A question on confession

[coleraine]

ok, i am pretty confused. ok, say you are in confession. ok, there are some sins which you need to confess seperatly, and individually. but what if there are two sins that can be classified under the same subject matter? do you have to confess them seperatly, or can you just confess the subject matter?

ok, this leads to another question. does the priest have to know the details? i mean, say that you confess something. he doesnt ask you to clarify, because he thinks he undersrands what you meant, but he really didnt. so, does he have to know the details to forgive you? i mean, arent you forgiven for exactly what comes out of your mouth?

any response is appreciated. thanks.

 

[turtle18]

My understanding is that you don’t need to go all into the specific details (which of course I got from another thread.) You are really just confessing to Jesus what He already knows you did anyway so why give the priests all the details.

If you committed murder, would you go in there and say I plunged the knife into said victim 20 times or I fired two gunshots one into the heart & one into the head. Or if you had an abortion, would you go in there and give all the gory details of the procedure? Or if you robbed a bank would would you lay out all the details of your theft?

But then again some things may need clarification. I told a priest I hit a car & drove off (his eyes BULGED out of his head–of all the things I ever confessed to in my life this was one the one thing that provoked a reaction from the priest!!!) I think he thought I was confessing to a hit & run but then I explained I did little damage to the parked, unoccupied car I hit and basically ended up scratching & denting my car. The point of my confession was I didn’t let the other person know I had dinged their car.

 

[THurifer2]

I explained I did little damage to the parked, unoccupied car I hit and basically ended up scratching & denting my car. The point of my confession was I didn’t let the other person know I had dinged their car.

Hmm,

by chance was the vehichle you hit a blue minivan?

 

[turtle18]

Oh no, I just knocked off some vanity plate on their front fender. I put it back on but I have a feeling it might have fallen off when they drove off. It was a giant, white truck and I was trying to pull out of a parallel park situation.

 

[coleraine]

hi guys. thanks for posting, but can we get back on subject? particularly the first question about confessing subject matter. thanks.

 

[benedictgal]

Let’s get you back on track, then.

To be quite frank, I’ll sometimes border on scruples. However, the whole point of confession is to get sin off your chest. In order for your confessor to give you sound advice and to help you get over the “near occasion” of the sin in question, you should provide some explanation.

Some sins are more serious than others and have delicate circumstances. Chances are, your confessor has heard it all and nothing may shock him. I lucked out with a great confessor who has wound up being my best friend. Of course, when he and I are on the outs, I’m not going to run to him and say, “Bless me Father, for I wanted to deck you…” In that case, I do have a backup confessor, who, although he’s not my best buddy in the world, is a really wonderful priest. But, that doesn’t help you right now.

My dear friend, it’s best to approach confession with the idea that you want to make a clean break with sin and start off with a blank slate. Now, more than likely, all of us will have that clean slate for about a nano-second. If we can preserve ourselves in the state of grace until the next time we go to Mass, then we are truly blessed. However, it is our unfortunate lot that we are heavily prone to sin. As St. Paul once said, “The good that I want to do, I can’t do it. The evil I don’t want to do is what I wind up doing.” Okay, this is a paraphrase, but it’s good food for thought.

I hope this helps.

 

[coleraine]

Let’s get you back on track, then.

To be quite frank, I’ll sometimes border on scruples. However, the whole point of confession is to get sin off your chest. In order for your confessor to give you sound advice and to help you get over the “near occasion” of the sin in question, you should provide some explanation.

Some sins are more serious than others and have delicate circumstances. Chances are, your confessor has heard it all and nothing may shock him. I lucked out with a great confessor who has wound up being my best friend. Of course, when he and I are on the outs, I’m not going to run to him and say, “Bless me Father, for I wanted to deck you…” In that case, I do have a backup confessor, who, although he’s not my best buddy in the world, is a really wonderful priest. But, that doesn’t help you right now.

My dear friend, it’s best to approach confession with the idea that you want to make a clean break with sin and start off with a blank slate. Now, more than likely, all of us will have that clean slate for about a nano-second. If we can preserve ourselves in the state of grace until the next time we go to Mass, then we are truly blessed. However, it is our unfortunate lot that we are heavily prone to sin. As St. Paul once said, “The good that I want to do, I can’t do it. The evil I don’t want to do is what I wind up doing.” Okay, this is a paraphrase, but it’s good food for thought.

I hope this helps.

ok, i think i understand. but what exactly are you trying to say? that its ok to just confess the subject matter unles its a very delicate situation?

 

[benedictgal]

ok, i think i understand. but what exactly are you trying to say? that its ok to just confess the subject matter unles its a very delicate situation?

No, coleraine. What I was trying to say is that there are some sins that have delicate situations attached (pre-marital or extra-marital sex, family problems, etc). These might require some additional information as they are sensitive (delicate). It just helps to bare it out. The priest may ask you for more information so that he can best help you. Sometimes, what we think is a sin may not be a sin, or, it maybe someone else’s sin and we think that it is ours.

My best friend/confessor always tells me, “I want to hear your sins, not your friend’s or your Dad’s or your co-worker’s.” Then, after talking it out, he will help me determine that perhaps this was someone else’s thing and not mine. This is not to say, however, that I am not assessed culpability on things. He’ll point out where I went wrong, but, in order for him to help me, I have to come clean.

I hope I haven’t confused you. When it comes to confession, it can be a little nerve-wracking. But, in the end, we are forgiven.

 

[coleraine]

No, coleraine. What I was trying to say is that there are some sins that have delicate situations attached (pre-marital or extra-marital sex, family problems, etc). These might require some additional information as they are sensitive (delicate). It just helps to bare it out. The priest may ask you for more information so that he can best help you. Sometimes, what we think is a sin may not be a sin, or, it maybe someone else’s sin and we think that it is ours.

My best friend/confessor always tells me, “I want to hear your sins, not your friend’s or your Dad’s or your co-worker’s.” Then, after talking it out, he will help me determine that perhaps this was someone else’s thing and not mine. This is not to say, however, that I am not assessed culpability on things. He’ll point out where I went wrong, but, in order for him to help me, I have to come clean.

I hope I haven’t confused you. When it comes to confession, it can be a little nerve-wracking. But, in the end, we are forgiven.

ok. i think im fine. it wasnt about pre-marital sex or anything like that. although, it was of an impure matter. im not aloud to post about it anymore, but its the sexually impure thing that you commit…just without anyone else being present. get it?

 

[benedictgal]

ok. i think im fine. it wasnt about pre-marital sex or anything like that. although, it was of an impure matter. im not aloud to post about it anymore, but its the sexually impure thing that you commit…just without anyone else being present. get it?

Understood. Just explain it to your confessor. We may sometimes be in the same boat. Just pray and, as you confess, make a firm purpose of amendment. It is difficult, at times, but it’s not insurmountable. I’ll pray for you.

 

[coleraine]

ok thanks. its just that i already confessed it like that-with the subject matter. at the time it seemed an ok way to do it. i mean, i thought about it-wether it was ok to confess it like that…but since i never read anything about it…i presumed it was a fine way to do it. but with newly found knowledge i know know that more specific detail may have been needed. since i am just finding this out, was my confession valid?

 

[benedictgal]

ok thanks. its just that i already confessed it like that-with the subject matter. at the time it seemed an ok way to do it. i mean, i thought about it-wether it was ok to confess it like that…but since i never read anything about it…i presumed it was a fine way to do it. but with newly found knowledge i know know that more specific detail may have been needed. since i am just finding this out, was my confession valid?

I don’t think you can be guilty of something you didn’t know. Just keep this as a reminder should you be in the near occasion of sin in the future. Just pray and, when those episodes start coming again, reach out for your rosary. You aren’t alone.

 

[Sir_Knight]

Confess sins with just enough detail so that it could not be misunderstood to mean something else.

 

[allhers]

I was taught to confess in kind and number.
The kind of sin and the number of times it was committed.
For example:
I had impure thoughts 10 times in the past two weeks./or
I missed Mass on Sunday once.
I argued with my spouse in an unkind manner once. etc… I would think that if the Priest wanted more details he would ask for them.
Just be honest and brief.
Kind (of sin) and number (of times committed).

 

[THurifer2]

I was taught to confess in kind and number.
The kind of sin and the number of times it was committed.
For example:
I had impure thoughts 10 times in the past two weeks./or
I missed Mass on Sunday once.
I argued with my spouse in an unkind manner once. etc… I would think that if the Priest wanted more details he would ask for them.
Just be honest and brief.
Kind (of sin) and number (of times committed).

Interesting, I looked at inappropriate matter on the internet? The reason why I ask is because there are different inappropriate matters. One could be sex…the other could be like the columbine shootings…or shomthing

 

[Sir_Knight]

Definitely confess mortal sins with kind & number giving enough detail so that it could not be misunderstood to mean something else.

 

[coleraine]

Definitely confess mortal sins with kind & number giving enough detail so that it could not be misunderstood to mean something else.

thanks for the posts guys. but could i maybe ask one more question? what exactly is grave matter? how bad does something have to be? what if you do something because you just break and cant control yourself anymore? does that lower the seriousness? thanks.

 

[LilyM]

thanks for the posts guys. but could i maybe ask one more question? what exactly is grave matter? how bad does something have to be? what if you do something because you just break and cant control yourself anymore? does that lower the seriousness? thanks.

Coleraine, firstly look in the Catechism, check the index under ‘sin’ or ‘conscience’ - and also look in the section about the ten commandments. It lists what sorts of things are grave matter.

It also helps to have a good guide to examination of conscience - may I recommend this one: catholicparents.org/oxcart/Examination%20of%20Conscience.pdf

Any more detailed questions that can’t be answered with these really must be discussed with your priest - no stranger on an internet forum can possibly give you genuinely helpful advice. So talk to your priest about your concerns, and listen to what he says.

 

[coleraine]

Coleraine, you’re not helping anyone, least of all yourself, by asking questions here instead of talking to your priest. Seriously, the best thing you can do is avoid forums like this entirely - you’re only getting yourself more confused and feeding your scrupulosity.

So talk to your priest and listen to what he says. If he doesn’t want to talk to you it’s a good indication that your concerns aren’t serious - if they were he’d probably see you and talk to you straight away.

actually ive learned alot on here the last few days. and like i said before, i dont have the option the talk to my priest wenever i feel like it. while this site may have mixed answers, its my best recource most of the time. i understand what you mean though.

 

[LilyM]

actually ive learned alot on here the last few days. and like i said before, i dont have the option the talk to my priest wenever i feel like it. while this site may have mixed answers, its my best recource most of the time. i understand what you mean though.

Most of us don’t, you know - most of us, however, manage to contain ourselves until such time as we can speak to a priest, though