A shattered soul

[Zimm3r]

Wihtout getting into too much detail I feel as though I am about to just “snap”. I feel as though there is nothing in side I have search for something through truth logically that I feel has lead to a dead end, spirtually that has been dead for about a year and a half now and emotionally well that is gone as I feel of the utmost alone even though I have friend we have rarerly see each other (I do try but it seems me and another person are the only ones that try). I feel as though something is coming just a time of collapse, a breaking point, I am sure to outside world I probably seem semi normal (maybe a little angry, snarky, cynical but not something that would raise anyone’s flags other than that person is not the nicest) on the inside I am dust and have already fallen apart though I have found I am decently good at hiding it. I just wonder when I do snap what will happen I feel any search for something is coming to the end and without going into too much detail I am not sure what will happen. I feel like a shell but that isn’t too much of a suprise because as I have thought about this more I have found too things about all humans absolute truth and absolute love (both I admite are all but impossble), these two things the human rests on (at least in a degree not to the fuffilment of it [which is so far impossbile even a little of it is extremely extremely hard and rare]). In these two things I find it no suprise that I feel like a shell without going into too much detail the past two years of rid me of these (which is funny cause I want to post this under a dummy acount if at all), I have no trust even in friends with anything but the superficial (it is irony in the extreme that I am posting it (not even sure if I will right now as I hit this)) and emotionally I wish not to care for anyone (even worse in that department for those I care things dont end up well).

And now as I copy this from a text editor I am scared

Not even sure where I should post this I figure Catholic living because it is about life (and only section that seems to be) and spirituality cause I think it is what ultimately this is about.

And now I am freaking out to post it especially as my actual real username (as I have posted in dummy accounts before)

And as I press send I hope it too disappear.

 

[Morgn]

Pray to God, knowing that Christ died for our sins, and profess your faith in Him and ask for forgiveness for your sins. He desires no one to perish. Get acquainted with your local Catholic Church and ask to join. God loves you, and know that He has a plan for you and a place for you in His Kingdom. Do this, and go in peace.

 

[R_C]

Hello brother in Christ, it is wonderful to read from you. I had not visited the forum in a while, but the Lord brought us here tonight.

Remember that you are not alone in this. The earliest Christian to experience what you describe was the apostle St. Paul, who wrote:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. …] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing.

“Do not be afraid!” This is one of the statements the Lord repeated more often. Even through the prophets of old our Beloved said:

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Our feelings change a lot, as Peter taught us on the waters of the lake, at the presence of our Lord…but the Lord never changes, “His faithfulness is buckler and shield”! His hand is open before you, ready to hold you up, to let you walk with Him on the waters, to help you carry your cross on the painful way…

The Lord stands right before your eyes - though you cannot see Him, you cannot see Him, like the Beloved in the Canticle of Canticles, like the Soul in the poems of St. John of the Cross - and this is the one thing He is asking of you: “trust in me!”

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[Alexalee23]

When you are most in need and most frightened, seek help from Holy Spirit…

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
John 14:26-27

 

[daisybee]

Dear brother/sister soul,

It may help to speak with a Catholic counselor or therapist. Your description seems to hint at some emotional numbness and feelings of isolation. Catholic counselors are trained to help work through these things. Often there are Catholic counselors on staff at least part-time at large parishes, or they can be contacted through Catholic Charities or the diocese. Often they charge on a sliding scale to minimize cost.

There’s also a link here: catholictherapists.com/

If you are feeling scared or anxious, there’s no reason to go forward alone. A counselor knows how to help with these things, and he or she will point you to sources of support.

May God comfort you and bless you!

 

[Adam_Cook]

Dear Friend,

I understand to some degree of what you talk about, I just want you to know that your not alone. We all face a degree of emptiness at times, this is spiritual dryness, but in such times it really comes down to what we do now, not tomorrow, not yesterday, now. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to move, force ourselves to go out and meet new people, force ourselves to go against society and show a truth that doesn’t exist inside of a book, but within the living spirit of God within.

Spiritual Emptiness and lack of emotion come from an unfulfilled lifestyle. Maybe you aren’t living your desires, your hearts desire, maybe you need to change your lifestyle, especially if its very worldly, and seek solitude in the restful arms of the Lord. Matthew 11:28 has always been a refuge of peace and fulfillment for me.

The biggest thing is that your not alone, your never alone, the devil will try to make you believe this, and in this you yourself become the enemy. Anytime these thoughts come, pray to the Blessed Virgin a Hail Mary and an Our Father, call upon the Saints and know that even though you are alone in that moment physically, the angels and the Saints are surrounding you with constant prayers.

Do something crazy for God like, go sit down and talk to some homeless people or go find a food shelter and volunteer, become active in your faith. Truth is not something that is learned, it can be, but God likes us to go out and seek the truth through our own life experiences, not books, but life experiences, because in this is the purest of truths, just remember it is by the sins of man that evil rests in the world and it is by the sacrifice of one God-Man that evil has been destroyed.

My Prayers are with you.

 

[Zimm3r]

You all speak of God as if he is there but he isn’t, he isn’t there, he can’t be heard, he can’t be seen, he can’t be felt, he can’t be smelled, sensed of anything. To then continue believing that would be insanity because there is no evidence of it and one component of humans is truth, not lies, not unsubstantiated claims. In the end HE ISN’T THERE!

 

[Adam_Cook]

See what your claiming is something that is contrary to truth. You say that God can’t be sensed, yet I can tell you he can. You have to open your eyes and turn from pride, the first thing is that you can’t just say he isn’t there cause that ends up limiting your understanding of who God truly is and limits your openness to communication with the divine. It isn’t something that is going to be a loud booming voice, God’s voice is a quiet whisper in the winds of the storms. You have to listen for that in order to be able to find it.

You want evidence, look at the lives of the Saints. Do you honestly think that so many people would devote themselves completely to God and not have felt his presence? We are a physical race, we require physical intimacy in order to properly understand things. When we take communion or when we sit in adoration, our faith and humility bring us out of our own selfish pride and allow us to enter into that physical intimacy with the Lord.

You yourself limit yourself to the openness of God’s teachings by saying he isn’t there. This is also a very atheist point of view. "I can’t see God and there’s no ‘physical’ evidence so he doesn’t exist’. Your ‘physical evidence’ is the lives of the Saints, God can be felt and he can be heard, but requires a complete removal of oneself from the desires and thoughts of oneself to become open to the desires and thoughts of the Almighty through the Holy Spirit and through prayer.

Several times I’ve sat in prayer and an utter peace just flowed into the room I was in, the air would get thick and heavy and you yourself could feel the love of something around you. It is through faith that we see and hear God, with the eyes and ears of our Heart, not our flesh and if you are expecting that only a few have had this, only a few will have this, because they were chosen for something that was beyond themselves. Moses is one example in which he saw the back of God.

The biggest thing is that you yourself have to fight the fight of faith and you yourself am going to have to find someway in YOUR life that you see God, everyone finds God differently. Some through the poor, some through teaching, ministry work, study, the list goes on. If you sit around and wait for something to happen though your going to be waiting forever, cause God expects you to take leaps of faith in him so that he can show you more of himself, revealed through prayer and the Holy Spirit.

Get up and move, do something, God will help you find your path, but you got to get up and start looking first and that involves seeking him.

Other note is this, What is your reasonings behind wanting to feel God? To be loved or to love? Because you want proof or cause you know he’s already there? These are questions you need to ask yourself, what do I want from God? If its selfish (prideful) be prepared for a answer of no, God doesn’t respond to pride. If its humility then be expected to be humbled beyond all compare. I know, I speak from experience, and when the Lord Christ does show himself to you, when he does reveal himself to you, you will be changed forever, because of my experiences, I’m discerning the Priesthood.

God gives grace to build off of whatever is there, moving towards God, by his grace will move you closer to both the end result of salvation and truth in him, who is all truth.

 

[R_C]

You all speak of God as if he is there but he isn’t, he isn’t there, he can’t be heard, he can’t be seen, he can’t be felt, he can’t be smelled, sensed of anything. To then continue believing that would be insanity because there is no evidence of it and one component of humans is truth, not lies, not unsubstantiated claims. In the end HE ISN’T THERE!

You say this because you have never received the Holy Eucharist.

If you had, even only once, then you would understand why we say it truly is the Body of Christ. Then you would realize that he is there, he can be felt, sensed, seen, heard, in the measure that He reveals Himself to you, and in the measure that you are open to His love.

That is why the Lord broke the bread and said: “this is my body … do this in memory of me”. That is why for almost 2000 years Christians meet on Sunday to partake in the Body of Christ.

Have you tried to step into a chapel where the Blessed Sacrament is exposed in an ostensorium? Try to walk into one, kneel before the host, and just spend a few minutes at the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. Then you’ll rethink the “he cannot be felt, sensed or anything”.

I know He is there, and many other users can tell you they know as well, not just out of belief and faith, but because of direct experience, because the Beloved does not hide, it is us who have a hard time seeing Him. Billions of people have experienced God’s presence and love, and know that God is with us every day until the end of time - why don’t you follow their path and try it for yourself?

 

[iLoveMySavior]

At one point in my life i was down in sinful acts. (Smoking pot, masturbation, pornography, etc.) I went to church once in a while and i knew God was there but i just kept on with my lifestyle. Until i went to a retreat, and when i went i felt as if it were pointless. The next thing i know, i suddenly have something change without me even acknowledging it. I go to the retreat with no hope and i come out with an open-heart and i feel so much more happiness. After the retreat, we went to the church and i was sitting there in the pew just wondering… WOW my life was so distraught and out of control. The Lord showed me the way and the feeling i got was just in-explainable! A happiness came over me. Now that i look back on it, i just contemplate what happened during the retreat that made me change. NOTHING DID. No physical or mental action made me change, it was truly the Lord! Although, during a part in the retreat i told the class about my deepest challenge. (My adoption, etc.) So maybe that did it? But i am NEVER the sentimental type to cry or sob. When i was heading home, tears were rolling from my eyes while i saw everything the way it was suppose to be.

 

[in_servitude]

You all speak of God as if he is there but he isn’t, he isn’t there, he can’t be heard, he can’t be seen, he can’t be felt, he can’t be smelled, sensed of anything. To then continue believing that would be insanity because there is no evidence of it and one component of humans is truth, not lies, not unsubstantiated claims. In the end HE ISN’T THERE!

God respects your decisions to ignore Him (despite the hurt it causes Him). At least you’re not a “luke warm Christian”, because that’s the worst there is for Him.

In the past, when I get this message from people, what I have come to expect is a person that demands a particular type of relationship with God. Just like you, He doesn’t have to accept it.

If I had a friend and demanded that they give me 100 bucks every time I was with them, then that friendship would be toast in no time. If, however, I focused on giving to the relationship more than I received - it would be a relationship that would flourish. In the case of God, His generosity will not be outdone by you or anyone else.

And - if what I’ve said makes matters worse for you, please ignore it and accept my apology.

 

[Zimm3r]

See what your claiming is something that is contrary to truth. You say that God can’t be sensed, yet I can tell you he can. You have to open your eyes and turn from pride, the first thing is that you can’t just say he isn’t there cause that ends up limiting your understanding of who God truly is and limits your openness to communication with the divine. It isn’t something that is going to be a loud booming voice, God’s voice is a quiet whisper in the winds of the storms. You have to listen for that in order to be able to find it.

…

You seem to assume that I have done nothing but you see if I had done nothing there would be no searching, searching is active, so is seeing, hearing,…, sensing. All active, I have done that (where do you seem to think I haven’t) and yet nothing. You also mention seeing but I use seeing in a more general term as in detecting or sensing and yet I sense nothing, if I sense nothing, nothing is there (now I realize you may say but you can not see, for example, a deer but that deer can still be there, but that is more you don’t realize the deer is there your eye could have passed right by it your brain just didn’t realize it but you knew there was something off, however here there is nothing).

You say this because you have never received the Holy Eucharist.

Yes I have, I was raised Catholic, didn’t really feel anything.

At one point in my life i was down in sinful acts. (Smoking pot, masturbation, pornography, etc.) I went to church once in a while and i knew God was there but i just kept on with my lifestyle. Until i went to a retreat, and when i went i felt as if it were pointless. The next thing i know, i suddenly have something change without me even acknowledging it. I go to the retreat with no hope and i come out with an open-heart and i feel so much more happiness. After the retreat, we went to the church and i was sitting there in the pew just wondering… WOW my life was so distraught and out of control. The Lord showed me the way and the feeling i got was just in-explainable! A happiness came over me. Now that i look back on it, i just contemplate what happened during the retreat that made me change. NOTHING DID. No physical or mental action made me change, it was truly the Lord! Although, during a part in the retreat i told the class about my deepest challenge. (My adoption, etc.) So maybe that did it? But i am NEVER the sentimental type to cry or sob. When i was heading home, tears were rolling from my eyes while i saw everything the way it was suppose to be.

Thank you for your post a lot I enjoy reading others journey’s as it gives me some, I guess you would call it hope, that maybe I will later in life have a story of my own. So thank you very much.

God respects your decisions to ignore Him (despite the hurt it causes Him). At least you’re not a “luke warm Christian”, because that’s the worst there is for Him.

In the past, when I get this message from people, what I have come to expect is a person that demands a particular type of relationship with God. Just like you, He doesn’t have to accept it.

If I had a friend and demanded that they give me 100 bucks every time I was with them, then that friendship would be toast in no time. If, however, I focused on giving to the relationship more than I received - it would be a relationship that would flourish. In the case of God, His generosity will not be outdone by you or anyone else.

And - if what I’ve said makes matters worse for you, please ignore it and accept my apology.

Who said anything about ignoring or anything, and even if a person ignores you, you can still see whether or not that person is there.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

You also mention seeing but I use seeing in a more general term as in detecting or sensing and yet I sense nothing, if I sense nothing, nothing is there

Yes I have, I was raised Catholic, didn’t really feel anything.

, and even if a person ignores you, you can still see whether or not that person is there.

I’ve underlined these parts because I think that the problem is that you expect fireworks. These things happen. They vary in the way they happen and people describe them in a variety of ways. But sometimes even the most devout people do not feel a thing. We can only guess why that is the case. Some suggest that the need for spiritual consolations means that the person is not mature in their spiritual life, and so requires a bit of a nudge. But we don’t know. I know a number of very devout people who do not need proof of fireworks, but still they receive these gifts on a regular basis. I often experience such consolations and am very grateful to God for them. I have to remind myself that they are not the end in itself and that when they cease one day I must not fall into despair. What is really interesting is that these things started happening well after I left my cafeteria catholicism and decided to give God 100%. I wasn’t looking for a reward from Him, I just wanted to love Him and serve Him to the best of my ability. And then He started surprising me with little gifts and I could feel His presence in a more intense way.

What I’m trying to say is that when people demand a certain type of proof, they rarely get it. We have to be humble and open. We must understand that our expectations and fantasies probably have nothing to do with the reality of God. If you insist on feeling and seeing Him, you will probably not get what you want. May I suggest that you abandon such ideas as much as you can and start praying? Just saying something simple to Him can gradually set you in the right direction. “Help me to get to know You” would be a start. In this way you are opening yourself up and not demanding he plays by your rules.

Hope this helps a bit. God bless.

 

[pete_29]

 

[R_C]

Yes I have, I was raised Catholic, didn’t really feel anything.

I assume you are being truthful, but I have a hard time believing you. I think you just cannot recall.

If you are Catholic, why don’t you get closer to the Church again? Why not go to Confession and see if you feel better? The Church has the fullness of the Sacraments…right now you may be thinking that God is not there, but once you thought and knew that God was there. Why? No special reason, more like an awareness, or a great hope…plus you have all of us that are witnesses that God is there, and we are not lying to you. Some of us have felt the Holy Spirit descend and fill them when absolved, some others have felt Christ’s warm embrace after receiving the Communion, others perceive intense suffering when meditating on the Lord’s passion, others intense joy when praying the Joyful Mysteries…feelings don’t matter much, inasmuch as a blind person will not lie if he says that colors are not there, but a person with sight will still see the multicolored rainbow, the blue sky, the green fields, and witness to their presence all around without being quite able to explain them, to show them…

I think your soul longs for God, and God wants you to find Him. But you have to trust your friends, and above all you have to know that God is there, though right now you may not feel Him. He is there.

Soon enough your trial will be over, and you will be amazed at how you could not feel God’s overwhelming, ever-loving presence all around you and inside your heart. We pray for you, in the meanwhile.

 

[CrimsonThorn]

You all speak of God as if he is there but he isn’t, he isn’t there, he can’t be heard, he can’t be seen, he can’t be felt, he can’t be smelled, sensed of anything. To then continue believing that would be insanity because there is no evidence of it and one component of humans is truth, not lies, not unsubstantiated claims. In the end HE ISN’T THERE!

I used to feel like you a few years ago, and not knowing what those feeligs meant and with no guidance, I was led astray. A very dark time in my life that I even shudder to think about now.

I have now come to realize that when God feels furthest away, that is actually when he is the closest to you. Dont despair, dont give up.

 

[Lady_Love]

Do not be afraid. I have been exactly where you are and I thought I would never see the light of day again.

As you draw nearer to Jesus, and because he trusts you enough to reveal his heart to you, he is letting you experience His pain and that of the “body of Christ.” Many of Jesus’ beloved have abandoned Him, ignore Him, doubt Him, etc. and you are experiencing Jesus’ pain. If it is not His pain, it is that of the “body of Christ.” We are all one body and our spirits can perceive the weaknesses present in the rest of the body, even if you are strong.

Take courage my friend. What you are experiencing is you bearing the burden that another member of “the body” is unable to bear anymore. It is pouring over into your soul. Pray for those who are suffering what you are suffering. It is called intercessory prayer. Seek God for all those who are not seeking Him, have faith in the darkness for all those who have no faith, love God and desire Him for all those who do not love and desire Him and through your prayers many will come to believe.

There is nothing wrong with you for having these “feelings.” Someone close to you may be experiencing these feeling or thoughts and God is allowing you the privilege to pray for them. They need you so don’t give up.

 

[Jcnava15]

Earlier today I felt exactly how you now feel. Apathetic, confused, but hopeful that something, anything will happen that will somehow open your eye to God. It feels terribly scary, and lonely.

I felt that until I followed what a person above me said about praying for others who feel like that. I prayed honestly to God, for you and anybody else that feels like that. I feel that I made the right choice, and I am confident that God heard my prayer.

Please share in that prayer with me.