(A Rant) I'm beginning to wonder if there are any men who don't

[someotherguy]

I like the way Todd Friel describes it when he talks to men about pornography:

"Imagine that there is a man in your neighborhood who is sneaking around at night, looking into windows while women get undressed and while couples are having sex.

You’d think he was a pervert and should be arrested, right? If he looked at your wife, you’d probably take an ax handle and go after him, wouldn’t you?

So then why are you looking at naked women in pornographic magazines and on the internet? Why do you watch movies with naked women and couples having sex?

What’s the moral difference between you and that neighborhood pervert?

 

[James22]

May God continue to grant you strength in your struggle. St. Catherine of Sienna admitted to struggling with such thoughts and temptations to. God gave her the grace and strength to overcome them too.

St. Augustine, before he concerted, was also not a very sexually pure man. In his book Confessions he said that when he was a young man, and long before his conversion, he prayed “Lord make me chaste, but not yet.”

Pope John Paul II wrote that pornography is evil not because it shows too much, but because it shows too little; it does not and cannot show the spiritual link, the true closeness of husband and wife.

Looking at porn is evil When a husband looks at porn, he is cheating on his wife. Most women understand that intuitively. Most men never get it.

I am a man and I too have struggled with this. Since my conversion from atheism in 2003, I have prayed for God’s strength to over come this. With His help, and the intercession of the saints, I have done so. But, like any addiction, I must constantly be on guard.

And I also had to change my life. The most important thing I did was to get filter software for the computer and have a friend, not me, hold the password.

I also disable the on-demand pay-per-view service from my cable TV company. I do not subscribe to premium channels so I do not get the “soft-core” porn from them.

These are important steps, but they are all useless without prayer and the discipline of frequent fasting.

Also kudos to you, and I am one who has struggled and continues to struggle with you. John Paul the Great’s teachings on sexuality absolutely changed my life, I can only hope that those ideas continue to disseminate - his powerful articulation of the meaning of sexuality of Christians could change the world. Like George Weigel has said, his Theology of the Body is like a ticking time bomb in the Church, with potentially revolutionary consequences for the way that we Catholics encounter our sexuality.

God bless.

 

[DL82]

Speaking as a man who has struggled with internet porn in the past, I can say it is a real addiction. That doesn’t justify it. The best advice that anyone ever gave me was a confessor who told me to pray for the women who are also victims of this process.

I’ve not gone back to that in some time now. I still don’t feel ‘cured’ enough to start anything with a woman though, not while those images are still anywhere in my psyche, though I’m praying my way through it.

I suppose there must come a time though, for everyone, where I will have to accept that I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, and when that happens, I’ll also have to hope that there are women out there who are willing to forgive and help the healing. You need to be willing to forgive too.

Sadly, my story is all too common in this fallen world, and there are few men out there who will not have been hurt in the way I have, either as teenagers, or after a relationship breakup, or some other time of weakness. That doesn’t justify what I did. I know it doesn’t, but we are none of us perfect, and forgiveness is part of the Christian’s struggle.

 

[ChristianWAB]

At this point, I just am not interested. In men, in relationships, in excuses, in anything. I refuse to accept this sick perversion as normal and I refuse to accept that I shouldn’t be bothered by it, and grossed out by it, or that I shouldn’t take it personally. That’s crud.

I for one have tried really, really hard as a guy to understand what EXACTLY is the allure of pornography or, for that matter, strip clubs and prostitutes. This is not to say I’ve never been to a strip club or looked at porn (because I have), but it was almost as if a part of me that was detached from my common sense was driving me to do it.

And I’m not saying *“The devil made me do it” (although let’s face it - it wasn’t God), *but here’s what I’ve come to speculate about my own sexuality and the sexuality of males in general. Though I’ll type as if I know this for CERTAIN, trust me when I say that I’m giving my best guesses here:

I believe that somewhere deeply wired within our DNA as males is a sort of “hunting” urge when it comes to sex. This urge drives us to seek physical gratification. We’re visual animals and, from the beginning of time, our need for sexual gratification has seemingly been directly connected to what our eyes see in a woman.

If it seems that every male you’ve ever known has, at one time or another, looked at porn, gone to strip clubs or done a combination of the two, that must tell you something about the way we are. Likewise, I’ve all but given up my hunt for finding even so much as **ONE **woman who wasn’t led more so by emotion than what was logical or sensible. I have yet to meet a woman who, at one point or another, hasn’t fallen for somebody so clearly wrong for them because their heart overrode their brain.

If your intent is to give up on ever finding a male who hasn’t gone the “porn” route at least once in his life *(or ever looked upon other woman just a second longer than he should have), *then I say that’s probably your best bet. You’re better off just giving up on men. Otherwise, try to find a guy who isn’t addicted to it and you should be alright. I personally don’t know of any guys who haven’t at least looked at porn, but I know quite a few guys who aren’t hopelessly addicted to it.

As a man speaking to a woman, I would never, EVER expect you to understand the way our hormones drive our behavior, no more so than I, myself, would ever hope to understand how female hormones drive women to do and say things that THEY do.

And if you think this desire to look at beautiful women is a new phenomenon, check out the Louvre in Paris if you’re ever in the area and you’ll literally see wall-to-wall paintings *(and statues)*of nude people - mostly females. In an age where porn couldn’t be viewed on a monitor, we apparently had to paint or sculpt it.

As for the allure of scoping out other scantily-clad women as opposed to being with a wife or a girlfriend, it ties into a phenomenon that the sexes seem to share - the desire to want what we can’t have.

With nothing to stop a man *(God, morals, laws, resistance from women, etc), *he would likely seek to bed whoever was the most attractive female he saw that day. As far as women go, I haven’t met an even moderately attractive woman yet who, at one point or another in their lives, didn’t know of at least one guy they could have had wrapped around their finger because the guy was so hopelessly in love with them.

These women rarely if ever went for the guy they KNEW they could have had because the attraction just wasn’t there. No spark. They almost always had their eye on someone who wasn’t nearly as nice a guy as the one they could have easily had and loved.

We humans are weird, what can I say?

 

[strngrnrth]

And if you think this desire to look at beautiful women is a new phenomenon, check out the Louvre in Paris if you’re ever in the area and you’ll literally see wall-to-wall paintings *(and statues)*of nude people - mostly females. In an age where porn couldn’t be viewed on a monitor, we apparently had to paint or sculpt it.

Porn isn’t art with nude beautiful women. Its hideous and filled with women and men whose bodies are unhealthy caricatures of a few selected, modified traits, in the middle of doing things that are ugly and nauseating, and sometimes faked because they are really not physically possible. They look inhuman and wretched with their distorted expressions. The pornographer seeks shock, not love and beauty. That’s why it’s disturbing and confusing.

 

[JimG]

Porn isn’t art with nude beautiful women. Its hideous and filled with women and men whose bodies are unhealthy caricatures of a few selected, modified traits, in the middle of doing things that are ugly and nauseating, and sometimes faked because they are really not physically possible. They look inhuman and wretched with their distorted expressions. The pornographer seeks shock, not love and beauty. That’s why it’s disturbing and confusing.

That’s often the case with hardcore porn. But as with other things, I guess you could say that porn is in the eye of the beholder, as is ugly.

When Playboy magazine was first published in 1953, it would surely have been considered soft-core porn, yet there weren’t many who accused it of being ugly.

But porn gets uglier the more extreme it gets.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not defending porn. But if it all started out ugly, nobody would ever have started looking at it.

 

[JimG]

As far as women go, I haven’t met an even moderately attractive woman yet who, at one point or another in their lives, didn’t know of at least one guy they could have had wrapped around their finger because the guy was so hopelessly in love with them.

These women rarely if ever went for the guy they KNEW they could have had because the attraction just wasn’t there. No spark. They almost always had their eye on someone who wasn’t nearly as nice a guy as the one they could have easily had and loved.

A phenomenon that I have often noticed. Usually it turns out badly, as the guy who wasn’t ‘nearly as nice’ turns out to be considerably worse than expected.

 

[Scanner]

Thanks for the share, all of the women.

I just found out my 5th grade son visited 3 or 4 porn. websites the other day when a 7th grade friend was over. I am fairly certain the 7th grader initiated the “hunt” but I can’t say for certain.

I have decided to make this a disipline matter between me and him and leave his mother out of it because of the pain it seems to naturally causes women.

We will have a talk about the insidious dangers of porn.

I feel bad this happened during an unsupervised computer time so some software and more close monitoring will be implemented.

 

[consumedconvert]

Look at porn that is.

Or go to strip clubs or topless bars.

I’ve really had it with believing that there must be ONE man left who is able to refrain from it.

It something that has broken me down over and over and over again. It’s been devastating to find out that my grandfather, my father, my uncles, my brothers, good friends, boyfriends, husband, and now my SO whom I was convinced was a totally different kind of guy, ALL look at it.

What’s worse, is I’m looked at as some sort of supreme prude for not accepting this as OK.

I’m tired. I give up. And I’m really tired of hearing excuses.

What is it that is so enticing to men about some strangers breasts? Or rear end? Or whatever body part they may be fixated on? Don’t men realize that there are millions of women in the world who have these parts and there are actually women who love them enough to let them see these parts and be intimate with them IN REAL LIFE??(I’m talking wives) Do they not realize that there are women who would actually be interested in loving them, and making love to them not just taking advantage of them, and taking their money?? No, that never seems to be as appealing as some skank bent over on the computer screen. I’m sorry, but there is no mincing words with me on this subject anymore. It’s disgusting.

At this point, I just am not interested. In men, in relationships, in excuses, in anything. I refuse to accept this sick perversion as normal and I refuse to accept that I shouldn’t be bothered by it, and grossed out by it, or that I shouldn’t take it personally. That’s crud.

I am very sorry to hear of your experiences. Yes, porn is disgusting in all of its forms and effects. Rest assured, there are men out there who don’t put up with it. I would recommend looking to men who attend Mass daily or whenever possible.

When I was a teenager I struggled with porn. By God’s grace I was able to overcome it.

Nothing has helped me more than the Eucharist and confession. I have been married for nearly two years now, and I can honestly say that I have not struggled with it at all. Only by the grace of God. If I step away from Him and stray even a little, I too can fall by the wayside. I think realizing how vulnerable one is to sin if one steps just a wee bit away from the Way of Christ.

 

[GraceDK]

Thanks for the share, all of the women.

I just found out my 5th grade son visited 3 or 4 porn. websites the other day when a 7th grade friend was over. I am fairly certain the 7th grader initiated the “hunt” but I can’t say for certain.

I have decided to make this a disipline matter between me and him and leave his mother out of it because of the pain it seems to naturally causes women.

We will have a talk about the insidious dangers of porn.

I feel bad this happened during an unsupervised computer time so some software and more close monitoring will be implemented.

Scanner.
Two advices when you talk to your teenage son.
1)Remind him of the bride he wishes to someday marry… ask him if he would like her to take care of her purity and wait for him. remind him that Christian girls prefer to eventually marry a MAN who is pure with himself and with her.
2) give him this web page: www.pureloveclub.com

Ps. Sorry that you had to find out about your son that he was engaged in such damaging sin. It must be a bad feeling to know your child’s innocense is being destroyed…

 

[shannyk]

I keep reading this thread, and I keep thinking how I think a lot of the point has been totally missed. Though, a few, like Mirror Mirror really get it. (THANK YOU!!)

Seems all the men here have been trying to convince me that their problems with porn are REAL problems. How it affects YOU. How YOU have tried to overcome it. I get that. But, it’s a much less self centered problem than all that. Like someone with a drug or alcohol problem, the people around them are usually hurt MORE by their behavior than the offender himself. I don’t see much admitting how it hurts others, or concern for those who are affected by you engaging in it and the women and men who are used and abused to make it. It’s more than a personal problem that YOU have to conquer for YOUR own good. Where is the restitution to those who have been damaged by your behavior?

Just because you’re alone at your computer, or wherever you might be when looking at this trash, doesn’t mean you are alone in suffering the affects of it.

I can see from the 30+ PM’s I’ve gotten from women like me, that it’s true thatmost men just don’t seem to ‘get it’.

I truly pray that more men do.

 

[GraceDK]

I keep reading this thread, and I keep thinking how I think a lot of the point has been totally missed. Though, a few, like Mirror Mirror really get it. (THANK YOU!!)

Seems all the men here have been trying to convince me that their problems with porn are REAL problems. How it affects YOU. How YOU have tried to overcome it. I get that. But, it’s a much less self centered problem than all that. Like someone with a drug or alcohol problem, the people around them are usually hurt MORE by their behavior than the offender himself. I don’t see much admitting how it hurts others, or concern for those who are affected by you engaging in it and the women and men who are used and abused to make it. It’s more than a personal problem that YOU have to conquer for YOUR own good. Where is the restitution to those who have been damaged by your behavior?

Just because you’re alone at your computer, or wherever you might be when looking at this trash, doesn’t mean you are alone in suffering the affects of it.

I can see from the 30+ PM’s I’ve gotten from women like me, that it’s true thatmost men just don’t seem to ‘get it’.

I truly pray that more men do.

Shanny… I am wholly behind you here…
I just wish that the 30 women in your PM-box would have shared their insight and experiences with all of us here … I know there may be reasons to keep ones grief to one self… but I think many men wake up excatly by realising the immense damage their sin does to the mental and emotional health of women.
:hug1:

 

[Consecrated]

I keep reading this thread, and I keep thinking how I think a lot of the point has been totally missed. Though, a few, like Mirror Mirror really get it. (THANK YOU!!)

Seems all the men here have been trying to convince me that their problems with porn are REAL problems. How it affects YOU. How YOU have tried to overcome it. I get that. But, it’s a much less self centered problem than all that. Like someone with a drug or alcohol problem, the people around them are usually hurt MORE by their behavior than the offender himself. I don’t see much admitting how it hurts others, or concern for those who are affected by you engaging in it and the women and men who are used and abused to make it. It’s more than a personal problem that YOU have to conquer for YOUR own good. Where is the restitution to those who have been damaged by your behavior?

Just because you’re alone at your computer, or wherever you might be when looking at this trash, doesn’t mean you are alone in suffering the affects of it.

I can see from the 30+ PM’s I’ve gotten from women like me, that it’s true thatmost men just don’t seem to ‘get it’.

I truly pray that more men do.

Just want to add my dearest husband to the list of men who really get it… to give others reading this some hope maybe? My DH had his own struggles with this ugliness in the year or two before we married. He didn’t tell me about it (although he knew it was wrong, and was going to confession and spiritual direction regularly) until about 5 months before we married. His spiritual dir. told him that it was high time he let me into the loop, and he did. And the first thing he did after telling me was to get down on his knees and beg my forgiveness, acknowledging openly, tearfully, and in utter sorrow, the harm he knew he had done not only to his own soul, but also to me, and our relationship. He gets it. and I’m so proud of him, and so grateful that God gave him to me. He voluntarily chose from then on to admit to me when he’s had any temptation, however slight. On the few times he has come to me with this since then, his attitude about it remains the same: deep contrition, sorrow and concern for me as well as himself.

Just want to note that I did NOT marry him until I knew for certain that he had truly made a change. I think it’s very dangerous for a woman to *knowingly *enter into a marriage with a man who will not/cannot change his ways on this matter BEFORE the vows are said.

Only God can grant the wisdom and humility needed to change hearts and minds; therefore, truly, prayer is our best weapon. Next, we must work humbly with God on our own virtue, and finally, we must not lower our expectations.

 

[GraceDK]

Consecrated.

Beautiful ! :tiphat:
Halleluja.

 

[Consecrated]

Consecrated.

Beautiful ! :tiphat:
Halleluja.

Isn’t he? Praise be to Jesus through the Immaculate Heart.

 

[GraceDK]

Isn’t he? Praise be to Jesus through the Immaculate Heart.

Hehe… hon, I meant your testimony was beautiful and inspiring
But yes… your husband sounds like “one of the good guys”… Remember to give thanks for him every day… some of the rest of us long to lavish our love on someone and we wait for what seems like an eternity to meet a guy who is both good and a good match … The Lord have mercy…
…But thats all another theme

 

[Consecrated]

Hehe… hon, I meant your testimony was beautiful and inspiring

I knew what you meant. That was my poor attempt at humor! and thank you.

But yes… your husband sounds like “one of the good guys”… Remember to give thanks for him every day… some of the rest of us long to lavish our love on someone and we wait for what seems like an eternity to meet a guy who is both good and a good match … The Lord have mercy…
…But thats all another theme

Thank you for the reminder!
You have my prayers.

 

[Zarathustra89]

Look at porn that is.

Or go to strip clubs or topless bars.

I’ve really had it with believing that there must be ONE man left who is able to refrain from it.

It something that has broken me down over and over and over again. It’s been devastating to find out that my grandfather, my father, my uncles, my brothers, good friends, boyfriends, husband, and now my SO whom I was convinced was a totally different kind of guy, ALL look at it.

What’s worse, is I’m looked at as some sort of supreme prude for not accepting this as OK.

I’m tired. I give up. And I’m really tired of hearing excuses.

What is it that is so enticing to men about some strangers breasts? Or rear end? Or whatever body part they may be fixated on? Don’t men realize that there are millions of women in the world who have these parts and there are actually women who love them enough to let them see these parts and be intimate with them IN REAL LIFE??(I’m talking wives) Do they not realize that there are women who would actually be interested in loving them, and making love to them not just taking advantage of them, and taking their money?? No, that never seems to be as appealing as some skank bent over on the computer screen. I’m sorry, but there is no mincing words with me on this subject anymore. It’s disgusting.

At this point, I just am not interested. In men, in relationships, in excuses, in anything. I refuse to accept this sick perversion as normal and I refuse to accept that I shouldn’t be bothered by it, and grossed out by it, or that I shouldn’t take it personally. That’s crud.

I given up trying to stop indulging in porn. Everything has failed. I suppose I am already condemned to Hell.

Thus Spoke Zarathustra

 

[buckr02]

I given up trying to stop indulging in porn. Everything has failed. I suppose I am already condemned to Hell.

Thus Spoke Zarathustra

How long have you been trying to give it up and what have you tried?

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I given up trying to stop indulging in porn. Everything has failed. I suppose I am already condemned to Hell.

Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Huh?