiness, success in his studies, etc.

I’m not sure what to make of this. Can anyone clarify it for me?

Thanks in advance

Well, you aren’t someone who said she would give her entire life to Christ in the way Saint Faustina did. For her, anything that attaches her to earthly things is an impediment to perfect union with Jesus. I suppose that’s why she is a Saint and I’m not.

We aren’t “victim souls” like she was. Our love and attachment to one another, as long as it does not become disordered, is a normal part of our lives in Christ. Jesus loved Lazarus and grieved when Lazarus died. The Roman soldier loved his servant and asked for his healing, which Jesus gave him, Jesus don’t say, “Don’t love him.”

Saint Teresa of Avila also talks about the danger of becoming attached to others, it’s a part being a Sister or Brother or monk, detachment from people, attachment to God in a particular way.

 

[dcrowmik]

From the Introduction to the Devout Life by Saint Francis de Sales, bishop

Devotion must be practiced in different ways

When God the Creator made all things, he commanded the plants to bring forth fruit each according to its own kind; he has likewise commanded Christians, who are the living plants of his Church, to bring forth the fruits of devotion, each one in accord with his character, his station and his calling.

I say that devotion must be practiced in different ways by the nobleman and by the working man, by the servant and by the prince, by the widow, by the unmarried girl and by the married woman. But even this distinction is not sufficient; for the practice of devotion must be adapted to the strength, to the occupation and to the duties of each one in particular.

Tell me, please, my Philothea, whether it is proper for a bishop to want to lead a solitary life like a Carthusian; or for married people to be no more concerned than a Capuchin about increasing their income; or for a working man to spend his whole day in church like a religious; or on the other hand for a religious to be constantly exposed like a bishop to all the events and circumstances that bear on the needs of our neighbor. Is not this sort of devotion ridiculous, unorganized and intolerable? Yet this absurd error occurs very frequently, but in no way does true devotion, my Philothea, destroy anything at all. On the contrary, it perfects and fulfils all things. In fact if it ever works against, or is inimical to, anyone’s legitimate station and calling, then it is very definitely false devotion.

The bee collects honey from flowers in such a way as to do the least damage or destruction to them, and he leaves them whole, undamaged and fresh, just as he found them. True devotion does still better. Not only does it not injure any sort of calling or occupation, it even embellishes and enhances it.

Moreover, just as every sort of gem, cast in honey, becomes brighter and more sparkling, each according to its color, so each person becomes more acceptable and fitting in his own vocation when he sets his vocation in the context of devotion. Through devotion your family cares become more peaceful, mutual love between husband and wife becomes more sincere, the service we owe to the prince becomes more faithful, and our work, no matter what it is, becomes more pleasant and agreeable.

It is therefore an error and even a heresy to wish to exclude the exercise of devotion from military divisions, from the artisans’ shops, from the courts of princes, from family households. I acknowledge, my dear Philothea, that the type of devotion which is purely contemplative, monastic and religious can certainly not be exercised in these sorts of stations and occupations, but besides this threefold type of devotion, there are many others fit for perfecting those who live in a secular state.

Therefore, in whatever situations we happen to be, we can and we must aspire to the life of perfection.

 

[PHSshamrock]

Be careful not to become too emotionally attached to friends of the opposite gender… “emotional chastity” would be a good term to google. Yes, you can be attached to friends, just don’t be too attached… it’s not wise to run risks with your heart.

 

[roseproject]

Be careful not to become too emotionally attached to friends of the opposite gender… “emotional chastity” would be a good term to google. Yes, you can be attached to friends, just don’t be too attached… it’s not wise to run risks with your heart.

I googled “emotional chastity”. There is some good advice (specifically speaking, this is the article I read catholicyoungwoman.blogspot.com/2012/01/emotional-chastity.html). Though I am curious, what would happen if a girl had mostly guy friends? This isn’t my case but I do admit, sometimes (a lot of times actually) I feel I have more in common with guys than most girls I like video games, rock and roll, skateboarding, among other things that would make for easy conversations that would otherwise be hard to start with most girls. Idk sometimes talking to guys that I’m close to is easier than talking to girls. They feel less judgmental for the most part.

 

[habu16]

I found that post on emotional chastity to be quite interesting. I detailed some of this in another thread, but roseproject, I’m on the other side of the fence.

I grew up (homeschooled) with three older sisters and have always been drawn more towards making friends with women than me. Well, discounting my super awkward teenage years, that’s been the case. My night job is as a swim coach for a Masters (adult) swim team, which is approximately 70% female. The majority of my friends on the team are women, and I’ve developed very close friendships with a number of them. It is quite easy for me to develop friendships with them, since we seem to click much easier than I click with the majority of the guys. Given that we’re all in the same circle of friends and most of my female friends are married, there’s never been any doubt in my mind that our friendships are 100% platonic. That being said, we do have some incredibly close friendships. My inner circle of friends consists of 7 women and 1 man, and we do lots of stuff together–bars, dinner parties, going out to eat, game nights, movies, watch football games, etc. I can’t speak for the other guy in this group, but I don’t consider any of the women and I having ever come close to crossing that purely platonic friendship line (I’m currently dating one of the women right now, but we were well aware of the relationship forming from the get-go and never were in the position of having an inappropriate attachment prior to officially dating).

My best friend is one of those women, and I’m pretty good friends with her husband, too. We hang out a lot, either the three of us or just me and her–he works crazy hours, so often times on the weekend I’ll go grab dinner with her and we’ll wait for him to meet up with us after he gets off, stuff like that. She and I are also each other’s confidantes and have long conversations via text/phone/in person about anything and everything at any hour of the day.

While I can definitely see the potential in this type of situation to become emotionally un-chaste, I am positive that none of my friendships with my close female friends have crossed that line.