A question for those of you whom are married

[paseo]

Hi everyone
I was wondering if any married CAF members could share some of their insight and experience on what things you do together with your spouse in building and strengthening your relationship with God. Do you pray together, discuss church teachings, etc? Also, how different, if it is of course, is your walk with God from when you were still single?

Thank you for your responses and God bless!
Theresia

 

[JRKH]

Don’t have a lot to offer since my wife was already diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when we returned to the Church…
The most important thing that we did throughout our marriage was to LOVE one another. o be there, to support, to seek the good of the other. Doing this is the most important aspect of growing our faith and our strength for it overcame the “baggage” that we each brought to the marriage and allowed us to grow more and more loving - not just with each other - but with the whole world.

That said - yes we started praying more together…attending mass and receiving communion as often as possible…but the most important thing was this building of our mutual love - agape - for each other. Even though she is now late stage Alzheimer’s and can’t even say my name…I still am immersed in that Love…and taking care of her needs are not a chore, but a joy (well mostly )

Probably not the sort of answer that you were looking for, but there it is…

Peace
James

 

[MJJean]

My husband is a cradle Catholic that fell away in his teens. I was Lutheran (loosely, mom was never strict about worship) and then fell away from Christianity in general in my teens. So, my husband and I met and married as Pagans, then Atheists, then Agnostics. After 10 years of marriage, my husband decided to return to the Church and I came with him. I guess you could say one thing we did to strengthen both our marriage and our love for God was acknowledge we had a God shaped hole in our lives and begin to fill that hole together with RCIA and Mass attendance.

As James above me said, we also started to work out some baggage, clear up some misunderstandings and miscommunications and approach problems from a position of unconditional and lifelong love for each other.

Also, we have been brought closer to each other and to God by watching Youtube scholarly lectures, documentaries and some tv programming about the Church, it’s history and teachings. Then we discuss our thoughts. My husband has a few Vatican apps on his phone and gets news through those apps so that we can also discuss that when he calls from work during a long wait to either be loaded or unloaded (he’s a truck driver).

And we have done some limited volunteering together. Only limited because his work schedule is insane right now and we’re new to the Church so we’re still getting into the groove of Church life and participation. Once we’re more used to attending Mass and RCIA as well as Confirmation group events and his work schedule hits the winter slow down we are hoping to volunteer together more. Volunteering reminds us of what Jesus wants us to do for our fellow man and also brings us closer to each other and God.

 

[robwar]

pray together, go to Church together, do not practice artificial contraception, do not have sex before marriage or live together. We have done this a a couple and still married 27 years! There are not big secrets, following Church’s teaching concerning love and marriage. Likewise and a final note, be careful a head of time on who you are dating. Date someone who shares the same commitment to the Catholic Church and faith as you have. Do not date someone with a major problem with drugs or alcohol or sex.

 

[MJJean]

Don’t have a lot to offer since my wife was already diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when we returned to the Church…
The most important thing that we did throughout our marriage was to LOVE one another. o be there, to support, to seek the good of the other. Doing this is the most important aspect of growing our faith and our strength for it overcame the “baggage” that we each brought to the marriage and allowed us to grow more and more loving - not just with each other - but with the whole world.

That said - yes we started praying more together…attending mass and receiving communion as often as possible…but the most important thing was this building of our mutual love - agape - for each other. Even though she is now late stage Alzheimer’s and can’t even say my name…I still am immersed in that Love…and taking care of her needs are not a chore, but a joy (well mostly )

Probably not the sort of answer that you were looking for, but there it is…

Peace
James

I don’t mean to derail, but I wanted to let you know your post was beautiful and made me tear up a bit. My grandmother had Alzheimers at a relatively young age. She was in her early 60’s when diagnosed. My mother was showing symptoms in her 40’s for about 2 years before she passed away. I know how horrible the disease is for the sufferer and their spouse. Your attitude toward your wife is truly loving and giving. I hope that, God forbid, I should be stricken with the disease as others in my immediate family have been my husband will rise to the challenge to care for me and love me as you have done for your wife.

 

[paseo]

Don’t have a lot to offer since my wife was already diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when we returned to the Church…
The most important thing that we did throughout our marriage was to LOVE one another. o be there, to support, to seek the good of the other. Doing this is the most important aspect of growing our faith and our strength for it overcame the “baggage” that we each brought to the marriage and allowed us to grow more and more loving - not just with each other - but with the whole world.

That said - yes we started praying more together…attending mass and receiving communion as often as possible…but the most important thing was this building of our mutual love - agape - for each other. Even though she is now late stage Alzheimer’s and can’t even say my name…I still am immersed in that Love…and taking care of her needs are not a chore, but a joy (well mostly )

Probably not the sort of answer that you were looking for, but there it is…

Peace
James

Hi James,
I really do appreciate you sharing this and actually it does count as the sort of answer I was looking for! You said it yourself that it is “the most important aspect of growing our faith”, this is the kind of insight that I’m seeking.
The way you describe the love you have for your wife is very beautiful - I only hope to be able to learn to love that way.
I am very sorry to hear about your wife’s health, I’ll keep you and your wife in mind in my prayers.

Thank you for sharing, James, and God bless you and your family!
Theresia

 

[paseo]

My husband is a cradle Catholic that fell away in his teens. I was Lutheran (loosely, mom was never strict about worship) and then fell away from Christianity in general in my teens. So, my husband and I met and married as Pagans, then Atheists, then Agnostics. After 10 years of marriage, my husband decided to return to the Church and I came with him. I guess you could say one thing we did to strengthen both our marriage and our love for God was acknowledge we had a God shaped hole in our lives and begin to fill that hole together with RCIA and Mass attendance.

As James above me said, we also started to work out some baggage, clear up some misunderstandings and miscommunications and approach problems from a position of unconditional and lifelong love for each other.

Also, we have been brought closer to each other and to God by watching Youtube scholarly lectures, documentaries and some tv programming about the Church, it’s history and teachings. Then we discuss our thoughts. My husband has a few Vatican apps on his phone and gets news through those apps so that we can also discuss that when he calls from work during a long wait to either be loaded or unloaded (he’s a truck driver).

And we have done some limited volunteering together. Only limited because his work schedule is insane right now and we’re new to the Church so we’re still getting into the groove of Church life and participation. Once we’re more used to attending Mass and RCIA as well as Confirmation group events and his work schedule hits the winter slow down we are hoping to volunteer together more. Volunteering reminds us of what Jesus wants us to do for our fellow man and also brings us closer to each other and God.

Hi MJJean,
Thank you so much for sharing! It’s so wonderful that you and your husband are, hand in hand, on a journey together to the Catholic church. You both seem to have a deep commitment towards building your faith and doing it together.

Thank you again and God bless you and your family

 

[paseo]

pray together, go to Church together, do not practice artificial contraception, do not have sex before marriage or live together. We have done this a a couple and still married 27 years! There are not big secrets, following Church’s teaching concerning love and marriage. Likewise and a final note, be careful a head of time on who you are dating. Date someone who shares the same commitment to the Catholic Church and faith as you have. Do not date someone with a major problem with drugs or alcohol or sex.

Hi robwar,
Thank you for sharing your insights!

God bless you and your family

 

[Lady_Love]

My husband and I have a music ministry and we do this together. I think working together for a higher purpose does wonders for our relationship. We work as a team. We build each other up and encourage one another because it helps the cause for both of us to be our best. We always attend Mass together, we fellowship with other people from church, we share evangelization stories, and we discuss Church teachings. We sometimes pray together. We both want to start doing the Liturgy of the Hours together.

Both of us refrain from focusing on eachother’s faults rather we validate eachother’s virtues. As his wife, It is so important that I support him by believing in him. I try to give him all my trust, even if I have a different opinion about how something should be done. I rarely correct him, and because of this if I do speak, he listens.

My husband believes that my emotions are one of his top priorities. If I am sad, crying, happy, etc. He stops everything to be present to what I am feeling. He confesses that it is hard for him to watch me crying because he wants to fix it but he refrains from trying to fix it and just listens, hugs, etc. If for some reason I am feeling “needy” he tries to give me what I need, usually a long hug or a moment to snuggle. Because he does this, I find that I am rarely “needy.”

We are so blessed!

 

[Kelfa28]

Newlywed here.

We both converted not long before we got married.

My husband and I go to Mass together almost every Sunday with our daughter (once a month military drill days get in the way of that schedule).

We read the bible together every single night. In fact, we are reading the bible cover to cover this year and have just finished the old testament. We started the New Testament last night.

We also do small things like purposely making room for each other in our schedules to make sure we both can get to confession or adoration.

We took an hour of adoration for our Parish together and alternate every other week.

 

[KellyPalmer]

Do you pray together, discuss church teachings, etc? Yes and Yes!

Also, how different, if it is of course, is your walk with God from when you were still single? **Pretty different. I’m now walking with God with my husband so once married, there was a whole new dynamic. **

 

[JRKH]

I don’t mean to derail, but I wanted to let you know your post was beautiful and made me tear up a bit. My grandmother had Alzheimers at a relatively young age. She was in her early 60’s when diagnosed. My mother was showing symptoms in her 40’s for about 2 years before she passed away. I know how horrible the disease is for the sufferer and their spouse. Your attitude toward your wife is truly loving and giving. I hope that, God forbid, I should be stricken with the disease as others in my immediate family have been my husband will rise to the challenge to care for me and love me as you have done for your wife.

Hi James,
I really do appreciate you sharing this and actually it does count as the sort of answer I was looking for! You said it yourself that it is “the most important aspect of growing our faith”, this is the kind of insight that I’m seeking.
The way you describe the love you have for your wife is very beautiful - I only hope to be able to learn to love that way.
I am very sorry to hear about your wife’s health, I’ll keep you and your wife in mind in my prayers.

Thank you for sharing, James, and God bless you and your family!
Theresia

Thank you both…prayers are always welcomed.

Jean…the idea of “rising to the challenge” is something that people don’t often think about and, as married couples - even young - it’s something that at least should be touched on (IMHO).
The kind of deep mutual love that spouses have - the agape type love - should cause each to want to not be a burden to the other and for each to feel that the other could never be a burden.

It might sound strange, but I think that one question that should be asked at pre-cana is this…“Are you willing to change the other’s diaper”?
Like I say - this sounds strange but it starts a whole line of thinking about what you are truly committing to in marriage.

lastly - and I cannot really explain this too well…but there are a whole host of blessings and graces that come to a caregiver who is open to them. I’ve learned more about love, humility, patience and perseverance in the time I’ve cared for my Dear Wife than in all the rest of my nearly 60 years of living.
I wouldn’t wish this journey on others - but would I do it again??? Absolutely!!!

Peace
James

 

[on_the_hill]

We go to church together, of course. And discuss Church/religious issues as they come up. Other than that, I guess we don’t do a whole lot as a married couple with regards to Catholicism.

 

[paseo]

My husband and I have a music ministry and we do this together. I think working together for a higher purpose does wonders for our relationship. We work as a team. We build each other up and encourage one another because it helps the cause for both of us to be our best. We always attend Mass together, we fellowship with other people from church, we share evangelization stories, and we discuss Church teachings. We sometimes pray together. We both want to start doing the Liturgy of the Hours together.

Both of us refrain from focusing on eachother’s faults rather we validate eachother’s virtues. As his wife, It is so important that I support him by believing in him. I try to give him all my trust, even if I have a different opinion about how something should be done. I rarely correct him, and because of this if I do speak, he listens.

My husband believes that my emotions are one of his top priorities. If I am sad, crying, happy, etc. He stops everything to be present to what I am feeling. He confesses that it is hard for him to watch me crying because he wants to fix it but he refrains from trying to fix it and just listens, hugs, etc. If for some reason I am feeling “needy” he tries to give me what I need, usually a long hug or a moment to snuggle. Because he does this, I find that I am rarely “needy.”

We are so blessed!

Hi Lady Love,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I was wondering, could you share a bit more about fellowship? I’ve heard of the term before but I’m not really sure what it means, English isn’t my first language.

God bless you and your family!

 

[paseo]

Newlywed here.

We both converted not long before we got married.

My husband and I go to Mass together almost every Sunday with our daughter (once a month military drill days get in the way of that schedule).

We read the bible together every single night. In fact, we are reading the bible cover to cover this year and have just finished the old testament. We started the New Testament last night.

We also do small things like purposely making room for each other in our schedules to make sure we both can get to confession or adoration.

We took an hour of adoration for our Parish together and alternate every other week.

Hi Kelfa28,
Thank you so much for sharing! Can I ask, did you and you husband go through the conversion process together? Are some of the activities that you do together now, things that you’ve been doing together since before you got married?

God bless you and your family!

 

[paseo]

Do you pray together, discuss church teachings, etc? Yes and Yes!

Also, how different, if it is of course, is your walk with God from when you were still single? **Pretty different. I’m now walking with God with my husband so once married, there was a whole new dynamic. **

Hi Kelly,
Thank you for taking the time to share!

God bless you and your family.

 

[kmcarl56]

I have been married twice, once to a Catholic, and once to a non-Catholic. The first was not a union blessed by God. The second was.

I can tell you without a doubt that when you have God as the center and foundation of your marriage, the union will be a loving, joyful, and lasting one.

With God as the foundation, you feel compelled to pray together, attend church together, and adhere to the commandments God has given us regarding marriage.

With God as the center, there can be nothing that can take your love away. There is nothing that you cannot accomplish together. Problems are easily solved because you can talk about anything with each other - you are best friends

With God as the foundation, you both can stand on firm ground that will not shift, or rise or fall because God is steadfast in His love for us.

One must take care about knowing the spiritual person one chooses to marry because that is the soul of the union of two people into one spirit.

The unique and mutual love, respect, honor and dedication in the God-Centered marriage cannot fail, but only grows stronger with time (and effort–marriage is work sometimes).

Loving your spouse because of their personality and character is one thing. Loving that person because their spirit is cojoined with yours in heart, mind, and soul is quite another.

Having God as the center and foundation of your union is what keeps the marriage sacred and whole, free from doubt or jealosy, free from the influences of the world.

I hope this helps you in finding your answers.

May God bless you in all you do and say from this day and throughout your life.



P.S. My husband died 8 years ago and I am still so in love with him and miss him terribly. I do, however, know first hand that he is in Heaven waiting for me. Here is my video to confirm this:

youtube.com/watch?v=DV_IeRlIWVU

 

[paseo]

It might sound strange, but I think that one question that should be asked at pre-cana is this…“Are you willing to change the other’s diaper”?
Like I say - this sounds strange but it starts a whole line of thinking about what you are truly committing to in marriage.

I’m 32yo and single. While most of my friends are married with 2-3 children, about half of them are so unhappy that they wish they could trade lives with me. I find this very odd. Sometimes I wonder if it has to do with what you’re saying here; how much we really think of what we’re committing to in marriage, before getting married.
I hope you don’t mind if I borrow your question for the future, if and when the time comes that I’d be able to use it?

God bless!

 

[paseo]

We go to church together, of course. And discuss Church/religious issues as they come up. Other than that, I guess we don’t do a whole lot as a married couple with regards to Catholicism.

Hi on_the_hill,
Thank you for taking the time to share!

God bless you and your loved ones

 

[paseo]

I have been married twice, once to a Catholic, and once to a non-Catholic. The first was not a union blessed by God. The second was.

I can tell you without a doubt that when you have God as the center and foundation of your marriage, the union will be a loving, joyful, and lasting one.

With God as the foundation, you feel compelled to pray together, attend church together, and adhere to the commandments God has given us regarding marriage.

With God as the center, there can be nothing that can take your love away. There is nothing that you cannot accomplish together. Problems are easily solved because you can talk about anything with each other - you are best friends

With God as the foundation, you both can stand on firm ground that will not shift, or rise or fall because God is steadfast in His love for us.

One must take care about knowing the spiritual person one chooses to marry because that is the soul of the union of two people into one spirit.

The unique and mutual love, respect, honor and dedication in the God-Centered marriage cannot fail, but only grows stronger with time (and effort–marriage is work sometimes).

Loving your spouse because of their personality and character is one thing. Loving that person because their spirit is cojoined with yours in heart, mind, and soul is quite another.

Having God as the center and foundation of your union is what keeps the marriage sacred and whole, free from doubt or jealosy, free from the influences of the world.

I hope this helps you in finding your answers.

May God bless you in all you do and say from this day and throughout your life.



P.S. My husband died 8 years ago and I am still so in love with him and miss him terribly. I do, however, know first hand that he is in Heaven waiting for me. Here is my video to confirm this:

youtube.com/watch?v=DV_IeRlIWVU

Hi kmcarl56,
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and share your video. It was so beautiful In your post you’re sharing your insight, but I also sensed a sort of encouragement coming from it!

Thank you again and may God bless you on your journey