A question for the men regarding porn

[micahmike]

exactly, news!!!

and yes, my husband admits that he is looking to sex the sexual parts, not the beauty, get the buzz, not ok admiration.

Well, and I’m sorry of this sounds glib, but that sucks. It isn’t the case for many men, even most men I figure. What can you do? Pray, offer to pray with him, and be the best wife you can be, including trying to be as desireable and physically available to your husband as licitly possible. Tell him how you it makes you feel and tell him you want him to change and that you’d like to help. From there you’ve pretty much done all you can about it unless you decide to seperate. I’m sorry you find yourself in that situation.

 

[The_Bucket]

Umm, considering that there have been CAF threads on women who struggle with porn, I don’t think you’re right that women never look at men sexually, ever, phil. As a general rule are they less visual? Absolutely. But that’s not the case for everyone.

Rachel: If your husband is saying flat out that he’s lusting and dwelling on his lust for women then that’s categorically wrong. No excuses and no tolerance. I’ve said before that I don’t equate that or pornography addiction to adultery on the betrayal scale, but it’s still gravely sinful and destructive to him and you.

News: I think you’re misinterpreting what I’m saying. I’m saying that a man’s subconscious reaction to an attractive woman is not usually an admiration of her beauty. It’s an inherent sexual response. I don’t mean that he’s actively thinking “I’d like to do XYZ” I mean that he’s naturally drawn to look at her in a sexual way. To deny that and say that men are attracted simply to the beauty of women would be to deny reality.

Now, my point was that men can also just appreciate beauty but it takes effort and that’s the effort we’re all called to make regardless of marital status. Single people don’t have the right to dwell on lustful thoughts and frankly we married men shouldn’t have overly lustful thoughts about our own wives. I’m not going to go all TOTB on people nor do I think that all sex between married couples needs to be super-loving and tender and giving and all of that idealized stuff because I frankly think taken to an extreme it becomes nonsense.

Suffice it to say I think we’re honestly on the same page. I think men and women alike need to recognize the reality that men are visual creatures and are going to notice attractive women regardless of marital status. And I also think that women need to expect it of their men and men to expect it of themselves to strive to control their natural and basest inclinations.

By the way, if you want the food analogy, it’s not the same as a diet in any way. You can order your meal and be fully satisfied and love it and still notice the buffet on the other side of the restaurant. But you control yourself from being gluttonous by shrugging to yourself, gently pushing the buffet out of your mind and continuing with the high quality meal you selected.

 

[jenlovesyu]

I think it is very sweet the way that God made men to be very visual beings. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a man noticing a beautiful woman, even if he is in a relationship or married to another. That’s not to say that it is okay to lust after that woman but just to glance at someone and recognize their beauty doesn’t seem like an injustice.

I myself am a young lady who grew up unfortunately learning all the wrong things about human sexuality so I personally struggle with seeing others in a healthy way (rather than an unhealthy, sexual way). Although I have no interest in viewing porn (it’s just too disturbing), I would hope that if I made a mistake of some impure nature in my [hypothetical] marriage that my [hypothetical] husband would help me overcome my struggles. But I think men in some cases have more of a “right” to get upset if the wife slips up rather than the other way around because women are usually, though not always, less susceptible to becoming attached to impure images than men are. But it’s good to see that some of you men posting here are willing to be helpful and supportive in the event your wives were to develop an issue

That of course is not to say that men are unable to control themselves but I really do believe that pornography is a tool used by the evil one to do just as much, if not more destruction to men than women. It hurts God and all of us really so I’ll just keep praying that it stops

 

[jwashu]

C’mon, maybe a dose of reality is needed here. It’s extremely rare for women to look at porn. It’s a very tiny percentage. Secondly, some women are saying well I never look at a man in that way. You don’t say. Fact is that’s not how women look at men, ever. They are simply not as visual. So comparing men and women like they’re the same is ludicrous.

Actually the latest statistics show that about 56% of women a viewing or purchasing pornographic materials. I know wives who have their own “porn drive” at their house… and no they don’t cheat on their husbands and yes they love them… their point, even sometimes guys aren’t in the mood.

Not saying this is morally correct in the least, just saying the old adage seems to be changing.

In regards to another post someone made I think the point of the poster was that if they get to “man I would like to…” and stop there, there is no sin, the initial thought was instinctual while it was the higher functioning or grace that said “I need to get this thought out of my head before it goes any farther”

Joe

Joe

 

[micahmike]

When I notice a remarkably atrractive, even sexy, woman in public, I like to thank the Lord for providing some man with such a beautiful wife (or future wife). That moves my mind from lust and into the realm of rightly-ordered sexuality. When I see a nice house or a nice car or other thing, instead of coveting, I try to think “how nice for that person, I hope that they are enjoying the fruits of their labor”. It doesn’t always work (especially when I am currently without a motorcycle myself <gasp!>), but I try.