A question for wives... about husbands

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TheRealJuliane said:
I just read your previous response - so you are going to be an Air Force wife…Wow, that’s a huge lifestyle change. All the best to your hubby and you! Do either of you have family in the military? Did you mention being an Army brat at some point?
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Thank you Juliane! 🙂

Yes, I am going to be an Air Force pilot’s wife. :yup:

Nope, neither one of us has family in the military, so this will be totally new to me.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
It gets worse the more you prod him. Most guys don’t just talk for the sake of it, like we women do. If they talk to each other, it’s in the context of acting, such as doing a sport (golf!), or fixing something, or making something. Try asking him to go for a walk or something. Don’t try to make conversation with him. You are already married, you don’t have to try so hard. If you’re dying for conversation, call a friend.

I can’t remember the ratio of words used per day, men v. women but it’s something like 30,000 v. 3,000. Yes, it’s that glaring a difference. Language is how women feel connected, and it’s not that important for men.
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good points here.
 
ValPal said:
With my wife it’s about 3,000,000 to 3,000…lol

Another issue with a lot of guys is that they tend to think things through before they speak when dealing with certain situations, whereas women will just speak whatever is on their mind.
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hey buster…I think you are a big silly…

oops…better think this one through :D:D:D
 
Debora123 said:
Thank you Juliane! 🙂

Yes, I am going to be an Air Force pilot’s wife. :yup:

Nope, neither one of us has family in the military, so this will be totally new to me.
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how sexy! a military wife to a pilot…WOOP!
 
Well Debora, we’ve had conversations before so you know I’m only 18. I have a girlfriend, but I’m VERY shy around girls, to the point where at one time she asked me to be more romantic (I’m trying 😃 ).

What I’m trying to say is that me having a girlfriend doesn’t make me less nervous around girls, including my own girlfriend. I like her very much and she likes me very much and we talk but even though I’m normally extremely talkative (re: big-mouthed 😉 ) If ind myself being much quieter around her as I try and nervously think of ways to fill the silence. It’s just more awkward and nerve-wracking for me to communicate with girls.

I don’t know what your husband’s issue is, but what seems like “stonewalling”, possibly, from me is actually my mind racing a million miles an hour trying to figure out what to say.

Your husband isn’t 18, and you’ve gotten married, but perhaps it’s something to think about.
 
Debora123 said:
LOL I know, right? Now I can finally get that nose job and boob job! 😃
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LOL! I’ve seen your picture and you are beautiful just as you are!

I am 41 and was contemplating botox and then I read something that a former super model wrote:

“I could use botox, but then it would be like I am only relying on my looks to feel good about myself. I have realized that it’s time to work on my own self-esteem and not feed my shallow insecurities through plastic surgery. It’s time for me to find who I really am.”
 
Debora123, Now you can start saying things to him, like “I feel the need, the need for speed!” Okay, I’ve watched Top Gun wayyy too many times.

I think men can have a lot of anxieties re: work, providing for the family. And they do tend to think things through before speaking - but so do I but that’s the lawyer in me. My hubby just tends to forget to communicate once he’s figured out what’s bothering him - he represses it. A great meal and some beer loosens him up sometimes. 😉
 
Debora123 said:
LOL I know, right? Now I can finally get that nose job and boob job! 😃
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Well…While you will be an officer’s wife, it’s not like being the First Lady or anything…We still don’t pay our military enough, compared to the danger they place themselves in for our benefit.

And, you could be stationed anywhere in the world, and have to live on base or in quarters not of your choosing. Being military is not an easy way of life. As his wife you will have expectations of your own behavior and comportment. You are joining up along with him, really, although you won’t take the same oath. The military is like a family and you may find that after a while, your fellow military wives will become more than just your best friends. They will really be like a family to you.

I know you were being a little silly but while you will probably have a little more security than you’ve had in the past, it’s not Easy Street by any means.

All the best to you as you move forward into this part of your married life.

👍

And to all the military members and their families on this forum…Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

:love:
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Well…While you will be an officer’s wife, it’s not like being the First Lady or anything…We still don’t pay our military enough, compared to the danger they place themselves in for our benefit.

And, you could be stationed anywhere in the world, and have to live on base or in quarters not of your choosing. Being military is not an easy way of life. As his wife you will have expectations of your own behavior and comportment. You are joining up along with him, really, although you won’t take the same oath. The military is like a family and you may find that after a while, your fellow military wives will become more than just your best friends. They will really be like a family to you.

I know you were being a little silly but while you will probably have a little more security than you’ve had in the past, it’s not Easy Street by any means.

All the best to you as you move forward into this part of your married life.

👍

And to all the military members and their families on this forum…Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

:love:
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Thanks for the advice!!

Have you had experience with the military life style?
 
I’d like to add some clarification since I happen to have a good deal of experience in the realm of AF Officer life:
TheRealJuliane said:
Well…While you will be an officer’s wife, it’s not like being the First Lady or anything…
True, however, with the AF medical plan for families, there HAVE been some cases where plastic surgery has been provided, particularly in cases where the person felt that they needed the modification for self-image issues. And yes, this has included “boob jobs”.
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Weeeeeeeellllll… sure, for enlisted guys below Tech Sergeant and for 2nd Lieutenants, they don’t get paid very much… but as an officer, by the time you reach 3 years in, you should be doing just fine, and by the time you reach Captain you should be easily making enough to support a single income family (if so desired).
And, you could be stationed anywhere in the world
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This is true, but depending on the pilot platform, there are a limited number of bases which a pilot is eligable to be stationed at while working in his pilot career field.

On top of that, while the Air Force can always assign you anywhere you want, you still get to fill out a “dream sheet” (a professional development plan), which includes your desired bases… and you even get the benefit of looking at what bases have openings coming so you know which bases you are most likely to get when you put in your request. The personnel center doesn’t guaruntee you’ll get anything on your dream sheet, but they always attempt to get you to at least ONE of the choices on your list.
and have to live on base or in quarters not of your choosing.
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Well, yes and no. Base family quarters are only mandated if available, and much on base quarters is reserved for mission critical personnel and enlisted troops. If you live off base, as most officers do, then you receive a stipend, but are allowed to choose whereever you want to live… unless you’re a mission essential person, which means you have to live on base.
Being military is not an easy way of life. As his wife you will have expectations of your own behavior and comportment.
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This is true: a terrible spouse, or one who goes nuts while their spouse is deployed, becomes the “talk of the base”, and for an officer, inability to keep order in his or her home can cost them their career. Bad financial management, heavy debt, public deviance, domestic disputes, etc… all of those can be career enders for an officer.

And more in the sucking department: we deploy… a lot lately ,and especially pilots of certain limited airframes. Being a deployed spouse, well, you have to be able to put up with a lot of lonely nights and take care of yourself without always having your spouse present to help.
You are joining up along with him, really, although you won’t take the same oath. The military is like a family and you may find that after a while, your fellow military wives will become more than just your best friends. They will really be like a family to you.
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True, the military spouses clubs are generally a tight knit group and you can’t join unless you’re a spouse! But please, don’t think that Army wives is anything like how a military spouse should comport themselves… the way those wives behave is against DoD policy in many cases, and against the law in some. Most of them would long since have gotten their husbands’ clearances revoked.
And to all the military members and their families on this forum…Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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😃 Thank you! But I really do love my work, and I can’t imagine a life where I would have to live in one place for more than four years! The costs are pretty hefty, sure, but the rewards, if you really want to be here, are worth it too.
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Actaeon said:
Weeeeeeeellllll… sure, for enlisted guys below Tech Sergeant and for 2nd Lieutenants, they don’t get paid very much… but as an officer, by the time you reach 3 years in, you should be doing just fine, and by the time you reach Captain you should be easily making enough to support a single income family (if so desired).
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On top of being an officer, pilots also get added pay for the whole danger thing.
 
Debora123 said:
Thanks for the advice!!

Have you had experience with the military life style?
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A little.

😃

You’ll be fine. You’re young, you’re optimistic, you’ve got a strong faith. You’ll be fine.

All the best.
 
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