T
tsering
Guest
Dear friend, I would like to address this first: Before I came to God with a contrite and repentant heart, I don’t remember getting the answers I wanted either. In fact, many approach God as if He were some magical genie in a lamp that answers our wishes. We want Him to answer us according to our standards, but that is not the case. He answers us according to His standards, well, because He’s God. A true prayer heard from God is one done in humility - we recognize who He is, and who we are - He is Holy, we are sinners who need His mercy. Without dealing with your sin first, it is difficult to enter into a right relationship with the Father (righteousness) - and the Holy Writ is clear that “Jehovah is far from the wicked; But he heareth the prayer of the righteous.” - Proverbs 15:29. Also, “God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble.” - James 4:6.
Let me tell you a story of how I came to hear God - I was, like you, into eastern philosophy and believed that I could find my own “middle way” to enlightenment or what I called “god”. I believed that Jesus was just another man who tapped into the universe and achieved enlightenment while trying to portray these truths in a way that the Jews could understand. I did not believe He was God, but I believed God was this vague idea used to explain certain universal truths. To illustrate my beliefs I would tell people that life was a like a tight rope - a balancing act between good and evil, light and darkness. Despite this I knew I had hatred, anger, lust, pride, envy, and all evil stored in my heart. When my earthly father shared the Gospel of Jesus Christ with me I was cut to the heart, and eventually admitted to my need to know God, though at that time I stubbornly refused to acknowledge Jesus. One thing I had to acknowledge was my need, because really I knew I was full of emptiness and hatred. This is when God spoke to me very clearly in a vision: I saw myself walking a tight rope between “good” and “evil” - on the “good” side was all that I defined as “good” - this included sex with my girlfriend, drugs, meditation to Hindu god’s, and recognition from my friends - on the “evil” side was all that I defined as “evil” - the police who persecuted me for my lifestyle, my parent’s divorce, hangovers, etc. Then this vision changed - the tight rope and two sides disappeared and I found myself walking on a firm path (no balancing act necessary) which led straight into the mouth of God - and he said to me in my heart - I’m about the eat you up.
This vision scared me. But God had come to my level and explained His truth to me in a way that I could understand. In this vision, I learned that God’s Way is not my way. In other words, we are not God that we can define what is “good” and “evil” for our own lives. Instead God is the Creator and Ruler of the Universe - He defines what is “good” and “evil.” This is God’s Standard - which is revealed to us by Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Holy Scripture, the Church and it’s Holy Traditions. This vision became a tool for me to repent and turn my life over as a sacrifice for Jesus - who is God from the beginning and who is the physical tangible manifestation of Truth in this world.
Instead, we Christians believe in a greater Way - the Way of Love which is found in Christ Jesus. He gives all the opportunity to repent and follow Him, even those who have crucified him by their actions. St. Paul was an ardent persecutor of Christians, and yet Jesus had mercy on him, and choose him to be one of the greatest apostles and saints.
We do not believe that we can fight fire with fire…bitterness with bitterness…hatred with hatred. For if hatred overcomes us, then we have become exactly what we are trying to fight. And I warn you, that if you let hatred overcome you, you too will become very much like or even worse than those who you hate.
Instead, we pray for those who persecute us, including the Chinese Communist Government, for as we were enemies of the Cross, Christ still accepted us and now calls us “friends” and “brothers”. We leave judgment in God’s hands for He alone is Perfect and judges not only actions, but the intentions of people’s hearts. We cry out as Jesus did on the Cross - Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do! God save sinners through the work of your Son Jesus and the participatory work of our Holy Mother and all the Saints whose lives and work point to You!