A saint for a kid to turn to when others are cruel?

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My 7-year-old son is in first grade, and he’s the smart, sensitive type. This evening he told me in tears that his best friend was “mean to me” today. According to my son, his friend took him to a private corner of the playground at school and said mean things. I am not very clear on what (allegedly) happened but it sounds like first-grade politics (my son seems to have said “hi” to the wrong people or something). Also, in an apparently unrelated incident, a kid hit another kid, and a third kid who witnessed it (friend of the aggressor) “bore false witness” against my son as the one who was hitting, and my son got in trouble. (I think this was a very minor incident because the teachers did not make a note in his folder, and my son’s punishment was only a five-minute timeout, but still. I tend to believe my son in this case because I know his personality.)

Long story short (ok, too late for that 🤷) I wanted to offer him a story of a saint who suffered from the casual cruelty of others, but I was kind of at a loss. Of course Christ himself was executed even though he was found innocent, and there are many Christian martyrs, but I think the idea of being executed unjustly is too much for this young soul to really grasp, let alone identify with. I told him about St. Athanasius, who was exiled a total of five times (which meant I had to explain the concept of exile), but I don’t my son was able to find a 4th-century bishop easy to relate to. I thought of St. Therese of Lisieux, who I’ve heard had trouble getting along with some of the other nuns, but I had trouble finding details for some reason, and besides, I think my son would find a male saint easier to connect with. Preferably a recent one, since he has the perspective of the young, to wit, that any period of time greater than his age is a really, really long time. Thanks!

:idea: **TL;DR:**Do you know of a saint (preferably male, and the younger and/or more recent, the better) who could help my first-grade son as he experiences the unkindness of his peers?​
 
St. Tarcisius was a boy who protected the Holy Eucharist. A bunch of bullies beat him to death, but the Holy Eucharist could not be found. It had disappeared. Although it happened a long time ago it could easily be understood today.
 
There’s St. John Paul II who lived through World War II. I think you can see how much faith he has; becoming a priest during that period underground. He also loves kids and the youth (he initiated World Youth Day).
 
I don’t think I’d make this into some kind of a martyrdom. I’d say, “It is hard to enjoy a day when someone is mean to you, but that meanness is usually more about what kind of kid he is than what kind of kid you are. Even a needed correction can more often than not be delivered kindly, after all. Your friend at school needs to work on that. He’s not there yet.” Notice I’m saying that his friend made a mistake or is unpolished and needs to work on how he hurts others out of habit (if he does), and not that his friend is a bad person forever and ever.

If you ask him to reflect on mean comments he’d heard others make about 3rd parties, he will quickly come to the conclusion that there are things others say that ought to be taken as admonishments, something you ought to take to heart in order to make amends or to avoid making the same bad decision again, and then there are things that are mis-aimed when they are aimed at you. Finally, there are those common times when people make a good point but do it in a really bad way. Let him know that handling these things is a skill that is learned, just like learning how to catch a baseball without taking it to the face or how to throw a baseball without hurting someone else. These problems you are describing are why manners were invented after all, and not just the reason behind morality.

With a sensitive child, the idea is to help them find tools to help them deal with life’s difficulties, to sort the more important from the less important, just as with an insensitive child the idea will be to help them to notice and act on important things they do not naturally notice. The idea, of course, is to learn when something upsetting is worth getting upset about, when it is not, and how to be awake enough to get upset when justice requires you to get upset whether you feel it or not.

I would probably not use persecuted saints to illustrate this, but passages from Scriptures and quotes from the saints or stories about the saints. That will keep it on a more 1st-grade scale, as opposed to talking about literal martyrdoms and adult-scale persecutions.

In the end, though, I’d give him comfort when he feels upset. Even though I was teaching him that it is possible to rise above the hurt caused when people do not use their words in a kind or graceful way, I’d also teach him that the bangs we take from the lack of skill of others in using their words really does hurt, and that there is nothing wrong with admitting it, any more that it is wrong to say that getting hit by a baseball hurts both when the player hurts you because they aren’t very skilled and when they’re bad sports out to hurt you.
 
EasterJoy said:
but that meanness is usually more about what kind of kid he is than what kind of kid you are.
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This is very imortant. If children can udnerstand this, if we can tell them that… I am not sure how much children can already understand that by themselves. My childhood seems far away now ;). I have learned. Some things I have learned the hard way. I remember being teased as a grade schooler. Then in middle school I went through a really hard time, really being, today they would say mobbed.
But later I was even grateful for it. Yes I think it made me a better person.

As a child, or even teenager, it is difficult to see it that way… I remember the strong “need to belong”.
I remember a Bible quote that helped me one time.

OK I am seeing fromt he time I must leave now, running late… but I will say a prayer for your son as I am getting ready now. 🙂
 
Kateri Tekakwitha, the first native American Saint. Also St. John Vianney.
 
Ginkgo100 said:
My 7-year-old son is in first grade, and he’s the smart, sensitive type. This evening he told me in tears that his best friend was “mean to me” today. According to my son, his friend took him to a private corner of the playground at school and said mean things. I am not very clear on what (allegedly) happened but it sounds like first-grade politics (my son seems to have said “hi” to the wrong people or something). Also, in an apparently unrelated incident, a kid hit another kid, and a third kid who witnessed it (friend of the aggressor) “bore false witness” against my son as the one who was hitting, and my son got in trouble. (I think this was a very minor incident because the teachers did not make a note in his folder, and my son’s punishment was only a five-minute timeout, but still. I tend to believe my son in this case because I know his personality.)

Long story short (ok, too late for that 🤷) I wanted to offer him a story of a saint who suffered from the casual cruelty of others, but I was kind of at a loss. Of course Christ himself was executed even though he was found innocent, and there are many Christian martyrs, but I think the idea of being executed unjustly is too much for this young soul to really grasp, let alone identify with. I told him about St. Athanasius, who was exiled a total of five times (which meant I had to explain the concept of exile), but I don’t my son was able to find a 4th-century bishop easy to relate to. I thought of St. Therese of Lisieux, who I’ve heard had trouble getting along with some of the other nuns, but I had trouble finding details for some reason, and besides, I think my son would find a male saint easier to connect with. Preferably a recent one, since he has the perspective of the young, to wit, that any period of time greater than his age is a really, really long time. Thanks!

:idea: **TL;DR:**Do you know of a saint (preferably male, and the younger and/or more recent, the better) who could help my first-grade son as he experiences the unkindness of his peers?​
Click to expand...
St. Joseph was supposedly beaten by his siblings, according to one of the mystics.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
Ginkgo100 said:
My 7-year-old son is in first grade, and he’s the smart, sensitive type. This evening he told me in tears that his best friend was “mean to me” today. According to my son, his friend took him to a private corner of the playground at school and said mean things. I am not very clear on what (allegedly) happened but it sounds like first-grade politics (my son seems to have said “hi” to the wrong people or something). Also, in an apparently unrelated incident, a kid hit another kid, and a third kid who witnessed it (friend of the aggressor) “bore false witness” against my son as the one who was hitting, and my son got in trouble. (I think this was a very minor incident because the teachers did not make a note in his folder, and my son’s punishment was only a five-minute timeout, but still. I tend to believe my son in this case because I know his personality.)

Long story short (ok, too late for that 🤷) I wanted to offer him a story of a saint who suffered from the casual cruelty of others, but I was kind of at a loss. Of course Christ himself was executed even though he was found innocent, and there are many Christian martyrs, but I think the idea of being executed unjustly is too much for this young soul to really grasp, let alone identify with. I told him about St. Athanasius, who was exiled a total of five times (which meant I had to explain the concept of exile), but I don’t my son was able to find a 4th-century bishop easy to relate to. I thought of St. Therese of Lisieux, who I’ve heard had trouble getting along with some of the other nuns, but I had trouble finding details for some reason, and besides, I think my son would find a male saint easier to connect with. Preferably a recent one, since he has the perspective of the young, to wit, that any period of time greater than his age is a really, really long time. Thanks!

:idea: **TL;DR:**Do you know of a saint (preferably male, and the younger and/or more recent, the better) who could help my first-grade son as he experiences the unkindness of his peers?​
Click to expand...
St Dominic Savio as a schoolboy was blamed by his classmates for a prank.they had done, and consequently told off by the teacher. Knowing that if he told on them they would likely be expelled, whereas he would get off lightly, he kept quiet, much to the teacher’s amazement when his innocence was discovered.
 
MyNameIsDan said:
There’s St. John Paul II who lived through World War II. I think you can see how much faith he has; becoming a priest during that period underground. He also loves kids and the youth (he initiated World Youth Day).
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He would often play on the Jewish soccer team when it was Jews/Catholics since the Jews didn’t have as full of a team or as many talented players, if I remember correctly. That would probably garner some harassment in a lot of places today, so one could imagine what that got him then. I’m sure Saint JPII would be great, but also Mary is always willing to help, especially here since her son was treated poorly.

He’s in my prayers, I hope this gets better for him.
 
St. Maria Goretti. She was murdered in defense of her chastity.
 
I like St Tarcicius but I also like Blessed Margaret of Castello. For boys though a great contemporary saint is:

Pier Giorgio Frassati
 
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