A question for priests: Would you ever refuse to help a person?

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Today I was speaking with a cousin of mine ( we both have OCD). Her OCD has gotten really bad and it gives her no peace. I suggested she speak to a priest because she does care a lot about her faith. Either way , her reply left me a bit chilled because I myself have been struggling with approaching a priest for help. She said “ Priests didn’t sign up to help people like us Cate.Priests like sweet grandmas, soccer moms who lead a Rosary prayer group, dad’s who fry fish and young people who are good looking and fun to be around. Priests like the healthy kind of people, not people who’s sins may actually stem from mental illness. They don’t like to deal with that”. This shocked me because she prays like no other. Even in car rides she’ll pull out her Rosary and pray when we’re togegher. I had never heard her say anything like this and had no idea she felt this way. We proceeded to talk ( well, it was more listening on my end) some more and for the first time in our entire life I heard of her struggle. She’s extremely sensitive, which I did not know about ( even knowing her my whole life) because she’s always been so reserved. My cousin more or less confessed to me,which I know is common for OCD ( do it too). I must admit, I wa shocked over some of the things she told me but I reassured her that she aught to speak with a priest who I’m sure would be at least willing to listen. She told me she wouldn’t and that I cared because I loved her and am her family, but that she would only get herself “ Judged and kicked out” by a priest. My question is, as a priest, and I hope I am able to get the answer from at least one priest, is there someone you’d refuse to help? ( I am planning on showing my cousin this to hopefully encourage her).
 
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As far as I know priests have no training in treating mental illness. And for them to try (if ever they do) is dangerous. Mental illness should be referred to professionals.
 
Catherine1 said:
OCD
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Good morning Catherine. I’m happy to make my first post in the forums to reply you.

A priest, as any other Christian in general, should never refuse to help anyone. But, at the same time, he must be aware of his own limitations. In the case of a person with a mental disorder, the priest understands that he cannot give a solution to the mental illness itself, that is the field of a psychiatrist, and he can do more harm than good if he tries to.

In the case of a person with OCD, the mental disorder goes very frequently together with the spiritual illness of scruples (that is, overthinking about their own actions, and seeing sin where there is not). That aspect of the problem pertains to the priest, and the proper way to deal with it is, on one hand, showing charity and understanding towards the person, because that spiritual illness causes lots of suffering. But on the other hand it also requires firmness in not allowing the person to talk again and again about the issues, because it makes the problem worse. Being able to do both things: wow, let me tell you, it is really difficult to do the “setting limits” part without compromising the charity part, it requires lots of experience, and I would say even a special charism. So, it happens, that very frequently the person will experience it as a rejection, even when the priest does it “the right way”, because of the oversensitiveness that comes with the OCD. Not to say if the priest wasn’t able to do it in the best way.

For last, there is another problem, namely that when the person experiencing OCD is a woman, since she is used to people rejecting her, when she finds a priest that listens and receives them, the mental disorder makes it very easy that an inordinate attachment happens. Many times without the person herself even realizing it. And, of course, that is something that the priest wants to avoid at all costs, because of the grave harms that it can cause to all parties involved. That can be a cause for apparent rejections too.

So bottom line: I think it would be very good for her to seek the help of a priest, but be careful to choose the right one. In abstract, probably a priest of certain age, with experience in dealing with people, and well known for his warmth and goodness, would be the most fitting kind of priest. I’ll pray that you can find the right person.

Blessings. Fr. Juan.
 
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She’s getting treatment . I was mainly suggesting the priest for the spiritual end of things.
 
Thank you Father! I will try my best to help my cousin as best as I can to find a good priest to help . Like I said, I have OCD too and everything you said makes perfect sense! Thank you for your prayers and please do remember us.
 
frjuan said:
In the case of a person with OCD, the mental disorder goes very frequently together with the spiritual illness of scruples (that is, overthinking about their own actions, and seeing sin where there is not). That aspect of the problem pertains to the priest,
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Father in my view your first point about priests not being able to treat OCD is right. More people on this forum should understand the wisdom of your point. But is there any basis for classifying the symptoms of OCD as a ‘spiritual illness’ rather than the symptoms of OCD? An obsessive hand-washer does not have a ‘plumbing illness’. They have OCD. Someone crippled by the need to return home to check the stove is off does not have an ‘electrical illness’. They have OCD. If religious people with OCD stop being religious they have non-religious obsessions instead and/or compulsions. They don’t call them an ‘agnostic illness’. And the plumber, electrician and local rationalist will be of little help either!
 
Hello FiveLinden,

In the same way as there are physical illnesses, which are studied by the corresponding branches of medicine, and psychological illnesses, studied by Psychiatry and Psychology, there are also spiritual illnesses, studied by Moral and Spiritual Theology.

OCD is a psychological illness, while scruples is a spiritual illness, they are different things. A person without OCD can also suffer scruples, and at the same time a person suffering OCD doesn’t necessarily have scruples also. But, due to the nature of OCD, it creates a predisposition for scruples, so this spiritual illness has a higher ratio among people suffering OCD than among the ones who don’t have that psychological disorder.

To give you another example, a disorder in the thyroid glands (physical disorder) can be a cause that predisposes a person to depression (psychological disorder), though they remain as different things, so there can be people having the former and not having the latter, and vice versa. Same happens with OCD and scruples.
 
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There is a type of OCD, and most people who have OCD have it in multiple forms, that is religious in nature. Scrupulosity. I have OCD and scrupulosity. For scrupulosity, i see one main Confessor for confession, and defer to his judgement. He instructs and limits me and corrects me. It is actually quite effective in preventing an obsessive spiral, but you have to trust the Priest and follow his instruction.
 
frjuan said:
Hello FiveLinden,

In the same way as there are physical illnesses, which are studied by the corresponding branches of medicine, and psychological illnesses, studied by Psychiatry and Psychology, there are also spiritual illnesses, studied by Moral and Spiritual Theology.
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Thank you Father. I had not considered previously the idea of scruples not a result of OCD. But I imagine these are much easier to deal with. I Googled ‘spiritual illness’ and found a list of 15 written by Pope Francis. I could imagine ‘non-OCD’ scruples being on such a list but not those linked to OCD.

LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - Listing 15 spiritual ailments, Pope Francis warned the Curia to be on their guard and to ask for God’s forgiveness.
  1. Feeling immortal and essential
“A curia that does not practice self-criticism, does not keep up to date, does not try to better itself, is an infirm Body.” Pope Francis suggested visiting a cemetery to see people who perhaps thought themselves essential or even immortal at one time.
  1. Excessive activity
People who lose themselves in their work and neglect “what is better” which he explained was sitting at Jesus’ feet.
  1. “Petrification”
Some people become incapable of feeling, buried in their work and under papers.
  1. Overplanning
Some people become accountants in a spiritual sense, overplanning to the point they no longer hear and heed the Holy Spirit in what they do. They tend to become static and unchanging, unreceptive to the direction of the Holy Spirit.
  1. Lack of coordination
Some people lose their sense of community and instead of living communally and cooperatively, they live for themselves and the body of people as a whole suffers.
  1. Spiritual Alzheimer’s
Described as a “progressive decline of spiritual faculties” which “causes severe disadvantages to people.” Specifically, Pope Francis referred to people who have lost their spiritual way, having forgotten about the Lord. They become subject to “passions, whims and obsessions.”
  1. Rivalry and vanity
Some people are more concerned with rank and privilege and not with doing their pastoral duty to their neighbors.
  1. Existential schizophrenia
People who live double lives, spiritually empty and mediocre, filling themselves with the false esteem of degrees and honors, but without fulfilling pastoral duties to others.
  1. Gossip
Some people gossip and become “sowers of discord.” Pope Francis described this as a “disease of cowards.”
  1. Defiance
People who “court their superiors” looking after what they might gain and not at what they can give.
  1. Indifference
When people think only of themselves and not of others, and they lose the warmth of human relationships. They do not share their knowledge, preferring to see others fall.
 
frjuan said:
So bottom line: I think it would be very good for her to seek the help of a priest, but be careful to choose the right one.
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I agree, it must be a holy priest. I wish the church would deal with the issue of scruples. It’s what bothered Martin Luther. Had the issue been properly dealt with in ages past we would not be in the mess we are in today. It just keeps being swept under the rug. I am sorry for all those suffering with this. I wish there where more knowledgeable, holy priests that truly shepherd their flocks.
 
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Yeah, this kind of happened to us today. I took her to mass and we stayed after to see if we could make an appointment with the priest for another day. We asked, but he gave us a weird look when we told him we wanted to see if we could speak about her OCD. He also said he had never heard of it. He handed her a piece of paper with his phone number and told her to call him as he walked away. I know Sundays are very busy days, but as soon as we walked out I could tell she was not going to call him. She just looked crushed. She left the piece of paper with his phone number in the back of my car. I don’t know what to do. I mean, how can I find a warm, kindly priest? How does one even go about locating one? I don’t meant to speak ill of the priest we met with today. Please don’t get me wrong. She has been going through a rough patch and looked tired and depressed ( which is why I am assuming the odd look came about). Plus I have OCD too so who knows what I looked like. It’s just such a lonely place to be. I feel the same way she does most of the time. She literally confessed to me so I know confession is not really an issue.
 
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Gah!

Please don’t expect much on Sunday from priests. Most have back to back Masses, no food and do not want to discuss personal matters in the open air for the privacy of the individual and the congregation. Many an old lady lurks near the priest to catch gossip. And many don’t even know their own schedule.

Also did he give the church number or his personal cell?

You have no idea if the priest was kind. Call the rectory on Monday and ask if you can make an appointment to meet with the priest. Tell the priest you were surprised he had not heard of ocd and would be happy to provide him with resources.

In all reality, he can’t help her with ocd but perhaps help her grow spiritually so she can better cope.
 
Yes, @Xanthippe is right, Sunday is not the best day to expect a priest to have the time to listen to anyone. And also, about him not knowing what OCD is, you must understand that there are hundreds of acronyms used for different pathologies, and a particular one can be very familiar for the person dealing with it, but not for the rest of the people. I myself didn’t know what the acronym meant, and had to look it up online.

So go to the Church on a weekday, and say something like you have inclination to obsessive thoughts instead of saying “OCD”. About finding the right priest, pray for it and ask other Catholic friends of your area.
 
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