A Serious Question on Remarriage!

[J.W.B]

I have already asked this question to an apologist a few days ago but I have not gotten an answer back so mabye someone in here can help me. If two validly married people get a divorce, and get remarried, are they dammed for hell if they stay together? In the Catechism verses 1650, 1651,and 1665 it says things like: “Consequently, they cannot recieve communion or exsercise certain ecclesial responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of Pennace can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are commited to living in complete continuence,1650.” So does that mean one can continue to go to pennace and confess mortal sins oNLY AFTER they have confessed their sin of breaking their promise to God and then continue to live the Christian life?

“Toward Christians who LIVE in this situation, and who often keep the faith and DESIRE TO BRING UP THEIR CHILDREN IN THE CHRISTIAN MANNER…They should be encouraged to listen to the Word of God, attend the sacrifice of the mass,…cultivate the spirit and practice of pennance and thus implore day by day God’s grace, 1651.”

“The remarriage of persons divorced from a living, lawful spouse…ARE NOT SEPERATED from the church but cannot reciece communion (yet) they will LEAD christian lives especialy by educating their children in the Christian faith,1665.”

So what I understand here is that as long as they stay together, making love to one another, and having children then they cannot recieve communion BUT are not seperated from the church and can recieve pennance AFTER the confess their sin of breaking God’s covenant, and are to live moral, christian lives bringing up their childen in the faith. And are not DAMMED but will go to heaven (but most likely spend a long time in Purgutory? Is this right?

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

J.W.B.:

I have already asked this question to an apologist a few days ago but I have not gotten an answer back so mabye someone in here can help me. If two validly married people get a divorce, and get remarried, are they dammed for hell if they stay together? In the Catechism verses 1650, 1651,and 1665 it says things like: “Consequently, they cannot recieve communion or exsercise certain ecclesial responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of Pennace can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are commited to living in complete continuence,1650.” So does that mean one can continue to go to pennace and confess mortal sins oNLY AFTER they have confessed their sin of breaking their promise to God and then continue to live the Christian life?

“Toward Christians who LIVE in this situation, and who often keep the faith and DESIRE TO BRING UP THEIR CHILDREN IN THE CHRISTIAN MANNER…They should be encouraged to listen to the Word of God, attend the sacrifice of the mass,…cultivate the spirit and practice of pennance and thus implore day by day God’s grace, 1651.”

“The remarriage of persons divorced from a living, lawful spouse…ARE NOT SEPERATED from the church but cannot reciece communion (yet) they will LEAD christian lives especialy by educating their children in the Christian faith,1665.”

So what I understand here is that as long as they stay together, making love to one another, and having children then they cannot recieve communion BUT are not seperated from the church and can recieve pennance AFTER the confess their sin of breaking God’s covenant, and are to live moral, christian lives bringing up their childen in the faith. And are not DAMMED but will go to heaven (but most likely spend a long time in Purgutory? Is this right?

A person cannot judge another persons state of soul. However in general terms. A person must die in a state of Grace, without any unrepentant or unforgiven Mortal sins on their soul. Adultery which is the state that a divorced and remarried person is living in is in itself a grave mortal sin and an offense to the Sacrament of Marriage. To be forgiven of Mortal sin one must repent be truly sorry for offending God by their action and to the best of their ability avoid the action again. Adultery is acting as though married to someone to whom you are not married, it does go beyond just the sexual relationship. If a person has the ability to remove themselves from the adulterous relationship they should, before going to Confess this sin.
Failing to act in removing yourself from the situation if this is possible or not confessing the sin could place ones salvation in jeopardy.

 

[Joseph_Bilodeau]

If you are asking if two validly married people, Bob and Sally, divorce each other, then remarry each other, will they go to hell? No, at least not for that. If their marriage was Sacramental then what we have here is a case of reconciliation within a marriage, which is a highly desirable situation. They don’t even have to remarry according to the Church, as the Church doesn’t recognize civil divorce as having any power to dissolve a Sacramental Marriage (but they may need to remarry in a civil sense for legal purposes.)

If you are asking if two validly married people, Bob and Sally, divorce each other, then remarry, but not each other (Bob marries Patti and Sally marries Roy) without a declaration of nullity for their marriage, will they go to hell? Maybe, but it’s not our place to judge that.

Hell is the consequence of death in a state of separation from God due to unrepented and unforgiven mortal sin, the requirements for which are:

1. Serious Matter.
2. Sufficient Knowledge
3. Free Consent

Attempting marriage with a second partner (more specifically, having a sexual relationship appropriate to marriage with a second partner) while a Sacramental marriage exists or is reasonably believed to exist with a first partner is adultery, which is objectively serious matter.

If one knows the Church’s position on the permanance of marriage and the wrongness of adultery, that is sufficient knowledge.

If one knows one is in a Sacramentally married state and knows that because of this he or she must not attempt a second marriage or engage in behavior appropriate only to marriage with a second partner, but still chooses to attempt this second marriage or engage in this conduct without this choice being affected by some other factor such as threat or duress, this may be free consent.

If all these conditions exist together, this situation may be objectively mortally sinful, and if one dies unrepentant in such a state one may condemn oneself to hell. We, however, can not know whether all these conditions exist together for other persons, so should not presume to know for certain that anyone in particular who has died has gone to hell, nor that any particular living person is definitely going to hell.

It is an act of charity, however to speak the truth with love, so if one knows of a couple considering or already in the second situation described, it would be a kindness to encourage them to talk to a priest to see what they should do to avoid getting into a bad situation, or to heal a bad situation they may presently be in.

 

[J.W.B]

Ok, what I have to say now is a very scary situation. My friend has been suffering for years he says with “mind problems.” And these are his actual words to me from an e-mail at one time. Since he first became a christian he began to have promblens like this:

"What if I committed murder and killed someone but I do not confess it to God? Oh no, I’m going to go to hell, a place of suffering forever. But I know in my heart that I did not commit such an act. (then he’ll talk to himself with another voice like this) Well you know that at one time you had hateful feelings againgst so and so, then you imagined killing him, so just WHAT IF that was not an imagination but was real? After all who can tell the difference between a memory of an imagination or a memory of a past event? You see them both in your mind, how can you tell what’s real and what’s not. Then he’ll just for no reason at all imagine him killing someone, even someone he does not know, then that voice will come back and bother him to the point where he would almost turn himself in, but he then thinks “but what if they find no body and think that I’m crazy, they’ll lock me up.”

Praise the Lord he’s now over all of this, but there’s a problem now that’s TEN TIMES more worse which is why I was hopeful that at least if he sees he’s not, he’ll still go to heaven. He continuely asks himself "what if I have gotten married in the past. I now have a wife, she is the only woman with my last name, we are both Catholic and were both married in the Catholic church and I have the marriage certificate saying that we were married in the Catholic church. But what if I decieved all of them somehow, just WHAT IF I am already married in God’s eyes? After all I have had girl friends in the past. What if I married one of them. I remember one girl that I had a long distance relationship with but I never met her in person, just over the phone, by letter, and by computer did I talk to her. She was going to come up but never did because we were arguing so she decided not to come up. But before that on the phone there was talk of us marrying one another, or something like that, but like I said she never came up from where she lived, I just never heard from her again. But what if we got married over the phone by a priest or someone else. But I know that did not happen, but what if it did, didn’t you imagine that, yeah it was only an imagination, but what if it was real?

What about the other few girl friends you had in the past, didn’t you always have the attitude, even before you were a Christian, of always wanting to be together with ONE woman, forever, didn’t you say to Cind over the phone something like "As of now I plan on being with you forever? What did that mean? What if I was marrying her when I spoke those words, what else would I have said those words for anyways? But a priest never married us nor did a justice of the peace or any other person, but what if someone did?

My friend even said that at times he’ll walk past women and his hand will go toward them and the voice will say “why did your hand go toward her, or toward her hand? What if you were marrying her and putting a ring on her hand? Oh no and what if that happened before you were married to your wife now, that means you must leave her, oh no!”

He’ll tell himself “I know that Melissa is the only woman I have ever married.” But then the voices again begins, "But what if she’s NOT? What about all the other girls and what EXACTLY IS a marriage? We’ll what if I’m being decieved by the devil or his demons, or something else like my mind is messed up, or something else. I do not want to make a mistake. If I am married to my wife IN GOD’s EYES I do not want to make the mistake of leaving her, then having there a possibility of her becoming greatly depressed and falling away from God then die in mortal sin and I come to find out when I see God that she really WAS my wife in His eyes. But if she is not, then I do NOT want to stay with her because I love God with all of my heart and I do not want to go to hell. Then comes the voice again, "Oh but you know full well that your not, remember this and that and this, that CLEARLY shows that you are not so you must leave her, or stay and know your going to hell, or simply change your beliefs from Catholic to another religon. NO! Catholicism is the TRUTH! Yes but your in denial for your own lusts and desires. But sex has nothing to do with me wanting to stay with her. I LOVE MY WIFE! I want to take care of her, she is the only woman I want to make love to, have children with, her and her alone. I want to help her make it to Christ and never fall away. I am so happy with her and whenever I beat these worries and fully believe she is my true wife, temptations are a joke! I never look at any other woman, I pray more, read the Bible more, practice more, but when I’m in confusion I am completly MISERABLE!

 

[J.W.B]

“I sin much more and I cannot focus in prayer or daily activities. But I know that she is my wife, noone else has my last name and I have the marriage certificate, Oh but just what IF you decieved everyone.”

Please pray for this man, he is now at the point of saying, “I do not care anymore about all of this, I love Melissa and I love God, but I am not leaving her and breaking her heart, if I go to hell, THEN SO BE IT!”

I do not know what to do so please pray my brothers and sisters, thank you.

 

[puzzleannie]

J.W.B.:

I . If two validly married people get a divorce, and get remarried, are they dammed for hell if they stay together? "I?

get this straight, nobody is damned to hell if they commit this or any other sin. hell is the eternal punishment for those who die in a deliberately chosen state of separation from God, and who persist at the moment of judgement in rejecting God. the punishment is eternal separation from God, but it does not come into play until after death. If you know a person in this situation urge them to talk to their priest and take whatever steps are necessary to restore full communion with the Church. About their conduct or the state of their souls you have no right to make any judgement whatever, that is reserved for the priest in confession.