T
Tiffany_M_S
Guest
First of all, please understand that I am not trying to draw attention to myself without good reason. I need help, and I really don’t know how to ask for it.
I am in the process of becoming Catholic. This, for me, is a difficult process. After all, I practiced witchcraft for many years.
I am constantly afraid of doing something wrong. I want God to be in my life. I crave his comforts and to have him constantly around me, even though I may not always notice him.
For the first time, last night, when I talked to him, I could hear him listening to me. I literally could feel him in the room with me as I wept and prayed. I was in a lot of pain, but for the first time, when I prayed, I felt that I wasn’t alone, that someone was listening to me. For the first time, I was not afraid. I could almost feel Jesus’ arms around me.
Yet, I still feel a little unworthy of joining such a respectable faith as the Catholic Church. I often get the responses wrong, or most of the time, not at all, and I have not yet memorized the rosary.
All I really want is to be closer to God. All I want is to feel him around me. If I am not in the true church, I am without God, but I fear that people might judge me concerning my ideas. I am very liberal (something that is slowly changing), and I fear that people might tell me, “If you do not agree with us, then maybe this isn’t the right religion for you.”
Nobody has yet told me this, but sometimes, I feel this way, even though the people welcome me warmly.
I don’t want to go to hell. I don’t want to be away from God. But if I can’t think and do the things that are right (my ideals are very different from other people’s), what am I doing in Church?
I want Christ in my life. I want him to always be close to me. Often, politically and personally, I make the wrong choices. After all, I voted for Obama, and look where we wound up?
There are other things, too. As a Catholic (or as a person in the process of becoming one), it is my duty to lead people to Christ. I am telling you the truth when I say that I don’t know how to do this. I do not want to offend anybody. I don’t want people to be mad at me. I had an abusive father who made me very afraid of anger. You never know what a person will do when they are angry or upset, and I know this all too well.
I want to let people know of the wonderful experience that I had last night, that God was with me in my hour of pain, and that I could feel him in my room, that he heard me, that he lifted my soul up. I want people to know the joy that I have known. But how do I do this without ticking people off?
There is always the risk of people thinking that I’m just trying to convert people just to get more people in the pews. Truly, that is not what I intend to do. I just want other people to feel the happiness and support that I now know in God, that in their darkness and pain, in their suffering, they are not alone, that there is a God that cares about them, that loves them so much that he would never ignore them or hurt them, that he wants them to know peace and happiness. I want people to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel if they just look in the right place. The light at the end of their darkness is Jesus, and he is waiting, will continue to wait forever, if that is what it takes, the way he waited for me. Jesus waited for me for nine years.
I want people to know the peace and serenity that I know. I only wish them peace and happiness, and I know that belief in Jesus is that pathway. I just don’t know how to show them. I have no idea where to start, and I spook easily.
I want to be a good Catholic. I want to get things right. I don’t want to screw up. I’m not trying to be arrogant. I am not trying to scream: “Look at me! Look at me!” That is not what this is about. But I do need help, and, since it’s not Sunday, I really don’t know where else to look. The idea of falling away from the Church is a very scary one for me. I don’t want to make God angry for not doing things right, and I know, from personal experience, that I am a very, very stubborn woman, who often likes to do things her way, as opposed to the right way.
I hope it is not too much to ask you to pray for me. I’m new at this, and I’m going to need a little help. Ultimately, the choice to be Catholic is in my hands. I just don’t want to make any mistakes that could cost me my relationship with God.
And, to be honest, I really, really hope that I haven’t angered or annoyed anyone here. That is the last thing I want. Just some good advice on how to be a good Catholic. That’s all I want. Believe me when I say that I’m trying my best, everyday, to be the woman that God wants me to be. I just don’t know how to go about doing it.
Peace Be With You,
Tiffany
I am in the process of becoming Catholic. This, for me, is a difficult process. After all, I practiced witchcraft for many years.
I am constantly afraid of doing something wrong. I want God to be in my life. I crave his comforts and to have him constantly around me, even though I may not always notice him.
For the first time, last night, when I talked to him, I could hear him listening to me. I literally could feel him in the room with me as I wept and prayed. I was in a lot of pain, but for the first time, when I prayed, I felt that I wasn’t alone, that someone was listening to me. For the first time, I was not afraid. I could almost feel Jesus’ arms around me.
Yet, I still feel a little unworthy of joining such a respectable faith as the Catholic Church. I often get the responses wrong, or most of the time, not at all, and I have not yet memorized the rosary.
All I really want is to be closer to God. All I want is to feel him around me. If I am not in the true church, I am without God, but I fear that people might judge me concerning my ideas. I am very liberal (something that is slowly changing), and I fear that people might tell me, “If you do not agree with us, then maybe this isn’t the right religion for you.”
Nobody has yet told me this, but sometimes, I feel this way, even though the people welcome me warmly.
I don’t want to go to hell. I don’t want to be away from God. But if I can’t think and do the things that are right (my ideals are very different from other people’s), what am I doing in Church?
I want Christ in my life. I want him to always be close to me. Often, politically and personally, I make the wrong choices. After all, I voted for Obama, and look where we wound up?
There are other things, too. As a Catholic (or as a person in the process of becoming one), it is my duty to lead people to Christ. I am telling you the truth when I say that I don’t know how to do this. I do not want to offend anybody. I don’t want people to be mad at me. I had an abusive father who made me very afraid of anger. You never know what a person will do when they are angry or upset, and I know this all too well.
I want to let people know of the wonderful experience that I had last night, that God was with me in my hour of pain, and that I could feel him in my room, that he heard me, that he lifted my soul up. I want people to know the joy that I have known. But how do I do this without ticking people off?
There is always the risk of people thinking that I’m just trying to convert people just to get more people in the pews. Truly, that is not what I intend to do. I just want other people to feel the happiness and support that I now know in God, that in their darkness and pain, in their suffering, they are not alone, that there is a God that cares about them, that loves them so much that he would never ignore them or hurt them, that he wants them to know peace and happiness. I want people to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel if they just look in the right place. The light at the end of their darkness is Jesus, and he is waiting, will continue to wait forever, if that is what it takes, the way he waited for me. Jesus waited for me for nine years.
I want people to know the peace and serenity that I know. I only wish them peace and happiness, and I know that belief in Jesus is that pathway. I just don’t know how to show them. I have no idea where to start, and I spook easily.
I want to be a good Catholic. I want to get things right. I don’t want to screw up. I’m not trying to be arrogant. I am not trying to scream: “Look at me! Look at me!” That is not what this is about. But I do need help, and, since it’s not Sunday, I really don’t know where else to look. The idea of falling away from the Church is a very scary one for me. I don’t want to make God angry for not doing things right, and I know, from personal experience, that I am a very, very stubborn woman, who often likes to do things her way, as opposed to the right way.
I hope it is not too much to ask you to pray for me. I’m new at this, and I’m going to need a little help. Ultimately, the choice to be Catholic is in my hands. I just don’t want to make any mistakes that could cost me my relationship with God.
And, to be honest, I really, really hope that I haven’t angered or annoyed anyone here. That is the last thing I want. Just some good advice on how to be a good Catholic. That’s all I want. Believe me when I say that I’m trying my best, everyday, to be the woman that God wants me to be. I just don’t know how to go about doing it.
Peace Be With You,
Tiffany
:grouphug: