A Question for Mormons

[Safe_Eagle]

If one leaves the Mormon church are they shuned by other Mormons? Most of the family on my dad’s side is Mormon. They live in Utah. When I got in touch with my uncle after some time. He asked me if my dad changed his religion. And I told him yes, he became a Catholic and so did I. He seemed to get very cold and he hasn’t tried to contact me at all since.

 

[zerinus]

If one leaves the Mormon church are they shuned by other Mormons?

No, that is not my experience. There may be exceptions, but that is not a general rule. It certainly is not something that is encouraged by the Church. Quite the opposite. My experience is that those who leave the LDS Church and join another church, tend to withdraw themselves from their former LDS friends and associates, which is often perceived as being shunned by them.

Most of the family on my dad’s side is Mormon. They live in Utah. When I got in touch with my uncle after some time. He asked me if my dad changed his religion. And I told him yes, he became a Catholic and so did I. He seemed to get very cold and he hasn’t tried to contact me at all since.

It may be that what came across to you as coldness was merely shock or disappointment. Why don’t you call him back, or ask your dad to call him back, and have a nice chat? I think that if you did that, you will find that you get an affirmative and warm response. Try visiting them, or inviting them for a visit. That is the right way to maintain the relationship.

zerinus

 

[MelanieAnne]

From what I have seen, when a person was a Mormon, whether they change to another faith or whether they just stop going to church, they soon find out their Mormon “friends”, with very few exceptions, stop having anything to do with them. It’s not that their unpleasant, only that they distance themselves from the apostate.

Having said that, I too encourage you to contact your Mormon family member again and take it from there.

 

[majick275]

if you search zerinus posts on this forum you will see how he really feels about those who leave the mormon church for other churches. His rage and hatred was obvious then. as to other mormons it depends… old school harcore Brigham Young mormons tend to be pretty cold. liberal “social” mormons are pretty understanding.

 

[Allweather]

I’ll second majik and invite you to browze thru zerinus’ posts of just the past couple of days to get a grasp of how a very hardcore Mormon thinks of people who leave the Mormon fold. At the same time, I would ask you to keep in mind that zerinus is a very odd duck. Thankfully, as he himself said in reply to your query, most Mormons are not this way, and to tell the truth, I don’t really think HE is this way, either. This is the posture he has adopted for purposes of this on-going mission, but I doubt that it represents who he really is as a Mormon human being.

Today was my fiance’s birthday. I gave her a new rosary to replace one that she broke two nights ago while praying before sleep. Her oldest son, who came back from a 2 year Mormon mission to Mexico just a year ago, came by to bring his greetings and a gift, and very politely shared conversation about the rosary and a few other subjects, some religious. All of her family, in fact, with the possible exception of her father, are very nice people, and have graciously accepted her decision to move away from the LDS church. I understand that some people have had bad experiences being ostracized after leaving the LDS church, but I have not seen any of that in my neighborhood. At the same time, it needs mentioning that my fiance has declined an official resignation via letter, because she is worried that some hardcores in the ward might spread rumors, or do/say things that could adversely affect her family. Whether those fears are justified or not, only she is qualified to say. It is none of my business. She is doing what many do… she is just dropping out.

 

[Kristine1957]

Safe eagle: My experience has been that when someone leaves the mormon church (especially in Utah) many members (this includes family) try to re-convert you. However, when they relize there is no way you would come back many of them pull away and stop contacting you. Thats when you find out who your true friends are… the ones that stand behind you really love and care about YOU not what church you belong to.
I hope and pray your family will accept you and your Dad sad to say but I wouldn’t count on it…:hug3:

 

[zerinus]

if you search zerinus posts on this forum . . .

I’ll second majik and . . .

Safe eagle: My experience has been that . . .

Safe Eagle,

Do not believe a word of what you have just been told by these people. They want to frighten you, discourage you, and force you to distance yourself from your family because they think that by staying in close contact with them you will be influenced to revert back to the LDS Church. Do what I had told you, and you will be surprised at the result. Telephone your uncle, or ask your dad to telephone him, and reassure him that in spite of your change of religion you want to still remain friends, and part of the family, and you don’t want anything to stand between you, and I believe you will receive a warm response. Remember that it is you that have changed, not him. He may be thinking the same thing about you that you are thinking about him. He may think that you don’t want to stay in close contact with him. The burden is on you to reassure him that that is not the case. Telephone him, or write to him, and give him and his family that reassurance, and you will be surprised at the warm response you will receive.

zerinus

 

[Allweather]

Safe Eagle,

Do not believe a word of what you have just been told by these people. They want to frighten you… zerinus

I actually agree with zerinus in what he said AFTER the first part of his recent post, quoted above. Safe Eagle IMO should make the effort to stay in contact, even if the other family members remain aloof. Shunning by friends and family is not peculiar to Mormons by any means. It is known among the Protestants, especially the fundamentalists, and the various cults and sects. I wouldn’t be surprised to find it among Catholics, too. This is a human thing that has little to do with religious teachings. Personally I’m not aware of any Mormon teachings that advise people to shun apostate Mormons, but then, I’m not an expert on the arcane features of Mormonism.

But as for the first part of zerinus’ post, quoted above… that is just preposterous. Zerinus says that Safe Eagle shouldn’t “believe a word of what you have just been told by these people.” That’s pretty harsh, calling everyone who commented a liar. Zerinus, by his own admission, is given to hyperbole, a trait often found among the tender of age.

 

[GrammasRose]

Safe Eagle,

Do not believe a word of what you have just been told by these people. They want to frighten you, discourage you, and force you to distance yourself from your family because they think that by staying in close contact with them you will be influenced to revert back to the LDS Church. Do what I had told you, and you will be surprised at the result. Telephone your uncle, or ask your dad to telephone him, and reassure him that in spite of your change of religion you want to still remain friends, and part of the family, and you don’t want anything to stand between you, and I believe you will receive a warm response. Remember that it is you that have changed, not him. He may be thinking the same thing about you that you are thinking about him. He may think that you don’t want to stay in close contact with him. The burden is on you to reassure him that that is not the case. Telephone him, or write to him, and give him and his family that reassurance, and you will be surprised at the warm response you will receive.

zerinus

Those people hit the nail on the head where you are concerned.
Safe Eagle should keep in contact if possible, but often the LDS people do not want the contact or distance themselves from those who have left. Look at your responses elsewhere on this forum about those who leave the church.

 

[tundramom]

Is it against board rules to cut/paste from another thread?

Steph

 

[tundramom]

Specifically, Safe Eagle–

Look at post #47 on the “Let Mormons be Mormons” thread.

That will tell you exactly how most mormons, specifically in Utah feel about those who leave…

My entire family has nothing to do with me now that I am no longer Mormon.

in Christ
Steph

 

[majick275]

Safe Eagle,

Do not believe a word of what you have just been told by these people. They want to frighten you, discourage you, and force you to distance yourself from your family because they think that by staying in close contact with them you will be influenced to revert back to the LDS Church. Do what I had told you, and you will be surprised at the result. Telephone your uncle, or ask your dad to telephone him, and reassure him that in spite of your change of religion you want to still remain friends, and part of the family, and you don’t want anything to stand between you, and I believe you will receive a warm response. Remember that it is you that have changed, not him. He may be thinking the same thing about you that you are thinking about him. He may think that you don’t want to stay in close contact with him. The burden is on you to reassure him that that is not the case. Telephone him, or write to him, and give him and his family that reassurance, and you will be surprised at the warm response you will receive.

zerinus

this is funny. I asked folks to read zerinus posts for themselves and he says don’t believe a word of it. I guess he thinks he’s a liar.

 

[Sophie]

–

My entire family has nothing to do with me now that I am no longer Mormon.

in Christ
Steph

So sorry to hear that! My heart goes out to you. You are far from the only person who has left a cult and been shunned by their friends and family. I really feel for you. I definitely do believe there are support groups needed for people in these situations.

 

[Kristine1957]

Safe Eagle: Speaking for myself I’m not trying to frighten you about your family as zenrius puts it. I was stating how I was treated when I left the mormon church. (yes I’m from Happy Valley in fact which is Provo, Utah) I do think you should contact your uncle and see what happens. Its important to be an example and have the love in your heart for your family and friends just as Christ asks us to do. Remember God loves you and your uncle, and maybe its up to you to call him and start the communication going. :console:

 

[Geocacher]

In my case, when I’ve said to my sister that I attended Palm Sunday MASS, she said I need NO OTHER CHURCH other than the LDS, but I do miss some of the Holy Day (holiday) celibrations that happen in the Catholic Church, but not the LDS church. Seems like LDS people can’t touch another church, like it’s a hot potatoe.

 

[guanophore]

I actually agree with zerinus in what he said AFTER the first part of his recent post, quoted above. Safe Eagle IMO should make the effort to stay in contact, even if the other family members remain aloof. Shunning by friends and family is not peculiar to Mormons by any means. It is known among the Protestants, especially the fundamentalists, and the various cults and sects. I wouldn’t be surprised to find it among Catholics, too. This is a human thing that has little to do with religious teachings. Personally I’m not aware of any Mormon teachings that advise people to shun apostate Mormons, but then, I’m not an expert on the arcane features of Mormonism.

But as for the first part of zerinus’ post, quoted above… that is just preposterous. Zerinus says that Safe Eagle shouldn’t “believe a word of what you have just been told by these people.” That’s pretty harsh, calling everyone who commented a liar. Zerinus, by his own admission, is given to hyperbole, a trait often found among the tender of age.

Do not the scriptures teach that we should shun those who are not in communion with us?

1 Cor 10:14-17

14 Therefore, my beloved, shun the worship of idols. 15 I speak as to sensible men; judge for yourselves what I say. 16 The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not a participation in the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not a participation in the body of Christ? 17 Because there is one bread, we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the one bread.

 

[ssejllenrad]

Specifically, Safe Eagle–

Look at post #47 on the “Let Mormons be Mormons” thread.

That will tell you exactly how most mormons, specifically in Utah feel about those who leave…

My entire family has nothing to do with me now that I am no longer Mormon.

in Christ
Steph

Steph,

I see your point…

Safe Eagle, Check this:

I am here to debate Mormonism with non-Mormons mainly—although my interest in religion is not confined to Mormonism.

Anything but. There is no people on earth whom I despise more than apostates from Mormonism—and by that I mean real apostates; not just anybody who leaves the LDS Church. I mean those who leave it, and then turn against it with all their might, and wage war against it. I wouldn’t try to win them back into the Church even if I could. These are the kinds of folks of whom Peter wrote: “whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not. . . . These are wells without water, clouds that are carried with a tempest; to whom the mist of darkness is reserved for ever” (2 Peter 2:3, 17). Jude also had some unflattering things to say to them: “clouds they are without water, carried about of winds; trees whose fruit withereth, without fruit, twice dead, plucked up by the roots; raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness for ever” (Jude 1:12-13). These folks are damned already. There is no remedy. Anybody who tries to rescue them risks bringing the same judgement on himself—although that is not to say that some LDS are not naïve enough and unwise enough to try to.

zerinus

 

[GrammasRose]

Do not the scriptures teach that we should shun those who are not in communion with us?

1 Cor 10:14-17

14 Therefore, my beloved, shun the worship of idols. 15 I speak as to sensible men; judge for yourselves what I say. 16 The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not a participation in the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not a participation in the body of Christ? 17 Because there is one bread, we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the one bread.

So one should go against the unity of the church? Is that what you are saying?

 

[christianley]

If one leaves the Mormon church are they shuned by other Mormons? Most of the family on my dad’s side is Mormon. They live in Utah. When I got in touch with my uncle after some time. He asked me if my dad changed his religion. And I told him yes, he became a Catholic and so did I. He seemed to get very cold and he hasn’t tried to contact me at all since.

Nobody has shunned me since I left. Having said that, I think it is natural to feel more distant from people because your relationship with them has changed.