A Question For Those Who Know Something About Islam

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AngryAtheist8

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Is the consent of the woman required for a marriage between two Muslims to be considered valid?

I ask because based on how common arranged marriage/child marriage is in areas where Islam is dominant it appears that the woman’s consent is not required for an Islamic marriage to be considered official. But I know a lot less about Islam than I do Christianity, so I would like the perspective of people who are more informed on the subject than I.
 
From what I have studied (readings from the Koran and a few personal chats with Muslims) yes, the concent of the woman is required. It seems that the arranged marriage thing is more cultural than religious. Now, Muslim men and women cannot date without a chaperone, so it is quite likely that the couple would not have known each other well before marriage, and were most likely “set up” by parents. But as far as I know concent is required from both parties.

Now, you can take this with a grain of salt, my knowledge of Islam is far from complete.
 
Why can’t you get to know someone well if there was a chaperone along? That doesn’t make sense. Anything you do on a date should be able to be done in front of a chaperone. Maybe you want a private conversation? Well, they can and usually do sit at a table away from you, so you can have privacy but they still keep an eye on you. If you go to a movie, you can still sit together, the chaperone just sits in the back of the theater. Keep your hands to yourself, and learn to respect yourself and God’s child you are on a date with.

I actually think the chaperone times were much better than they are now:
  1. Less heartache. Dating wasn’t taken so seriously. You could go out with one person on Friday night and a different person on Saturday night and nobody would think anything of it. Dating different people will help you get an idea of what qualities you like and dislike in a potential spouse. After many dates, you’d start courting someone where you’d see that person exclusively, and then shortly after you’d get engaged and then a few months later married. Nowadays people get physical very soon into the relationship (TV shows now have characters expressing shock if a couple hasn’t slept together after they’ve been dating for “an entire week”). They become emotionally attached to someone they’re only dating, haven’t known very long, and isn’t a good match for them anyway. How can you discern if a person is right for you if you’re jumping into bed with them? Studies show that sleeping together too soon closes the doors for communication and leads to higher divorce rates. You just jump in bed instead of discussing your problems, which is what you’re supposed to be learning while you’re dating: communication skills are the foundation for a happy and lasting marriage. Also, it is much harder to break up with someone because you feel commited to them in some way even though you both know you’re not right for each other.
  2. Fewer unplanned pregnancies, abortions, and out-of-wedlock births. You’re not going to be sleeping together while a chaperone is watching you.
  3. Divorce rate was significantly lower than it is now. Partly because communication skills were better developed. Partly because both families were “in” the marriage helping solve problems and supporting the couple to stay together.
  4. Less narcissism. It seems like so many young people today are raised to be selfish jerks. They follow lust and have no idea what love is, and they will not or are afraid to commit. Love is a commitment to another person: marriage. They sleep around, take forever to decide if a woman is good enough to marry (these 4+ year courtships are ridiculous for anyone who’s not a teenager), or they have kids before they get married. Now, I can see if you got pregnant right away and want to wait to get to know each other before deciding to get married (pregnancy is a form of coercion and has been grounds for annulment in the past), but if your baby has a birthday and you’re still just dating, and/or the woman gets pregnant again and there’s still no ring, that is a serious problem. I love you, but not enough to commit to you (sign official documents promising to stay together, take vows in front of family & friends & God)… that’s not really love, is it? It’s just lust/narcissism. And then the kids grow up in homes like these and they too have a narcissistic idea of what love is.
Although I disagree with a lot of their teachings, I actually like that about Islam. Islam takes a high view of dating and marriage. I bet their divorce rates are probably lower than ours, too.

Regarding consent of a woman, why wouldn’t she consent? She wants to get married, doesn’t she? Some marriages might even help her family (i.e. if her family doesn’t have much money), so she’d be happy to do it.
 
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